pill to save you

i. I absolutely cannot stand the snares of your hands,
or how I catch myself on your barbed wire mouth,
when I choke on your gasoline voice,
or cut myself on your switchblade fingers.
I loathe these weapons of yours more than I loathe the actual tangible knifes you keep hidden under your sleeves.
I hate that somebody did something so awful to you that you were forced to wear hatred as a second skin.
I hate myself more that I wasn’t there to shield you from it.

ii. I wonder how different our lives would be if we had been switched.
Me: Andrew.
You: Aaron.
Me: Given up on.
You: Kept.
Would everything turn out the same? Would we have led completely different lives? Would we be broken again? Made whole?
(Would she have hit you, too?)
(Would he have used me, too?)

iii. I hear the way people talk about you when you’re not there.
Like you’re this awful thing.
Like they’ve taken a bite out of you and realized you’ve gone bad in the middle.
When they speak, they’re trying to get the taste of you out of their mouths,
Spitting and spitting until there’s nothing left to expel.
Sometimes I want to say something.
Sometimes I want to argue.
But we come from the same batch, after all.
How can I argue when I taste just as bad as you do?

iv. I went to the Circle K around the corner one night and bought myself a pack of cigarettes: the same brand you use.
I stood outside and popped one in my mouth,
lit it with unpracticed hands.
I had seen you do this so often,
I thought maybe it would come almost naturally, like I had been the one catching fire to things all these years instead of you.
But the weight of it felt so wrong between my fingers,
the motions unfitting for me,
the taste acidic and raw and awful.
It reminded me too much of him—of that stray dog that follows you around all day—and less like you,
less like home.
I’m trying to understand this. I’m trying to be okay with you-and-him.
But there are some things that people shouldn’t get in the way of. This was one of them.
The box cost $7.89 and screamed your name. I didn’t even hesitate when I threw it away.

v. Every once and a while I’ll dream about that night.
Sometimes it’s me instead of you, or I can’t move at all and I’m forced to watch, or I beat him over and over but he keeps getting back up.
Either way, the entire time you’re just laughing.
Like I told a joke and you think it’s the funniest thing in the world.
I’m beating him to death and sloshing his blood around and you’re laughing like you’re at a comedy show.
Whenever I wake up from those dreams, I never want to sleep ever again.

vi. I never understand our fights.
Normal people throw around words they don’t mean and slam doors they would usually leave ajar.
But us?
We fight like our lives are on the line.
We fight like it’s a race and there’s only one winner.
You leave me aching and I leave you waterlogged.
We become such ferocious animals, all sharp teeth and heavy claws, ripping and tearing without a care to give.
The entire world comes to a stop when we have even the slightest disagreement,
a spotlight shining down to showcase our own personal brand of hate.
I sometimes wonder if that’s us making up for lost time.
All those years we never got to spend fighting like brothers.
Maybe we’re finally making up for that.
Maybe we’re trying to meet our quota before our time is up.
Before we can’t fight anymore.

vii. One time when you weren’t looking, I stole one of your pills.
I saved it for when you wouldn’t be around and swallowed it dry, felt it run down my throat.
I thought that if they made you smile all the time, maybe they’d make me smile, too.
But all I felt was this hallow ache in my chest,
like something bad had grabbed hold of me from the inside.
I was used to flying high, higher than most people would dream to go,
But this was just wrong on so many levels.
It lasted only four hours before I started to wind down, but that was one of the longest four hours of my life.
I wasn’t happy. But I smiled anyway. I couldn’t stop. My cheeks hurt after.
I think I understood you a little better after that day.

viii. I voted to name your cat Sir Fat Cat McCatterson. And I’m not even sorry.

ix. (I’m sorry.)

x. I love you.

—  Ten Things Aaron Wants To Tell Andrew (But Never Will)

“Look at me. (Y/N), look at me right now!” Tate raised his voice. My vision is clouded by the build up of tears. I glance up at Tate. His eyes darker than the darkest of darks. He makes the gesture of placing his hand against my cheek but I flinch away in fear.

“Tate,” I hesitate on my words due to the amount of restraining from crying I’m containing. “I-”

“I love you too.” he says almost instantly.

