pirate dash

2

Seriously though, what a fantastic science fiction movie!

I’m impressed in every single imaginable way with this film. I mean, it does have a very basic story and it follows it almost like a connect-the-dots painting, but it does it so well!

The acting is fantastic, especially from Alec Guinness as Obi Wan Kenobi. The heroes are all likeable and worth rooting for. The bad guys are evil but fun at the same time (that Darth Vader guy, what a great baddie he is). The action is engaging and really well shot. But what makes this one so great is the setting.

This movie must have been groundbreaking when it first came out, it has such a unique look and it’s presented so well that you get sucked into the universe without even noticing. Despite all the bounty hunters, aerial assaults, airborne battles, intergalactic chases and dangers that the Rebel Alliance faces, this is still a galaxy I’d like to visit. And this is just the first movie. There’s two more left! I can’t wait to see what they have to offer!

Featuring: Pirate Dash as Han Solo, Flufflepuff as Chewbacca, and Pun as Obi Pun Kenobi.

((I don’t even know what to say here, if I’m completely honest.  It might seem like a lot of rambling as I go forward.  I haven’t really had a moment to take it all in yet.  But death is a weird thing for me and it just hasn’t hit me fully until now.  You can ask me on my mod blog about it.

@askrustynail is one hell of a guy.  That must be said.  It cannot go unsaid.  Rusty is one of the very few that have been around as long as I have in this community.  And he is without a doubt deserving of a place on the Mount Rushmore of Tumblrpon.  Not only for his unique blog and his fun character, which is how we were introduced to him.  But for his kindness, his brilliance, his giving spirit.  That is what I and anyone who’s met him in person will take away from him.

I first met him at Trotcon 2013.  It was where I got my first jar of honey vanilla vodka from him.  It wouldn’t be the last jar I would get either.  I will fully admit that it wasn’t my favorite drink.  I did sample it from time to time, but I enjoyed sharing it with friends just as much.  I took the jar I got at Bronycon ‘15 to an Illini tailgate and shared it with my college buddies there.  Daniel said it was one of the best drinks he’s ever had in his life.

I still have the jar he gave me at Trotcon last year.  I plan on sharing it with everyone when we get back together this year, in a toast and tribute to him.

Rusty is a genius at mixing drinks.  He helped Wiggles and I out immensely during King Pirate Power Hour at Trotcon last year, serving as the unofficial bartender for the panel.  He got me to sample a drink that was basically hot sauce with alcohol in it.  It took me by surprise, but it was good.  He made that panel a lot more fun.

Rusty is hilarious too, and is outstanding at dishing out puns.  I know all you guys think I’m really good at it (for some reason), but Rusty was a pro at it.  During Punanel last year with Sam, I invited Rusty to come on it.  He stole the show for that hour and had people roaring with laughter.

Most of all, Rusty has a kind heart and spirit.  He’s always willing to help people out.  He’s always able to sense when people are in trouble or stressed and give them a calming presence.  And you could talk to him about anything too.  One of the last times we chatted in person, Rusty and I were talking about public radio and what I could try to do to get our station’s name out there more.

It’s going to suck to go to Trotcon or Bronycon this year, and not see him there.  There’s going to be an empty feeling, and everyone is going to wish he was with us for one more round or one more conversation.

I know this is going to sound cliche, but we can’t take life for granted.  Rusty is only one year older than me, and he’s not going to be with us anymore.  That’s just not fair.  He was taken too young from us.  I know I’m going to try and make a better effort to reach out to friends old and new, because I wish I had chatted with him more outside of conventions.  We should all strive to live life like he did.

And my heart goes out to @technomod.  It’s not fair for Rusty and Tech didn’t get to live the rest of their lives together.  We’re all thinking about you and want to help you in anyway possible.

So here’s to a last call with Rusty.  I’ll miss you good sir.  I’ll see you on the other side for drinks and arguments over football.))

