pimp faces

Rhythm | Lee Joo Heon | One-Shot

jooheon (monstax) + you (reader)
word count: 7,233
warnings: i have no excuse for this flithy, graphic smut (that includes but is not limited to thigh riding, breath play, mild degradation, spanking, etc) and strong language (some slut shaming) and brief mentions of infidelity
a/n: i was inspired by the new mv and channeled that inspiration into a gang!au, bad boy jooheon sexy time fest and before you say anything yes i know he is a total squish in real life that’s why it’s called fiction :)

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anonymous asked:

The Westboro Baptist Church is going to picket Ed Sheeran's concert on the 29th. :/

Yeah, a few of them show up for every concert at the Sprint Center. They’ve picketed Ed’s events there before. They only stay for a few minutes to try to rile people up, and then they leave.

Here’s the thing to remember about this hate group: They do these “protests” to make money. They make money by trying to get you to lose your temper and do something they can sue you for. That’s literally all this scam is. The entire group is made up of members of the same family - there’s about 70 of them in all - and it was founded by a lawyer (who was disbarred for lack of ethics) who went on to convince 11 of his children to become lawyers as well. They apply for protest permits, and if a city refuses, they sue. If the police refuse to protect them, they sue. If you get mad and punch one of them, they sue. If you attack them verbally, they sue. And they win thousands of dollars off of these civil cases every year, enough to pay the whole family to keep doing it. And since they’ve labeled themselves a religious group, they’re classified as non-profit and get tax breaks like real churches. It’s a sick way of playing the system, but they don’t actually believe the stuff they’re saying; they just say it because using offensive slurs and telling you that God hates you is statistically the best nonviolent way to get you to attack them, and then they can take your money by claiming their first amendment rights. 

The best thing we as citizens can do about these people is make it unprofitable for them to continue what they’re doing, which means ignore the shit out of them. If you attend an event they’re picketing, walk by and don’t even look at them. If you call out to them or try to make them mad by flaunting whatever it is they’re protesting against at the time (usually it’s homosexuality, but sometimes it’s patriotism or support of the military or some other hot-button issue), it’s not really going to bother them because they don’t actually care about the things they protest – they just do it because they know YOU care – and you may end up causing a scene in which someone could end up getting sued. Which just benefits them. In fact, it’s better not to even talk about the fact that these people are going to show up somewhere, because if people know they’re going to show up, they might try to plan some way to piss them off, and that’s just falling for the scam. That’s why Westboro posts their picket schedule online. They want you to know where they’ll be, and they want you to get upset over it because then you’re more likely to react in a way that could make them some money. They’re just playing you. They’re real life trolls. 

I will tell you one thing about them that’s kind of amusing, though… A couple of years ago, they called Ed a “baby-faced pimp.” How funny is that? Baby-faced pimp! I can’t think about that without grinning. xD

El Police Department AU: Part 2

You people reviewed. :)

So here’s Round 2 of the El Police Department AU. Because it’s not the 18th Century in that world: there’s a good number of ladies rubbing shoulders with the guys in the police force.

And they’re exactly equal in terms of efficiency. >_> 

Miiko, the Chief of Police

They’ve been calling her ‘Iron Fox’ well before she started ruling the roost in the El Police Department. Because back when she was still a regular patrol officer, she threw a pimp she was arresting face-first into a sewer grate after he called her ‘a sweet fox of a cop’. The pimp was still wearing the sewer-grate-bar-code on his face when he was finally brought into the station (sans front teeth), and Miiko received a reprimand for using ‘overzealous force’ from the then-chief. She just told her boss that she’ll stop beating the teeth out of scum if they stop complimenting her legs while she’s cuffing them. It happens every time.

That fierce temper and double-immunity to criticism would have kept Miiko to the lower ranks– chauffeuring weepy drunks in her squad car at odd hours in the morning, and drinking tar-like coffee in the officer’s lounge—if the unthinkable hadn’t happened: the Oracle was destroyed. Within that first nightmarish year after Ashkore’s opening shot, El’s stark-blind police department was whittled down to a sliver as they scrambled to restore order in a city that lost all trust and fear of the law. Her chief was quickly bumped off when his car backed up over a pipe-bomb, followed by the next dozen in the chain of command, until Miiko was the most senior officer left standing. By that point, no one was really willing to take issue with how many groins this classic ‘bad cop’ kicked in over the years. (In fact, that traditional skill might come in handy in the new criminal landscape.)    

