Oh, come on. I mean, am I attracted to her? Sure. Do my days feel better when I'm around her? Yeah. Does she get me in ways no woman ever has? Indubitably. Do I fantasize about her? Yes, but only in two positions. Look, am I the kind of gal who would try to steal someone else's girlfriend? Sure, of course, but do I like her? The answer's no.
Simon gets the surprise of his life when his roommate, Baz, asks him to
pretend to be his boyfriend. Everything is going according to plan until
the line of what’s real and what isn’t starts to blur, and they both
have to make a decision.
According to Baz, all we needed to do to convince everyone was: have lunch together, hold hands, wait for each other after classes and just keep looking at each other. And everyone bought it, just like he said they would.
It’s been a few weeks since this whole fake relationship started, and It’s weird how easy it is, to have him near me all the time, always touching me in some way. Surprisingly I think Baz would be a good boyfriend, if this was real.
We often come to the library together, like today. It’s funny how Penny just bonded with him instantly, will he still be friends with her when this is all over?
Baz starts gathering his things, I know he has violin classes today. “See you later, ” he tells us, and kisses me on the neck before getting up.
From time to time he kisses my cheek, or my neck. I should probably not let him near my neck since he’s a vampire, but he never did bite me in all these years, so I don’t think he’ll do it now.
The first time he did it, I wasn’t expecting it, so I just stared at him until he rolled his eyes. I was never kissed like that, maybe it’s because he’s a boy, or because he doesn’t like me. But it always feels like it means something.
Whenever he does this sort of thing in front of Penny, it makes her happy for some reason. I want to ask her why.
“Stop looking at me like that, it’s embarrassing” I tell her instead.
“What do you mean Simon?” she whispers.
“You know what I mean.. It’s just a kiss” and it’s only on the neck, Baz hasn’t kissed me on my mouth yet, will he do it sometime? Will I let him? Will it be different than the few kisses that I shared with Agatha? Everything else feels different with Baz. I need to stop thinking about this.
“Sorry I can’t help it, I’m just happy that you finally found someone that you actually want to be with.“ she tells me, and I wonder what would she think if I tell her the truth.
It scares me out how easily me and Baz do this, how we fit together and how all of it it’s fake.
It’s after a game, she’s sitting in the gym perched on the end of one of the treadmills. She hadn’t played well. In fact, it may have been one of her worst games since she got called up, since her first in the majors. She’d been able to hold back the tears but she’s sure her eyes are still red and shiny, and if her features convey how drained she feels, she most definitely does not look fine.
Ginny doesn’t know how to talk to him about this. She’d had a pregnancy scare during her second season as the first female major league player in the world; and her captain and catcher would have been the father.
It’s put things in perspective, made the tentative physical relationship her and Mike had struck up blindingly, unavoidably real. They hadn’t used labels, Ginny thought it was easier, but right now, she’s regretting the lack of clarity.
“What happened out there, Baker?” Mike doesn’t sit down, just stays a relative distance from her, arms crossed and worried.
“Just a bad game,” she brings her knees up to her chest and tries to comfort herself, wrapping her arms around her legs and slowing her breathing.
“There are bad games, Baker, and then there’s whatever that was,” he gestures idly in the direction of the field.
She knows she played a horrible game, she also knows she wont be talking to Mike about this anywhere near Petco, so rather than argue with him, or come up with specious excuses, she just lifts herself off the treadmill and turns towards him.
“I’ll get ‘em next time,” she goes to pat him on the shoulder, a friendly teammate gesture, but Mike grabs her hand and keeps her close.
His brow furrows and he drops his hand when she flinches at his touch. Mike is looking more and more concerned and its making the calm she just fought for evaporate. He’s going to push the issue, she just knows it.
“Ginny,” she looks away because the honest sincerity shining through his eyes is doing nothing to make her feel better. He clears his throat and shifts back and forth, “C’mon, rookie, talk to me.”
“Nothing to talk about,” she keeps her face deliberately blank and watches as he squints at her incredulously.
“Well we both know that’s not true, but I guess I’ll drop it for now,” he looks frustrated and she can’t blame him, “do you want to hang out tonight? Get your mind off whatever it is that’s not bothering you?”
He smiles at her, a little sarcastic but warm and inviting.
Considering he is a major part of what’s bothering her, she has no interest. She’s not sure how to say that though, and Mike might realize he’s part of the reason she’s been so off. She wanted to escape this conversation five minutes ago and its gotten to a point where her skin is getting itchy with how uncomfortable she is.
“I’ve got plans with Evelyn, some other time,” she smiles quickly and starts to make her way out of the gym.
“Considering Blip just told me him and Ev are having a date night, I sort of doubt that,” she stops at the doorway and turns to face him.