With the CS wedding coming up, I think it’s a good time to talk about the divorce. Because the truth is there’s no version of reality in which this particular marriage doesn’t fall apart. OUAT might be off the air before we see it, but that doesn’t alter the fact that it’s inevitable. Want to know why I’m so sure? Good! Because I made a list…

1. They have literally nothing in common. I mean, I guess they both had shitty childhoods, but by that logic Emma ought to be marrying Archie. Or, you know, Regina.

2. I mean seriously, what do Emma and Hook even talk about? There’s a reason whenever we see them on their own they’re making out. Because they must spend the rest of the time in slightly awkward silence.

3. Emma’s a modern woman - she’s kind of forgotten it at the moment, but she’ll remember soon. And Hook is very much not a modern man. He asked her father for permission to marry her BEFORE HE EVEN SPOKE TO HER ABOUT IT. I know how I’d react if my partner ever had the nerve to do that to me.

4. They’re unbelievably bad at figuring out what the other one is really feeling. That’s why they’re so good at keeping terrible secrets from each other.

5. Speaking of which: they keep terrible secrets from each other. Pretty much all the time.

6. Hook has no real friends of his own, no job of his own, no life of his own outside Emma. That’s *incredibly* unhealthy for a relationship.

7. Emma is her worst self when she’s with him: selfish, self-absorbed and frequently miserable. ‘Marry a man who brings out the worst in you’ is a phrase that literally no one has ever said ever.

8. Emma doesn’t love Hook for who he is - she just likes the image of the dashing, handsome pirate who lets her play-act her perfect heterosexual marriage. She’s not going to deal well with him aging, or with the day-to-day revelation of his flaws that marriage brings. We saw that in the Wishworld, where all she could feel for old, drunken Hook was a contemptuous sort of amusement.

9. Actually I’m not sure Emma even really knows who Hook is. Every time he tries to talk to her about his past, she shuts him down. There must be a part of her that senses she couldn’t deal with - or love - the man he truly is.

10. Emma’s a lesbian. It’s something she’s obviously struggling to acknowledge, but then again she’s still younger than I was when I realised I’m gay, so she’s got plenty of time.

11. Also, she’s desperately in love with Regina. And you can only ignore the elephant in the room for so long, especially when you and the elephant are co-parenting a son.

so Rachel Shelley described Milah as a “frustrated artist” on Twitter and I just

I LOVE IT A LOT OKAY

like can you imagine, the young woman with an artistic soul, getting trapped in a marriage that takes away her freedom and her self-expression and slowly wears her down because, yes, this is what you do, this is what a good girl does, but it’s not for her, it never was, and her husband is a coward and she always wanted more

and then she gets out, she leaves, she runs away on a pirate ship with a dashing young captain who wants to show her the world

and suddenly she has time and inspiration again and she starts drawing again, just furtive sketches at first, and she remembers what it used to be like, how it feels, the relief of being able to put her emotions down on paper

and Killian finds her sketching and instead of angry that she’s wasting her time on idleness, he’s really impressed and interested, and rather than complain that she never has time for him, he makes sure that she has time for art, he leaves her alone when he sees her sketching and he always asks to see it afterwards because she’s good at it

they make port in some far-off land and Killian takes Milah shopping for pencils and chalks and maybe even paints

the crew members all want to be her next subject and gather around to admire her latest artwork

she does realistic portraits and sometimes hilarious caricatures that make them all laugh (and no one laughs more than Milah, and no one smiles wider than Killian)

the captain’s cabin slowly fills up with art, from dark and bittersweet portraits of a young boy with dark hair, to beautiful landscapes and seascapes, to whimsical pictures of mermaids and pirates, to a portrait of Killian that he says is almost as dashing as the real thing (she can never quite capture the delighted twinkle in his eye, but the love of him is there on the page for anyone to see)

and just, the thought of Milah rediscovering herself and her passions and her inspiration along with her freedom is making me feel a lot of feelings

