pirates swoop

The Tamora Pierce Ladies When You Piss Them Off
  • Alanna of Pirate's Swoop and Olau: MEET ME IN THE GODDAMN PIT, BITCH. SQUARE THE FUCK UP, WE GOING!!! *unsheaths sword and proceeds to kick your ass*
  • Keladry of Mindalen: *Will kick your ass with a stony expression... if you're even worth the trouble to her*
  • Daine the Wildmage: Excuse me while I ressurect zombie dinosaurs to wreck your shit and also ally myself with every cat, rat, and dog in the city so that you are powerless against me... and did I mention I am a hyena in this scenario?
Tortallan heroines sorted into hogwarts houses

Alanna is clearly a gryffindor. Brave, idealistic, fond of slaying literal and/or metaphorical monsters.

Daine is a ravenclaw. Curious, intellectually hungry, once stopped her heartbeat to listen to whales.

Kel is a hufflepuff. Loyal, hardworking, pragmatic. Mildly baffled when she gets recognition for doing something she considers her job.

Aly is a slytherin. Sly, clever, would never do something the normal way when she can do it a better way.

Beka is a little harder to pin down, but I think she’s a gryffindor at heart with hufflepuff methodology. She would like to be able to slay the world’s evils in one fell swoop, but knows she can’t. Instead she does her best to stop the small ones.

Hero’s Rest

AN: The dog’s name is not my favorite, it’s canon in Wild Magic. Hopefully y’all like this fic, I started it a few years ago and only finally got around to finishing it. Sorry if it’s a bummer…


It was impossible for Raoul not to smile on a beautiful spring day like this. Even Alanna’s grumbling couldn’t keep him from good cheer as he stoked the fire.

“Thom! You and Gimpy need to stay close to the Own! I won’t tell you again,” she called to her seven-year-old son.

Raoul rolled his eyes.  As far as he could tell the statement, “I won’t tell you again,” was completely devoid of meaning, as she had already told the boy this information a good five times just this afternoon.

“Oh cheer up, he’s fine. We’re only a day out from the Swoop, and we’ve yet to see any evidence of banditry. Go on Thom, go explore.” Thom smiled gratefully at him, before turning to his faithful hound and whooping. “Come on Gimpy! Let’s go build a fort!”

The icy look Alanna fixed him, however, made Raoul immediately regret saying anything.

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The Honeymoon

Rating: T

Summary:  With the Black Fairy defeated and the Final Battle won, Emma and Killian are able to focus on the important things—like their honeymoon.  Thanks to a souvenir from the latest curse, Killian comes up with a way to give Emma the wedding trip of their dreams.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

“An ending isn’t happiness,” Snow said, eyes shining with hope and joy, “being together is.”

Emma’s heart turned over as she hugged Killian, her husband to her with one arm and held Henry’s hand with the other.  They’d done it.  They’d defeated the Black Fairy.  They’d won the final battle.  

And she was still alive—she and all her loved ones.  No more fear hanging over them, no more prophecies of doom and death, no more evil to defeat.  Just peace and happiness and love.

It was like waking up to bright sunshine after the worst nightmare of her life.  The after effects of pain and fear were there, but far more substantial was the relief.  Emma felt the tears gather at the back of her eyes as the adrenaline began to wear off and the emotion took its place.

Killian gave her a tender, knowing look.  He understood; he always understood.

“Well it has been a thrilling day as always,” he said with a cocky grin, “but I do believe my lovely bride and myself are owed a wedding night, and since we were forced to spend the actual night of our nuptials in separate realms, tonight is a more than adequate substitute.”

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  • Dove: Aly, for god’s sakes –
  • Aly: No Dove, please I beg of you, will you just shut your beautiful pie hole. Just sit there, let me stare at you, while you silently support me on this game plan.
  • Dove: Aly –
  • Aly: Shhhhh, Dove, your quiet support means the world to me, as well as your tacit endorsement of all my behaviors.

Why aren’t more books being turned into TV shows? Just look at how well Game of Thrones and True Blood and Sherlock Holmes adaptations are doing to see how successful that idea would be. Part of the problem with movies is that directors and producers want to put a different spin on the character, but there isn’t enough time so they put in their own lines and spin (DID YOU PUT YOUR NAME THE GOBLET rings a bell), but take out way too many of the character’s trait and end up ruining that character. This is also known as the Ginny Weasley effect.

Please give us the Harry Potter TV show where every character just wants an education but the Golden Trio keeps fucking shit up. Or, give us the next generation, the people who have to go back to Hogwarts after the Last Battle, the children who aren’t really children anymore, who’s scars are shown on their bodies and in their minds and now that they have their school back and struggle with normal everyday teenage issues like getting good grades and crushes and overbearing parents, but also recovering from an entire year fighting a guerrilla war against the Carrows and years of the terror of Voldemort looming over their head.