He looks confused now, maybe a little weary. She’s never lied to him before.
“Why did you just lie to me? What is going on?”
She’s never liked to lie, and getting caught in one is a horrible feeling. Instantly, everything bubbles to the surface and she can’t hold it in any longer, not that she was doing a great job of it before.
“I thought I was pregnant,” her eyes run the length of the gym slowly before she finally looks at him, her stomaching tightening as she braces herself for his reaction.
Mike looks like someone hit him over head, he’s gone stock still and he blinks a few times, mouth hanging partly open as she sees him come to terms with what she just said. His gaze flicks to her stomach quickly before returning to her face. He slowly walks over to her and Ginny curls into herself a little, still braced.
He slowly takes her hand again, this time she lets him. He’s shaking just a little.
“Are you okay?” Is what he finally says, voice low and tender.
She is okay. She’s definitely okay with not being pregnant, she had a minor panic attack when she thought she was, but she handled it well. It all happened so quickly, the span of the morning right before the game, and it just shook her a little, put things in perspective and made her really assess her choices.
The fact that her job comes with a different kind of pressure and expectation than others just enhanced her anxieties, now that the game is over and they have two days off until their next, she’s feeling better. The main area of concern right now is the man holding her hand.
She nods, keeping eye contact.
“I am, I’m okay now. I promise,” her voice is steady and sincere.
“So, you aren’t…” He looks down at her stomach again, swallowing loudly, “you’re sure?” She’s both heartbroken and strangely comforted by the devastation on his face. Not that she was expecting him to be unfeeling, but its nice to know its affecting him as much as its affecting her. Makes her feel less alone, less adrift.
“Very sure,” she nods decisively.
“Do you want to talk about it? It doesn’t have to be now. I’m here, you know that, right?” His voice has maintained the low, tender tone. There is a desperation in how his hands are holding her that makes her clutch him back.
“I know,” and she does know, he’s never given her a reason to doubt him and they’ve always existed on a separate wave length than everyone else; there for each in a permanent, grounding way she hadn’t expected or planned for.
He looks at their hands for a few seconds before he quickly realizes where they are, squeezes once and steps back, looking like he regrets it as soon as he lets go.
“So do you want to hang out tonight? We don’t need to talk more about it, we don’t even have to talk at all. But I understand if you want to be alone,” Mike is being so respectful and kind, she thinks she can taste the gratitude welling up inside her; the feeling loges in her throat and makes her next words come out a little strangled.
He keeps his face as neutral as he can, but his entire body sags with relief. She understands the feeling. Why she didn’t just tell him immediately, she’s doesn’t know anymore. A small voice in the back of her mind whispers “next time you will” and she waits for the fear accompanied with such a loaded thought, but it never comes.
It starts off quite rocky for Beca but there’s a happy ending for our resident badass, don’t worry.
Word Count: 2421
Beca has never been a religious person. In fact, she’s the only one in her family that doesn’t believe in the big guy in the sky. Her father is religious to say the least, Beca has given him the title of ‘Ultimate Bible Basher’. He has never been accepting of her “lifestyle”, he says it’s just a phase. That’s what he said when she first came out to him back in high school. Since that day, it’s just a thing that has been ignored, the big, gay elephant in the room.
Eventually Beca couldn’t take it anymore- the passive aggressiveness, the snide comments, the fact that her own dad acts like she isn’t there, all because of who loves. So, one day Beca finally decided to come out one last time to see if he had changed is opinion. She chose a specific day. The day being when she left for Barden University. She thought “if shit hits the fan worse than before, I don’t have to see him anymore”. That was what she was repeating over in head to keep her from buckling. Her father was a little more less than pleased with what his daughter had confessed, again. That’s why she arrived to Barden in a taxi. She was happier this way. She has always felt alone. She wasn’t really the type to have friends, she tried to stay under the radar.
Even though Beca doesn’t agree with anything her dad has ever said to her about the ‘Homosexual Agenda’ and the fact that she has chosen to be a disgrace to God, it still gets to her. She finds ways of punishing herself for being who she is. She can’t help it, there’s one part of her brain which tells her everything is going to be okay, but another, the most overbearing, tells her that she doesn’t deserve happiness. Most of the time she blocks that voice out, but sometimes she can’t help but believe it. The only way to stop them is by silencing them. *** It was a Thursday morning, the Bellas had their usual rehearsal that started at 8:30 and finished at lunchtime. Beca enjoyed being a part of the acapella group because she actually had some real friends. Beca doesn’t tell anyone her secret because she doesn’t want them to leave her like her one friend did in high school. She knows Cynthia Rose is out, but she can’t seem to follow suit and trust the girls, she knows it will be fine if she does, but Beca is still not okay with it so why would anyone else be.
