- 1 head of cauliflower
- 1 egg
- ½ cup shredded cheese OR 1/3 cup goat cheese
- salt, oregano
- 1 teaspoon red wine vinegar (optional)
1. Rice the cauliflower using a blender/food processor or a cheese grater.
2. Boil about 1 inch of water in a pan and add in cauliflower and let it cook for 4 minutes.
3. Use a sieve to drain off excess water. Using a kitchen towel, wrap cauliflower tightly to wring out as much excess water as possible.
4. In medium bowl, add cauliflower, egg, cheese, and seasonings. (And red wine vinegar if using) Mix well.
5. Using parchment paper or a silicone baking mat, form the mix into your pizza crust. Try and keep the crust ½"-1" thick.
6. Bake at 400 degrees for 20-30 minutes or until crust is slightly browned. Remove crust, add toppings, then bake for additional 10-15 minutes.
I really enjoyed this recipe; the crust isn’t sturdy enough to pick up a slice, but the flavors and texture are nice. Grab a fork and dig in!
Think Hawaiian pizza without all the carbs. Bell pepper, onion, deli ham, and pineapple topped with BBQ sauce. Cook at 350 degrees Fahrenheit for 15-20 minutes in a conventional oven, or throw them on the grill.
Tales from a Summer at an Amusement Park Food Line
- While attempting to close on my very first shift, I accidentally dropped an entire container of Italian dressing on the floor. Most of it went into my socks. It made for a very unpleasant ride home.
- The line I worked in served personal pan pizzas, club wraps, carved turkey sandwiches, salads (side salads as well as Mediterranean salads), very large pickles, and a variety of desserts made in store. We were allowed to alter recipes as people requested, within reason. One person requested a pizza without sauce. I respected her decision. A surprising number of people requested pizzas without cheese. I questioned theirs, especially since they got pepperoni.
- We offered a gluten-free pizza that took twenty minutes to cook (ordinary pizzas took five). There was one man I came to recognize who showed up at least every other week to order a gluten-free pizza. I very much hope that he had a season’s pass, or he was spending upwards of $70 a week for the privilege of waiting on a pizza.
- A child came in with his parents one day and they began asking about the ingredients in all our food. As my coworker began to answer, I stopped him and asked if this were an allergy question; when told yes, I asked them to wait and went to hunt down a manager, as company policy stated that only managers or higher could answer questions regarding allergies. My coworkers did not understand why I was wasting people’s time like this. I attempted to explain to them that I had no desire to kill a seven-year-old because I thought I knew better than the allergen manual. They continued to ridicule me. The mother made a point of thanking me in front of my supervisor when she arrived for apparently being the only person who was concerned about the well-being of her child, who was evidently allergic to everything.
- This was far from the only argument I had with my coworkers about allergen safety. I fear for the customers.
- A man came into my line one afternoon, looked at me, looked at the salads, looked at me, looked at the salads again, looked at me, pointed directly at the salads, and said, “You sell salads?” I expended every ounce of willpower I had left not to respond, “No, sir, those are small ornamental shrubbery.”
- Victoria Justice came to give a concert at our park one afternoon. I have never heard any of her music, but between the fact that she was apparently an elitist bully to the ride attendants (and other guests) when she was enjoying her day at the park and the fact that the park was sold out that day with mostly girls under the age of twelve, all of whom wanted pizza for lunch, I have decided that I hate her.
- A couple came through my line. We recognized each other. They were parishioners at the church I had worked for prior to the amusement park. I left the church because I was fired in a very underhanded and unprofessional manner. I cheerfully told them to say hello to everybody for me. They left very quickly.
- Part of our job was to engage any guests waiting in line in conversation, especially the children. I was exceptionally good at this part of my job. My coworkers were either in awe or jealous.
- The number of people who did not understand that I did not have their special orders ready before they thought to order them was mind-boggling.
- A toddler came into my line and began chattering with me. This would not have been unusual, except that his parents were nowhere in sight, nor was any other adult, as they were all in the other room watching the show. I leaned as far over the counter as I could to keep the little guy talking and in sight until an adult came to take responsibility for him. To this day, I sincerely hope that the adult who came for him was actually his mother.
- While attempting to close down our second line, I used one of the four doors to the small refrigerator cases to support myself as I pushed myself from a squatting position to a standing one. I ripped the door off its top hinge.
- My coworker made a joke one night about something she would like to do. I explained how it would be possible. Her eyes filled with fear. I had to explain that I am a writer and had done research for a mystery novel and that I have not, in fact, ever cut someone’s feet off at the ankles with a cake knife.
- I became somewhat well-known among my coworkers for knowing all the words to the songs in the shows that went on in the dining area while we were cooking/serving. Strangely enough, my coworkers were less confused as to how I, a 23-year-old, knew ‘80s pop songs than they were as to how I, a 23-year-old, knew German drinking songs.
- Three days before the end of the summer, having been friends with one particular colleague for nearly five months, I had to pull out my ID to prove to her that I was in my twenties and not, in fact, nineteen.
