i can’t believe absolutely everything about kylo ren, from his hair to his clothes to his size to his voice to his self-sabotaging to his heightened emotions to his snark to his inherent skywalker extra-ness to his fight moves to his force powers to his expert piloting, was made to appeal to me, specifically
i just wanna get in my feelings for a second & shout-out all the writers who are Writing Themselves into their characters just so they can see themselves represented in the media they love ?like holy crap you guys, this one’s for all the writers who are Working Overtime to infuse their own experiences into their characters, who are laboring with love to give themselves the representation they don’t see, who are enduring bullshit & hate & concern trolling & ignorance & ugliness for daring to write what they know & what they want to see ?this one’s for the jewish writers who got tired of scraping together ‘hints’ that were more like bad stereotyping, this one’s for the trans writers who’ve given their characters incredible backstories & strength, this one’s for the kids who grew up Never Thinking Anybody Could Look Like Them so they decided to let their favorite character be like them instead.
just know that i love all of you & i see you & your crazy hard work, you’re visible to me, YOU ARE NOT SELF-INSERTS, you are not selfish or lazy creators or fad-chasers or erasers ~ or whatever other bullshit you hear from people who’ve had the lifetime luxury of seeing themselves on every tv & movie screen, you’re important to me, you’re special to me, so are your characters, so are their experiences, they’re unique & so so so so vital to this community &y’all are amazing !!!
basically just a bunch of lil modern Sprace headcanons okay lets go:
It was when he was six that Spot met the new kid in Kindergarten.
His name, he later learned, was Anthony but he loved horses so much Spot decided to call him Race.
It was when he was 8 that Race started to have feelings for his best friend.
Race grew up around a couple of gay people in his family, and his parents were pretty accepting, but it wasn’t something he wanted broadcasted out to the world just yet. Spot on the other hand, wasn’t so lucky.
It was when he was 9 that Spot started to have feelings for his best friend.
He had to hide it of course, because what else could he do about it? This was also around the time his anger started to become a problem.
It was when he was 11 that Spot got into his very first fight.
Some kid a few years older than him decided to joke about how close Spot and Race were. Of course Spot couldn’t let that stand, so he had to teach the kid a lesson.
It was when they were 12 that Spot and Race fought together.
Race, after learning about what had happened with Spot and the older boy, vowed to always be by his best friend’s side whenever a fight broke out.
It was when they were 14 that Spot and Race had their first real fight.
It was different than the other ones they’d had. No fists were thrown, there was no names being shouted, it was painfully personal. It wasn’t how they would normally fight, and Race knew that he just couldn’t figure out why- until Spot finally confessed his feelings while his mind was clouded with rage.
It was when they were 14 that Spot and Race had their very first kiss.
After Spot accidentally admitted his feelings for Race, his best friend immediately closed the distance between the two of them and kissed him. For that one moment, Spot felt free of anger, he felt happier than he had in a long time. Race held on tight to Spot as if he was reminding himself that this was actually happening.
It was when he was 15 that Spot’s parents found out.
His mom stopped caring about what happened to her son a long time ago, but man was his dad angry. Spot had been so, so careful, until he forgot to delete the text conversation he’d had with his boyfriend the night before. It was innocent, but or course they didn’t talk like friends would. Spot had been yelled at, hit, and finally- kicked out. He’d had half an hour to pack up his stuff and leave. Luckily, his friend Jack had an amazing foster mom he could stay with.
It was when they were 16 that Spot and Race went on their first real date.
Of course, they’d gone out to eat at little fast food places but they were never allowed to be open about their relationship. About a year after Spot moved in with Medda and Jack, they were able to be out at school and in public.
It was when they were 17 that Spot and Race went to senior prom together.
Spot picked up Race at his house and was blown away when he saw his boyfriend come down the stairs. He wore a deep blue tux with a bowtie and he looked fantastic. Race looked at Spot in his black tux and wondered how he’d gotten so lucky in the first place.
It was when they were 18 that Spot and Race had to say goodbye for a little while.
They’d both gotten into the colleges they’d wanted to. Race was on his way to becoming a master chef and Spot was headed on the path to becoming the world’s best lawyer. It was a cliché departure, holding each other like they needed them to survive. Spot and Race promised to make the long distance thing work.
It was when they were 20 that Spot and Race said “I love you”.
