pirates swoop

The Tamora Pierce Ladies When You Piss Them Off
  • Alanna of Pirate's Swoop and Olau: MEET ME IN THE GODDAMN PIT, BITCH. SQUARE THE FUCK UP, WE GOING!!! *unsheaths sword and proceeds to kick your ass*
  • Keladry of Mindalen: *Will kick your ass with a stony expression... if you're even worth the trouble to her*
  • Daine the Wildmage: Excuse me while I ressurect zombie dinosaurs to wreck your shit and also ally myself with every cat, rat, and dog in the city so that you are powerless against me... and did I mention I am a hyena in this scenario?
Tortallan heroines sorted into hogwarts houses

Alanna is clearly a gryffindor. Brave, idealistic, fond of slaying literal and/or metaphorical monsters.

Daine is a ravenclaw. Curious, intellectually hungry, once stopped her heartbeat to listen to whales.

Kel is a hufflepuff. Loyal, hardworking, pragmatic. Mildly baffled when she gets recognition for doing something she considers her job.

Aly is a slytherin. Sly, clever, would never do something the normal way when she can do it a better way.

Beka is a little harder to pin down, but I think she’s a gryffindor at heart with hufflepuff methodology. She would like to be able to slay the world’s evils in one fell swoop, but knows she can’t. Instead she does her best to stop the small ones.

Facts About Aly, Thom, and Alan (and a bit of Neal)
  • Thom was a really chubby baby, like just the fattest cheeks topped by a mop of red curls. V adorable. Alanna found his chunk reassuring, because of how much she struggled with breastfeeding (according to Tammy). She was really afraid that she wasn’t doing it right, but seeing that Thom was so healthy calmed her down. He was also a very quiet, giggly baby, easy to take places. He would cry and cry when separated from his parents, so Alanna and George did a lot of baby wearing. When Thom grew into adulthood he took after George physically, very tall and broad shouldered, although since he is an academic type he’s not muscled like George.
  • The twins were born a bit early, and were a little undersized. For the first few weeks they required constant, round the clock care (necessitating that wet nurse Aly mentions having). Aly and Alan liked being together best, and hated being restrained, so Alanna and George had to completely re-think their baby-calming strategies. They were the kind of toddlers that absolutely had to be occupied at all times. Alanna and George got good at carrying on conversations while simultaneously tickling a baby with one hand and playing peekaboo with the other. George and Alanna obviously love their children but…the twins were a big reason why they decided three was plenty.
  • Alanna is like 99% happy her children are tall and healthy, 1% pissed that she’s so much shorter than everyone she knows, including people she literally created. “Why did shortness happen to literally only me? EVEN MY TWIN BROTHER WAS TALLER THAN ME!!”
  • It’s common knowledge in the family (including adoptive family) that when Aly, Alan, and Thom are all together…the whole is decidedly lesser than the sum of their parts. Like, they are such smart and capable kids, but they get into the absolute dumbest shenanigans when all together. The, “I can’t believe we survived, also there may have been a lot of property damage involved, so sorry” type shenanigans. Just two siblings together can be destructive, but usually in a much smaller and more controllable way. It’s like they are the kids from Captain Planet, but what they summon when all together are horrible choices and bad judgement.
  • Thom convinces himself to go along with these schemes because he needs to “watch” his little siblings, Aly likes to think she’s the brains and she needs to go along to control it, and Alan just straight up likes adventure and mayhem.
  • The Pirate’s Swoop kids have absolutely involved their royal cousins in these shenanigans, and have nearly gotten them into serious diplomatic trouble at least twice (but they did a decent cover up job, so parents don’t know about that part). Jon and Thayet slightly look the other way because they know their kids have an incredibly restrictive life, and their cousins are a small reprieve from that.
  • Thom is supposed to be the sensible one, but clearly he’s always getting dragged into the mess Aly and Alan have made. Thom is also usually the one left holding the bag, but George has caught on to this fact so when he walks in on Thom neck deep in trouble his first question is always, “Where are your siblings?”
  • Alan and Thom recognize Aly’s tricks more than she realizes (Alan is the best at seeing through her, just as Aly sees through him easily). It’s just that they know that going along with Aly’s manipulations is easier than not, plus it will always yield more interesting results than not getting involved.
  • Aly, Alan, and Thom are all fiercely protective of each other. They’re the siblings that get in fights and are mean to each other plenty, but as soon as some outsider looks sideways at one of them IT IS ON. This is because they love each other, of course, but also because they’re all too used to hearing shit from other nobles about their parents (particularly Alanna). Each sibling sees his or herself as having thick skin, but his/her siblings as being sensitive. Insults to yourself are met with witty retorts and comeback (or just ignoring them), insults to a sibling are met with an ass kicking.
  • They are also champion bickerers. How could they not be? The three of them have had petty arguments going strong for years. Like Aly comes home from the Copper Isles, all of the siblings are full adults, and then somehow the conversation ends up on “Whose Fault Was It Really That We Broke Grandma Eleni’s Vase Fifteen Years Ago?” and all hell breaks loose. This is a form of love though, make no mistake.
  • When Neal arrived at Pirate’s Swoop it took less than a week for Aly to manipulate him into getting involved in one of their shenanigans. He’s saved all their collective asses many times, all four of them turning to each other and saying, “So we’re not going to tell Ma/your mother about this, right?” The kids love Neal, and he enjoys them back, even when he pretends to be irritated/exhausted by them. He and Aly trade wits, and he was a great mentor to both Thom and Alan about university and knighthood respectively. Alanna is very grateful to him for that, even if she doesn’t show it easily.
  • Although I’ve always figured Neal and Alanna would eventually get on pretty well. She likes smartasses, she’s one and all her friends were as well. And I doubt she would have shown Neal any of George’s secrets (like the crossing into Scanra) if she didn’t trust him, or that he would be quoting Alanna back at her if he didn’t like her (that scene in Lady Knight: “’Good Question,’ Lady Alanna said…She and Neal chorused, ‘Next question.’” p.47). But I would also imagine it would be awkward for Neal to gush to Kel about how great Alanna is (and Neal’s not a gusher anyway), so I always figured his complaints about Alanna in Squire should be taken with a grain of salt. I bet he and Alanna may have had a difficult time at first, but then they would come to an understanding. I bet they occasionally would blow up at each other, but then one of them would say some snarky thing and they’d both start laughing and it’d mostly blow over (although I’m sure more than a few dust ups lingered on). I think he would have fit into the Pirate’s Swoop family really well, well enough that he checks up on Thom at school and Alan at the palace when he can.
I’m sorry,” she said humbly. “I haven’t wanted to lie to you.”
“I should hope so. You’re the worst liar I’ve ever met.” He thought about it for a moment, then added, “–or the best. Now I’m all confused.
—  Tamara Pierce, Alanna: The First Adventure

