pl: jamie benn

Jamie Benn - Jealousy

Originally posted by ohmy-dallas-stars

I love me some Jamie Benn so this was fun for me to write. I’ll do anything for someone who loves a Benn Brother lmao

Request from @boo-boocmf : Can you please write me a Jamie Benn imagine where he’s jealous of how you and Tyler Seguin have gotten. I’d be so grateful. 

Jamie watched as you sat in the grass with Tyler, his dogs jumping happily around the two of you. You laughed as the chocolate lab tried to sit on your lap before conceding to just letting his head rest there. He talked animatedly about something that caused you to laugh and Jamie could feel the jealousy rising in his chest.

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NHLers and the Olympics (hypothetical)

1/?

Alex Ovechkin goes to the Olympics. No one questions his many carry on bags, or why one looks suspiciously like Nicklas Backstrom.

The NHL is curious as to why Henrik Lundqvist has been playing so poorly for the Rangers during the time of the Olympics. Joel Lunqvist must be feeling off too..he called in sick to work all month. 

Carey Price builds a small wall in his net, then leaves and goes to the Olympics. No one notices the difference. 

Sidney Crosby wants to go to the Olympics but he does not want to let down the Penguins or break the rules. Fleury and Letang put melatonin in  Crosbys PB&J. He wakes up on the Plane next to to Jamie Benn. 

A displeased Jamie Benn is duck taped to a giggly Tyler Seguin. 

Brent Burns smuggles  Joe Pavelski to the Olympics in his beard. 

Shea Weber fires a fake slap shot. It fake hits Markov, Plekanec and Pacioretty. They are all out for the month  with fake and vague injuries. They get fake beards and go to the Olympics under fake names. 

Erik Karlsson is very handsome. He tells the league he is going to the Olympics, they are distracted by all the handsome and tell him its fine.

No one wants to have to tell Tuukka Rask he cant go to the Olympics, so no one does.

They’re calling it H-day. The H might stand for ‘hockey’ or ‘hell,’ you don’t really remember. You only remember the day you turned on your local sports network to hear that every player in the NHL has been transformed based on the names of their teams. The ramifications of this range from merely nominal to, frankly, off the walls ridiculous.

Montreal and Vancouver, out of all the NHL cities, have seen the least effects. Their team names mean ‘Canadians, except in French’ and ‘Canadians, except in slang,’ respectively, so aside from a few sudden citizenship acquisitions, their players have experienced no changes. Likewise, the Islanders are essentially the same. Some extent of memory alteration is speculated, but that’s all Deadspin anyway, so who really knows?

The other New York team, on the other hand, has developed a strange predilection for reckless behaviour in the name of ‘adventure.’ They’ve also taken to rolling twenty sided dice before taking action, which tends to really slow down a hockey game.

Los Angeles and Las Vegas have come to an unlikely alliance. The LA team had devolved into power struggles and succession crises, so Vegas offered proxy fighters to joust on each LA player’s behalf. However, with many Kings and only one Knight, the teams have been forced to wait until the expansion draft to actually settle the disputes. Until then, the main concern is keeping the Kings away from the armoury that has sprung up in Buffalo, as most hockey fans agree that beheadings would be taking hockey fights too far.

When the Detroit players sprouted wings — literal red wings — many expected the same from Philadelphia. However, the Flyers have become a different type of flyer, and their management is currently scrambling to find all their players, floating around the city on the wind (Toronto, too, is having similar issues; they simply didn’t have enough rakes in the equipment room when the whole debacle began). Of particular importance is one flyer advertising grilled cheese sandwiches, which must never, under any circumstances, be allowed to find its way to Pittsburgh. It might cross the path of a passing flightless bird, who could mistake it for food, or worse, recognize it as who it actually is.

Speaking of Pittsburgh, they, along with Anaheim, are reaping the benefits of being one of the few animal-named teams whose mascot is relatively docile and non-threatening. Arizona, Florida, Boston, San Jose, and Nashville have all had to call in experts in the zoology business to deal with the sudden influx of apex predators.

Speaking of predators, Chicago is gone. Just gone. They had the misfortune to have a home stretch lined up where they played Carolina, Colorado, and Tampa in succession, and now they’re gone. Instead, the city has been replaced by a replica of Washington DC that inexplicably speaks Russian instead of English, but is otherwise indistinguishable. Twenty other versions of Washington have cropped up over the country, most of which are Russian-speaking.