Give us the Pevensies ruling Narnia after 100 years of neglect and trying to turn the nation into something hospitable even though the oldest boy is only 14 years old and somehow they are expected to heal the damage the White Witch has wrought. Show them finding out Narnia is not alone, there are other nations out there and some are friendly. Some are not. Peter may be High King but the other 3 are still his Co-Rulers, and think of how much they argued in the books. That wouldn’t just magically disappear over time. It would probably increase if anything, the best way to govern, how to collect taxes, dealing with diplomatic and military affairs, and the list goes on and on. Just remember, Lucy wasn’t even ten when the series started. There’s also the matter of growing up and hormones and having crushes but still being rulers of an entire nation. I want to know how exactly the Golden Years of Narnia started.

Give us the Percy Jackson series and how campers have to deal with a new parent and new family and how their lives are upended and now they no longer know who is friend and foe but they still have to learn to trust someone. In the summer they might be around people who understand what they are going through but not in the school year, unless they are a year-rounder. Now that the two Big Prophecies are over, teenagers are going on more and more quests and some won’t make it home and they’re just kids, how do they deal with that? Show us half-bloods that may have the blood of Apollo running in their veins but they can’t sing for shit but they are really good at creating weapons or a child of Hermes who is one of the most genuine and honest beings at Camp Half-Blood because children don’t always end up like their parents. 

Give us Tamora Pierce and girls and boys in training to be mages or knights or Dogs all in one City in a medieval time period, or even a modern one. Or instead of Torall there’s Emelan, and show us stories of teenage ambient mages from Lightsbridge and Winding Circle basically going to a college for learning magic. Just think of all the TV shows focused on colleges and high schools and add magic. This certainly sounds fun to me. What about you? Or show us all of Alanna’s or Kel’s training. There was so much glossed over because there just wasn’t enough time to show everything. 4 years training as a page, another 4 as a squire for both. Alanna, who had to deal with all the pressures of knighthood and adolescence while disguised as another gender and the subsequent reveal. And then there’s Kel, who had to deal with years of hazing and prejudice for going after her dream just because she was a girl. If you think those issues wouldn’t strike a cord with some people then you are wrong.

Please start making them into TV shows, because I don’t just want my characters to have a few minutes of screen time. I want them to grow and develop and have a life of their own, but so often in movies they become unrecognizable in a matter of a few minutes and by the end of the process they are almost unrecognizable.

So give us TV shows instead, because I want to see how the other half lives, and so do millions of other people. And you can’t fully grasp that through movies.

AU where Thom survived Lioness Rampant:

He leaves Court for many years, back to Trebond and the City of the Gods to hide away and heal, build his magic up pure violet again. Even when he’s well again, he rarely stays more than a few nights in Corus - too many memories.

He does visit Pirate’s Swoop, though. Alanna is startled to hear him laugh with baby Liam (why name her firstborn after her brother when he’s already there?) She isn’t sure he’s laughed that freely since they were children themselves.

Alanna is hesitant, at first, about bring Arram - er, Numair - to Trebond, because no one knows better than her that it’s impossible to predict how mages will get along. They’re much worse than cats. At first her fears seem confirmed; both men are far too used to being the most powerful mage in the room, and it’s hard to imagine a tenser, more stilted conversation. Then Numair longingly mentions a rare book he wishes he’d never left in Carthak, and Thom’s eyes light up as he practically drags the other mage into what used to Lord Alan’s library, since much-expanded. Half an hour later, Alanna wanders off to find more food; neither man notices.

Over the years, Numair and Thom alternate between week-long magic!nerd sessions where they lock themselves in the library and occasionally remember to eat and months of haughtily refusing to speak to one another, generally over the disputation of some esoteric principle of transmogrification. There is no middle ground. 

One time they both got drunk and changed the northern coastline a little a lot enough that it took them three (sober) weeks to figure out how to reverse it.

Thom doesn’t like to get involved in the affairs of the kingdom. Of course he participates in wars - as if he’s going to let Alanna go into battle without backup! - but otherwise, he stays home. He never loses his drive to be famous though, to be the best, so he turns his magic to inventing. That lives on beyond his lifetime, and gives him to change to show off his cleverness. The globes at Carthak University that light when you clap aren’t his, but they give him the idea for automatic scrying mirrors, which can be used even the Giftless. Just breath on the surface and say the name of the person you wish to contact, and their own mirror (they have to have one with the same spell) will light up and grow warm to alert them. Smaller mirrors only do voice, not image, but suddenly Tortall has something that looks a lot like the modern cell phone.

George is the only one who works harder than Thom at finding Aly. They go to the Copper Isles together, and when Kyprioth turns up, Thom nearly blasts him.

I’ll just leave you with a mental image of the best thing we never got: Thom and Alanna back to back; her in golden armor, sword slicing through the surrounding enemies; him in a black robe, hands raised, firing amethyst lighting bolts; both surrounded by a nimbus of purple fire, matching orange hair almost ablaze with it.