pizza frat

Things high school didn’t tell you about college

You will never have any money. Ever.

“I have five dollars…Do I put it towards tuition or do I eat today?”

Meal swipes will actually save your life.

You can have an emotional support animal in your dorm room legally. They cannot refuse you or the animal if you have them registered as an emotional support animal.

W2′s exist. 

Wtf are taxes and how do I do them?

There is a never ending weed smell

“If I go to bed at 3 and get up at 8:30 and the class is 15 minutes away, and I speed walk, I could maybe make it across campus in ten minutes.”

Don’t lie to yourself.

“Pizza again?”

“Pizza again.”

Frat parties can either be fucking great or someone actually died. There is nowhere in-between.

Working your ass off to get scholarships is great and all until suddenly it only pays half and now you work 30+ hours a week to attempt to pay for the other half. (You won’t be able to).

LOANS. Get them. I know they sound sucky and they are but they will help you now.

There will be that asshole down the hall who blasts their music so loud it shakes the building. 

BTW, you need to play music that makes you happy or you will be even more depressed than the sudden realization that you now have to pay for an education on your own.

The realization you’re now legally an adult who has to pay for an education yourself.

Not once have we discussed mitochondria being the powerhouse of the cell. 

Though you hate it, that 9AM class is really important. You need to go.

The university may actually offer free counseling and you need to take advantage of that.

There is an LGBTQ+ center full of people just like you and they are 100% welcoming. Don’t be scared.

Colt 45 by Afroman is played by every male student on campus.

The RA’s are all dank meme shit posts who will care about your problems. Talk to them. 

They, too, hate their fuck boy residents. 

You will acclimate to the insane amount of bogus fire alarms there will be. (I’ve had 24 so far this year) 

Careless Whispers will become your song of choice un-ironically.

You are more likely to buy stickers than food.

You actually forget how to eat because you just don’t. This is phase 2.

Phase one is, in fact, the Freshman 15.

Your GPA is still important. Don’t give up.

You will feel alone and depressed. It’s normal and everyone is feeling it too. Especially if you are moving far away. Call your family or friends from back home. It will help.

There are hundreds of organizations on campus waiting for new members such as yourself. It may be scary, but join them. It will boost your confidence and socialization skills.

There is a local restaurant that turns into a club where you can safely go dancing. 

When out dancing, always go to the bar tender and ask for a drink. 

If you are in danger at a bar, ask for an Angel Shot. This is code for you are in danger and the bar tender will help you out of the situation. Angel Shot Neat will have the bartender escort you out. Angel Shot with ice will order you an Uber or Lyft. Angel Shot with Lime, they will call the police. 

That’s all I can think of right now. Feel free to add to the list. 

SMS ✉ ___.
  • sammie: i can't fucking stand being on greek row
  • sammie: my friend told me she delivered a pizza to a frat house last night and some fucking asshole was yelling at her and whistling at her from his open window?
  • sammie: how gross is that