Nowadays, Miiko only metaphorically aims below the belt. Usually when it’s time to argue against police budget cuts with the city council. (Because do they really expect her people to rebuild the Oracle, and make their trips to their mistress’s apartments less prone to inconvenient car-jacking, with a negative pay raise?) With her own people though, she has a surprising magnanimous streak. She’ll be the first to tell them at a staff meeting if they’re a bunch of slack-jawed morons, but they’re still her slack-jawed morons. So no, she’s not about to fire them, even after this royal screw-up. Just expect a pick-up truck’s worth of paperwork and late night holding-cell duty to make up for it. They will learn to take responsibility for their own actions. And Jamon could use some help scrubbing the tiles clean in the drunk tank.  

Much of this tough love protectiveness comes from her little-known weakness for underdogs and those who grew up on the wrong side of the law (and don’t hit on her). About half of the new generation of officers she hired are redeemed troublemakers from various walks of life, while the others are here because… they’re one of the few in the El who still believe in supporting the police department. So how can she afford to turn any of them loose? Even if she’s still waiting for the day that this recruitment policy pays off.    

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“Okay, but, uhm, in what way is Ancient Greek still useful? It’s a dead, dull language.”

UHm, EXCUSE ME, dogfly, I am very sorry, you dog faced pimp, but you can’t deny their insults were the best, you bloated drunk with a dog’s eyes and a rabbit’s heart. ’Don’t vex me, bitch, or i may let go of you and hate you as extravagantly as i love you now’, as Aphrodite already told you.

Lights On Da Bucket
Evil Pimp
Lights On Da Bucket

Evil Pimp - Lights On Da Bucket

Face The Terror (2009)

There’s a lot of niggas with him but i want him, so fuck it
Creep up on that pussy nigga hit the lights on the bucket

It’s time hoe once again
For catrin, to like do them in
Could he get another motherfucker to the den
Come into like popin a ten
Take a nigga to the dark side
Get them for the blind side
Roll this homicide
Every mother fucking nigga wanna grow some nuts
I guarantee you gon die
Front a busta, take a bullet from this fucking 44
We gonna make you hit the flow
Any nigga had already learn to stole
Bitch we robbery hold
Tell ya bustas to you go to the lord
Before i take in a ditch

But i dont give a fuck about holy shit
Cause i be running evilness
You hear them bodies dragging
As i haul them to the lake
If you niggas asleep, i creep in, all late
Oh it’s gonna be a badmistake
When the police come knockin right at your door
You better cover up your rear
When they ask you to identify the body 

You give then baby tears
Destroy them, oh boy 
Gonna hit them to the skull with a mossberg pump
Then i quickly go blow the head right off a chump
I beat the nigga child stumps
They will run, let the motherfucker know 
The evilness has now begun
Pulling out the fully loaded gun
Commit to like hit you with some

There’s a lot of niggas with him but i want him, so fuck it
Creep up on that pussy nigga hit the lights on the bucket

The devils out tonight 
Hit a motherfucker when im runnig with the plastic nine
Cause i’m quick to go blow in back of your brain
So, im going to tell you one last time
And i’m haunting but also im poping these bullets 
Ima put it in your ass
Tell you bustas and niggas, i’m king of the klan
So, you gonna lay up in the grass
The fucking fragments from the hollow sleep
Them virgins dead
And haters ain’t cool to be talking that shit
They get a couple in the head
I’m lurking
I’m scoping victims with the loaded ten
And they end up on buffet
They give me powers, strong as twenty men
Let me take them to the dead
I’ll probably run into your carcass, bust a sucka
Can you handle this
Cause i’ll turn into ??? killer and psycho bitch 
Don’t get me pissed
I call upon the lady dead to bring that kiss of death
When you laying down, suffering, pop in you room 
She gonna take your last breath
The krucifix, my fucking click, to thick, to fucking big
And these haters that constantly talking that shit
Better get up off my dick
It’s murder, it’s straight up murder when i pop these thangs
Cause i’m to lazy for a child to even provide his thangs

There’s a lot of niggas with him but i want him, so fuck it
Creep up on that pussy nigga hit the lights on the bucket