“Yes, Tate, I love you but I have to go-”

“No, (Y/N), please. Don’t leave me. Please stay. Stay with me,” he begs. Once again making the gesture to caress my face, I give in and trust him. He brushes his lips against mine. “Tate, I don’t have a choice. I’m sorry, I have to go…” a tear slipped from my eye and dropped onto Tate’s shirt. He shook his head from side to side. He shoves his hand into the pocket of his jeans and pulls out a bottle of prescription drugs and a plastic bag of another substance of drugs. I narrow my eyebrows. He nervously pops the bottle open and spills the pills into his hand.

“We can be together forever. Just you and me. In this house forever. We can grow old together and be happy-”

“You want us to commit suicide?” Yes, the idea has come across my mind quite frequently and I’ve attempted it once before but I never actually wanted it to be intentional. I really do love Tate and I don’t want to leave him here. He is the darkest light in my darkness. As much as that doesn’t make sense, it’s true. I’m attracted to the darkness and that’s what he is. I’m scared of him. He scares me and I love him for it. He’s a psychopath and I’m crazy in love with him. I’m crazy for him as he is for me. “Yeah, you know what? Okay, I’ll do it.” I nodded my head and took the bag from his hands. His nervous smile turned into a smile that was unexpected for him. A real smile.

“I’ll run the bath…” I notified him and left the room. Stepping foot outside of my bedroom and bolted down the hall and down the stairs as fast as I could.

“MOM!” I’m panicking. “DAD! WHERE ARE YOU?!” I’m running and I’m panting. My lungs feel as if they’re shrivelling up as my breathing becomes hitched. I bust through the front door and struggle to open the gate that guides the house. I make a run for it down the street. “SOMEBODY HELP!” I run and I-

“(Y/N),” Tate sighs. I look around. I’m back in my room.

“What the hell?” I rush back downstairs and through the front door, leaving the house again.

“(Y/N)!” Tate says my name once more as I find myself back in the house.

“No, no, no!” I try to leave again. I come back. I leave again. I end up back at the house. “This can’t be happening, Tate, what the hell did you do?!” I’m out of breath from sobbing and attempting to run away. I need to leave. I try once more.

Making yet another exit from the house a pair of hands violently grasps my arm and strongly pins me to the wall. Before I got the chance to scream a hand is placed upon my mouth. I breathe heavily and scream as loud as I could even with my mouth closed shut. Scared to death, my chest raises up and down at a rapid speed as my heart thumbs loudly against it.

“Shh, shh,” I’m shaken and shoved up against the wall at an even stronger force. “(Y/N), it’s okay it’s just me.” Tate removed his hand from my mouth.

“DON’T FUCKING SCARE ME LIKE THAT!” I roughly pressed my hands against his chest and pushed him off of me. I leaned my back up on the all and slowly let myself fall to the floor. I begin to hyperventilate while crying hysterically. “Why do I keep running around like a crazy person? And why can’t I leave?” I look up at Tate who has a look on his face I’ve never seen before and that was sorrow. He’s never felt anything until I came along. I’ve made him feel something. Emotions. Emotions he’s never been able to express or feel before. Barely being able to see his eyes, blocked by his messy blonde locks, his build up with tears

“I’ve been trying to tell you but-”

“Tell me WHAT?!” I stand up defensively.


“What is it, Tate? Spit it out. Don’t bullshit me.” I push him again.

“Come.” Tate takes my hand and clenches it tight. He guides me down to the basement, through some doors, and down the halls. It’s dark and I’m exhausted. “Tate, where are you taking me?” I asked him, terrified. He stopped and pointed to a ditch that his flashlight shined on.

“Is that?… Is that me?!” I gasp and cover my mouth with my hand. I glanced down at my decomposing body, disgusted and in disbelief, I began to panic again. “No, no!” I cried. Tate made it his duty to comfort me. I pushed him away once again.

“What the hell happened, Tate? Did you drug me or something? I don’t remember dying!” I yell at him, consumed with rage.

“No, (Y/N) of course not! You attempted suicide and took too many pills. I tried to save you. I dragged you into the tub with me and made you puke some out but it was no use. It was too late.” Tears fell from Tate’s eyes. “I’m so sorry, (Y/N). I’m so sorry I couldn’t save you.”

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner? That I had died?”

“I don’t know… I thought it’d be better if we died together. So you wouldn’t feel alone.” Tate shrugged his shoulders and sniffled. We walked back upstairs in silence.