10

Equestria Smash #11

Red Team
Katie Jay
GL Apple Bloom - @glapplebloom
Vego 
Rainbow Dash

Blue Team
Red - @helpabluehorse
Rose Adam
Reptilia
Dusty Notes - @ask-the-out-buck-pony

====

Feat.
Assist Trophy
Captain Drog - @askcaptaindrog

Commentators
True Blue @ask-the-out-buck-pony
Pixelated Penguin @akumath
Strange @askstrangeweird

v̝̺̝͕̳̟͟a̸̮l̡̥̬̘̗i̜̰̯̪̤̹ͅa̱̼̜̱̟̝̮͠n̖̠̪͎͓t̩̮̪͖͎̤̬́ ̪͘e̥̣̦͇͙͇n̷̲̹͚̳̪e̜͎r҉̘g҉͕̳̼̠̖̲̹e̻̻̬̱̼ṭ͕̝͕̞ị̴̭͕̞͈̺͚c͎̲̼̱ ̘̗̘g̢̱̙r͢è͇͎ę̜̣ͅn ̝͇̘o̴̦͍̻n̼̗e ̤̻h̞a̧͚s̗̩̝̝͓̪̳͠ ̺̖e̴̲̻͚ǹ̯̣̦͈̲͖t̠̞̠e̢͔͕͓rèd͖̜̣͙͞ ̛t̜̲͉̟͍̰̫h̭̫̰̤̝e҉̭̘̮ ̠͇̲ͅf̰̹̱͈͙i̯g̹̞͖h̞̙̣͙t͏̗̪ͅ

A little drabble inspired by @ripplestitchskein… and also beacuse I would love to have Blackbeard in Storybrooke.


“If it isn’t the glorified canon fodder!”

Killian heard the bane of his existence before he saw him. He’d entered Granny’s with the hope of having a quiet drink before heading home, hoping it gave Emma’s mother enough time to pack up her monstrous wedding planning folder and leave them in peace. He should have known he wouldn’t be so lucky.

Killian swiveled in his stool to face the man occupying the booth near the back of the diner.

“I see you’re still amongst the living. How unfortunate.” Killian snarked as he made his way over to sit himself opposite him.

“I thought I’d try to find the appeal of this hideous town and I’ve got to tell you, Hook. I’m coming up short.”

“No surprise there. You always were on the lacking side.”

“Says the pirate incapable of holding onto his treasure.”

Granny appeared with two glasses and a bottle of rum, placing them wordlessly onto the table before disappearing again.

“That depends on your definition of treasure.” Killian poured them each a generous serving.

“Remind me. How many times now have you lost your ship to me?” Blackbeard asked smugly.

“Enough times to know I always end up getting her back.”

“Is that a wager I sense, Hook?”

“You sure you’ve got the knack for it? You’re looking rather down and out, mate.”

Blackbeard’s eyes bored into him before smirking.

“Cards or dice?”

“Whichever you feel more confident in. I’ll be winning either way.”

“Strong words from such a weak pirate.” Blackbeard taunted as he pulled two dice from his pocket.

“You’re not going to throw a child’s tantrum once I wipe the floor with you, are you?”

“If it’s a duel you’re after, I’ll be happy to splay your defeated carcass out on this strangely tiled floor, just say the word.”

Killian chuckled with fire in his eyes; a spark of that old bloodthirsty villain within rising to the man’s bait.

“Just roll the damn dice, old man.”


Emma heard the loud, boisterous and off-key bellows of their duet as she trudged across the wooden deck to the water’s edge, looming over their seated silhouette’s observing the tide in the darkness.

“Ah! There she is. The love of my life. My beautiful Swan.” Killian greeted her drunkenly.

“So this is the Mrs?”

“Uh… hi?” Emma greeted, confused as to who the hell Killian was with.

“Emma, love. This horrid sight is Blackbeard.”

