plastic crystal

Witchy Real Talk: Storebought, Man-Made, and “Not Powerful”

This topic comes up a lot in the witchy community. You’ll be browsing through articles about crystals and you’ll see something to the effect of “this citrine is laboratory grown! It doesn’t have any magickal properties! It has to be naturally grown for it to be worth anything in witchcraft!” And it’s not just citrine. I’ve seen this with amethyst, quartz (and not just clear quartz - the same arguments keep being made in regards to titanium quartz, aura quartz, et cetera), and even resin castings. Resin castings!

So… why am I writing this article? Because I’m a witch who attempts to live frugally who uses crystals and herbs and spices on a regular basis in my magics. And honestly, when it comes to magic, the most important part of what makes your spells tick is the relationship between intuition and intent. To see many witches bashing lab-grown crystals or spices kept in plastic containers honestly irks me just a little, and for a couple of reasons.

First, there’s the fact that there’s just a little bit of hypocrisy involved. Glass is man-made. Sure, it can happen naturally in the wild, but glass jars don’t form where lightning strikes silica rich sand. However, a good point can be made when it comes to the fact that plastic is more harmful to the environment. I can understand and relate to that. But what makes glass such an ideal container is that it is magically neutral, like clear quartz. You can cleanse it and charge it without any worry of it affecting your energy. Plastic, for many witches, has no magical significance. It’s not going to influence your magic, and honestly it can be cleansed just like glass.

So if you’re a new witch browsing through spices and herbs, feeling a bit dejected because the glass jar herbs are two to three times more expensive than the plastic containers, go for the plastic. Remember to recycle the containers, of course, but there is no reason magic should require you to spend an arm and a leg.

Sorry, couldn’t resist the pic after that… FMA fans get what I mean…

Crystals are even more of a source for contention when it comes to man-made objects. But what bothers me here is the fact that some crystals - especially citrine - are lab grown a good majority of the time. This is because the citrine we often find in crystal shops and metaphysical stores are vibrantly colored when naturally occurring citrine crystals are a lot less vibrant most of the time. Many witches also warn against dyed crystals for the same reason that “it has less power.”

Honestly, lab-grown crystals have many of the same properties as their natural counterparts. The only thing they lack (aside from the high prices of natural crystal) is the thousands of years worth of growing time in the earth’s crust. But I personally don’t see this as too much of a problem because this gives you a crystal which is a little more flexible and can be nurtured by the witch to realize its potential.

Where I see the danger in lab-grown and dyed crystals is if the witch is being scammed. Seeing that lovely piece of turquoise and buying it only to realize that it’s a different stone entirely, dyed to look like turquoise. Or when the witch is told that a crystal is naturally vibrant in color when it has been dyed, forcing her to spend her other arm and leg just to buy it.

What I’m getting at in this rant is that if you’re a new witch or a witch who’s trying not to spend all of her money, you should not feel railroaded into buying expensive materials. I have on my altar a citrine crystal that I know is most certainly dyed. I spent less than $5 on him because I felt that was a reasonable price for him. I have a piece of amethyst whose coloration is a bit drab and brown. That natural coloration makes her rather beautiful, but doesn’t make her any more powerful than the other amethyst I have whose color is a deep purple which I know to be enhanced by dyes.

In my pantry and cupboard, I keep a lot of spices in plastic containers and tins. Yes, some of them are in glass, but only when I know I can afford them or if there aren’t any alternatives. I use these spices in spells and cooking both, and feel no difference in energy between the two.

One of my coworkers who has an interest in crystal healing once said it rather perfectly. “It’s just a rock. It’s not going to do anything by itself. You have to give it the energy. You have to program it and direct it. So it doesn’t matter if it’s natural or not.”

Our crystals do have voices. They do interact with us. But it is up to us to direct energy into, through and from them.

