pirate buys a house

I want Killian buying Girl Scout cookies from tiny adorable Girl Scouts he can’t say no to.

Like the first time he opens the door of his new house and sees a little girl pulling her wagon full of cookies it is interesting and a novelty, tiny children in uniforms delivering treats, he’s never seen such a thing, but then again he’s lived on a ship most of his life. He also just admires scouts in general, heading off into the front lines, reconnoitering, the subterfuge required for such a thing, this realm certainly does start them young, and he can’t figure out the cookie angle at all, but they are cute.

But then they come back and he just nods and gives them money and selects a different kind to try.

And they come back again and he’s a little annoyed but they are so precious and he admires a good work ethic, and their treats ARE good.

But then it starts getting out of hand.

They have found out his weakness. They talk about the pirate in the pretty house and how he’ll buy whatever you have.

And he’s helpless, not quite understanding what a Girl Scout really is or what the cookies are for, just pushing doubloons into their hands and filling the basement dungeon with boxes of Samoas and Tagalongs and Thin Mints because they are too precious and he just can’t say no, and he doesn’t know what to do with all these cookies, and then one day they have to keep a villain down there because they are out of room at the hospital and the station and Emma’s pushing their newest crisis down to the basement and Killian is trying to stop her and she’s just like

“Killian WTF?”