I really try my best to not stereotype or racially profile. But at the same time I also know to expect a larger party to show up than expected and more clean up when a child with an ethnically black name has a birthday. Or if i see someone wearing any of the muslim head dressings, they all seem to order gluten free pizza every time.
That IS racist and stereotyping. I’m not going to sugar coat it. Normally I delete this kind of crap but it made me so angry I had to call you out on your bullshit. You’re not trying your best. You’re barely trying at all. And neither of those things are even BAD customer experiences. They’re the norm. We have larger groups to serve. We get those people who order gluten free or organic. Neither of those are necessarily annoying. Some big groups tip well. Those who order gluten free are probably allergic to gluten. Skin color or religion has nothing to do with it. Wake the fuck up. Look inside and ask yourself “am I seriously going to defend my racist attitude by claiming I’m trying”. Bad customers are simply that, bad customers. Not black or muslim. Stop seeing customers by the superficial and start seeing their attitude and how they treat employees like the rest of us. I want to believe you’re a troll, but with how the country is going right now I wouldn’t doubt you’re not. -Abby
This sort of Atheist has never really went deep into religion and
faith. Often times she is coming from a loosely religious household and was never able to leave it mentally, because she has never overcome her puberal grudge on the world and her family. All the sad tragedies that happened to her, that she was always the last pick in sports, the F in religion class, that her great love Leon has left her for her best friend, but that he gave her Herpes before, all of that must be God’s fault. And therefore she is punishing him with non-existence. And of course the church is also stupid, nothing that requires you to get up early on Sunday can be good.
It isn’t always that this childish attitude is paired with low intelligence, but almost always it is tied to a sense of entitlement.
Favourite argument: „Yes, but if God really exists, why is there so much shit going on in the world?!“ Is often confused with: People with real issues, that lost their faith over their immense existential crisis. Favourite food: Gluten-free spaghetti with vegan tomatosauce, Salad, Vegan and gluten-free Pizza, Starbuck’s coffee. Weakness: She has little to no idea what she is talking about.
2. The Political Atheist
The political atheist, contrary to our first entry, really got into the matter of religion and faith, with help of famous Authors like Karl Marx, Richard Dawkins and Ludwig Feuerbach. In his opinion there are some religions worth his protection and that would be Islam and all non-Christian religions from non-european countries and all religious groups that have fewer followers than Marxes whole work pages (except of course national-socialist esoterism and right-wing neo pagans!).
His problem with religion is, that it in his opinion creates all that is bad in the world: War(except for peace loving muslims of course), Social Injustice, Intolerance, pedophilia and sexual inhibition.
The only reason that people still follow those fairy tales must be a world wide conspiracy, for example those of war loving priests or those damn zionists, which control all the world’s finances. On special occasions like the 9th of November he is sometimes posting his theories to the facebook wall of his local communist worker’s party,
for example that Israel belongs to the peace loving Palestinians and that Hamas is a proxy of the Mossad or he is inviting himself for a lecture of the history of Christianity, only to point out that Christians are ruthless barbarians that slaughtered the poor muslims and that ISIS is just a product of processing the trauma which the crusades have left.
„The church is run by money-loving ruthless criminals that would burn homosexuals and Jews alive if they could.“ Is often confused with: Nobody. Really you will know him when you see him and you will hear him before you see him. Favourite food: Kebab and Hummus, because he is based and multicultural. AND NO, THOSE ARE NOT EXPENSIVE DOLCE AND GABANA SHOES! Weakness: his logic is often flawed by his political agenda, his arguments are often bordering antisemitism, his greatest weakness is reality itself
3. The Beatles Atheist
He really took the song “imagine!” by heart. He probably really has done some research and experience with religion or so, but somehow he never really felt welcome and taken serious or so. He feels very spiritual, sometimes ultra spiritual. He also has been to India where people in his opinion have a completely different understanding of the universe and their environment, but to believe in God? That’s not his thing really, an old man that tells you what to do, in his mind he doesn’t need such boundaries to his spiritual flow. He doesn’t really know what to think about all day and he likes talking about things, but really to make a commitment to something he refuses. And of course Mahatma Gandhi also said something about that, if he could only remember what. So if Mahatma says that, or something like that, who needs a God am I right?
Favourite argument: „I don’t want to be so constrained by that, man.“ Is often confused with: People who seriously and without naive expectations have interest in far-east religions. Favourite food: Weed, Vegetarian Ayurveda-Curry Weakness: He has no weakness. He isn’t even interested in beef with you, he is just annoying.
4. The I-Outsmart-You-Atheist
This sort of Atheist has at no time even considered to read into religion or faith. I mean why? Science will answer all our questions we could ever ask, and for all those questions for which science cannot find answers, those questions aren’t even worth asking and she is too intelligent to even consider wasting time on them. Humans feel love because it makes sense in an evolutionary context. Mankind produces art because we have an overflow of thought and religious experiences have always been reproduced under influence of strong psychoactive drugs or magnetic waves, whatever. The idea that, how the earth was created and why the earth was created, could have different reasons is too hard to grasp for her. And that is why she is leading her own crusade against every creationist she can find, it doesn’t matter if their religion has something to do with it or not. That for example the catholic church is leading in research of natural sciences and that every christian and jew can study as much natural sciences as he/she, wants will be ignored by her.