“So, looks like I’m not going anywhere…” I gave him a weak smile. “And I guess I’m stuck with you in this house forever.” The weak smile turned into a smirk. He chuckled and smirked back at me.

“Tate,” I said.


“Thank you.”

“For what?” He says, obviously confused.

“Attempting to save my life.” I said making unbreakable eye contact with him. We stood there for a moment. “Because I know saving lives isn’t exactly what you do…”

“I tried. I really did. I care about your feelings more than I care about mi-”

“Don’t say that, Tate. My life wasn’t going to be worth living anyways. I had nothing going for me. All I had was-”

“You.” Tate and I said at the same time. I nodded and smiled as my cheeks flushed red.

Tate brushed my hair behind my ear and pressed his lips to mine. He kisses me ever so softly and passionately. Running my hands through his hair, I kiss him back. Tate’s hands ghost down my body and up my shirt. His hands against my skin caused chills down my spine.

“You’re the only light I’ve ever known.” Tate pulls away for a splint second to pierce those words into my skull with his lips and the black holes that are his eyes staring back at me. Without saying a word, my eyes said everything for him to comprehend. I loved him and he loved me. There was no escaping one another.

Tate playfully throws me onto my bed. He hovers over me and kisses me hard. I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him down. I tug on the collar of his shirt as I kiss him roughly.

“You make me a little less miserable.” He says with a smirk.

THE HOUSE OF YES  ( 1997 ) //  sentence starters.
 some mature themes. feel free to edit as desired.

“ I’ll always remember that day. “
“ It was more tasteful than it sounds. “
“ You just have to do something in some other location. “
“ It’s all under control. “
“ You’re definitely the first. And, I hope, the last. “
“ Men don’t marry girls who smell like powdered sugar, they have a sweet little affair with them that they recall fondly in their twilight years. “
“ I want you to leave at once, without further ado. “
“ I thought it would be better if I come and tell her myself. “
“ It would be better if you didn’t tell her at all. It would be better if there were nothing to tell. “
“ If there’s anyone present who knows why this marriage should not take place, it is me. “
“ Why shouldn’t this marriage take place? “
“ Excuse me, I’m going to go baste the turkey and hide the kitchen knives. “
“ You know, we don’t have to stay here. “
“ You look beautiful. You are beautiful. “
“ I spend most of my days with my head in the toilet bowl. “
“ Why are you taking the pills? “
“ Are you saving yourself for marriage? “
“ What’s the wildest place you’ve ever made love? “
“ Men and their secrets. “
“ Not all men have secrets. “
“ We all have secrets. “
“ I didn’t mean to maim you. I only meant to kill you. “
“ I’ve never been through a hurricane before. Have you? “
“ She’s pretty, isn’t she? “
“ I think he/she has a thing for you. “
“ Nobody talked to me all night. “
“ Come on, darling, let’s drink rum and pepsi out of styrofoam cups. “
“ A person gets their heart set on a certain thing, and if a certain person can’t have a certain thing, a person goes insane. “
“ I suppose you think I’m going insane just to be fashionable. “
“ I don’t think you’re insane. I think you’re spoiled. “
“ If people are going to start telling the truth around here i’m going to bed. “
“ There’s no television and no food. What else is there to stay up for? “
“ I’ve forgotten his name – the one who was lousy in bed. “
“ But to be lousy in bed you have to be in bed, don’t you? “
“ Love is for tiny people with tiny lives. “
“ I hear you crying at night alone in your room. “
“ You want somebody for a very long time. And then you have them. And they love you. And they make love to you. But it’s not enough. This is the truth about sex. “
“ Your moral outrage is duly noted. “
“ You are officially a better person than me. “
“ It’s like fucking a mirror. “
“ Are you ashamed? Of us? Of what we have? “
“ I see other houses, I see other lives. And they’re not like mine. “
“ Tell me about when you lost your virginity. “
“ I want you to love someone you’re allowed to love. “
“ I couldn’t come without seeing your face. “
“ When you make love to her, do you see my face? “
“ I lied to keep you here. “
“ She covered him with her body. She tried to keep him there. “
“ She tried to keep his head on but it was falling off. “
“ You be him, and I’ll be her. “
“ Jeez, was I that terrible? “
“ How long does he last? “
“ You can’t stay here. “
“ I was pretending you were him. But it didn’t work. You’re different. “
“ People raise cattle. Children just happen. “
“ Well, she can’t have him, he’s mine. “
“ Leave this morning, or he finds out how you spent the night. Your choice. “
“ What’s that gun doing there? “
“ Relax, it’s an empty gun. “
“ We were taking a trip down memory lane. “
“ If it happens again they’ll put you away. “
“ I’m not going to shoot her. “
“ That’s all we need, him mooning over some dead girl. “
“ If he leaves again, I’ll implode. “
“ Stop smelling my clothes. “
“ I will never love another woman. “
“ Don’t worry, we won’t bloody the carpet. “
“ How was he? “
“ Do you think masturbation counts as infidelity? When I sleep with me and not you, am I cheating on you? “
“ You’ve gotta help me. “
“ No. No alarm, baby, it’s Sunday. “
“ I get so sad when you buckle your bra. “
“ I want you to leave. I want you to leave with me right now. “
“ I know where that scar came from. “
“ The backyard’s getting rather crowded with corpses. “
“ I flushed your car keys down the toilet. “
“ One more time. For old time’s sake. “
“ You can stay right where you belong. With me. “