Spot actually said it first, which was really difficult for him but man was it worth it. Race almost started crying because he didn’t think he’d ever hear those words from Spot and quickly said it back.
This was also the first time Spot and Race had sex because they were finally in a space where they could be intimate with each other. Spot was visiting Race in between semesters and it was another way to show how much he loved him.
It was when they were 23 that Spot and Race moved in together.
After graduating college, the two were able to get jobs in their respective fields and saved up enough money to buy a tiny apartment in New York.
It was when they were 27 that Spot and Race got engaged.
Race saved up his money to buy Spot the shiny silver ring he proposed with. They were walking through the part when Race got down on one knee and told Spot exactly why he was doing this today. He told Spot that he couldn’t wait any longer before promising to be his forever, in all it’s cheesy glory.
It was when they were 28 that Spot and Race finally got married.
Race had held Spots’ hands in his own and managed to tell Spot all the reasons he’d made his life better.
As Spot stood in front of all of the people he loved, staring at the man who would be his husband, and he thought about to the 6-year-old boy who met his best friend for the first time.
“He didn’t interfere with… with what happened when I was there, though.” A thought occurred to River as a snippet of memory came back to him. “Wait… you drink there often?” "Not all the time, but occasionally. Why?“ Loch tilted his head inquisitively. "Is he the only bartender there?” "Only one I’ve ever seen, except Maurice. Blake or Rafe sometimes cover a shift, but that’s pretty rare. Why?“ Loch asked again. "I think he was there the night Maurice kissed Oli!” River exclaimed angrily. “He would have seen exactly what happened! He could have… could have warned me! Or something! He could have stopped me listening to that scum’s lies, told me what really happened!” "Well, not really his place, now, is it? And Maurice is his boss.“ "So?! And if he really liked him, wouldn’t he try to stop him going off with another guy?!” "Not necessarily. Sometimes people do stupid things that sound counterintuitive to their feelings, but it makes sense to them. Maybe he didn’t want Maurice thinking less of him for getting him caught out in a lie. Or maybe he thought it would interfere with his job security, in which case he might not be able to stay around Maurice.“ Loch shrugged. "Who knows. Or maybe he’s too shy to make his feelings known. Either way, can’t really blame him for you walking into a mistake.” "Still,“ River huffed. He’d thought Rupert had seemed like a nice enough guy, but what kind of person let someone walk into trouble like that? He had stopped River fighting Maurice, but in all honesty that had probably been more to protect him than Maurice; Maurice was stronger built, and probably actually knew how to throw a punch… "River, you have really got to get past this, ” Loch said with a sigh. “You made a mistake, but you have got to move on. Let it go. Learn from it, but let it go.” "Easy enough for you to say,“ River grumbled. "Not really, Riv. I’m speaking from experience.” Loch’s face looked pained when River glanced up at him, realising he had spoken without thinking. “Sometimes we do stupid shit, and sometimes that can’t be fixed. But we can learn from it, make sure we don’t make the same mistakes again.” "Yeah, but… Asher still took you back.“ "Only because he’s too forgiving.” Loch sighed. “I know you don’t think I deserved him taking me back, and for once I’d say we agree. But he did, and I swear I’m not taking that for granted, ever. I won’t make the same mistakes again.” "At least you slept with someone you know and like,“ River murmured, staring down wretchedly at his feet. "You don’t have to remember the touch of someone…” River stopped short as he shuddered. Fortunately, he didn’t remember much, but the small bits he did remember from that drunken night often left him feeling sick; hands on his body, hands softer than he would have expected, but the memory of which made his skin crawl, leaving him feeling unclean; rough kisses, the taste of beer, angry red scratches on his back -those were definitely hard to forget, the marks having stuck around for a week or two- and an oily voice, speaking words he thankfully couldn’t recall. All these little fragments haunted him, turning in the pit of his stomach with the shame and guilt and anger; anger at himself, at Maurice, at Oli, at everyone. Half of him wanted to never touch another drop of alcohol ever again, whilst the other half said drink had at least made it easier to forget, but he refused to be that stereotypical artist, thank you very much!
it’s probably kind of like what Lance felt like in the trailer where he was piloting Red like “OMG OMG OMG OMG THIS IS THE BEST THING” “we just can’t mess this up” “nah we won’t this is aWESOME” “oh fuckfuckfuck this is goinG FAST—”