Now, am I bashing the more expensive alternatives? Not at all. I have a lot of glass jars that I’ve collected over the years, and I have quite a few crystals that are a bit higher up on the price range than I usually spend. I’d be quite the hypocrite if I were bashing them. My ultimate point is that if you can’t drop that much money, then don’t. Work with what you have, or with alternatives which speak to you. I’d love to work with peridot, but because I don’t have the money to drop on it, I’ll stick to quartz, moonstone, and salt. There are always options. Don’t let yourself be limited!

Blessed Be! )O(

(Closeted) Witch Tip #7

Ok so you’re a witch, yes? And you want an altar, but can’t make one because you’re trapped in the broom closet, yeeees?

Well, how about making a simple, non-expensive hidden/travel altar?

What you’ll need:

  • A shoe box, a pencil case (preferably a hard plastic, non-transparent one), or an eyeglass case (they don’t work as well as pencil cases, but they’ll do)
  • Some notecards
  • A pencil
  • Colorful markers/crayons/colored pencils
  • stuff to put in your altar

What to do:

If you worship a deity, take a notecard and write down their name and/or a sigil you associate with them. Alternatively, you can print off a picture of them instead. If you like, you can tape/glue the notecard/photo to the roof of the case.

If you want a pentacle, take another notecard and draw one there.

Things to put into your new travel altar might include…

  • Sigils drawn on notecards (You can cut the cards smaller if needed)
  • An unsharpened pencil (for a wand)
  • A feather (Air)
  • A rock/stone (Earth)
  • A seashell (Water)
  • Small candles/tea lights/birthday candles (Fire)
  • Quartz.
  • A small bottle/vial/jar/container/plastic bag of salt
  • Crystals/gems you like
  • Herbs/Flowers/Plants you like/use
  • Spells/Curses you like/use written onto notecards
  • Any things that you associate with your craft
  • Things you associate with your deity/tributes to them
  • A small offering bowl/plate
  • A mini tarot deck/deck of playing cards
  • Runes
  • A tiiiiny bell
  • A small glass/chalice
  • A mini cauldron 
  • A mini broom
  • Other misc. Witchy stuff

Magic doesn’t and shouldn’t have to be expensive. A witch with a pencil wand and shoebox altar is just as valid as a witch with a gem-embedded wand and a lavish altar.

Alternative Altar Ideas!

So, are you perhaps in a predicament where you can’t have a traditional altar? Maybe you’re still in the broom closet and your parents or roomies aren’t exactly understanding. Maybe you don’t have a stable place of living yet. Maybe you just literally don’t have room.

That’s okay! An altar can take many forms! Here are some other ideas:

- Make an altar with scrapbook supplies! Check your craft store’s sales and discount areas for paper, stickers, and other stuff. Start with a pretty piece of paper and layer things from there! Pictures from magazines that resemble your deities, scraps of ribbon or fabric in relevant colors, animal stickers, etc. Make a new page every time you feel like switching up your altar! You can keep the pages in a scrapbook and just flip open to the page you want when you’re doing a spell, or pin a page up on your wall. It’s a lot easier to hide, too! You know, if it comes down to that.

If whole pages are too cumbersome for your situation, maybe make a greeting card sized one! 

The Scrapbook Altar is neat because it’s easy to ask for scrapbook supplies as gifts, too! The family might question why you need a selenite wand or a slab of labradorite for your birthday, but will probably have a lot of fun picking out paper and stickers for you to use! :)

-Use yourself as an altar! Collect and/or make jewelry to represent the things you would have on your altar. A friend of mine was her own traveling altar - her earrings were quartz points, she had neat rings that represented the deities she worshipped, and her necklace was a tiny incense holder!

Jewelry can take time to acquire, though, not to mention it can be expensive. So don’t worry if you don’t have it all right now. You can always paint your nails or draw little symbols on your body. Use certain colors in your makeup. Tie a piece of ribbon around your finger. There are so many possibilities!

