pigeon foo


Normally I write about what makes people so great but I have done that a bunch and sadly this time I am going to have to write about some pretty gaping flaws in pigeonfoo because they need to be said.  Her big flaws, as far as I can tell are:

  1. There is only one of her.  This leaves the world dangerously Foo-deficiant.  What if there is a some sort of emergency in San Francisco and like,… London at the same time and the only solution is some Pigeon Foo.  Due to her poor planning and the limits of she’d really be able to only go to one place
  2. She might be hording all the awesome.  I know from experience that she is pretty awesome and the truth is I have met a fair number of people on the internet and a good number of them are painfully lame.  Maybe it’s cause Pigeon Foo is using all the awesome.  Not so cool.

Now, the big question is how she got so awesome, there are lots of theories on this (by theories I mean bullshit I am making up as we speak but it’s cool, I am an expert on awesome.  I spent my childhood playing totally rad video games, watching the most badass movies and one time my friend and I created a super villain who had the body of a gorilla, robot arms, and shot chainsaws out of his mouth.  That’s pretty friggin’ awesome).  Anyway, the most popular theories are that as a kid she was left on the step of awesome monks and spent her life training to be super awesome until finally she left their awesome monastery to spread awesomeness in the world or she was bitten by some sort of radioactive monkey ninja pirate who worked part times as a motorcycle daredevil, thus giving her the proportionate awesomeness of a spider.  Anyway, mixed in with all of this is the fact that it’s been about 2 years that I have been following Pigeon Foo and in that time her work has gotten increasingly better, I have really seen her  grow as a model and it is impressive but probably her third flaw, as she gets better and better at what she does she’s really just making the rest of us look even worse.  Like a bunch of lame-os.  Kind of a dick move on her part if you ask me.  But… it’s hard to stay mad at her because she’s pretty awesome.  Trust me, I know, I’m an expert.  Go ahead and follow her and you’ll see I am totally right.  And all of that is why today I want to fuck Pigeon Foo.