pizza shop america

whyiwearpink  asked:

Today I saw someone at a pizza shop wearing a captain america tee shirt who looked like he could be your twin!

That was indeed my twin. Sebastian. 

He is my non-evil twin. 

My evil twin is also named Sebastian. My parents didn’t realize that would be confusing having identical babies with the same name until later on. Sebastian doesn’t really have any good nicknames. “Sebas” sounds like sea bass. “Astian” sounds like a question you would ask a buttocks. 

So we just called evil Sebastian by Karl. Which he didn’t like very much and is probably the reason he became evil.

Thankfully he isn’t terribly smart and he doesn’t have the resources to act on his evil ways. He lived inside a volcano for a while. Until the folks at the dinosaur museum kicked him out. He didn’t have access to sharks, so duct-taping lasers to those goldfish ended with a sad flush. 

We keep an eye on Karl, just to make sure he doesn’t accidentally do something actually harmful. The closest was when he got into a sword fight with one of those dancy blowy tube things you see outside of car dealerships. He found its dancing offensive so he stabbed it.

Sadly, his actions did not stop the dancing—rather it changed the style of dancing to something Karl found much more offensive. 

For Evil Sebastian Karl… that was the day the dancing died.

He has never recovered from that moment.