He is not medicine, darling, he is more like a terrible drug. If you keep swallowing his lies like pills that you think will save your life, you are allowing him to destroy everything you hold dear, you are letting his poison into your blood.
—  Nikita Gill

Request:  Jeff climbs in your window to kill you, when he gets on your bed you wake up and stare at him. He stares back and just slowly leaves. You didn’t sleep that night. The next few days, you could feel him watching you. One day, when you were out in the woods, you were killing some animals (totally normal). Jeff told Slenderman and so he had to see for himself. You were killing people now, with a knife. Slenderman took you in and let you become a killer with them and you fell in love with Jeff. Fluff

Requested by Anonymous

You were sound asleep, like most nights, which it why you didn’t hear the softest creek let out in your room. The quiet scrapping of wood as chilled hands raised your window, peering in. A deep chuckle from cracked lips paints the floors, rough steps on ice as he slowly climbs through. The moon backlit the intruder, making him nothing but a tall greasy shadow. You didn’t even stir as he walked across your bedroom, creeping closer to your bed. You groaned softly when he slid over you, straddling you. Only when his body shifted to align himself with you, did you wake. You moaned again, raising a hand to rub your eyes. When you adjust to the darkness and you take notice of the man above you, you let out a sharp gasp. You attempt to pull away, to distance yourself, but you fail.  

His body pins yours to the bed, a raspy laugh claws its way up his throat. He grins, turning his head into the moonlight, making his sadistic smile glow. You try to scream, horror and fear flooding your brain, adrenaline overflowing in your blood.

“Shhh,” he whispers, tracing the back of the knife along your cheek.  

“Its alright, dear…Ennie Minnie…” He drags the knife down your face and across your neck.

“Minie moe,” He continues to speak softly, staring at the knife as he traces it further down. He stops on your chest, pulling it up to stand on tip against your chest.

“Hush now,” He glaces up at you, “to sleep you go.” With one quick movement, he shoves the knife into your chest. You let out a pitiful gasp, trying to breathe despite the hole in your chest, and your flooding lungs. Within a minute your body falls heavy beneath him, dead.

His eyes lock with yours, in a moment of silence. Neither of you move, transfixed in fear and wonder. Slowly, he lays his knife down on your pillow, his rough fingers caress your cheek.

“Beautiful.” He whispers, seconds feel like years, but in one quick movement he stands from the bed and rushes to the window. He slips out, gone as suddenly as he came. Breathless, you stare at the ceiling. No hope of sleep in sight.

For days after that you found yourself looking over your shoulder more, waiting for one of the shadows to bite. You had a constant feeling of being watched, no matter what you did you couldn’t shake it. Finally you were desperate to get your mind off things, so you took your bow and arrows out to the woods. Hunting always calmed you, when you were a teen you dealt with depression and anxiety, and some anger issues. Instead of forcing you into therapy and pills, your dad taught you to hunt. It saved you. You stomped through your yard, and through the field behind your house. You broke the tree line and took a deep breath in, starting your work.