And the other option for a world in which Kel “fails” her probationary year, of course, is that the very moment Wyldon expels Keladry, Alanna gallops into the scene, grabs Kel by the collar of her page uniform, tosses her on the back of her horse, and thunders off into the sunset, shouting, “If you won’t teach her then I goddamn will.”

And Kel and Alanna travel the world, saving people in distress and adopting stray dogs and slaying legendary monsters and sending useful intel home to George.

They sail to the Yamani Islands to meet up with Kel’s family, and to Pirate’s Swoop to see Alanna’s kids, and they refuse to set foot in the Tortallan capital again until both Jon and Wyldon write formal letters of apology (they don’t, but Thayet sends Alanna earrings and toys for the kids). They see a lot of the backwoods of Tortall, though, and hang out with Raoul and Buri, because there is always evil that needs killing and people who need defending.

They show up on the front during the war with Scanra. When Kel goes after the refugees, into Scanran territory, it is not the first time she has been there. She is defying no orders, and she has the Lioness at her back. She has always had the Lioness at her back. She has walked the realm– and its neighbors, in the years that Alanna had been angrier or twitchier. She has made her own nightmares and she has lived through them.

She has a shield. She painted it herself, gave it to herself years into this life, high in a rock quarry in Maren while Alanna snored beside her– paired blue and cream rings– a distaff border, the mark of a lady knight.

  • Dove: Aly, for god’s sakes –
  • Aly: No Dove, please I beg of you, will you just shut your beautiful pie hole. Just sit there, let me stare at you, while you silently support me on this game plan.
  • Dove: Aly –
  • Aly: Shhhhh, Dove, your quiet support means the world to me, as well as your tacit endorsement of all my behaviors.
All The Teasing

A/N: i don’t do smut, so don’t ask || enjoy ♥

Fandom: Disney Descendants

Boy: Harry Hook

Word Count: 1,688

Warning(s): Fluff

‘’Don’t you remember?’’