The St. Louis music scene and the Columbus fashion industry have each had a sudden boom, revitalized by new trends. They don’t have much to do with each other, but the two cities agree: blue sure is a cool colour.

The province of Alberta, on other hand, is not in such agreement. For their own safety, Edmonton and Calgary are attempting to keep as separate as possible for the time being. What is left of their players cannot be allowed to interact, lest they ignite the entire country.

New Jersey is also having some problems. Then again, when are they not?

The Minnesota practice rink is no longer fit for use; it has become, essentially, a very cold forest. It now attracts hockey fans and tourists, many of whom claim to be able to hear the voices of the players among the trees. Others merely say it seems like a nice way to get back to nature.

But when it comes to getting back to nature, Dallas has us all beat. They have returned to a state of matter pre-dating our own planet and ascended into the night sky. Attempts are being made to bring them back to Earth, as it is not possible to play hockey games against them if they are in outer space — only Winnipeg might have even a chance. Unfortunately, the mission to bring the Stars back has hit a snag lately; Jamie Benn just won’t go down.

playing “guess what team this hockey player is on” w/ my brother

he knows nothing about hockey and here are the highlights

  • sidney crosby
    • ironically, seconds after establishing that the only 2 teams he knew of were the canucks and the penguins, he guessed that sid played for the canucks
    • “didn’t he score some important goal for vancouver in some big hockey championship thing??”
      • spoiler: he was thinking of the van 2010 olympics
      • he does not accept this though, continues to insist sid is captain of the canucks
        • stop him
  • max paciorrety 
    • him, immediately upon hearing the name: “MAXIMUM PATCH”
      • “he probably plays for a very patchwork team. what’s a patchwork place? florida. he plays for the florida…. panthers.”
      • me: “that… actually is the name of a team. not pacioretty’s team but, a team. did you know that?”
      • “no i guessed”
      • i gave him a point for it anyway
  • henrik sedin
    • he somehow started thinking he was related to the colour brown somehow (don’t ask how) 
      • “what’s brown? …the water in kentucky”
      • “the shitty teams are brown. he plays for the… oh! the boston bruins”
      • @ bruins fans i apologized but i laughed, i did
    • “give me a hint” “how about i give you his brother’s name. plays for the same team, it’s daniel”
      • “daniel… henrik… handle… dendrik” (continues for 30 seconds) 
      • me: “maybe… maybe focus on the team instead of just how to combine their names?”
    • “are they on a canadian team?” “yes” “the… toronto maple leafs” “no”
      • my brother lives in vancouver and really should know this one
      • he does not
      • literally there was a canucks jersey (mine) hanging up behind him while we were doing this and i,
    • i had to tell him henrik sedin was captain of the vancouver canucks and he said
      • “i thought that was sidney crosby”
      • TO MY FACE
  • jamie benn
    • “could you have possibly given me a more generic name??”
    • gave his brother’s name for a hint again
      • this was before the montreal trade. do svidanya jobenn (((
    • he managed to narrow it down to the state of texas
      • “there’s a team in texas?? where???”
      • “i’m gonna guess houston. jamie… jordie… a lot of j sounds… i’m gonna say they play for the houston giraffes”
  • brent burns
    • “burns, burns, what burns…. california is experiencing draughts..” “you’re getting close actually” “really? wow”
      • “sacramento.. san jose… i know san jose has a team! the san jose… uhh…”
      • (our dad) “here’s a hint, we had a chance to swim with them on our last vacation but you slept in”
      • “oh! i think that was a called a… a takihiti fish.” (our dad, quietly: no.) “yes. the san jose takihiti fish”
  • pk subban
    • “pk?? does that stand for something??” “yes, parnell karl” (our dad, whose name is karl: “nice”)
    • tbh i don’t remember what he guessed but he sat there repeating “pk subban… pk… suuuu… bannnn.. subban… Suuub’n. P… K… Subban” to himself for like 2 minutes and that was hilarious to me for some reason
  • geno malkin
    • “geno… sounds italian” 
      • me: *tries to tell him geno’s actual name w/ my best attempt at pronounciation* him: “…yebbie veggie?” 
    • “idk man give me a hint” 
    • “ok so… his captain played in the 2010 vancouver olympics”
    • “…his captain is sidney crosby”
    • “yes!”
    • “so he plays for the vancouver canucks!!”
    • “no.”