For once you didn’t feel scared, you didn’t feel like you were being watched. Little did you know, you were. Jeff walked behind you for sometime, watching you. You intrigued him in ways he had never felt before. He had told Slenderman about you, about how he made you feel. He told Jeff to find you, to face the demon that was taunting him, and either kill you or bring you home. He planned to kill you, to rid himself of your burden, but when he saw you stop and take aim, he couldn’t. You looked so perfect, a weapon in your hands. Suddenly you turned, spinning to face him. In two seconds you aimed and released, landing an arrow in his shoulder.  He screamed out, leaning up against a tree.

“Why are you here? What do you want?” You seethed, pulling another arrow into aim.

“Next one goes into your head. Answer me.”

“Because you crazy bitch…” He groans, pulling the arrow out. “You’re different. I meant to kill you that night.”

“Why didn’t you ?”

“I couldn’t!” He barked, he paused “I didn’t want to.”

You felt something, you knew for whatever reason, he wouldn’t hurt you. You lowered your bow and relaxed. He noticed and chuckled.

“Say…ever used that on anyone? Other than me.” He laughed, looking at you.

“No.” You say, staring at him.

“Do you want to?”

You scoffed and turned, walking away without another word. You had to admit though, his words stuck.  

Days later, you were doing the impossible.

“Shut up bitch!” You growled, slapping the weeping girl and throwing her into the forest floor.  

“Now, you understand the rules, correct?” You asked, preparing your bow. She nodded quickly, tears streaming down her face.

“Good,” You smiled, nocking an arrow. “Run.”  

And so she did. She scrambled up and ran as fast as she could. You grinned, let the games begin. There was always a thrill to hunting, an addicting feeling, but it was nothing compared to what it felt like to hunt another human. It was damn near erotic. You took your time, letting the tension build, you even wounded her and let her go, saving the kill for later. The entire time you walked the woods, a more sinister being was watching. Slenderman had to see what all the fuss was about after Jeff came home with a hole in his shoulder. He watched as you hunted this young girl, and he watched as you cornered her, shaking and screaming pleaded for her life. You laughed, taunting her foolish whims.  

“Shhh, don’t cry.” You whispered, leaning down to touch her soft face. “Don’t cry”  

You stood, a small moan you pulled back your arrow, and let it go.  

It was then Slenderman knew why Jeff couldn’t kill you. You were perfect, corrupted but still sane. The perfect killer.  

anonymous asked:

15. medicine, and winteriron? :)

Bucky has been sick for the better part of the month.

It’s been miserable, for sure. Especially being around Steve who, contrary to his youth, remains healthy always. And so damnably chipper that Bucky actually chanced the harsh cold to make it to the store and stare blearily at the shelves while trying to find that vapor rub he loves so much. Because, let’s face it, Bucky is the hard, intense Bitch Face to Steve’s Labrador puppy smile and while he may love Steve like a brother that doesn’t mean he has to put up with his Little Miss Sunshine shit all the time.

He belatedly realizes that Steve should be the one out of the house standing lost in the pharmaceutical isle of Walmart. Since he lost his arm while in the army he’s always been more about immediate action than forward planning. Anything to keep himself safe. Just not always the best plan, per-se.

Either way, it’s in that isle, somehow only being able to find Baby Aspirin over literally any other kind, which Bucky gets bumped into.

Keep reading

-I died when I took all the pills?
-I tried to save you.. I did. I tried to make you throw them up. You throw up some, not enough..
You took so many, Violet.
You died crying.
I held you.
You were safe.
You died.. Loved.
—  American Horror Story
Hurt (Bucky x Reader) (2/6)

Originally posted by sssmcdlove

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6

A/N: Written in the cursive are events from the past

Summary: Reader and Bucky were best friend, even more, but their relationship changes after something horrible happens to the Reader.

Warning:  mentions of rape, cursing, blood, violence, suicide….

You knocked on Bucky’s door.

The noise in his room was getting louder with any minute, like he was throwing things around. Finally, he opened the door surprised when he saw you standing in front of him.

˝Y/N, what are you doing here? ˝

Keep reading


Imagine Tate confessing his feelings for you after he saved you from overdosing

(Based off of an episode when he saves violet from overdosing on ‘sleeping’ pills but this one you actually survive [R.I.P. Violet])

May Be Triggering




As you struggle going to sleep, you remember the pills and jump up before going through your bag, you take one, but you were so upset and didn’t hesitate to take half almost all of the thing one by one, slowly dosing off, you lay on your bed in a ball before drifting away so quickly.