So the only explanation for her is that religious people are simply too stupid to grasp her advanced concept of thinking and that they simply cannot think as sharp as she does. The only Martyr she knows is Galileo Galilei and if one day she is might be struck by an existential crisis she will lose everything she usually does rely on.
Genesis 1 Is easily confused with: Real signs of higher intelligence Favourite food: We eat food to digest it and get the necessary energy input for our bodies to function properly, coffee and sugary stuff.
Weakness: Unimaginative, Boring personality and an almost zealotistic defense of science as “the only true answer”
5. The I-Eat-The-Souls-Of-My-Enemies-For-Breakfast-Atheist
This sort of Atheist has really gotten into religion, but the dark side of it. Because he is “evil”. He want’s his mother to be sad. He would grow a Whisker like Nietzsche but for that his puberal beard growth isn’t sufficient. He has a very broad collection of metal-bandshirts, because he is the Antichrist, but to be honest he never really made it beyond the first two pages of the St.John Revelation. For shits and giggles alone, he pretends to be a real satanist, but he is secretly shitting his black underpants at the prospect of Satan answering to his calls. But good for him it is all nothing more than a charade in reality he doesn’t believe in it so it is not real, at least he hopes that. But to be fair, under this menacing crust of dried beer, black and white face paint and eyeliner(that his little sister had to buy him), there is mostoften a good heart, he doesn’t really feel superior to religious people, he probably has a very social attitude, that only comes forth, when sits home at his granny’s place and drinks tea with her to listen to her old stories or when he meets somebody that is listening to the same music as him. As rough and brutal as he might seem, he just wants company and a feeling of belonging and in reality he doesn’t want that his mom is sad and crying, he only wants to be more interesting than the TV for once, so that she will take notice of him.
Favourite argument: Something with Witch trials, women and the medieval era Is easily confused with: Guys that can be really dangerous Favourite food: Human Flesh of course! Weakness: Split ends in his Metal-Head; his social insecurities and his emotional vulnerability.
Making cashew mozzarella is crazy simple! Making cheese from cashews, who knew?! I thought making nut butter for the first time was exhilarating; that’s old news. This mozzerala fantastic on pizza, can’t wait to try it in lasagna.
I obtained this recipe off the internet a while ago. Unfortunately, I don’t recall the source. Thank you, to whomever was generous enough to share this recipe.
¼ cup raw cashews, soaked for 1 hour 1 cup hot water 2 T plus 1 t organic tapioca starch 1 organic garlic clove, minced ¾ t sea salt 1 t organic lemon juice
Blend all ingredients together in a food processor until smooth.
Place mixture into a small saucepan and cook over medium heat. Keep stirring the mixture as it cooks. Cook until the cheese becomes really thick, and stretches.
Pizza is one of my favorite foods, but it isn’t exactly health food. Luckily, the eggplant version is low-carb, low-calorie, and essentially guilt-free. If you cook them properly, the texture is pretty close to “real” pizaa, too. They’re also extremely easy to make.
Serving Size: two mini pizzas
Calories (per serving): 29
Carbs (per serving): 6g
Allergy Warning: contains dairy (cheese)
Here’s how to make the pizzas
note: this recipe makes about one to two trays of pizzas, depending on the size of your eggplant
You will need:
One large eggplant
Garlic Powder (optional)
One jar of marinara sauce
At least two cups of mozzarella cheese
1. Preheat the oven to 425 degrees Fahrenheit (which I believe is 218 degrees Celsius, but you may want to double-check my math).
2. Peel your eggplant. Once it’s all naked, slice it as thin or as thick as you like (I recommend about ¼ of an inch thick).
3. Brush the eggplant slices with olive oil, then sprinkle with salt and garlic powder to taste. Flip them over and repeat on the other side.
4. Spread marinara sauce on each slice of eggplant. Once again, you can go as light or as heavy with the sauce as you want.
5. Sprinkle the pizzas with the mozzarella cheese. When you’re done, they should look like this:
6. Put your pizzas in the oven for 15 minutes, or until the cheese is nice and melty and bubbly.
7. Voila! You’re done. You now have plenty of mini pizzas to share with friends and family, or to freeze and keep for when you need a quick snack.
This is a really great recipe for holiday parties where a lot of the guests have eating restrictions (most of my family has Celiac Disease, so I definitely know what that’s like). You could totally dress them up by adding your favorite toppings, if you wanted. And they’re kid approved; I got some of our youngest family members (a couple of whom are known for being picky eaters) to try them out, and they all loved them. Good luck, and Happy Holidays!
Note: I know I promised a makeup tutorial by the end of the year, but I underestimated how busy I would be with all the Christmas festivities, so it may be closer to New Year’s Eve before I’m able to post one. I’ve had to postpone my cosplay plans until after the holidays, but you can expect a couple of different tutorials (and hopefully at least one photoshoot) next month.