-Flower vase altar! Have you seen the stuff you can do with vases today? Man I had no idea. A lot of supplies you can get at a dollar store to start off with, and then replace as time goes on. But it starts with a simple vase (or a complex one, it’s your altar!), and then you can decorate the outside of it with ribbon (tied in neat knots or beaded with cool beads?) and stuff. Then you can add a vase filler (usually marbles or plastic crystals, but as time goes on you can replace those with your favorite stones!) and fake flowers (can be found cheap at dollar store or even walmart, or you can find really gorgeous ones at a craft store), or water and real flowers! You can even tie charms around the flower stems if you want.

Oh and duh! Don’t forget to put it all on top of a pretty altar cloth!


There are tons of things that you can do to make an altar discreet - obviously these ideas are only a few. The main thing is to remember that an altar is completely yours and there is no right or wrong way to do it. As long as it is meaningful to you and helps usher you into your personal magical space. <3

Btw I wasn’t kidding when I said Aquabats concerts got wild. The most intense mosh pit I’ve ever been in was at an Aquabats concert and I’ve been to real, actual punk shows. If you want some proof check out this little trinket I keep on my bedpost–

That there is a piece of chandelier from the Irving Plaza concert hall in NYC, which fell when the MC Bat Commander kicked a beach ball into it, showering the audience with bits of fake plastic crystal LMAO

Chef Dad Guzma

A short, fluffy story inspired by my love of guzmeria and my lil’ Fern, having to pull together a ‘breakfast’ when my pantry was bare, and my reading ‘Breathe Out and Breathe In’ by saphruikan for the hundredth time. It’s so good you should all go read it and the entire series it’s part of.
—————————————————————————————-

-Sunlight streams through the palm trees and into Fern’s window, creating a dappled pattern of stars along her floor and pouring over the row of plastic ‘crystal’ figures on her dresser, throwing rainbows across the walls. Her eyes, still heavy from sleep and the fleeting wisps of her dreams, fluttered open as she yawned loudly and rolled herself to sit on the edge of her bed. Her Venonat, curled up among her stuffed toys, perked up his antennae and hopped to the floor before waddling toward the door. Rubbing her eyes a final time, Fern stood and listened. For a moment she was confused; it was so quiet. Too quiet. Normally her parents were up and about by this time, but today there was nothing but silence on the other side of her door. The heavy curtains of sleep still upon her, it took a moment to remember that her mother was staying the night at a friend’s house.

Her stomach clenched, then rumbled, giving her a sudden, vivid reminder that it was high time for breakfast. Opening the door, Venonat happily bouncing ahead of her, she padded down the hall and turned right, seeing the door to her parents’ room was slightly ajar. Now the silence of the house was broken by her father’s slow, quiet snores as she pushed it open and tip-toed inside. She grinned; he was sprawled on his stomach across the bed, blanket half on the floor and one foot twitching in his sleep. She clapped a hand over her mouth to suppress her giggles and crept over to the bed, climbing up and wriggling closer to him. She was so close she could see his breath move the hair on his arms, a low, deep rumble coming from his chest as he slept on. Unable to resist, Fern reached out and sank her hand into the rough, black and white messy hair on his head. At this, his whole body jerked and he let out a loud, sudden yawn. Fern squealed, the giggles finally coming out as she reached out both hands now and grabbed his face.

“Daddy! Daddy wake up! Get up you lazy bum-bum!”

His eyes opened, deep storm-gray meeting bright amber-gold and he frowned as best he could with his cheeks squished between two tiny hands, “Good morning to you too, Cutiefly. And you got that from your mom, didn’t you?”

Laughing, Fern clambered to her feet and began jumping up and down on the bed, “Up! Up! Up!”

“Ohfortheluva-! Alright, alright! Or maybe….” his face split into a devious grin and before she could run, he grabbed the six-year-old and pulled her back onto himself as he flopped back down, “We should stay here a bit longer!”

Fern shrieked with laughter as he mercilessly ruffled her hair and blew raspberries on her neck, kicking her feet and twisting her body to gaze at him in adoration. 