*Tates POV*

“Oh no, NO, NO!” I say while I run up to Y/N dragging her rag-dolled body to the bathroom,“Don’t you die on me Y/N!” I scream over and over before sitting in the tub letting the water fall on us, I could only make her throw up whatever she took, so I stuck my fingers in her throat, saving her and hugging her close while she wakes up.

*Readers POV*

No. It was all you could think when you woke up, it wasn’t supposed to be like this, you was supposed to be dead. You cried and laid back in Tate’s arms crying more and more.

*Briefly the next morning*

You sit on the side of your bead thinking about last night over and over again, you couldn’t believe you tried to kill yourself, before tears could come you got up and walked to your closet trying on clothes, after a while you choose to wear a big long sleeved sweater with some causal black leggings and random tennis shoes from the floor, you smiled to yourself.

“Y/N.” Tate said as you turned around startled then standing there waiting for him to say something else,“how are you?” He asked, you didn’t know.

“I feel weird, I don’t know, you saved me from myself Tate, thank you.” You say confusing the both of you.

“Hey, i saved us.” He said holding his arms out as you walk up and hug him, he places a kiss on the top of your head.

“I care about your feelings more than mine Y/N.” Tate says into your ear as you hug him tighter.

A pill to save a fox or a bear

a note appeared on the door of shards room saying “green” or “red” which to make which to choose. the right to find the pills is hard to gain, as one may take a trip to the mind. where honey glazed salmon is the excellent food to have, and mental wounds are healed in the resort of the mind. Once you understand you too shall find the pill to save and the pill to end.


#194: He Wakes You Up Because He Is Sick


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His illness was something he had tried to shrug off like dust, claiming it wasn’t as bad and it sounded and didn’t stay true to the fact that it was only getting worse. With his tight schedule it was hard to cut into sessions without showing up, and stating that his deep raspy voice only made the sound effects on the records ten time more rad didn’t sound that convincing on your behalf. He was sick, so sick that he could barely form a small smile without trying to dry off the sweat forming on his forehead from his fever. His nose was dripping, his throat was dry and in all order Luke wasn’t feeling well even if he didn’t want to realize it. His coughs were violent and made you flutter your eyes open to see his deep struggle, the mattress bouncing by each cough. “I’m sick. Sorry for waking you up.” He breathed finally, feeling how his eyes were on you and you gave him a sympathetic smile. “It’s fine.” You mumbled, you had been half awake throughout the whole process so it wasn’t like he was waking you up from a deep slumber. Patting your chest twice to get his reaction he looked over at you shortly before smiling softly. Settling his cheek in the middle of your breasts a deep sigh escaped his lips. The way you were running your hand through his hair seemed to take his mind of everything. So much that he didn’t realize that he snoozed back off, a huge isle coming to your lips as you closed your eyes too.


He had turned around a million times, trying to find the right position to rest on but in the end giving up and allowed a frustrated sign to escape his lips. His forehead was burning to the point where he couldn’t blame the air condition despite it being his hope. He didn’t want to be sick, he was rarely sick and now it was all over the place and he could barely sleep with a sheet over him. He had tried to be careful at first, not wanting to disturb your sleep but when turning around again to face you his eyes widened. “What is going on?” Your eyes were barely open by the tiredness but you were still fully awake. A guilty expression came to his face and he leaned his chin on his hand. “I think I have a fever.” It wasn’t supposed to come out as weak as it did but you heard it loud and clear and touched his forehead. It was burning so hard there wasn’t any doubt. You stood up from the bed immediately even if he was protesting, deciding to find a small fan. He was about to say something, probably trying to protest again but when he felt the amazing feeling of the cold wind he stayed quiet and let out a deep sigh. He was so insanely tired and now it finally seemed to be over on the behalf of you. “I love you so fucking much you have no idea.”


Michael had tried to shrug it off at first, claiming that it wasn’t more of an headache but the further he turned around for the fourth time the worse it got. He had been feeling awful lately, constantly needing your attention with a pounding headache and a burning throat. He hated being helpless likes this, always wanting to stand straight and be dependent. But the more he thought about the pain the worse it got, to the point where he couldn’t take it anymore. ”Y/N?” It came out weak and strangled, totally exposing his pain and he squeezed his eyes shut while burying his face into the pillow. It didn’t take you more than a split second to open your eyes, seeing the miserable expression on his face. “Would you mind getting me some aspirin?” You didn’t even need to look at the time to see what it was before you opened your drawer where you had saved the pills you knew he would later claim to need. A huge tired smile plastered on his face when seeing the pill pack, sitting up straight in the bed and grabbed the water bottle from his nightstand. He didn’t hesitate to drown all the liquid along with the pill, a satisfied smile embracing his face. “Goodnight babe.” He groaned lightly before his face had direction towards your chest, resting his cheek in between and closed his eyes tiredly hoping that he would be feeling better sooner than later.


