piles

3

If you liked it, then you should have put a croissant on it.

[Yes, hello, I would like to issue a public apology to all of France,,,,,]

Nessian’s Kids Headcanons

I know this is unexpected from me because I was vehemently against any pregnancies/baby faes for any of the ships in ACOWAR but I am okay with them having kids waaaaay way down the line. Anyway, I don’t remember how this happened but Sarah @nessiansmut and I came up with a few headcanons of Azriel and Elain babysitting Nessian’s kids so here we go:

  • The inner circle would do the ‘not it’ thing whenever nessian need a babysitter. no one would be able to keep those kids in line
  • Elain would volunteer as a last resort 'how bad can it be?’
  • Azriel agrees to help because Elain convinces him he could probably help keep the kids entertained with his shadows
  • one hour in they’re missing one child, one’s running around naked and another’s pulling at Azriel’s wings trying to get him to spread them wide so they can see them
  • just imagine loud curly headed children running around everywhere
  • even azriel’s shadows wouldn’t be a match for them. Elain would be frantically screaming at him to find the missing kid and he’d just be like 'I’VE GOT NOTHING! IT’S LIKED THEY DROPPED OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH!’
  • I thought fae children were supposed to be rare where do they keep coming from????
    From your damn sister who apparently spends all her time “training” doing something else entirely
    Someone needs to stop them before they make a small army
  • The naked kid is pulling out all these random weapons and Elain is just horrified. “Do they not baby proof?!?” (Cass would be offended to hear that: 'that is baby proof! the blade’s shorter than 20cm!’ )
  • Azriel would be begging and pleading for Rhys to use his daemati power to convince the kids to calm down “But you’re High Lord surely you can get them to stop moving.”
  • one of the kids would be grinning really wide but his teeth have a blue glow and Az sees and he’s like 'Spit out the Syphon! Geez, how and when did you even get that?’ (SOMEONE PLEASE DRAW THIS)
  • a completely dishevelled Elain would be furiously whispering to Az “Just knock them out! Not too hard. Nobody has to know. It’s the only way to get them to sleep and we can get a break. Please”
  • Azriel trying to change diapers having to use his shadows to stop the kid from squirming around
  • 'AZ I CAN’T FLY YOU NEED TO GET HER DOWN FROM THE ROOF ASAP' 
  • one of the babies is that type of kid who just doesn’t stop asking questions. “Are your wings bigger than daddy’s? Do you sleep upside down like a bat? Why are yours blue?”
  • the only reason nessian needed a babysitter was to go to the cabin in the illyrian mountains and have sex for a few hours.  
  • Nesta: I have a meeting with the humans. Emissary business he’s coming for protection.
    Elain: *mutters under breath* the only protection he needs to provide is of the contraceptive kind
    Azriel: emissary business my ass.
  • imagine Az with a baby hanging onto his back for dear life and nibbling at his wing while he’s trying to find his pacifier “Elain it bit me” “Azriel they have names…" 
  • "PLEASE STOP CHEWING AT MY WINGS DEAR GOD ELAIN THEIR BABIES ARE CANNIBALS”
  • “I fought Hybern. Twice. I survived my brothers. This this is too much.“
  • They find a 4th kid just sitting in the kitchen completely still. they’d look outside into the living room muttering "1…2…3…” they turn and look into the kitchen “4?…” “I thought they only had 3.” “So did I.”
  • after they realise that two of them are twins Elain would be running around yelling 'WHO ARE YOU?! WHERE’S THE SECOND YOU?!’
  • Nesta then lets them know that they won’t make it home in time and they need them to babysit the kids overnight  “What do you mean you’re running late and watch them for 3 hours is now over night? What do we feed them? Do they sleep?” 
  • eventually Nesta and Cass would come back and Az would be passed out on the couch with a baby cradled in the crook of his wing on the floor, the baby’s nappy not even secured properly. Elain would be sleeping upstairs with her head on the toilet seat with two more kids sleeping in a nest of blankets in the bathtub and the fourth kid would be in the kitchen stuffing his face with marshmallows and grinning at them when they come home
  • They wouldn’t even blink, though. Cass would just pick the kid up when he makes grabby hands at him and goes 'DADA!’ and he’d be like 'Heeeey buddy… did you give auntie Elain and uncle Az a hard time?’ and the kid would nod and he’d be like 'good job!’ and fist bump his little fist. Nesta would go upstairs to wake Elain up and thank her
  • Elain would wake up and the first thing she says is  “I swear to god, Nesta if you have any more kids not even your death powers will save you from my rage” or “I’d rather be thrown in the cauldron again than babysit these monsters again.”

BONUS Headcanons:

  • Nesta and Cassian have 4 kids: the oldest is a girl, the twins and the youngest are boys
  • They name the girl after Cassian’s mother
  • the twin who always disappears has Nesta’s personality and he always just hides somewhere and reads
Standards of Cleanliness

XSTJ: Everything must be perfectly in order, and my folders must be alphabetized and color coded. And there will be absoultely no germs left after I fumigate this room with Lysol…(etc.)

XNTP: No cockroaches are allowed in any of my piles of random sh*t, except for Jimmy and his friends. You guys can stay for as long as you need…It is so amusing to observe you. *places a cracker near Jimmy*

Okay but like imagine a movie night with the gang, Sarge picks the movie and picks the worst, most boring and oldest movie ever and everybody just kinda slowly passes out one by one during the duration of the movie until everybody’s sleeping in piles, leaning and laying over each other comforted by the skin to skin contact and the sound of slow breathing. Nobody but Sarge knows that he picked the movie because he knew how much the gang needed a group nap.

anonymous asked:

I want to listen to some podcasts but my english is not that good so can you rec me podcasts with transcripts

i’m actually just the right person to go to for this because i have a really hard time paying attention to podcasts.  my mind tends to wander without a firm focus point and i miss entire chunks of episodes so it really helps to have a page up so i can follow along with my eyes.  of the ones i listen to, these are the ones that i know have at least some transcripts:

  • the bright sessions - a lot of season two’s are missing, but one and three are fully available
  • the penumbra podcast - they are currently attempting to set up a fan-run transcription tumblr but, in the meantime and if you can afford it, they do have season two’s transcripts available if you’re a patreon supporter
  • welcome to night vale - the night vale presents shows are your best friends because they have very dedicated fanbases that get the transcripts up crazy fast (and joseph and jeffrey are super cool about them existing), so there’s also…
  • alice isn’t dead
  • within the wires
  • the orbiting human circus (of the air)
  • tanis - this one is not current, cuts out partway through season two, but they do have transcripts available if you’re a patreon supporter (though they are super slow to get them out, just fyi)
  • the black tapes
  • ars paradoxica
  • limetown - unfortunately only the first four (of six) episodes are transcribed

hope this helps!  ❤