Stopping, he sighed into her thick, black hair. Sometimes, especially days like this, days where the warm, sparkling sun shone through the sheer curtains and a tiny angel smiled up at him, he had to stop and wonder if he was still dreaming, if at any moment he would awaken to find himself in a dingy, green, creaky bed, the sun gone and the rain pounding the roof, the room smelling vaguely of mildew and alcohol, finding he was instead hugging a dirty blanket. But, miraculously, here he was. Here she was. He smiled softly, burrowing his face again in her warmth, the kind that chased his demons a little farther away each day.

Finally letting go, she flung herself off the bed and stood in the middle of the room, still jumping up and down, “C’mon Daddy! Time for breakfast!”

Groaning and muttering, Guzma pulled himself to a sitting position as he rubbed his face. Peering over his fingers at his daughter, he half-smiled with another sigh, “How do you have so much energy this early?”

A couple minutes later, the two of them were in the kitchen, Fern kicking her feet as she sat at the kitchen island, Guzma staring into the fridge and grumbling to himself. Finally he shut it and turned around, arms crossed, “Alright munchkin. Since your mom’s away for the day, how’s about some oatmeal?”

Fern made a face, “Mom made oatmeal yesterday!”

“Picky, picky,” Guzma said, rolling his eyes, “Aight Cutiefly, what do you want?”

Jutting out her lip, Fern replied, “I dunno.”

Scratching his stubble, Guzma turned back to the fridge and opened it, taking out a carton of eggs, “I dunno, huh? How about eggs and toast? Maybe a sweet malasada? Some coffee?”

“Daaaaad! I can’t have coffee!”

“Then juice! Or tea. Or cocoa. Cocoa is always good. Anyway,” he pulled a frying pan and a couple plates from the dish drainer, “Let’s get this party started.”

A radio sitting on a shelf played local bands, the sounds of drums and ukulele mixing with the sizzling of eggs in a frying pan and the singing of one large man and one very small girl as they worked side-by-side. Guzma set two forks on their plates as he went to grab the bread.

“Wait-where’s the bread?” he wondered aloud,

“It’s in the microwave!” Fern answered as she tapped the flipper in time with the song on the radio.

Guzma cocked an eyebrow, “Huh? The he-what’s it doing there?”

“Mom was cleaning the kitchen yesterday and decided to put in there ‘cause it saved room!”

With a shrug, Guzma opened the microwave-to find it empty. Grumbling, he opened the cupboards one by one, unable to locate any bread. Finally he exhaled in exasperation and grabbed a box of crackers, “Okay so…we seem to be out of bread. How’s crackers? They’re basically bread, just crispier.” 

“Yaaaaay!”

Dropping handfuls of crackers on their plates, Guzma went for where he knew there was a bag of malasadas-to find it empty as well. He bit back several curse words as he gave his daughter a strained smile, “Um, baby-girl? We’re out of malasadas too. Pop-tarts?”

Eventually, two plates of fried eggs, saltine crackers, and pop-tarts, coupled with one mug of juice and one of coffee, sat in front of their respective diners. Guzma grabbed a bottle of hot sauce from the fridge for his own food, then held it out, “Want some for your eggs?”

“Eeeewwww!” Fern shrieked, pulling her plate closer, “No way mister!”

“Tch! Suit yourself,” he mumbled, dribbling the spicy sauce over his eggs, “But you’re missing out.”

Plumeria hummed to herself as she approached the door to her home, still going over all the events from the day and night before; all the fun, jokes, and general chaos her and her friends had created over the past twelve hours or so. She brushed some stray hair behind her ears, remembering the attractive, obviously drunk young man at the bar that had tried to flirt with her-tried, until she told him who her husband was, her and her friends howling with laughter as he fell over himself running away. 

Hearing the radio playing, she smiled, knowing they were up and about and opened the sliding glass door to the kitchen, “Good morning you two.”

Fern dropped her fork, flying off her chair to fling herself at her mother, “Mommy! Mommy mommy mommy! I missed you mommy I love you did you have fun?!”

Smiling gently, Plumeria stooped to hold her daughter, “Hey sweetheart! Yes, I did, thank you,” she looked up at Guzma, “Hey handsome.”

