pizza is my boyfriend

Reasons why my grandmother is absolutely precious

- gasped when my mum used the dimmer to lower the lights and called it witchcraft
- took my cousins, my brother and me to see ice age 2 when it came out, didn’t like it and cried because “the animals were in danger!”
- calls the App Store “the market”
- cried for half an hour after I told her I was trans because she was devastated by the thought of me suffering in silence for years
- thought my mum’s friend’s boyfriend was the pizza delivery guy (because he picked up our pizza on the way over) and was completely chill thinking that we just invited some random pizza delivery guy in to have dinner with us.
- asked said boyfriend if the other pizzas in his car wouldn’t get cold.
- thinks frank iero is a random buddy of mine who just happens to be good at playing guitar.
- told me to tell him she says hi.
- was completely delighted when I told her he said hi back.
- asked if I had a crush on him and when I said kinda yeah she told me to try and get in his pants
- tried to give me tips on how to seduce him.
- reacted to “he’s 13 years older than me and married” with “age is just a number, you’re all adults and maybe his wife is into that”
- asks me how he’s doing every time I see her
- still won’t recognise him in photos and thinks every photo of frank is a photo of me.
- fucking loves the snapchat puppy filter and keeps telling me to make her into a dog.
- keep saying “this is incredible, I can SEE you!” every time on FaceTime. For the past 4 years.
- didn’t buy a wedding dress for her own wedding and instead spent the money on buying my grandfather a pair of shoes he could wear for their wedding
- when my greatgrandfather wouldn’t pay for their wedding dinner she sneakily handed my grandpa money under the table so he could pay for it and wouldn’t be embarrassed (fucking 60’s) because my grandfather had to give everything he earned to his parents (who wouldn’t pay for dinner)
- tried to save my father from my mum (her daughter) multiple times because she was scared he’d get hurt
- once before they got married because my mum travels a lot for work and meets a lot of new people and my grandmother was afraid my dad might get hurt in the process.
- spoils our cat while cat sitting him to the point where he won’t eat unless someone is sitting next to him and stroking his back.
- asked me what being stoned feels like and responded to my explanation with “I’ll have to see that for myself”

Diss track // Simon Minter Imagine

Summary: JJ made a diss track where he said something he shouldn’t have.

A/n: I LOVE THIS! Oh my I can’t tell you how much fun @blueminter and I had writing this! For the 11614846651 time, thank you so much for doing this Mel, I love you. For those of you who don’t know this, Mel basically wrote all those amazing bars! Everyone go tell the Sidemen they need to hire her for their diss tracks! Anyway I hope you like it!

Go follow @blueminter (but you probably already do!)

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“Hey babe”, my boyfriend Simon called me. “Have you seen JJ’s diss track yet?” he asked. With JJ leaving the Sidemen, Ethan and Harry had released a diss track. And to be honest, they were fire. Jide coming back at them was thus no surprise. “No, no I haven’t yet. I was actually just about to though, why?”, I questioned. “Well we’re all going to watch it together and react to it and I thought I’d be nice for you to be here too?” “Oh yeah, nice. I’ll be there in five”, I beamed.

The Sidemen house was only a few blocks away so I decided to walk there. When I got to the door, my boyfriend was already waiting for me. He kissed my lips softly as a hello. We went to the kitchen where all the other guys were already waiting. I quickly hugged them all and we sat down to film.

“Hey guys! As you all may know, JJ just released his diss track. So we’re going to watch it and react to it”. The track had a good beat to it, but the lyrics weren’t that great. JJ started off with Ethan, as expected.

Yow Ethan do you still the stairs cause you better roll down every pair, WOT?!

Ethan paused the video. “And there we go with the fat jokes!”, he laughed. Josh added; “Fat joke here, fat joke there”. “You’ve got the best fat joke of the year!”, I cheered, earning a laugh from the guys. “Don’t be surprised Ethan,” Simon stated, “She’s had your track on on repeat”. “Hey! Don’t judge me. It’s absolute fire”, I laughed. Ethan gave me a fist bump and Simon continued the video.

Now for Simon. Clearly opposites attract cause you’re too skinny and your girl’s too… Ha you know it.

At that moment, my heart dropped. I never considered myself fat, but I always felt self-conscious about it. So hearing it from someone else was quite a shock. Especially in front of all the guys. No one seemed to notice my discomfort, since they just kept watching and commentating.

I had no idea what was being said or done, because I was so caught up in my thoughts. Was JJ right? Am I too fat? Does Simon think I’m too fat? Maybe he’s only with me because he pities me? Oh god, I was starting to feel sick.

