considering coming back because I’ve realized that I haven’t been writing out thoughts, I have no place to put quotes from books I read, etc. I need a content repository, essentially.
this would probably involve 1) not paying attention to notes 2) avoiding arguments 3) a lot of pruning via blocking and unfollowing 4) not keeping up with other people’s blogs 5) trying to avoid the current state of the discourse wars. aka basically lurking like a lesbian ghost who sometimes speaks into the night.
I’m in a weird place I’ve never really been in at this job where I have an aaaaaalmost overwhelming number of things to do? So obviously I’m doing none of them and am instead ranting about why are men on Skype for Business.
I'm so fucking sick of this disease. I just wanna die already. I'm tired of not being able to eat freely and I'm tired of hurting everyone around me, especially my mom. I wish I was never born. I wanna go back in time and fix this. Nobody even knows that I have this war inside me, I'm too ashamed to admit it. I just think I will never have the happy ending I wished I had.
I have been in the place you find yourself now, and I know how terrifyingly cold it is, how lonely, how deep and dark. I’ve wished myself dead so many times. And somehow – by a miracle, by my body’s unwillingness to give up – I kept walking. Where you are now is not permanent. You CAN fight this illness, you can live a full and beautiful life and bring so much joy to others, as I’m sure you already do. I love you, and I believe in you. Keep walking.
For the break my privacy, black and purple pls😛 i love invading people's privacy, its fun
black: 1 fact about the person i like
we’ve been dating for 3.5 years??? does that count as a fact about him
purple: 10 facts about my room
1. three of my walls are painted red and one has black and white wallpaper
2. I used to have an entire collage wall of band posters but i took it down last year and i still think it looks weird without it
3. my room is the coziest place in the world
4. I have a bookshelf that hasn’t been touched in w a y too long and idek what’s up there anymore lol
5. I keep like every box I’ve ever gotten (my closet is filled with shoe boxes and i have like 4 phone boxes, my ipad box, my laptop box, and some phone case boxes under my bed) it’s getting ridiculous
6. one time my boyfriend like tossed a sharpie across the room but the lid wasn’t on right so there’s just this massive sharpie ass mark on my wall that cannot come off lmao
7. I rearranged all the furniture in my room yesterday (and cleaned it top to bottom nice) so now my bed is in the centre of the room and I’m v happy about it
8. when i rearranged my room yesterday i somehow broke my string lights and I’m rly rly sad
9. my sheets have deer on them and i lov my deer bois
10. the posters i did keep after my poster purge are a Star Wars movie poster, starry night, a lady and the tramp movie poster, a card signed by hedley from when i graduated high school, a painting of the Eiffel Tower i got in paris, a photo of me and misha Collins (those were the days man) and a drawing of Alex gaskarth my friend sent me!!!!
Obi-Wan gets a lot of shit about the “Dreams pass in time.” comment but this is not the face of someone who doesn’t care or who is dismissing what Anakin is feeling, as we see over and over that Obi-Wan very much does love Anakin, of course he cares about what Anakin’s going through and wants him to feel better. And we have the foreknowledge of what’s going to come of Anakin’s dreams and the tragedy that happens because of them.
But Obi-Wan doesn’t know any of that.
He just knows that Anakin is lingering on something that is upsetting him and wants to help Anakin get past it, wants to help Anakin regain emotional balance. I have been in that exact place so many times–when someone I care about is hurting, my immediate instinct is to fix it, fix whatever’s wrong so that they feel better and are happy again! I love them and so I want them to not linger on this thing that’s hurting them.
If they’re worrying over nothing, this is good advice, and for all that the characters know, this is nothing, because they’re Jedi, they do have dreams that might seem important, but will pass in time. It’s a tragedy that this isn’t one of those times, it’s a tragedy that Anakin had these dreams and then had to live through what happens later, but this moment wasn’t for lack of care, it was precisely because Obi-Wan does care for Anakin that he’s trying to help soothe what’s bothering Anakin.
Wild Space covers this as well:
Obi-Wan reacts to Anakin’s pain with sorrow and regret, but he won’t let go of Anakin, because he loves him too much for that. And:
“I would have saved her for you if I could.”
JUST LEAVE ME HERE WITH MY FEELINGS ON THE TRAGEDY THAT IS HOW MUCH THEY CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER BUT DON’T ALWAYS KNOW HOW TO CONVEY IT PROPERLY.
Just. Leave me here with my feelings on how guilty Obi-Wan would have felt, how much he would have wished he could have changed things, how of course he would have saved Anakin’s mother for him if he could have, that Anakin belongs with the Jedi, in Obi-Wan’s eyes, but that doesn’t mean he would just let someone die like that, would just let Anakin suffer through that, wouldn’t understand exactly what it’s like to lose a parent and wish that you could change it, even if you still have to get up and keep going and move forward again. OF COURSE HE UNDERSTANDS AND WOULD HAVE SAVED HER FOR ANAKIN.
- howzit kids!!!! - the future is weird and spooky huh??? ? no matter how cool i am with where i am, i still find time to sorta worry about it - at the minute i’m v happy studying, and my plans for heading back to australia in june are just: return to my casual job, walk my dogs, make comics, do nanowrimo, go to some cons. and right now??? i feel very strongly that that will be enough, at least for this year - but then also i know my own restless ass and i know that maybe it won’t be - i really hope it will be - walked around viborg’s south lake today, it was pretty and cold and it’s odd how the world can feel both enormous and tiny some days - i’m one of the youngest people that i’ve met here, which is a sort of sobering thought. gotta remember there’s no hurry. life’s really long, ya know? - i’m learning to love what a work in progress everything we do in class is: there’s no finished product, just the act of making. it’s a really good way to be - my art is improving in a way i didn’t think i’d notice in three weeks, which is pretty great. i want to dedicate this year to making stuff i like, and that maybe other people will too. i really love drawing it makes me happy happy happy - i hope you’re all good, if you can, slow down for a minute today