Guzma grinned, throwing her a wink and a reverent smile, making her heart skip a beat. Standing, she scooped Fern into her arms and glanced over their plates-then froze.

“What the-?”

Shrugging, Guzma said, “We’re outta bread. Crackers are made of the basically the same stuff right?”

He met Plumeria’s cool, ‘you’re-kidding-me-right’ gaze and sputtered defensively, “Gimme a break! I fed us didn’t I? At least I didn’t grab a bag of chips and dip or make crappy watery pancakes with whatever we had laying around like I used to back when we were roughing it in Te-”

Biting his lip, he cut himself off at his own realization, coupled with Plumeria’s slightly panicked, definitely furious look. She shook her head lightly, subconsciously holding Fern a little tighter. Sighing, he ran a hand through his patchy, black-and-white hair.

“Hey, I did my best with what I had. She’s not complaining, right Cutiefly?”

Fern pumped one of her little fists in the air, “Nope! You made a great breakfast Daddy!”

“See? That’s all that matters.”

Plumeria rolled her eyes with another smile, then asked, “Is there any left for me?”

missclementea  asked:

Jerry :( I'm sad, something really depressing happened earlier and I need your help cheering me up.

ok please enjoy this. :)

JERRY X READER FANFIC

——

Your name is (Your First Name) Bungalow Bill… and your the sexiest mother fucker on this street. every day your just so sexy that you have to cover all your mirrors. your orbs is (your eyecolor) and your strands are (your haircolor)

One day youre just taking a swim in the lake downtown. Just swimming all around in there with your pecs and swimming down and grabbing trouts in your bare hands. You hear a little something and you look around. You don’t see anything but then you keep looking… And. You see… someone drownding…

your legs go fast and your arms to fast and you swim to them. you pick their body up out of the water noting how buff it is… and ripped. Your blushing cause well you just think thats so handsome. you pull the man out of the water and hold him above. He coughs up water and blood and he looks at you with those big sexy marbles (eyes)

His wet brown lock curls and strands are on his head. “Hi thank you” he says handsomely, his voice like a speedrun of darksouls 2. “I’m Jerry… Jerry smith. thank you for rescuing me my prince…”

Your just so embarassed and you swuirm around. “Ahhh!!!! X_X 0mg Lol… anything for you bigboy… Glad i could help baby boy.” your so sweaty and your shoes are so small on your feet. You take off your shirt cause its so hot and reveal a tattoo of vegeta.

Jerry sees this and his eyes go blind of love. “Omg… I know you… Are you by any chance BungyChungyBill62 on ao3?!” he screams. “Yes” Uou say firmly back. “Oh my god i love your vegeta fanfics so much he is just so smexy am i right?!” he says. You smile proudly. “I agree.”

Papa J stands up and brushes off his shirt. “Well i should probably get going soon i have to go back home and cook dinner for my children” he holds up a fish that he caught in the water. “Those babys are gonna love this. Just kidding they hate all my meals and I’m alone”

You both chuckle and laugh at that funny joke!

You part ways and go back to your apartment where you sigh dreamily. Jerrey….. Oh he was so epic. but now that you have tasted perfection, what does life matter? you sit on your couch and play super monkey ball until you pass out at 6 am.

—–

The Next Morning

you wake up and take out your laptop and look at it. you have 3 new private messages. one is a continuation of your teen titans go roleplay thread. one is from your boss telling you that youre fired. and one… is from Jerry

“Hi (your name). Do you want to come camping with me this weekend, we have 6 pairs of hiking boots and there is only 5 of us in my family. I need to repay you for saving my life. Please respond. Love Jerry”

you fcking type “Yes” into the keyboard so good and you hit send. You are so excited you go to Walmart and you buy fishing line and bug spray and a whole canoe and you go home and knit yourself a sweater and it says “I LOVE JERRY” on it and you wear it.