Luckily the video didn’t take much longer. Josh and Harry were still discussing how often JJ implied that Ethan was fat, when Simon asked me what I thought about it. “Uhm, yeah I think it wasn’t that bad”, I lied. Apparently, I wasn’t that great at lying, since he shot me a worried look. I didn’t want to talk about it, so I just ignored it.

Simon quickly did his outro, with Ethan warning JJ for his second verse. When all the cameras were turned off, Tobi asked if they could get a take-away pizza for dinner, to which all the guys cheered. I politely declined, knowing that I probably shouldn’t eat pizza if I was planning on losing weight. My boyfriend again looked worriedly at me.

“Hey”, I nudged Simons side, “Could I maybe take a shower?”. “Yeah of course! You want me to join”, Simon smirked. “No no not with the guys here. I’ll be fine on my own”. “Your loss”, he said and kissed me.

I ran up the stairs to Simons bathroom. I stayed here so often that I had all my own stuff in there. When I was about to hop in the shower, I caught sight of my reflection in the mirror. I looked at myself, mentally pointing out everything I hated. And before I knew it, tears were streaming down my face.

I quickly washed myself to try and forget about everything for a second. But when I went to Simons room after I was all cleaned up, I started thinking again. What if Simon doesn’t love me anymore? Does he really think I’m too fat?

I didn’t hear him come in, so I screamed a little when he hugged from behind. “Hello beautiful”, Simon laughed. “Hi”, I mumbeled. He started kissing me. First my cheek, my jaw, my neck, my shoulder, my collarbone. His touches were full of love, but I didn’t feelt it. All because of JJ. I kept hearing his words, over and over again.

Eventually Simon noticed something was really off. “Hey Y/N/N, what’s going on?”, he whispered. I just shook my head. “Y/N please. Don’t do this to me. Don’t shut me out. I know something’s wrong. Just talk to me, love”. I sighed. “Do you think I’m fat?”, I said no louder than a whisper. Simons eyes immediately grew. “What? Where is this coming from?”.

“Never mind. Just forget about it”, I said quickly, regretting my decision to speak up about my thoughts. “No Y/N, I can’t just forget about that! Is it because of JJ? Because of what he said in his diss track?”, he asked.

The fact that I didn’t respond and couldn’t even look at him, was answer enough for him. “Y/N listen to me. JJ only said that to get a reaction out of me, okay? You are not fat. Far from even. You are the most beautiful, happy, bright, funny, smart, talented person I know. And I love you more than anything in the world, okay? So don’t you ever dare to think that you’re not perfect, because you are”.

“I’m sorry”, I sniffed, looking at the ground. Simon placed his hand on my chin and tilted my head so I was looking in his eyes. “You have nothing to apologize for. JJ on the other hand… You know what? I’ve got an idea”, Simon smirked. He quickly explained his plan to me. “Simon you don’t have to do that. It’s fine”, I said once he had finished. “Oh no Y/N/N, I do need to do that. And you’re going to help me. He does not know what’s coming for him”, he laughed.

Two days later everything was ready to get the plan going. All the remaining Sidemen were there, in a car park getting ready to start recording. “Okay guys, is everyone ready? Then let’s go!”, Simon said, making everyone cheer. “3,2,1 ACTION”.

“Yow Jide. You thought we’d let you do this? You thought wrong mate and now you’re on your own. You said you had a storm coming? Well get ready cause we’re bringing you A FUCKING HURRICANE!”

Simon: Hey Jide I thought we were mates but guess what now we ain’t. If opposites attract then you and me would be good and that’s a fact. You call my girlfriend fat but have you ever looked at yourself? Man. She is my queen. You? You’re still thirteen, always dressed up for halloween…You act like a teen, you’ll light up like gasoline when you hear this fire coming at you through the fucking screen.

Ethan: Maybe I’m fat but at least I’ve got some brain cells, yours are rotten, so maybe that’s why you smell. You had a tongue twister in your rap but fam, how long did it take you to record that, man? Forget squirrel or rolls Royce, all that comes out your mouth is ‘more vag!’ You incompetent fuck, just learn how to read, and then maybe you’ll be able to drive at the right speed

Josh: So you left the Sidemen, the stacks you made are crumblin. Yeah you’ll be tremblin, struggelin, tumbelin, stumbelin without us right by your side. I’ve taken over your room whilst you’re in LA causing a baby boom, but just remember I will be daddy forever, there’s no way you can take that from me too.

Harry: It’s like you decided overnight, but leaving the Sidemen is just not alright. Thought you had a chance with my sister? Well now you’re never gonna be her mr. You’re too old anyway that soon, like your channel, your hair will fade to grey.

