pirate jokes

The most successful pirate in history was a Chinese prostitute. Cheng I Sao had an unbeatable fleet with 80,000 sailors, which was bigger than most countries’ navies, and the government eventually had to give up and offer her a truce. She retired with her loot, opened a gambling house, and later died, peacefully, a 69-year-old grandmother. Source Source 2 Source 3

“You poke around the internet and you find out that Jonathan Dancy, who is Hugh Dancy’s dad, is a famous philosopher in the U.K.,” Schur said. “And he popularized this thing called ‘moral particularism’ which is this world view that says there are no absolutes, no moral rules, no laws — you have to sort of evaluate the morality of each particular situation you’re in at a given time.”

It seemed like the perfect fix, except for one problem: “I was reading about moral particularism [and it’s] very hard — the headline is great and easy to understand, but I bought [Jonathan Dancy’s] book and I read four pages and didn’t understand a word.”

So how does Schur find someone to explain moral particularism to him in laymen’s terms? Go to the source — well, kind of.

“Hugh Dancy, as you may know, is married to Claire Danes — an American film and television actress — and my wife, who’s also a writer, was developing a TV show with Claire Danes,” Schur said. “Claire Danes had a birthday party and Hugh Dancy was there, and I said, ‘Hey, can I ask you some questions about your dad?’ And he explained some moral particularism to me pretty well, and then we wrote it into the show.”

Source: http://www.indiewire.com/2018/06/good-place-season-2-joke-pirates-of-the-caribbean-1201976826/

father's day: straw hat crew edition
  • luffy: ive never met my dad but apparently he's the baddest bitch this world has seen
  • zoro: what's a dad
  • nami: my dad's dead
  • usopp: my dad is a great warrior of the sea who so happens to work alongside the great red-haired shanks
  • sanji: *looks into the camera like he's on the office*
  • chopper: my dad thought i was an abomination
  • robin: my dad's either in the ground or walking upon it who even knows anymore
  • franky: my dad abandoned me
  • brook: my dad's dead and so am i yoHOohOHOHOHO
  • ace: dont u dare say the d-word around me i will mess u up
  • sabo: my dad looked like a donkey's ass and acted like one so i ran away
Dad Jokes
  • At breakfast...
  • Whitebeard: I won't eat the sushi if I were you.
  • Ace: Why?
  • Whitebeard: It's fishy.
  • Thatch: *groans* Pops! It's too early in the morning for dad jokes!
  • Ace: *looks at Marco while pointing in WB's direction* Did he just...?
  • Marco: *nods grimly* The only downside of being our crew: you need to stomach dad jokes.
  • Ace: *grins widely* Hey, Pops. Wanna hear a construction joke?
  • Whitebeard: *raises an eyebrow questioningly*
  • Ace: I'm working on it.
  • A beat of silence...
  • Whitebeard: GURARARA!
  • Marco: *facepalms* Great. Now there are two of them.
  • Thatch: Kill me now. Just kill me now.

i don’t know why people make robin a housewife and franky a bumbling dad in modern aus WHEN OBVIOUSLY robin is a world renowned indiana jones style archaeologist on the run from her shady past who, on her journeys, meets franky, a quirky mechanic and small time gang leader. they fall in love and when they eventually decide to start a family, she retires and becomes a college professor and the main breadwinner (though she always make time for her family) while franky sets up a small mechanic business out of home so he can do what he loves while watching the kiddos. they decide to adopt (cuz they both know what that’s like) and the first they adopt is luffy, who finds them a bunch of other lonely kids to take in (and one bonus marine biologist who becomes honorary uncle and always brings them gifts from his travels)

(and brook is an old friend of robin who plays at her favorite bar and he helped her and franky get together and he’s technically the first one they adopted into their weird family and he always plays lullaby for the kids (even the older ones who claim they dont need them) and helps frobin parent them)