pigeon-shit

How CW would go if fucking logic applied to Marvel
  • Natasha:Here, the government agreement signed. We also have the training facilities for new superpowered people up and running.
  • Steve:I know, and I trust you and Tony to keep this under control and clean. I just wish this wasn’t necessary.
  • Natasha:Yeah, but we need the people we fight for to trust us, and these newbies require training and a sense of responsibility. Least they accidentally blow up a school or something,
  • Steve:ikr?
  • ***
  • Steve:Bucky, you are a wanted man now… which is why I can’t just let you waltz around running from law enforcement, because It can only end in disaster and more innocent deaths. We are gonna bring you in, but let me make a call first.
  • Steve:Tony hey, can I borrow your team of lawyers and some money?
  • Tony:Sure, whatever.
  • ***
  • SI lawyers:Your honor, as you can see in these documents and photographs owned by Hydra/SHIELD and released by agent Romanova for the whole world to see a couple of years ago, our client, James Barnes, was a condecorated soldier taken war prisoner, brutally tortured, brainwashed and forced to perform terrible acts against his will or knowing by a terrorist Nazi organization. He is a victim and a survivor. As will confirm this lot of experts in the psychological and brainwashing field as well as Captain America, who is completely trustworthy and would never go against the concerns of the people of this country.
  • The judge:Released without charges with supervision detail for the duration of the mandatory rehab.
  • ***
  • The government:But who’s gonna pay for all these murders?
  • The Avengers:HYDRA will pay. Let us handle them.
  • The Government:‘kay
  • The avengers:*doing some hardcore 100% legal avenging, wiping out the rest of Hydra while the general public cheers for it’s heroes*
  • *** meanwhile***
  • Clint’s wife:Oh thank you so much guys, you know with the baby and Clint flying around the world fighting the bad guys we really didn’t have the time to do this.
  • Bucky and his supervision agents:*planting potatoes and chill*

me: (looks at columbidae)

columbidae:

me: 👌🐦👌🐦👌🐦👌🐦👌🐦 good pidge gO౦d pidge 👌 thats ✔ some good👌👌pidge right 👌👌 th 👌 ere👌👌👌 right✔there ✔✔if i do ƽaү so my self 💯 i say so 💯 thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ💯👌👌👌 cO0 cОଠOOOOOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ👌👌👌👌 💯 👌🐦🐦🐦👌👌 good pidge

*Katie Holt is undercover at Galaxy Garrison registering for the new school year*

Receptionist: Alrighty, in order to enroll you’ll just have to fill out and sign these forms.

Katie, hair cut short and in slightly ill-fitting clothes: Oh okay, thank you.

Receptionist: Such a polite young man! By the way, i never caught your name? :)

Katie: My- my name? Yes, haha, my name. (looks wildly around surroundings)

*At the window, a pigeon struts on the ledge before pooping and flying away*

Katie: My name is, um, Pidge.

Receptionist: Pidge…?

Katie: Pidge, um, *looks around again*

*A father and son walk by the door on a tour around the school. On the waist of their tour guide rests a holstered gun.*

Katie: … GUNDERSON. Pidge. Gunderson. That’s- that’s my name, haha! Yes.

Receptionist: … Pidge Gunderson?

Katie: It’s a family name.

The Signs As Dan & Phil’s Weird Anecdotes/Stories

Aries: Phil getting attacked by a squirrel whilst attempting to photograph it.

Taurus: Getting stuck on a roller coaster. 

Gemini: Dan making eye contact with a shitting pigeon. 

Cancer: Dan and Phil getting trapped in their lounge together after the door handle fell off.

Leo: Phil watching the man outside his window grip a tree during a windstorm and sing ‘Earth Song’.

Libra: Dan giving his waiter three coins and an extra strong mint for a tip.

Scorpio: The panic alarm.

Virgo: Phil knocking an entire box of bath bombs in to the tub and then bathing in the “glittery volcano”.

Sagittarius: Phil getting attacked by the neighbor’s dog after leaving the apartment door open.

Capricorn: The power nap.

Aquarius: Dan pouring boiling water in to his cereal rather than milk.

Pisces: Phil being woofed at by a strange man on the street.

The signs as Gordon Ramsay insults

Aries: “He asked for medium-rare and look what we’ve got. Medium-well, medium-well and that’s well done. Well done to you. And well done to you!”

Taurus: “Use your fingers, you’ve got more control over it. When you’ve got tongs and you’re stabbing it, stabbing it, stabbing it! You’re not performing appendicitis, you fuck!”

Gemini: “You’re about as consistent as pigeon shit on Trafalgar Square.”

Cancer: “Look at that. It’s like a bisons penis. What is that shit?”

Leo: “That wouldn’t even pass as fucking kitty cat fucking cat food.”

Virgo: “What’s three times three Amanda? Nine. Nine! So give me nine fucking chops you thick bitch.”

Libra: “I don’t trust you running a bath. Let alone a fucking restaurant”

Scorpio: “My gran can do better! And she’s dead!”

Sagittarius: “You don’t microwave a salad, you fucking doughnut.”

Capricorn: “There’s fucking fish hotter than that in a fucking sushi bar.”

Aquarius: “Help me understand where your dream is. You handle fish like a fucking donkey. I don’t get it.”

Pisces: “Look at this. I swear to God, it’s the kind of shit you’d expect Tiger Woods to tee off with. Look at it. Rubber, rubber, rubber!”