Tobi: See I’m the original team skrrr but not when it comes to you. I can’t tell if it’s humor but hell I don’t like your tattoos. You’re acting a little bit new yet you still send emails with yahoo. Now you’ve got a new girl but tell me, am I having deja vu? You were talking about Seana like last week, that shits antique, but I bet this new girl is just as 'unique’

Vik: You say I’m good with blocks but guess what? Now I’m blocking you. My head is square but mate, have you looked at WillNE too? No of course you haven’t, you only look at the girls you’re banging, call me savage, but I think you need to use family planning.

Y/N: So JJ, it was nice knowing you, and it was nice seeing you so relevant here on YouTube. Call me fat all you want but man look at you, could use a little bit of Facetune, photoshop just won’t do, you’re doing this just for the views so let’s stay cool. Don’t get yourself into this, I don’t really know what your purpose is, but I guess you need your stacks n that, but next time, don’t just say that I’m fat.

pizza with a side of discourse

for day 21 of @snowbaz-feda!!

length: 222

genre(s): fluff

triggers/warnings: none

simon and baz debate pizza toppings

a/n: blah blah blah @cherryonsimon is great



Snow’s sprawled out on the floor in front of me. “Where is it?” he complains. “It’s been ages!”

I nudge his shoulder with my foot. “Get up, you idiot. It’s only been 10 minutes.”

“Well, I’m starving.”

“So go eat something.”

“I want pizza.” He’s whining now and I will the delivery to speed up so I don’t have to spell my boyfriend silent.

“So wait for pizza.”

“But I’m hungry now.”

“Merlin, Snow, you’re like a toddler.” I say, and he pouts. (And proves my point.) Rolling my eyes, I cross my legs and go back to my book. He’s quiet, thank Crowley, until the buzzer goes off, and he hops up so quickly he almost trips over his tail.

Simon had been the one to order the pizza, and I realize I should have double-checked before I let him do that, because there’s fucking fruit on my pizza.

“Why is there pineapple on it?”

“It’s good, that’s why.”

“Snow,” I say, “that’s vile.”

“Baz,” he replies, “you eat rats.”

“Yes, but at least I don’t cover them in pineapple.”

“You should try it sometime, could be good.”

I pull a face and he smiles at me before shoving a slice in his mouth. He chews loudly and obnoxiously, and I swear I fall a little more in love with him.

Baby Fever

Marty Scurll x Reader

tag: @hushothermuses

I sat cuddled closely against my boyfriend Marty, munching on some pizza. We were catching up with our favourite series on Netflix. I reached for my drink when Marty decided to disturb the comfortable silence.

“What do you think about having a baby?” he nonchalantly asked. The soda I was just going to drink was spit across the entire couch. I struggled to get air, coughing my lungs out.

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You’ve Got a Pizza my Heart

You and your boyfriend have your first fight, but he has an incredibly cheesy way to say he’s sorry

  • that bio is the stupidest thing i’ve ever written and if you read you will understand why
  • pre-established relationship w/youngmin

“Hey, what do you want to order for dinner?” Youngmin asked from where he was standing in the doorway, phone in hand. You were busy on your laptop, trying to finish a report. You shrugged, pausing your typing to look over at him.

“Whatever you’re feeling,” you replied, sending him a smile, “I don’t really mind.” He nodded, going back to the kitchen to place whatever order.

You and Youngmin had been dating for about three months, and you’d begun to spend most of your time at his apartment, just doing work or watching Netflix on his couch, spending more time with him. Youngmin appreciated the extra company, and you even had your own drawer in his dresser for the clothes you’d forgotten at his apartment. Instead of one toothbrush, two toothbrushes sat in his bathroom with matching toothbrush holders.

You turned back to your work, settling down to get through your report. About half an hour later, Youngmin called you to the living room.

You stretched a bit before padding into the room, clad in one of Youngmin’s large sweatshirts. As you saw what he had ordered, you felt your good mood dampen slightly.

“Ah, you got sushi?” You said, taking a seat across from him.

“Yup!” Youngmin nodded, grabbing the soy sauce and mixing it with some wasabi, “I was just craving it.”

You nodded, reaching over to grab some of the plain white rice he’d ordered as a side dish. It was stupid, but you felt kind of hurt that he didn’t remember.

“Try the tuna,” he said, gesturing towards the plate of tuna rolls. You frowned, shrugging.

“I’m good,” you replied quietly, looking away. Youngmin sighed, setting his chopsticks down.

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