“Wait.. the Blackbeard? He’s not like… some weird uncle of yours or something, is he?’”

“Not a chance!”  

“Me?! Related to that mongrel?!” Both men objected at her question with vigour.

“So you’re the woman this pathetic sailor lost his ship to me twice for. She’s a sight to behold, I’ll give you that, Hook.”

“Show some respect.” Killian growled.

Blackbeard turned back to a confused Emma with a sloppy smirk, failing in his attempts to look seductive.

“Darling, if it’s a real pirate you wanted, I’d be more than happy to grant you the experience of a night with a true Captain.”

“I will throw you into the water, don’t tempt me.” Killian warned, humour gone from his features.

“Sorry but I like my pirates clean, dashing and in their prime.” Emma threw back at the man.

Blackbeard surprised them both by letting out a guttural laugh, slapping Killian’s knee in the process.

“She’s fantastic!”

“She is also very cold and wanting to go home. Come on, Killian. Let’s get you back.”

Killian agreed as he wrestled himself into a standing position and wrapping his arm around Emma’s shoulders.

“I don’t suppose you’ve got a spare bunk for me to bed down on for the night?”

“Your barnacle encrusted backside is coming nowhere near our home.”

“Ah yes. I forgot. You traded the sea for bricks and mortar. Probably for the best then. Only a true seaman can sleep soundly with the rocking of the waves.”

“Try not to drown, old man.” Killian left him as he and Emma turned from the docks and headed home.


It was two days later when the couple crossed paths with Blackbeard again as they headed down main street.

“I thought I could smell a traitor.”

“Why are you still breathing? I’d have thought you’d have keeled over by now.”

“Oh, the first of us to go will be you considering how soft you’ve gotten. I’d offer to do it now but I don’t want your yellow bellied innards soiling my sword.”

“Say the word, Blackbeard. I’ll happily put you out of your misery like the tired old sea-dog you are.”

“You keep dreaming big, Hook.” Blackbeard turned and began to walk away as if their presence wasn’t worth his time.

“You’re on borrowed time, remember that!”

Killian muttered curses about the ‘scurvy riddled cretin’ as he turned back to an open mouthed Emma.

“I don’t get it. You two were making with the singing and drunken antics the other night. What happened?”

“It’s a pirate thing, love. It’s just the way it is.” He explained, rather embarrassed.

Emma shook her head, not understand the strange relationship her fiancé held with the other notorious pirate in town one bit.

Rant. Rant. Rant.

As much as I complain about consistency in this show the one area where A&E have truly stuck to their guns is insisting that a lifetime of struggle is the only way a female can be strong or that her main function is as a catalyst for the poor behavior of a man, sweeping crimes against the female characters under the rug, and retconning heroism for the undeserving.

The Wish Realm really served as a microcosm of all of these issues, all of them reflecting other more spread out examples in two hours of some of the most disgusting television I’ve ever seen.

First we have Emma, whose main lesson in this AU was apparently that her life experience of being repeatedly abandoned, left to her own devices, a life time of pain and hurt was the only thing that made her truly her. Without her Saviorness she was a vapid “singing princess” who sacrificed her entire kingdom to save the lives of her parents and it was only through the intense pain of their deaths that she “woke up” and found the strong woman within.

This is in contrast to Deckhand!Hook who via extremely similar circumstances was robbed of his major character traits, the bravery and determination that made him him, and was able to overcome that entirely on his own, without any terrible pain or sacrifice on his part, protecting a strange woman he was drawn to and her child was enough. But Emma had to actually witness the brutal murder of those she loved before she could undergo a similar transformation.

That’s just so…gross, to me? Firstly because there is nothing inherently wrong with being a “singing princess” yet there was nothing to indicate that she would have been strong and resilient regardless, only her experiences made her that way. So people who don’t know struggle can’t be strong? Girl’s who are more or less the real life version of the “singing princess” can’t rise to the occasion on their own merit when the situation calls for it? A man can be motivated by love to change and find his inner courage but a woman must always be motivated by pain? Sorry, I call foul.

