we’ve been together for seven years, married for two and a half. we’ve had ups and downs, we’ve had times where we feel super close and in love and so on our marriage game, and we’ve had times where we feel distant and so tired of fighting.
we’ve learned that we need to make space for each other to thrive. we need to continue making goals, personally and in our marriage. we’ve got to make our own sacrifices, to help each other with those goals. always working towards something, always moving forward.
we’ve learned that it’s ok to have bad days, it’s ok if every day isn’t a fairy tale, it’s ok to be boring married people. it’s ok to stay home and eat pizza and drink beer and do laundry together and watch Friends on Netflix for two hours before falling asleep. it’s ok to skip the party and use the kid as an excuse. it’s ok if everyday isn’t exciting, because life is hard work and marriage is hard work and parenting is hard work. real life can be mundane and boring and super lame sometimes.
but our love is never mundane, it moves slow and steady and strong. I choose him everyday, and he chooses me. there is always a basic understanding that, no matter how hard it gets, no matter how big the fight, no matter how helpless the situation, we are on the same team and we will work everything out, together, eventually.
so my relationship advice to you is this: find someone who you want to work hard with. someone who you want to work out the big fights with. someone who you can go through the mundane everyday of life with and still be so happy at the end of the day. someone you could be poor with, someone you could figure out money and adult life stuff with. someone who loves your quirks and pushes you towards your goals. someone who balances you out and compliments your strengths and fills in your weaknesses. someone you can always laugh with, someone who eases your mind, someone who keeps you safe. someone who chooses you, and who you want to choose everyday for forever. someone who still excites you even after seven years or twenty years or fifty five years. find that person and you’ll be golden.
One of the biggest, brightest spots of this long, awful week: getting to hang out with Tegan and Sara after their show at the 9:30 Club on Monday.
My friend Renee and I chatted with them for an hour over pizza and beer. We talked about podcasts, Netflix shows, relationships, tattoos, what to do in Washington. It felt just like hanging out with old friends.
“we said we wouldn’t talk about your shitty relationship tonight, didn’t we? just pizza, beer and netflix. ugh, but fine, go ahead.. what happened?” quinn sighed, looking over her shoulder at her friend.