The nausea seemed faint, but still enough to make him notice. He couldn’t tell if it was a part of his dream or if it was in real life but its realistic features were enough for him to flutter his eyes open. The darkness was still clouding around him, his eyes blinking a few times but that was when he felt it. But with the lack of reaction from his deep sleep from before he did the most logical thing to do and grabbed the bucket from the floor. It had been standing there for days in support of his illness but he hadn’t seen the point of it standing there until now. He felt embarrassed, he didn’t want to show this side of him to anyone but getting the feeling of your hand rubbing up and down his back was probably the best feeling ever. His throat was burning and he felt that everything was miserable but by the feeling of yours presence was just what he secretly needed. You didn’t even have to say anything, you knew he was guilty over waking you up but you’d rather prefer that than having him trying to take care of himself. It wasn’t much you could do but just being there, leaning your cheek against his sweaty bare back, sometimes pressing a soft kiss and rubbing your hand up and down seemed to be enough for him. He didn’t need anything else but you to know that everything was gonna get better.

Out of the Dark

You ran to the door as you heard the knock knowing it was your boyfriend, Oliver Sykes. “You ready, babe?” You nodded and slid on your black vans before walking out. Oliver was taking you to your first Warped Tour considering your parents thought your music was from Lucifer himself, but you have been dying to do this your entire life.

            The sun beat down on the both of you and you hardly cared about it. This was the most exciting thing that could ever happen. “You haven’t stopped smiling since we got in the car.” Oli laughed.

            “I’m just so excited to finally meet all the people that mean the most to me. You don’t even know.”

            “Oh, but I do. There are plenty of fans that come up to me crying because they have also been waiting for that moment because it might’ve been the most important moment of their life. A lot of them have been through a lot like me and you.”

            “I’m excited to meet fans too. They are my family-The family that I belong in.” Oliver knew all about your past of being rejected by your family because you weren’t that daughter they wanted that played softball and wore pink and listened to country music and pop. It wasn’t you and they didn’t love you because of it. It made your childhood feel like a nightmare. Oli is the one that saved you from it all. He found you in the bathroom of a club, your mascara running and your head hung low with a bottle in one hand and pills in the other hand. He took you under his wing and saved you from ending the life you thought was useless.

            When you finally got there, Oli took you to his tour bus to put down your stuff and then he showed you where you could go out into the crowd or where you could go backstage. “You can come with me right now if you want. We have to go warm up.”

            “I think I’m going to go hang out with the crowd if that’s okay.” You smiled and kissed him, “I’ll see you on stage in a little bit, okay?”

“Okay baby, I love you.”

“I love you too.” You ran off the bus and ran out to where the crowd was. Black Veil Brides was playing and your heart stopped for a second. Your inspiration was on stage right in front of you. You couldn’t believe you were actually here.

“You okay, hun?” A girl beside you asked.

“Yeah, this is just amazing.” She smiled at me.

            “Come on! Let’s go get closer.” She took your hand and you both crouched down as you fought through the crowd to get to the front. “I’m Riley, and you are?”


“Nice to meet you!” For the rest of the day you hung out and watched bands together and afterwards, you even took her backstage to meet the Oli. She was so psyched about it.

“Do you guys want to meet everyone else?” Oli asked as he took your hand and pulled you back stage where all the bands were hanging out now that the day was over. “You guys, this is the one and only, Austin Carlile.” The tears started flowing down your face with no control and you hugged Austin.

“Hi,” He said with a chuckle, “It’s nice to meet you too.”

“You’ve helped keep me strong and on my feet, I want you to know.” He hugged you back, but you had to pull away knowing that Oli was the jealous type. He took you two on to meet the rest of the band and all you could do was cry happiness. This was the best day of your life.

“I… I really need to go home. My dad will be worried if I don’t.” Riley said after you had met everyone.