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Why aren’t more books being turned into TV shows? Just look at how well Game of Thrones and True Blood and Sherlock Holmes adaptations are doing to see how successful that idea would be. Part of the problem with movies is that directors and producers want to put a different spin on the character, but there isn’t enough time so they put in their own lines and spin (DID YOU PUT YOUR NAME THE GOBLET rings a bell), but take out way too many of the character’s trait and end up ruining that character. This is also known as the Ginny Weasley effect.

Please give us the Harry Potter TV show where every character just wants an education but the Golden Trio keeps fucking shit up. Or, give us the next generation, the people who have to go back to Hogwarts after the Last Battle, the children who aren’t really children anymore, who’s scars are shown on their bodies and in their minds and now that they have their school back and struggle with normal everyday teenage issues like getting good grades and crushes and overbearing parents, but also recovering from an entire year fighting a guerrilla war against the Carrows and years of the terror of Voldemort looming over their head.

Give us the Pevensies ruling Narnia after 100 years of neglect and trying to turn the nation into something hospitable even though the oldest boy is only 14 years old and somehow they are expected to heal the damage the White Witch has wrought. Show them finding out Narnia is not alone, there are other nations out there and some are friendly. Some are not. Peter may be High King but the other 3 are still his Co-Rulers, and think of how much they argued in the books. That wouldn’t just magically disappear over time. It would probably increase if anything, the best way to govern, how to collect taxes, dealing with diplomatic and military affairs, and the list goes on and on. Just remember, Lucy wasn’t even ten when the series started. There’s also the matter of growing up and hormones and having crushes but still being rulers of an entire nation. I want to know how exactly the Golden Years of Narnia started.

Give us the Percy Jackson series and how campers have to deal with a new parent and new family and how their lives are upended and now they no longer know who is friend and foe but they still have to learn to trust someone. In the summer they might be around people who understand what they are going through but not in the school year, unless they are a year-rounder. Now that the two Big Prophecies are over, teenagers are going on more and more quests and some won’t make it home and they’re just kids, how do they deal with that? Show us half-bloods that may have the blood of Apollo running in their veins but they can’t sing for shit but they are really good at creating weapons or a child of Hermes who is one of the most genuine and honest beings at Camp Half-Blood because children don’t always end up like their parents. 

Give us Tamora Pierce and girls and boys in training to be mages or knights or Dogs all in one City in a medieval time period, or even a modern one. Or instead of Torall there’s Emelan, and show us stories of teenage ambient mages from Lightsbridge and Winding Circle basically going to a college for learning magic. Just think of all the TV shows focused on colleges and high schools and add magic. This certainly sounds fun to me. What about you? Or show us all of Alanna’s or Kel’s training. There was so much glossed over because there just wasn’t enough time to show everything. 4 years training as a page, another 4 as a squire for both. Alanna, who had to deal with all the pressures of knighthood and adolescence while disguised as another gender and the subsequent reveal. And then there’s Kel, who had to deal with years of hazing and prejudice for going after her dream just because she was a girl. If you think those issues wouldn’t strike a cord with some people then you are wrong.

Please start making them into TV shows, because I don’t just want my characters to have a few minutes of screen time. I want them to grow and develop and have a life of their own, but so often in movies they become unrecognizable in a matter of a few minutes and by the end of the process they are almost unrecognizable.

So give us TV shows instead, because I want to see how the other half lives, and so do millions of other people. And you can’t fully grasp that through movies.

The Honeymoon

Rating: T

Summary:  With the Black Fairy defeated and the Final Battle won, Emma and Killian are able to focus on the important things—like their honeymoon.  Thanks to a souvenir from the latest curse, Killian comes up with a way to give Emma the wedding trip of their dreams.


“An ending isn’t happiness,” Snow said, eyes shining with hope and joy, “being together is.”

Emma’s heart turned over as she hugged Killian, her husband to her with one arm and held Henry’s hand with the other.  They’d done it.  They’d defeated the Black Fairy.  They’d won the final battle.  

And she was still alive—she and all her loved ones.  No more fear hanging over them, no more prophecies of doom and death, no more evil to defeat.  Just peace and happiness and love.

It was like waking up to bright sunshine after the worst nightmare of her life.  The after effects of pain and fear were there, but far more substantial was the relief.  Emma felt the tears gather at the back of her eyes as the adrenaline began to wear off and the emotion took its place.

Killian gave her a tender, knowing look.  He understood; he always understood.

“Well it has been a thrilling day as always,” he said with a cocky grin, “but I do believe my lovely bride and myself are owed a wedding night, and since we were forced to spend the actual night of our nuptials in separate realms, tonight is a more than adequate substitute.”

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