She definitely wasn’t going to tell Chloe. She doesn’t want to cause awkwardness between them because Chloe is so hands on with her. She’s sure that Chloe’s that way with everyone so she doesn’t want to feel the odd one out. She doesn’t want any of that to change.
The rehearsal goes the same way it usually does. They go through choreography and discuss the competition, the normal stuff. But when they begin dancing, Beca can’t help looking at Chloe when she’s not looking. She tries her hardest to drag her eyes off of her, but Chloe didn’t help the situation by wearing her flattering yoga pants. Chloe knows people stare at her, she likes it. She said to Beca once that she’s “pretty confident about *all this*”.
There’s the voice again
Beca tries her hardest to ignore it but today it’s the loudest it’s been since being back at her dad’s house.
The rehearsal’s finally over. “We should go grab a burger. We’ve definitely earned it” Fat Amy suggests. “We haven’t done anything new today? You sat down for most of it.” Emily chides in. “I was making sure you were doing the right moves Legacy, after all, you did ruin the convention performance with those giraffe legs”. “That was NOT my fault, it was everybody’s. The props were totally unnecessary.”. Amy stands up. “Anyway, I don’t need to justify my need to eat a burger, but just so you all know, I did some vertical running back there and that deserves more than just a burger. I’m letting you off lightly.”. “Fine. Who else is up for something to eat?” All the Bellas but Beca agrees. “Thanks, but I’ve got to work on the set some more.” Beca said half-heartedly, everyone brushed this off as usual Beca behaviour, but not one certain redhead. “More food for me. I’ve got to live up to my name!” Amy cheered. The Bellas went their separate way to Beca. She went back to the house.
Beca finally got to her bedroom, dropped onto her bed, trying to sleep so the voice stops. Sleep wasn’t going to happen, so she decided to take a shower. “This usually works to shut that shithead up”. She gets undressed and stands under the warm water, feeling it roll off her skin, it’s soothing for a while, but the voice comes back.
She’s been here before. The same situation, the same deafening noise. She knows what she has to do to relieve herself of this pain. Beca braces herself as she turns the dial to scorching hot. The steam clouds her vision, she stands under the burning water until she can’t hear the sounds anymore.
She gets out the shower, dries herself off, wraps the towel around her body and goes to her room to get dressed. She thought she was still alone in the Bella house, she was wrong. Chloe had come back because she had begun to worry about her friend that she couldn’t concentrate on her food. Amy was all too happy with her leaving early- “more food for me, thanks Ginger!”.
Chloe was sat on Beca’s bed waiting for her to come out of the bathroom, her face lit up when she saw Beca, but dropped when she saw her back. “Beca what happened?”. “I thought you was all out?”. “I was, but you seemed a bit off balance at practice today. I couldn’t keep my mind off of you, so I came back to check up on you. I’m glad I did, your back looks sore.”. “I’m fine I just had a hot shower.”. “We all have hot showers Becs, but that looks like you showered in hell!”. “I’m fine just let me get dressed…”. Beca goes to grab a flannel out of her closet and reveals old scars on her arm, without knowing, Chloe saw it. “Beca, what happened to your arm?” Chloe asked concerned for her. Beca looked down and realised that she unknowingly had her past on show. “errm, you know, I had a feral cat when I was growing up, and one day it sort of attacked me.” She smiled sheepishly. “Becs” Chloe got up from where she was sat and went over to Beca. “That sounds like a great anecdote, but is that true?”. Chloe cared for Beca, too much in the words of Aubrey, but she didn’t want to hear the answer which she knew was going to come out- “It’s fine I don’t do it anymore” Beca said, not looking at Chloe because she knew she’d feel something she shouldn’t. “Oh, Beca”. Chloe embraced Beca and there they stood, in that position, until Beca felt uncomfortable in just a towel. Chloe stayed with Beca the rest of the day. While Beca worked on her music Chloe was finishing her Russian Lit homework. Chloe kept glancing at Beca, who seemed a lot better than earlier, but she still wanted to stay so she wasn’t alone. She wasn’t going to push her to find out why Beca did this to herself. She wasn’t going to bombard her or bring it up until Beca did. Beca usually came around in her own time and spoke to Chloe. *** The next day Chloe woke to find herself still on Beca’s bed, but with the space next to her empty. She went downstairs to find the usual noise and activities that ensued on a Friday morning- Fat Amy convincing Emily that “the way to a man’s heart is through is liver.” Emily didn’t look convinced. “The men in Little Rock fall head over heels for me when I make my jungle juice”. “It’s because you put a deadly amount of alcohol in it, that even the smell of it makes people drunk!” Beca shouts from the other room. Chloe follows Beca’s voice into the living room where she is sat in her usual position with her laptop on her legs, headphones round her neck; while Flo is listing all the exotic diseases she has had. Beca looks up from her phone and notices Chloe, she quickly puts her headphones on and turns the volume up high. Chloe stops in her tracks and decides to give her some space, she’s paranoid that that’s what Beca is planning on doing, avoiding her.
