pigdey

Pokémon Go

Players in the city: I’m level 15! I’ve caught a ton of rare pokemon, and hatched a dozen eggs! It’s so nice to get out and enjoy the sunlight!

Me, who lives in The Deep South™: I walked for twenty seconds, and it’s so hot. I can’t grip my phone because my hands are too sweaty. My clothes are attached to my skin like velcro. I’ve caught 500 Pigdeys and two Spearow. I’m out of Pokeballs because there isn’t a Pokestop in a fifteen mile radius. I am dying.

Here’s a little thing I wrote based on the TwitchPlaysPokemon stream:

It’s been days. You started your journey like every other kid your age on your 10th birthday. Only, you were different. You had multiple voices in your head telling you where to go, and you could only helplessly obey them. At first, it was bearable. There were only a few hundred voices, and you could get something such as leaving your house to go get your first pokemon done in around 30 minutes. But things got worse from there. By the time you reach the first gym, it’s been nearly a week (it really only took them less than a day to get there and beat Brock) since you left Pallet Town, and the number of voices in your head have grown, shouting commands in your ears. You can’t think, and can only barely hear what other people are saying. You take hours to reach the gym, which should have only taken you a few minutes, but the voices constantly tell you to walk in random directions, and it seems like for every step you take in the right direction, you take 30 steps back, often running into buildings along the way. Even with these voices, you manage to beat Brock with only a Chamander named ABBBBBBBK ( and a Pigdey. You take about another week on a journey to Cerulean City that should have taken only a couple of days at most. You got a Helix Fossil in Mt. Moon, which you have since consulted thousands of times, whether it be on the road, or in battle. You also got a Moonstone, but threw it away at the prompting of the voices. The voices have doubled in number along the way, and the shouting is unbearable, but you smile in an attempt to hide your discomfort and shuffle along into every building and ledge in your way. You manage to defeat Misty and obtain the S.S. Anne ticket from Bill, the process taking days and numerous setbacks. You make it to Vermilion City in less than a week, an accomplishment, considering the number of voices keep growing. You make it onto the S.S. Anne and get the HM Cut, the whole process taking way longer than it should have, and manage to defeat Lt. Surge. You make your way back to Cerulean City and make your way to Rock Tunnel. It takes days, but you get there. Getting through Rock Tunnel is a nightmare. It’s pitch black, and the voices keep telling you to dig your way back to the entrance. After the third time, the voices guide you to putting the Rattata the knows dig into storage, you make your way through the Tunnel. After many days of wandering in the pitch black, you come out the other side into Lavender Town. After healing your team, which now consists of a Charmeleon, a Pidgeot, A Drowsee, a Farfetch’d named Dux, and a Rattata, not the same one as before, named JLVWNNOOOO, you go to Celadon City. The voices now number somewhere around 50,000 now, and it’s been days, and you still can’t get past the tree.