-/——-

the next day

you hear honcking of a car outside and you go out there and see Jerry waving from his car. you take your suitcase and you go out there so fast and you see him. “Hi (name)? my family is so happy to see you are coming” he says. “guys this is the man who saved my life. ”

They are all playig magikarp jump and they dont say hi or look at you

“Haha well you know how it is” he says sexily. Everything about him is so tender and strong. “Hop in the trunk sorry we have no other room” he says and he gets out of the car and helps you into the trunk. You lay down in there and he kisses your forehead and closes it down and you just play your 3ds in there for a few hours

On the way there they stop and you get out cause you are all going in to get food on the way from McDonald’s. you step out and stretch and Jerry and you all go in.

You decide to talk to his family. “hi are you jerrys wife?” you say to Beth.“ unfortunately LOL” she says. Your so mad and angry. Beth goes to the counter. “uhhh can i get a. Fucking large Coke and 3 tomattos and a cookie and a salad and crotons and just a little Oreo mcflurry yes that will be all” she says. When she isnt looking you take her Coke and you put 10 salt packets into it.

Next you talk to morty he is just sitting at a table tying his shoes. “Hi morty jerrys son? I’ve heard so much about you” you say. Jerry didn’t tell you anything about him but also I forgot you have mind reading powers and you just know. morty looks up at you and he says “yeah” and he takes off his shoelaces and throws them in the garbage and takes off his shoes and throws them in the garbage cause he does not know how to tie them.

now youre talkig to summer. she is skyping with her boyfriend. “And so then they all shoot the ancient minister and his cape catches on fire and its fucking rob!!!!!Oh hold on one second. Hi what do you want” she says. “Oh hi summer just…… well just saying hi cause we are camping together. Are you having fun” “no” she says. “Ok well… maybe i have something for you…” you reach into your suitcase and just pull out a book. it says WARRIORS volume 1. you hand it to her. “try reading this bitch.” “Ok maybe i will bitch!!!!”

You walk up to their grabdpa Rick. “Hi Rick.” you say. “Dontever talk to me again” he says and he takes a real gun out of his pocket and shoots you

You wake up in the trunk of the car and walk back into McDonald’s. They are all eating their nuggets. “Ok there you are you died for a little bit there” they say. Jerry takes your hand. (your name) please come in the play place with me" he says. “Ok” you say and you both go in the McDonald’s play place and you have a fun time on the slide playing tag

When you are done you go back in the trunk and go to the campsite. When you get there you get out and breathe in the fresh air and 4 mosquitos. “Ahh… The fresh air” you say… “Boy do I love camping” you say and you take your suitcase and open it up and just chug one of those bottles of bug spray.

Jerry comes up to you. He has a headband that says JERRY RULES on it and he is wearing a shirt with Dwayne the rock Johnson smiling and giving a thumbs up. he is wearing very short shorts and sandles with socks and fingerless gloves and eyeshadow and blue lipstick. He winks at you. “Are you ready to have some fun” he says. You do a little dance. “Oppa gangnam style yes i am Jerry!” You are wearing skinny jeans, your I love Jerry sweater, a wolf hat because your fursona is a wolf, high heels, and a ripped vest with fake plastic crystals on the back.

You and jerry help set up the tent whole beth and summer just drink mountain dew and no one knows where rick and morty are. when you have finished setting up the tent there are 2 wasp nests in there and you are very scared. “Kyaaa…” you squeal and hide behind Jerry. “oh no need to fear (YOUR NAME HERE) they dont call me Jerry for a reason” he said. he Walks in there and just rips off the wasp nests in his bare hands and eats them and you see him grow slightly larger as he does. He turns to you and winks. You fall over and faint

When you wake up you are in the tent. it’s pretty dark out. you go outside and morty is on fire and everyone is roasting marshmallows on him. “oh hi (name) you sure sleep a lot and die a lot!” says Jerry and they all kek and laugh together. You blush in embarrassment. Jerry walks over to you handsomely. “Hi motherfucker do you want to take a walk and play pokemon go” he asks. You pull your phone out of your (your area of choice) “Yes” you say. both of you hold hands and start walking down the dark streets.