This same thing happens over the next few days, Beca walking into a room, Chloe being in there, she turning around. Beca eventually decided to stay in her room. Her excuse? “I need to finish the set before Christmas”. Chloe just let Beca wait until she was ready to talk about what happened that day. *** A couple of days before Christmas break, Chloe woke up later than usual. Christmas is a very exciting and tiring time for her, especially when she has to constantly keep making cookies because someone *Fat Amy* keeps eating them. “Everyone is probably out shopping for their Secret Santa.”. She thought to herself. Chloe got hers a few weeks in advance, she made sure she had Beca, like she does every year. She layed in bed for a few minutes, revelling in the emptiness of the Bella house until she heard an unfamiliar voice getting louder. Her eyebrow quirked, she got out from her duvet, wearing her reindeer onesie, and went to the top of the stairs to listen out for anything else.
Beca thought everyone was out of the house, that’s why she agreed to meet her father at the Bella house, because she knew Sheila the Step Monster wouldn’t be there with him. She calls the house a ‘breeding ground for gays’. Her father came to reconcile with her because “after all it is Jesus’ birthday” and he told her that he has found the perfect church going man for his daughter if she agrees to come home and forget all about her “phase”. That was the breaking point for Beca. “For God’s sake dad! This is not a phase! This is who I am, I can’t change that.” She paused, thinking of what to say next. “You either have a gay daughter or no daughter at all. Your choice.”. “If that’s what you have decided then I guess we won’t be seeing you.”. Beca was a little shaken by his answer. She was looking for a little glimmer of hope that she would have a family again. But that wasn’t the case. He reached out his hand to shake hers, she didn’t move, he sighed and went to leave- “Goodbye Rebeca”. The door shut. Beca fell and held herself up on the kitchen island, gasping for air. She began to sob, her head in her hands.
Chloe ran down the stairs as quick as she could, she stopped, she held Beca. Beca didn’t care anymore about people knowing her secret because she has nothing left to lose, she just lost the only family she’s ever had. After Beca’s breathing had finally calmed down, Chloe holding her the entire time. Beca finally spoke. “How much of that did you hear?”. “I heard the tail end of it”. “So, I guess you know what’s wrong with me then” Beca mumbled, sniffling. Chloe made sure she looked her in the eyes, wiping away Beca’s tears. “There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with being who you are, and loving who you love!”. “That’s easy for you to say, you don’t have to deal with people talking about you, calling you names, all because you’re gay…” Beca looked down as she said it. “Why do you say that?”. “Well you’re straight. You’ve been with Tom since I was in Freshman year.”. Chloe began to laugh. “Beca, me and Tom were just shower buddies, and the last time I checked, I am certainly not straight”. Beca looked up so quickly she may have got whiplash. “What? You’re telling me that you aren’t into dudes?”. “Well, I am into men”. Beca almost did an ‘I told you so face’. “But I am also into women.”. Beca’s nose crinkled up. “So you’re telling me that you’re bi?”. “I guess that is what I am doing.”. “Why didn’t you tell me?”. “I thought you already knew, and I’m not really a huge fan of labelling sexuality.”. “How would I already know? You’ve never actually told me.”. “I guess that’s true, but I’m so touchy-feely with you, I thought you would’ve at least wondered.”. “I guess, but I didn’t know that you are into girls too. Did you know that I wasn’t into guys?”. “Oh, come on, it’s not that hard for you. I get that stereotyping is bad and all, but you wear flannel like all the time and-”. “Okay, okay, I get it.” Chloe starts giggling “So I guess that means everyone else knows.”. “Don’t worry about what anyone else thinks. The Bellas are practically all as straight as roundabouts.”. She nudges Beca on the arm. “Jessica and Ashley are basically married, Cynthia Rose is, well, Cynthia Rose, and Stacie and Aubrey are not so secretly getting it on. I guess you’re just blind about anything that’s going on around you.”. “Hey! I am not.”. “If you’re so observant, Miss Mitchell, how have you not noticed that I’ve been flirting with you?”. “What?! Are you being serious?” Chloe nods mischievously “Oh.”. There was a comfortable silence. Beca finally built the courage to ask what she had wanted to ask for a while. “Chloe Beale, will you go on a date with me?”. “Of course!”. “Next week?”. “Sure Becs. What difference will a week make compared to four years?” She smiled, kissed Beca on the cheek and slapped her ass as she skipped upstairs to get changed. Beca mentally kicked herself ‘Four years. She’s been flirting with you for four years you dumbass…’.