i. I miss you. each day that you’ve been gone has felt like a bullet hole in my chest, and whenever I try to pull it out another one takes its place. I’ve missed you so much that looking at you hurts, because all it does is bring back everything I’ve ever felt for you and suddenly I can’t breathe. so whenever you look at me and I turn away, please don’t take that as an “I hate you,” but an “I hate that I can’t look at you without dying inside.”
ii. you are beautiful. you are so lovely in your own conventional way that everyone else are flecks of brown and gray. you are wildflowers in june, the eye of a hurricane, city lights at midnight, sunlight through glass. there is nothing manufactured, nothing plastic about your eyes formed from stars and the freckled marks of the earth sprayed across your cheeks.
iii. I will never leave you. I know the last time you let me in your heart I fumbled and let it break, but please forgive me. I was blindsided and weak and I will gladly spend forever making up my mistakes to you. I have always loved you and always will, it just took me a little longer to realize. but you always knew this, and if you’re still sure then say the word and I will be too.
iv. I love you. not the kind of traditional, puppy-eyed love, but the kind that breaks down walls and can be heard from miles away. the kind that romeo and juliet died for, the kind that our grandparents live for. I love you the same way the ocean loves the shoreline, and no matter how many times I am drawn away, I will always find my way back to you.