pie is my favorite

My favorite thing is capitalists calling socialist ideas “pie in the sky” when that term was coined by a Wobbly to describe, among other things, the hollow promises of capitalism

Jack and Eric are barely out the door when Alicia turns to her husband and says, “He’s too nice.”

Bob flounders. “What? How can he be ‘too nice’? He’s trying to impress us, he’s clearly nervous.”

“They played together for two years and lived in the same house for half that time, but they only start dating after Jack signed with the Falconers. You don’t find that suspicious.”

Alicia stares down the pie on the kitchen counter.

“That’s raspberry rhubarb, Bobby. I love raspberry rhubarb because my mother used to make it. It’s not common, it’s a pain in the ass to make, it’s not as good as strawberry rhubarb, and the only interview where I ever talked about that pie was in Redbook in ‘96.”

“So, the kid did his research on his boyfriend’s mother. What’s the harm in that?”

“That’s not research, Bobby, that’s obsession.” 

“You think Eric Bittle is dating our son to get closer to you.”

“No, I’m saying Eric Bittle is so worried about impressing us that he dug up a twenty-year-old article to make my favorite pie. If he’s working this hard to make us like him, he’s worried he’s not enough on his own, and that means Jack is probably expending emotional energy he doesn’t have trying to reassure this young man that he’s worthy of their relationship.”

Alicia pokes at the perfectly browned crust with a perfectly manicured nail.

“Jack’s not built to support a significant other with self-doubts, he can barely handle his own. He needs a partner that can carry their own weight. If Eric needs to work this hard to convince us he’s stable, he’s probably not.” 

She stabs a fork into the pie and takes a bite, chewing slowly to savor the familiar flavors.

“That’s why I don’t trust him.”

The Joker x Reader - “Mini Monster in Training”

The Joker is going to babysit his daughter alone for the first time. You really need to get away for a little bit so hopefully the two of them will manage without you. How hard can it be?!

“Here she is, baby,” you whisper, handing over your 6 months old daughter to J.  She’s still sleeping and he reaches his hands, impatient:

“Gimme!” he grins, placing Emma on his chest, careful not to wake her up. “I don’t want you to go,” he talks in a low voice, caressing her back.

“I’ll only be gone for a few hours, OK? I really need to dye my hair and get out of the penthouse for a little bit.”

“What if I have to change her? I don’t like that part,” The Joker pouts, pulling on your hand.

“Then just change her, you’ll be fine. Text me or call me if something happens,” you lean over to kiss him, then kiss her little head and sneak out of the bedroom before he complains some more.

“Don’t stay too long!” you hear him before closing the door.

It’s for the first time J is babysitting on his own. Since it’s still morning, he takes a little nap with her, feeling lazy for once. When she starts moving around he opens his eyes, hoping she won’t wake up yet. He keeps on looking at her, amazed on how cute she is.

She’s so adorable, he thinks, mesmerized by her dark blonde, curly hair. I sure made a beautiful baby; I’m such a stud! J praises himself since there is no one else around to do it for him.

Emma starts rubbing her eyes, and finally lifts her head up, babbling something The Joker finds irresistibly sweet so he kisses her forehead, taking a deep breath, not understanding why he feels so ecstatic.

“Hey, Pumpkin Pie, we’re home alone, what do you think about that, hm? Wanna have some fun with daddy?”

She grows more and more impatient and he has to get up, heading towards the living room.

“What are you wearing?” he chuckles, noticing the writing on her little pink onesie: “Miss J - Mini Monster in Training.” You two ordered so many personalized clothes for her she has a room full that will hopefully be worn at least once before she grows older. “That’s right, daddy’s Mini Monster,” he lifts her up really high in his arms and she giggles like a little mouse, showing him the few little teeth she has. “You like that? Daddy knows what you like,” he smirks, putting her down in the crib with a bunch of toys.

“I have to take a shower and I’ll be right back, little Princess,” and he heads towards the bathroom when he gets the text from you:

“I forgot to tell you I fed and changed her before I left so you should be good for a while.”