“Oh, we can take you home if you’d like.” You offered not really asking Oli first, but you were certain he would be okay with it.

“You don’t have to. I can walk.”

“No no, we will take you. No worries.” Oli smiled and took your hand, “Come on now, it will be fun.” You all went out to Oliver’s car and got in. Oli took the two of you through the drive thru at Dairy Queen to get ice cream and then to Riley’s house. The two of you exchanged numbers before you left. It felt good that you had finally made a friend for the first time since elementary school. You had been ditched by all the others when you started to grow up and everyone saw that you were very different.

When you got back home, Oliver took you to the door where both of you were greeted by your very angry mother. “I told you what that music would do to you, (y/n)! How dare you betray your family to go worship Satan all day! Do you think people are going to like you if you listen to that? I bet Oliver took you to some Satan ritual thing, didn’t he? What are you doing to my daughter?”

“Mom! What is wrong with you? Do you know why I’m alive? Do you know? You weren’t the one there to pick me up off the ground and take the pills from my hand before I swallowed every last one of them. You weren’t there to tell me that I am actually loved. You aren’t the one that helped me out of the dark! It was Oli! Oli helped me out of the dark and you are the one that put me there. This music that you keep calling satanic is the music that keeps me getting up in the morning. It’s the music that tells me I’m worth something when you obviously think differently. I’m not one bit of sorry that I didn’t add up to be what you wanted me to be! Screw you! Screw you and Dad! You never loved me!” Oliver put his arms around you to try and get you to calm down. Tears were falling down your cheeks and you knew you could have ranted all night about how she was the reason you hated yourself once upon a time.

“Don’t talk to me like that, young lady!” She smacked you in the face and Oliver pulled you back.

“(y/n), go get in the car. We’ll come pack your bags tomorrow. You’re going to come live with me.” He kissed your head and you walked on to the car and got in. Oliver started to follow you, but turned around one last time.

“If I’m Satan then I’d hate to know what hell hole you came from.”

Maybe a part two to this? Maybe? Hope you guys like it!! Please send me requests!! Please!! 

NEED COUCH/ROOM - somewhere near Queens or Brooklyn, NY (negotiable)

i’m a 19 year old bisexual trans woman who lives in the middle of north carolina who’s looking for a place to live in new york. in january i came out to my parents after they forced me to open a package using my real name. i ran away from home and stayed with one of my best friends for a bit. my parents called and tried to convince me to come back home and they made it sound like they’d learn to accept me and i feel really stupid about it but i fell for it and now 7 months later i’m here and they’ve completely cut me off from transition. even before this they’d threaten to hit me for acting “like a girl,” they’ve taken whatever feminine clothes + makeup i had hidden away in my closet, they’ve tried to stop me from seeing all of my friends and told me they didn’t really care about me, they told me i had no real friends, we’ve had tons of arguments with yelling and crying where they told me i’d always be a man no matter what i do. they left me letters telling me “pills won’t do anything to save you.” they forced me to see a conversion therapist and made me go to church with them for a while. i got a letter approval to start hormones and they literally took it away from me and told me they will absolutely cut me off if i begin this transition. i’ve been too afraid to run away again because of what they’d do but i don’t think i can do this much longer. i decided a few months ago that i want to move to new york because that’s where my fiance lives and after i had gone to visit her recently i realized that’s probably my best option if i can get enough money. so all of this time i’ve been working as much as possible + i have a donation post that’s been floating around for several months (and i would be really grateful if you donated. there’s a button on my blog.) things keep getting harder for me while i’m down here. on top of all that i mentioned before my job is fucking awful and my employers don’t are about my feelings whatsoever + i have to hear my birthname all the time and when i’m already feeling awful about something that happened at home i have to come to work and deal with extremely rude customers who have no sympathy for cashiers. my car broke over the summer and i had to get a cheap new one and only a month later it stopped working and i had a major car repair bill. not even a week later, my laptop gets broken. being north with my fiance and not living 10 hours away would improve my life tenfold and that’s probably my only option because i’ve contemplated suicide from having to live in this state. it’s not just this area. and before anyone asks, while i would consider finding a place with my fiance, we both don’t have it so well financially + she’s starting to dorm at brooklyn college this month. i feel so weak and i don’t think i can get my life started until i move far, far away from this shithole. please help me out or boost this.

killantro (i meant to put my url here the first time but i forgot)