pirate jokes

Welcome aboard - Part 1

(Sirius: the phenomenal @softsiriusblack)

“Find him!”

“He went that way!”

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“Where did he go?!”

“No, that way, over there!”

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Keep reading

The Main 6 and Slang They Would Use

Portia

  • Y E E T
  • Bruh
  • Bet
  • Shook/shooketh
  • Boi (regardless of gender identity)
  • Knows all the dirtiest, filthiest pirate slang and enjoys the shade of red your face turns when she’s got you under one arm and a pint of ale in the other, telling you all the most outrageously trashy pirate gutter jokes she can remember.
  • Enjoys “dummy thicc.”

Nadia

  • Have you met her?
  • Highly articulate and eloquent, schooled in all the nuances of proper deportment, a strict grammarian, could deliver a Julius Caesar-style oration in her sleep.
  • In private, mutters “fuck” to herself very gently when she’s frustrated.
  • Sounds like a 3000-year-old vampire when trying to copy Portia’s slang, ex: “Perhaps we should, how would you say? ‘Yeet’ (hard emphasis on the ‘t’) out of the premises?”, “I am, as my dearest Portia would say, absolutely shook. Simply shook, Valerius. Not one soul in all of Vesuvia would be as shook as I am in this moment.”

Muriel

  • Oi
  • As in, “Oi, the fuck?”
  • Uh
  • Uhm
  • Ehrm
  • Hrrmmm
  • Errrr
  • NOPE. NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPE.
  • Everyone knows he is wild mountain boi. What you may not know is, while he’s not exactly Snow White, he can mimic the screeches of foxes, the chirping of birds, the baying of wolves, and the chittering of squirrels. You might get the impression that he’s more fluent in their languages than his own.
  • Won’t interact with snakes, those fuckers can leave him alone.

Julian

  • Uses your dad’s slang, sounds like your dad using your slang.
  • “Well, I’ll be…”
  • “Hooplah.”
  • He’s traveled the world, and we are all familiar with his use of “En garde!” but did you know that he will use Nevonese slang when particularly frustrated or otherwise flustered?
  • Will pepper his language with various bits of slang and vernacular he’s picked up from other lands when he gets excited or really into a story he’s telling. It will sound like nonsense.
  • “So, I had that blade between my teeth and climbed the mast -like so- and would you believe that sling-necked scrogg had his uppers so wonked, he damn near cracked the bacon and flew ass-over-garters back off the bow, what a tanty.”
  • Knows all the pirate slang. Gets a little rowdy after a few too many salty bitters (a favorite among pirates, that’s why he has such a taste for it) and come on hot and heavy with the pirate slang.
  • Will end a particularly intense market stall haggle with, “… savvy?”

Asra

  • You’ve heard of slang from other lands, but have you heard slang from other realms?
  • From inhuman gargles and croaks to delicate squeaks and chittering, if you ask him to speak of what he’s learned and heard from other realities in the realms of his dreaming, he is an open book; a book whose author is on peyote.
  • I headcanon Asra as Lisa Frank serving Dumbledore realness, so it would not surprise me if he knows how to speak the language of the mermaids, and probably Goddamn dolphins.
  • Asra is swimming in an ocean, a friendly dolphin swims over to say hi, they trade “EeEeEEeEeEEeeeeEEEeee” back and forth until he bursts into uncontrollable laughter at a joke that only they understand.
  • Will use entirely unrelated words in conversation as slang because his particular blend of spiritual awareness probably gives him synesthesia.
  • “Oh, I don’t know about that song, it’s a little squishy.”
  • “That painting is hungry.”
  • “This soup smells so pointy!”
  • “Aaaaaay, lmao.”

Lucio

  • Bitch. Bitch. BITCH. Oh, Bitch! …ᵇᶦᵗᶜʰ
  • “Read you to FILTH.“
  • “Is that a read?”
  • Busted-ass _____.
  • “Feeling the fantasy.”
  • “Bitch, I am GAGGING.”
  • “Glowing for the Gods.”
  • Drag slang for days, peppered with bits of “proper” language he learned from Nadia and his court, but if you don’t think he had ki kis with Valerius…

i don’t know why people make robin a housewife and franky a bumbling dad in modern aus WHEN OBVIOUSLY robin is a world renowned indiana jones style archaeologist on the run from her shady past who, on her journeys, meets franky, a quirky mechanic and small time gang leader. they fall in love and when they eventually decide to start a family, she retires and becomes a college professor and the main breadwinner (though she always make time for her family) while franky sets up a small mechanic business out of home so he can do what he loves while watching the kiddos. they decide to adopt (cuz they both know what that’s like) and the first they adopt is luffy, who finds them a bunch of other lonely kids to take in (and one bonus marine biologist who becomes honorary uncle and always brings them gifts from his travels)

(and brook is an old friend of robin who plays at her favorite bar and he helped her and franky get together and he’s technically the first one they adopted into their weird family and he always plays lullaby for the kids (even the older ones who claim they dont need them) and helps frobin parent them)

Look at this cute cut scene with my adorable wife
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First of all, let’s take a moment to appreciate how cute she is in the front facing portrait <3

Then she says she wants to redesign our bedroom and asks what style I want and… oaisdhfkje SHE KNOWS MY PIRATE LOVING ASS SO WELL

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She knows I’m pirate obsessed and doesn’t even care. I love her so much right now…

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LOOK AT OUR PIRATE ROOM!! GAH!!!!! I LOVE IT SO MUCH. I HAVE THE BEST VIRTUAL WIFE IN THE WORLD!