piles

Standards of Cleanliness

XSTJ: Everything must be perfectly in order, and my folders must be alphabetized and color coded. And there will be absoultely no germs left after I fumigate this room with Lysol…(etc.)

XNTP: No cockroaches are allowed in any of my piles of random sh*t, except for Jimmy and his friends. You guys can stay for as long as you need…It is so amusing to observe you. *places a cracker near Jimmy*

Free The Animal

Word Count: 6k

Genre: Smut, Angst (will I ever stop being emo?)

Author’s Note: You ever forget that you’re a fanfic writer then you write a fic so bad you remember how much of a hack you are? Yeah welcome to my fic :’D

dom!jungkook- fuckboi!jungkook- fuckbuddy relationship- dirty talk- thigh riding mention because damn even I am not immune to his thighs- inspired by Sia’s song and part of the song drabble game. You can find links to the rest of them on my masterlist

Loving You To Death (Sequel)

There he was with his hands up some girl’s skirt, grinding on her like he was trying to fuck her through their clothes, the fucking pig. You huff and turn to your friend who gives you an exasperated look, “___, just go and grab him by the dick and tell him he can’t fucking do that.”

“He can do whatever the fuck he wants to do, even if that is a bleach blonde bitch with a tan that makes her look like an Oompa Loompa.” That was pretty low, you admit. It wasn’t the girl’s fault that Jungkook had chosen her for the night. But seriously, there was a limit to tanning, this was just harmful to the eyes.

“No, he can’t because you’re together.” Your friend, Hwasa, sounds pretty fed up with you.

“No, we’re not. We’re just fuck buddies and we agreed that we’re not exclusive right from the start.” Why wasn’t she understanding this? You’d explained it to her a thousand times.

“I don’t care what bullshit you told each other. All I care about is what I see, and that is two idiots constantly doing all they can to piss each other off because they can’t communicate like adults.”

“What are you even talking about? Jungkook is not trying to piss me off. He’s just being himself. Which is admittedly annoying in and of itself but you know…”

“Then why did he do nothing the past three days but play video games while you were off galavanting with Jin, only to start making out with some girl the minute you make an appearance?”

“He did?” You asked surprised, only to check yourself back and shrug it off. “I don’t know, he must have just not felt like it.”

“Oh my god, save me from these two idiots.” Hwasa cries then takes you by the shoulder and starts shaking you, “He’s fucking jealous because you took Jin to meet your family and not him so he’s trying to piss you off. Why? Because he likes you. And you’re pissed off. Why? Because you like him. Now can you get that through your thick skull or do I have to beat it into you?”

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fandomhop  asked:

[Headcanon; the first thing Taako did after the Hunger was defeated was go to his bed and take a fucking nap. That was a big day, and cha'boy's all kinds of tired. He naps for like 14 hours.]

oh yeah. hunger’s gone, adrenaline’s over, all the cheering and celebration and people hugging each other and what the fuck ever is over, and taako is immediately and abruptly real fuckin exhausted. listen. he just remembered a hundred years of his life and also saved the world and got his boyfriend out of the astral plane and hachi machi, he needs a nap.

not sure whether he just like, leaves, goes to find his bedroom (where the fuck even is the moonbase now, actually? is it still up?) or whether he like, shouts “ALRIGHT, CH'BOY JUST SAVED THE WORLD AND WANTS A NAP,  HOW THE FUCK DO I GET BACK UP TO THE MOONBASE,” and lup is like “taako, you’re one of the best wizards in the planar system, you can just teleport, babe” and he’s like, “oh, right.”

then he’s like “NOBODY BOTHER ME FOR THE NEXT FOUR HOURS,” and then teleports, dragging kravitz with him cause he wants to cuddle while taking a nap, and then he walks across his room shedding clothing [hat, cloak, w/e) and collapses into bed with his boyfriend and zonks out.

around hour three, magnus wanders in to check on him and is like “oh okay they look comfy” and then kind of. sits down. accidentally falls asleep.

hour four and angus has been fussed over by like a million people and stuff and wants to see where taako and magnus are and goes looking around their apartment and finds them asleep and he doesn’t exactly join them but gee, a nap sounds good right now, so he curls up in the big armchair across from the bed and nods off.

around hour five merle - after checkin in with his kids and making sure they’re okay and stuff, wonders where the other two guys are and accidentally does the same thing magnus does. this bed is getting crowded.

around hour seven after barry and lup are done Talking And Crying and going to get barry’s extra flesh body, they go to check on taako cause he’s probably awake by now right? he’s not awake. theres like three other people in the bed. “aw,” lup says. by now kravitz is awake, but he can’t move cause taako’s like. clinging to him like a vine on a tree. its wild.

“we need to talk,” kravitz says, trying to glare, looking personally affronted by lup’s fiery form, but it doesnt really work cause taako is like. drooling into his shoulder.

“yeah, but later,” barry says, yawning, and he’s sitting at the foot of the bed and kind of nodding off. it’s been a LONG day. lup kisses him and is like “go to sleep babe i’ll handle it” and he falls asleep on taako’s bed too. its getting REAL fuckin crowded.

around hour 12 (after kravitz has fallen back asleep and merle has woken up and gone to talk with davenport, and come back with davenport, and magnus woke up and went to find something to eat with lup and angus because lup was like ‘no way do i trust u in a kitchen maggie, ten years aint shit’ and etc, and taako has been sleeping through everything and for some reason they’ve decided that taako’s bedroom is like. central HQ for the ipre family reunion minus lucretia plus kravitz and ango) and lucretia finally comes in, real tentative, she’s just here to make sure that everyone is okay and stuff, she has director things to do, and she gets if they dont want to see her, thats fine, and lup rolls her eyes (she’s sitting on the floor playing cards and eating snacks with magnus, davenport, and merle, and angus) and is like, “get in here, Creesh. you can be guilty later.” and davenport nods sharply as if to say “you are not forgiven but you are still family” and lucretia wipes her eyes and comes in and they play cards.

hour 14 and taako wakes up and looks around and is like “why the FUCK is everyone in my room????”