You can see illuminated from the fires that people are having. And also Jerry is giving off a faint glow. “Wow Jerry… you’re so beautiul tonight” you say bash fully. He smiles. “Yeah I know” he whispers. “Want to go somewhere cool?” he asks. “Yes” you say and dab.

Jerry and you go deep into the woods. “Jerry I csnt see anything” you say. “Oh one moment.” He grunts hard and focuses. Hundreds of fireflies come flying over to him and land on him and he is glowing now. You are amazed and crying. “Jerry I have to say something…” you say. “I’m in love with you!”

Jerry gasps and puts a hand up to his face and he swallows some fireflies accidentally. “Oh (your name)! I’m in love with you too!”

you both lean in… but then suddenly… a green portal opens behind you. some ricks come out and one of them pushes Jerry off a cliff and he dies. “Ahhhhhhh my beautiful Jerry!!! you… you mother fuckers will pay…” you say and flex hard. You start transforming into your beast form. Your hands get long and your ears get wolf ears. Your teeth become sharp and your eyes are glowing red and you are shacking. But before you can do anything a tranquilizer dart is shot into your back and you can’t see and you fall asleep.

————

You wake up in a brightly colored room well its white. It’s space jail and you are in it and to your right is a big buff space man and he looks so mean and weird. “where am i…?” you moan and you look around. Then a tv comes down and a Rick is on the tv.

“Ok so we thought you were gonna be Beth lol” he says. “we didnt excepet jerry to be kissing some stranger in the woods but i guess thats just fucken jerry bitch!!!!! Anyways we cant let you go now cause we found a rare mineral in your body. in 2 days we will harvest it and you will die sorry.” and he hangs up

You collapse to the floor and start crying and bawling. Why does this happen to you? “Jerry…” you cry out. “I want your hot and sweet tender loins to come and hold me…”

“Oh really?” a voice says. You recognise that voice… Its Jerry. But he is not here! Then the alien to the left of you takes off its mask and it is Jerry. “Hi motherfucker” he says.

“OH JERRY!!!!!” you scream and run into his arms. “oh Jerry I thought you were DEAD!!!” you whisper loudly. and kiss his little eyelashes. “Oh I was. but I respawned then.” he says. “and now I’m gonna get you out of here bich!!!!”

He raises a hand above him and starts screaming. The entire prison you are locked in is turned into minecraft blocks. he absorbs them all and quickly crafts a spaceship for you to fly in. You both get in. “Hey you can’t do that what are you doing!!!!” Some ricks scream… But your flying just so much. And you go.

—–////–

You arrive back at the campground in the morning. you both step out. “Jerry what the fuck” says everyone at once. you are so glad to be back on earth.

Then Jerry collapsed onto the ground. “J… Jerry…? what’s wrong…?” you ask and get on your knees to feel his forehead. He is getting sick.

“I can’t survive this long without… Nutrients…” he whimpers. “I need the earth and wood and grass to survive im running out of time” he says his eyes fading away.

You grab some dirt and wood chips and put them in his mouth. he eats them. “yum… thank you…” he says softly. “But. I’m afraid it’s too late…”

His body goes limp.

“Ah Jerry…! No!!!!!!!!!” you scream and you put your lips to jerrys and Kiss him. He starts to glow and you are kissing and he rises up and he is glowing and he suddenly had a Beaitiful white suit on and he is alive.

“Oh (your name) you brought me back…! To life…!” he says and he hugs you. “thank you the power of LOVE saved me” he says crying. Your also crying. “Oh Jerry I love you so much you are so ripped and handsome and muscular and stronf and desirable and underrated and underappreciated…” you both embrace and kiss.

“Honey” says jery to Beth. “I think… I need to see someone else.”

“ok” says Beth. “we have been divorced for 3 years Jerry.”

“haha lol!” you all have a good laugh and slap your knees and you and Jerry are glowing and kissing and you both combine and melt into each other and fuse into one big buff man.

——- EPILOGUE ——–

You now enjoy your life as a fusion perfectly happy and married and you go around giving warrior cat books to people to get them hooked on warriors.

summer also is a cat now cause she loves them so much she asked Rick to turn her into one.

