pirate buys a house

prison-mikes-bandana  asked:

We need more batfam dysfunctional examples

You ask for it, I deliver! 😊

• The red stain on the carpet is from when Dick tried balancing a glass of cranberry juice on his feet while doing a handstand. Why, you ask? Well, Alfred has been asking himself that question for three years

• *tired Bruce voice* “No, Jason, you can’t set your grave on fire. Why? BeCAUSE WERE NOT INSANE, THATS WHY. GOD!!”

• Person: “I’m so sorry to hear about your brother’s death, you must be so distraught right now I wish there was something I could do to help.” Batkid: *sips from a juice box* “Nah, he’ll be back in a day or two just give it time”

• Tim keeps trying to use the WE company’s money to buy more and more ridiculous things just to see what he can get away with before Bruce notices. So far he’s made it to buying four thousand pirate-themed bouncy houses, and Bruce still hasn’t even realized, which is strange considering Tim had them all dumped in their backyard

• Tim drinks apple juice out of wine glasses and acts like it’s wine

• Stephanie is an infamous remote control thief. She’ll be watching something on tv and get bored and leave the room, but forget that she still has the remote in her hand. So whenever they lose the remote, they always have to check in Steph’s room first

• Cass really enjoys making her family members cute beaded necklaces and if you don’t wear yours she will Cry™

• Bruce absolutely CANNOT make popcorn without burning it. He can put the bag in the microwave for the exact same amount of time as someone else does, and still, without fail his bag will come out filled with black charred popcorn kernels. Dick says he’s cursed

Tagged by @blue-sappir! I think I’ve done this once before about five years ago; it’ll be fun to do it again!

BOLD the statements that are true.


I am 5'7 or taller 

I wear glasses 

I have at least one tattoo

I have at least one piercing

I have blonde hair

I have brown eyes 

I have short hair 

My abs are at least somewhat defined

I have or have had braces


I love meeting new people 

People tell me that I’m funny

Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me

I enjoy physical challenges 

I enjoy mental challenges 

I’m playfully rude with people I know well

I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it (does saying things dramatically instead of ironically count? There is so much echolalia in my life and very little intentional irony.)


I can sing well 

I can play an instrument

I can do over 30 push-ups without stopping

I’m a fast runner

I can draw well

I have a good memory 

I’m good at doing math in my head 

I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute

I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling 

I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch

I know how to throw a proper punch


I enjoy playing sports

I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else 

I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else (band)

I have learned a new song in the past week

I work out at least once a week (of late and not very intense but yes I do)

I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months 

I have drawn something in the past month 

I enjoy writing 

I do or have done martial arts


I have had my first kiss

I have had alcohol

I have scored the winning goal in a sports game

I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting 

I have been at an overnight event

I have been in a taxi

I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year 

I have beaten a video game in one day

I have visited another country

I have been to one of my favourite band’s concerts


I have at least one person I consider a best friend

I live close to my school

My parents are still together

I have at least one sibling

I live in the United States 

There is snow right now where I live

I have hung out with a friend in the past month

I have a smartphone

I have at least 15 CDs

I share my room with someone


I have breakdanced

I have had a teacher with a last name that’s hard to pronounce

I have dyed my hair 

I’m listening to one song on repeat right now (Feel My Bass by Myrah) 

I have punched someone in the past week 

I know someone who has gone to jail

I have eaten a waffle today

I know what I want to do with my life

I speak at least 2 languages 

I have made a new friend in the past year

I want Killian buying Girl Scout cookies from tiny adorable Girl Scouts he can’t say no to.

Like the first time he opens the door of his new house and sees a little girl pulling her wagon full of cookies it is interesting and a novelty, tiny children in uniforms delivering treats, he’s never seen such a thing, but then again he’s lived on a ship most of his life. He also just admires scouts in general, heading off into the front lines, reconnoitering, the subterfuge required for such a thing, this realm certainly does start them young, and he can’t figure out the cookie angle at all, but they are cute.

But then they come back and he just nods and gives them money and selects a different kind to try.

And they come back again and he’s a little annoyed but they are so precious and he admires a good work ethic, and their treats ARE good.

But then it starts getting out of hand.

They have found out his weakness. They talk about the pirate in the pretty house and how he’ll buy whatever you have.

And he’s helpless, not quite understanding what a Girl Scout really is or what the cookies are for, just pushing doubloons into their hands and filling the basement dungeon with boxes of Samoas and Tagalongs and Thin Mints because they are too precious and he just can’t say no, and he doesn’t know what to do with all these cookies, and then one day they have to keep a villain down there because they are out of room at the hospital and the station and Emma’s pushing their newest crisis down to the basement and Killian is trying to stop her and she’s just like

“Killian WTF?”