Then there’s Belle, poor Pile of Bones!Belle who actually served more of a narrative function in the whole two hours than Killian did. Her entire purpose in that Wish Realm was to act as a reason for why Rumple would refuse to help Regina. Another in an unending line of women pointlessly killed to give a man motivation.

They could have kept her alive, could have made HER speak for herself, a wizened, tortured, hardened older version of Belle who asked Rumple not to help because of HER suffering, perhaps allowing Belle to finally have a spine and drop some truth bombs about Regina’s unrepentant treatment of her, but no way A&E would allow Rumple to be ordered around by a woman and unmanned in such a way and we certainly can’t talk about Regina’s crimes unless she’s having a crisis of confidence.

One the MOST consistent things about this show is the blatant disregard for crimes against female characters. Excepting Killian apologizing to Belle, and indicating he was trying to make it up to her, I can’t think of another time a man was held accountable for his actions against a female.

It’s not new, this has been going on for awhile. Arthur? Got a new kingdom, finally fulfilled his destiny for rifling through a few books and being a liability, but we never even HEARD from Guinevere again after her ENSLAVEMENT. She said goodbye and peaced out. Who knows what her mental condition is and she certainly never got to confront her husband for ENSLAVING HER.

Milah? Chucked into the River of Souls for daring to stand in Rumple’s way. Next episode Belle is saving his life and clutching at him. Everything cool here ya’ll. Never mentioned again. Will never BE mentioned again most like. Do the characters even know he did that? I can’t remember BECAUSE NO ONE CARED IF HE DID.

Neal and August send a pregnant Emma to jail?

Heroes! The biggest heroes there ever was.

August steals the money that might have prevented her from apparently continuing a life of crime, and he was just doing it for her own good!

Neal impregnated an underage girl and then has the audacity to be angry at her for not telling him, when it was HIM who made the decision to leave her. Well of course, that’s his right as a father!

Dude gets killed because of his own stupidity, but he’s celebrated and praised as a hero, a baby is even named for him! He contributed to what might be one of the darker periods of Emma’s life, the reason for her trust issues, but he’s just such a NORMAL guy you know? He gets a big ole portrait in the WishRealm and a heroes veneration because A&E just love their ordinary joe who is not at all a self insert and they are in no way threatened by the handsome, dashing, feminist pirate captain. No way. “Please ignore us making him look like a complete fool and doing what we can to marr his handsomeness (unsuccessfully), it has nothing to do with our own insecurities, we promise, we just thought it would be funny!”

And August, he might have been the brains behind the “Send Emma to Jail When Really Leaving Her Behind Would Be Enough” plan and he steals the money Neal left her, but hey he told her a story once and he believed in her a couple times so it’s cool, let’s never mention it again! Best friends forever!

SHE ACTUALLY THANKED HIM. That happened. The woman who was betrayed and sent to jail, who had to live with her pregnancy behind bars, who had to give up her baby because she had no way to support him because August STOLE HER MONEY, actually told that motherfucker Thank You.

That happened. But these struggles made her so STRONG you guys.

And let’s talk about Rumple who all of sudden is Team Hero again, trying to help his son. Not once does Belle turn to him and say “You know, if you hadn’t chased my pregnant ass around with scissors threatening to like, de-soul our baby, none of this would have happened?? He would have been fine? Maybe going on baby play dates with the other rapidly aged baby Robyn instead of rocking a terrible haircut and trying to kill the Savior.”

Nope, Rumple gets a clean slate. All is forgiven! A reconciliation is imminent, they are working together for their son. Babies forgive all manner of abuse apparently. Let’s stay together for the children. Hand holding and the desperate bond of parenthood apparently trump endangering the child’s life in the first place.

It’s just SO FUCKING GROSS.