Thank God, The Joker rolls his eyes, relieved, trying to be as fast as possible while getting ready for the day.

After he’s done he takes his daughter with him in the office, holding her while trying to write down in his agenda. Emma pulls on his diamond earring, trying to get the shiny stone out.
“Auch, little Doll, that kind of hurts,” he moves his head away from her tiny hand and she won’t have any of it so she starts whimpering, unhappy he’s denying her something she was having fun with.

“Oh, no, don’t cry, daddy doesn’t like that,” he frowns, bouncing her in his arms for a bit, then he gives up, resigned, letting her go back to her play while she coos, starting to chew on his shirt. Her hands move from his earring to his hair, pulling on the green strands.

“You like my hair?” he scribbles on the paper, absent minded while she keeps on drooling and biting even more on his favorite shirt. “Pumpkin Pie, not on my purple shirt!” he whines, exasperated when finally notices what she’s doing. J puts her down on the floor, wiping as much as he can off the silk and she starts slowly crawling around his feet, rattling some of the toys she finds around the carpet from time to time.

The Joker feels her by his leg but doesn’t pay attention until it’s too late: she is chewing on his favorite pants now, preoccupied with her task.

“Noooo, little Princess, not my pants too,” J huffs, lifting her up again and he realizes it wasn’t probably a good idea to wear fancy clothes while babysitting. He heads towards the closet and gets a pair of sweatpants out, quickly changing before the baby gets too fussy in the crib.

“There, better,” he concludes and seeing she dribbled all over her onesie, he wants to change her too. He digs around her attire, not being able to decide until he finds the yellow one-piece that gets his attention: “Mommy just wanted a massage and here I am.” He starts laughing, amused, remembering that night: this really is how Emma happened. Of course it was your idea to have it immortalized on fabric.

The Joker puts her on the bed and since he’s doing all this work, might as well change her diaper too, even if it’s barely wet. He is super-fast because he hates diaper duty and after his daughter is all buttoned up in the onesie, he notices he forgot to give her a new Pampers.

“Dammit!”, he mumbles, starting all over again, struggling to keep her in place and she fights him on the verge of crying because he’s taking too long and she wants her freedom. “There, there, you’re done!” he announces, tossing her in the air and catching her, avoiding disaster because now she’s very happy again. “Daddy knows what you like!” he squishes her chubby cheeks together, kissing them and… up in the air again.  After three more rounds he stops and goes on the balcony, showing Emma the city but she couldn’t care less: that bright green hair seems to be her favorite toy today.

“Little Doll, would you like to have a brother or a sister later on?” he switches her on the order arm, looking down from the 30th floor. She baby talks and blows a raspberry, beginning to munch on his shoulder.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” he snickers, ticklish at her touch. “You know, mommy will probably disapprove: she says her boobs got as big as Titanic after she had you, but I don’t see the harm in that. Daddy likes it,” he admits, thinking about it for a few moments before coming back to reality, disappointed you’re not there so he can stare at your cleavage. “Are you hungry?” it finally clicks for him and goes back inside, taking some baby food out of the fridge.

He places her in the baby seat in the kitchen and starts feeding her from the small jar. For some reason The Joker decides to taste a bit of her food and it sends shivers down his spine.

“Wow, this tastes like crap, how can you eat it, kid?!” but Emma seems to enjoy it. She is rubbing her eyes again, yawning, refusing the spoon and he suspiciously tries to guess on what she might need.

“Are you tired, Pumpkin Pie?” he pets her little head, wiping the food off her face. She winces when he picks her up, her lower lip quivering and he tries to soothe her.

“I’m tired too, you exhausted daddy to the maximum and only Y/N is usually able to do that. Your mom’s a naughty little fox, did you know that? “ he mutters, stretching his back while his daughter’s eyes are slowly closing, sucking on her thumb half asleep.

He gets in bed too and covers her with the blanket, determined to stay there 5 more minutes until she is completely out before going back to his work.