Beth is single and she is loving her life she is strong and goes on dates and she brings horses to life.

Morty hasnt worn shoes in 7 years. That’s ok though he is working on it.

Rick is exactly the same but he wears eyeliner now.

—– THE END ——

TAGGED  BY : @xdevilinthechurch <3
TAGGING :   @hawkeyedinc @becausewehaveto @bcstcopilot @littleostentatious @thecajun @desealladh @doctorbrycebanner @phencyclidinc and anyone else who’d want to do this! 

GETTING  TO  KNOW  THE  MUN :

NAME :  Mika!
NICKNAME : n/a
FACECLAIM :   i was going to use Lumpy Space Princess as my fc since she and i have the exact body shape and general goals in life 
PRONOUNS :  she / her / they
HEIGHT :  5′5 (tol squad!) 
BIRTHDAY :  5/5 (like my height!) 
AESTHETIC :  my personal blog is mostly an aesthetic blog, and i’d say it’s mostly pastel, lots of pink and red, smooth plastic, long crystal shiny nails, makeup, celebration of POC and art made by POC, cities at night, lots of neon (especially pink), heart shaped things, glitter
LAST  SONG  YOU  LISTENED  TO :   right now I’m listening to Cuco - Lava Lamp

FAVORITE  MUSE (S)  YOU’VE  WRITTEN :    how could you make me choose between my own children?? I think the top muses I love have to be Clint and Janet van Dyne. Janet was so brilliant and bright as a character, and her happy-go-lucky disposition and optimism was so fun to channel and write. She’s infectious! And yet I also love writing Clint, who can be described as almost her polar opposite; he’s unlucky, he’s bad at communicating, exhausted both emotionally and mentally, and so many other things. I really love his determination and loyalty to do the right thing and his raw strength; he always gets back up, even when he just took a crowbar to the head. Just very admirable as a character yet still so relatable. It’s so easy to write him too! 

GETTING  TO  KNOW  THE  ACCOUNT :

WHAT  INSPIRED  YOU  TO  TAKE  ON  THIS  MUSE :    i actually got introduced to clint through the mcu. i was drawn to him because i thought he was adaptable as a character, and that was very forgiving when it came to writing how he’d act and behave. However, i also got into comics very shortly after, and that’s where I slowly started to detach myself from mcu’s clint. I learned more about his upbringing, his connections with the other Avengers and then Fraction came along and won me over with his own take on Hawkeye. That run just… god, it just completely defined how I saw Hawkeye as a hero and a person.  I don’t think I ever related to a hero more than Clint, especially when I was going through a pretty bad case of depression during that time of my life, and it was so gratifying to see a hero feel so down and yet was still valued. Still brave. He fights the fight that superheroes don’t typically take on, even when it feels like a war to him as an ‘average’ person. Why I started to RP him is a difficult answer, but I think it’s because I related to the struggle between his constant exhaustion and deep-rooted desire to do good, coupled with his tendency to push away other people - even when they care. I’ve thankfully recovered from that stage of my life (I hope) but I still adore and relate to that side of Clint. I was also drawn to how starkly human he is in comparison to the other heroes, as well as his wit and sarcasm that still make me laugh a lot.
WHAT  ARE  YOUR  FAVORITE  ASPECTS  OF  YOUR  CURRENT  MUSE :    determination/stubbornness. loyalty to do good. how painfully human he is, whether it comes to relationships or his physicality. i could go on and on
WHAT’S  YOUR  BIGGEST  INSPIRATION  WHEN  IT  COMES  TO  WRITING :   fanfic! and other people’s writing. sometimes they’re so good that it just puts me in awe and admiration and renewed inspiration to keep developing my own writing
FAVORITE  TYPES  OF  THREADS :    ANGST ANGST ANGST BABY 
BIGGEST  STRUGGLE  IN  REGARDS  TO  YOUR  CURRENT  MUSE:   sometimes i get worried that i’m not portraying him accurately enough, or that my take on clint isn’t ‘clint-y’ enough