So I get a lot of asks and stuff about makeup and tutorials and shit, so I finally took a bunch of pictures and whipped one up at work because I was bored! So I present to you:


Things not mentioned in the above photos: lotion your face before step 1 for supple skin. Use primer on your eyebrows if you aren’t disciplined in the art of not touching your face at all else that shit rubs off. Do your hair AFTER makeup so it doesn’t get all up in your biz (at least that’s the way I like to do it)

I’m still a basic bitch when it comes right down to it but this is what I use, especially when I need to get ready fast. It seems like a lot but with practice you can bust it out in under 10 minutes! Hope this helps~ (Also excuse all spelling mistakes I’m awful and lazy)

I didn’t get many pictures as Erwin, but I got a shit ton of funny stories tho.

For example, while I was wearing this someone walked up to me and said “You smell.”

Instead of being put off I simply responded “Like what?”


Then I pulled out the flask in my back pocket and took another swig of the whiskey I had been sippin on all day.

Party Legion till I die motherfuckers.


NOW WITH MORE SHITTY DUCK FACES. Start this at step 6 of the last tutorial I made so ur face is already primed and shit.

“But Sam!? How can I make them even without selling my soul?!?!”

Practice. A shit ton of it. Like literally just play around with makeup until you find something ya like! If it doesn’t turn out the way you want then wipe it off and start fresh~ BE STRONG, U CAN DO IT!!


Recently I’ve gotten a lot of asks about how I keep my hair so healthy for the amount of times I dye it

The answer is I dont

The top is when I blow dry and flat iron it right out of the shower and tame it with product
The bottom is when I run out of time before work and let it air dry and that’s it

The price of colorful hair is having to wake up at least 2 hours before doing anything for it to look nice sobs