But he dozes off too because babysitting sure is a difficult chore even for The Clown Prince of Crime.

You were only gone for about four hours and a half, that’s why you are surprised to find both your sunshines passed out in the master bedroom.

“God, that’s sexy,” you softly laugh when you see the dried out drool on his shoulder, barely kissing his cheek so you won’t wake him.

I wonder if he would want another baby later on, you think but then you glance down at your huge boobs and sigh, annoyed. Maybe not a good idea for now.

Also read- MASTERLIST:

http://diyunho.tumblr.com/post/153664676321/joker-x-reader-masterlist

originally i wasn’t going to post this, but i finally drew bon’s performance outfit in a way i liked lol for some reason that top REALLY causes problems for me, jeez.

Not What He Expected-Part 5

This is an A/B/O AU

So here it is, my FIRST A/B/O series featuring Alpha! Dean/ Omega! Reader (not Destiel). I am still a Samgirl to the very core of my being, but I thought it would be fun to try something different for a change.

You meet Dean Winchester in a bar when he attempts to come to your rescue after a drunk Alpha tries to take advantage of you.  He quickly realizes you’re not what he expected.  You’re a very independent Omega who is used to speaking her mind.  He’s all Alpha, but there is just something about you, an attraction that makes him want to know more…….

Part 1 (All parts are linked)

Master List

Text messages are in bold.

*This chapter fills my “sunset watching” square on my @spnabobingo card

I spent the days until the weekend enduring constant comments and teasing from Cas and Jimmy. The bickering got so bad that Babi finally ordered them to leave me alone. Darcy came by to visit and the immediately filled her in on current events in my life.

“Sorry to hear about the divorce, Darce. Your Alpha is a dick. He doesn’t deserve you.” Jimmy and Darcy had dated in high school and we’d all been friends for years.

She smiled sadly. “Thanks, Jim! I just wish it didn’t take me so long to realize.” She turned her attention to me. “Where have you been? I haven’t heard much from you since that night at the bar.”

Jimmy and Cas exchanged a look. “That’s because she’s been too busy panting over that hot Alpha she’s seen seeing,” Cas told her gleefully.

“He’s okay if you like tall green-eyed Ken dolls,“ Jimmy said with a smirk.

“Wait a minute….” Darcy began, shooting me a look. “Is it that Alpha from the bar?”

“Maybe,” I said sheepishly. “His name is Dean.”

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@yourewelcomeforbeingmyfriend: ugh, I had my gallbladder taken out about ten years ago. No fun…although I felt much better after I was all healed; I wouldn’t wish gallbladder attacks on anyone!!

Here’s some fluff to make you feel better!! :)



“Dean, we need to talk.”

Dean looked up from his book to see Sam leaning against his doorframe, an odd expression on his face.

“And before you say anything, just let me say…” He trailed off, looking like he’d just swallowed a mouthful of pond sludge.

“Before I’m 50, Sam.”

Sam took a deep breath. “Look. I know you’ve got this whole repression thing going on, your ‘if I don’t talk about it it isn’t real’ plan of attack, or defense, or whatever it is, but I really think you’re going to have to face this head-on at some point, and I’m thinking that point is going to be–”

Dean tried. He really did. But this was too much. He did not like where this conversation was headed.

“Sammy! I have two things to say to you.  1. You’re rambling. Stop. And B. I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Dude. He’s baking a pie.”

Dean froze. Cas was…baking? Pie?

Dean heard Sam say “Apple. He bought the crust but he’s making the filling..” but it sounded like he was far away, or maybe underwater. His brain was too full of Cas to listen to Sam now.

Cas. Baking a pie. Cas didn’t eat pie–Cas didn’t really eat anything. Sam barely ate pie. So if Cas is baking a pie, did that mean it was for…

And Cas didn’t cook. Back when he was human he raved about peanut butter & jelly sandwiches, and he could make passable coffee, but Dean had never seen him so much as fry an egg. And now…

But it didn’t mean anything at all.

Right?

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