pirates of the caribbean parody

If Salazar and his men could go on land and stalk people through tall grass, I can picture David Attenborough narrating the scene:

“Here we have a young male Pirate that has gotten separated from his crew on land. Without numbers on his side, he is far more vulnerable. As the heat of the day intensifies, his search for water becomes increasingly desperate.”

*Camera pans to the young Pirate, venturing around the overgrown ruins of an old house and stumbling upon a well*

“It would seem his luck has improved…..unfortunately for him, the brush provides ideal cover for the Dead.”

*Camera focuses in on some foliage, and the grinning face of Moss can be seen*

“They have finally found their prey.”

*Santos, Magda, and Lesaro twitch with anticipation, eyes glowing*

“And the leader of this pack, is non other than Captain Armando Salazar himself. A man who is feared by not just pirates, but everyone else as well. He quietly instructs his officers to begin flanking the wayward plunderer.”

*Camera focuses on Salazar, his grim determination turning into a horrifying smile as he motions for his men to charge*

“With terrifying speed, they burst from the brush, taking the Pirate by surprise; though the poor fellow does make a desperate attempt to flee.”

*Pirate screaming and flailing as he trips and takes a tumble down a hill*

“He is doomed. And the Dead can now claim another prize.”

*Pirate is stabbed and torn apart, Salazar holding the man’s severed head high and shouting in triumph*

“The way of nature. Keeping things balanced.”

*Salazar has turned his attention to David Attenborough and the film crew, and is pointing and shouting in Spanish as his men whip around like wolves and start to charge*

There are some days when you wonder why you keep going, honestly…

…and then you spend a few hours watching @thehillywoodshow


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…a little… 

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[I haven’t even got all of their incredibleness here, just PLEASE! Click on the links above the gifs, and follow and love @thehillywoodshow for all their amazing parodies!!!] 


On a distant island, Captain Bam Barbossa and his crew are looking for a great treasure, but they need the help of the eccentric Captain Matt Sparrow to find it.
Will he help or take away all the booty?

Video: Discovery
Music: Pirates of the Caribbean by Hans Zimmer

So what if the Silent Mary crew ended up in the modern era (whether through wandering the seas for over 200 years or getting caught in a time warp)? I’d have a feeling that if they ended up near the US, there would be mass panic followed by the Emergency Alert System broadcasting a Civil Emergency Message that would go something like this:

This message is transmitted at the request of the United States Department of Defense. Numerous reports are coming in from across the Coastal United States describing the widespread destruction of several vessels by what appears to have been a large, heavily damaged, 18th-century warship.

It has also been reported that the people on board of these vessels were attacked by several individuals originating from this warship. These individuals are all described to be Hispanic males ranging from 40 to 50 years of age, with pale, cracked skin and dark yellow eyes, wearing 18th-century naval uniforms, and many having various missing body parts. These individuals are capable of walking on the water’s surface, and appear to be invulnerable to physical harm. However, they do not seem to be capable of walking on land.

Due to the extremely high threat that this warship and these individuals pose, the United States Coast Guard has elevated the maritime alert level to MARSEC 3. It is requested that all residents of the Coastal United States evacuate away from these areas. Water transportation is prohibited during this emergency, except for military use. If you are currently at sea, return to the nearest port as soon as possible. If you see this warship or any of these individuals, contact civil defense authorities immediately. Do not attempt to engage these individuals, as it may lead to serious injury or death.

Please stay tuned for further updates.

Oh boi, that’s be scary as hell.