pictures of a young matt

Here’s the reward picture for the winners of the photo competition: Eirah Lewis, Adam Young and Matt Young. They wanted the following… so here it is. They’ll also be getting a canvas print and T-shirt each.

“The 3 of us battling the Psychedelic Cosmic octopus (badly) while God (played by Gazza) tries to rescue us with a fishing rod and chicken. Meanwhile in the foreground a greyhound dressed like Charles Dickens licks the frosting off some doughnuts.”


((I don’t think you’ve met Kitt and Joshua before but better now than never hehe))

A black-masked boy with long red hair named Kitt picked at his food, feeling hungry but not really feeling like eating.

A overweight purple haired boy named Joshua was sleeping on the couch.

It was a pretty quiet evening.

Matt walked down the stairs lazily, watching everyone do their thing.


Angel looked up acknowledging his presence and went back to the book she was reading,or at least trying to read. she had found out quickly that this book was,well,not good. sighing she got up and marched over to the bookshelf in search of more interesting reading materials. as she picked up an old leather bound book,a small handful of worn postcards and pictures fell to the ground. she picked one up and turned it over “was this you?” she asked handing an old photograph to Matt. the picture showed a young boy and two adults standing near the gates of an amusement park,the faces of the the adults had long been scratched out with long thin scratches

Losing Matt


Original Imagine: Imagine TFW having to comfort you because a loved one was just killed and they all snuggle with you while watching old movies all night

Word count: 2607

Summary: After a frightening call from your brother Cas and Dean take you to see if he’s ok. Afterwards, you all sit in the living room watching Dr. Sexy M.D., the boys trying to comfort you after your loss.

WARNINGSSuicide, knowing me there will be swearing, grief lots of that

AN: This is the first oneshot that I have ever written, so its not super good but I hope you enjoy it! This is the first in a two (possibly three) part story

Music the link to the lullaby I used for this.

You bolted upright, screaming bloody murder. Dean, who up until a moment ago was sleeping peacefully by your side, instantly sat up and tried to calm you down. Wait why was Dean next to you? Where are you? How did you get into your bed?  After a few seconds everything came back to you, you had fallen asleep on the couch Dean must have carried you to bed, and knowing that you wouldn’t want to be alone when you woke up, he slept next to you. Dean wrapped his strong arms around you and you melted into him, sobbing into his chest as he whispered sweet little nothings into your ear trying to comfort you.

The day before

It was a rare day off at the bunker with the Winchester boys and even Cas showed up, he apparently had nothing else on his heavenly agenda to do for that day other than to hang out with you crazys so you all decided to hang out and watch Dr. Sexy M.D. You were stretched out on a recliner which left Sam in the armchair and Cas and Dean on the couch, Dean was sitting close to you. Over the past few weeks you had noticed Dean being closer to you, not emotionally but physically. He always chose to sit close to you, even in the car, he had started to make Sam sit in back so that you could be up front with him.  

Around 9 pm you get a call from your older brother. He hasn’t been doing so well since your parents died but he was still working towards his PHD he wanted to become a doctor so that he could help people and their families who were victims of cancer, no not victims (he would kill you if he heard you say that) the fighters and the supporters of cancer patients. You excuse yourself to answer the phone, the boys too engrossed with the show to even know you were gone; except Dean, but even he hardly noticed.

“Well hello stranger, how’s sch…” you stop suddenly hearing sobs on the other end “What’s wrong? Matt?” you wait for a few seconds “Talk to me Matt, what’s going on??”

“I can’t do this anymore Y/N, I just can’t live with this guilt anymore” his voice thick with tears. You can’t remember the last time you had heard your brother cry.

“What are you talking about Matt, what guilt?” You speak fast. You feel your stomach drop, something was off about the way your brother was talking. Hearing the alarm in your voice Dean comes over to check on you to make sure things are ok, you hold up one finger signaling to him to wait.

“It’s my fault mom died. If I hadn’t gone to Europe for three years I could have been done with school and over seen her treatments and she would still be alive. I wasn’t even there when she died Y/N” you hear more sobbing “I should have been there” he choked out after a long pause filled with tears. By now you were starting to get a little upset yourself. “I was supposed to…. to protect you, dad told me to before he left.” more sobbing.

“Matt, you listen to me right now, mom was the one who wanted you to go to Europe because she already knew that she was sick and she didn’t want you here to freak out, the doctors were doing everything they could for her, but there would be no coming back from the cancer that she had. It was too late when they found it. She did her best to fight it but she could only hold on for so long. She wanted you away because she wanted you to remember her as the strong mother that she was. She didn’t particularly want me there either, but she needed someone. You protected me from so much, it was my turn to protect you.” Dean had wrapped you up in a hug, knowing the subject of your mom was hard for you to talk about. You could hear your brother siffling in the background. It sounded like he was calming down.

“It’s not right. I should have been there taking care of her, not you.” He stopped to take a deep, shaking breath. “Do you have a pen and paper?”

“Why do I need…” you started to ask but he cut you off.

“Just please, get a pen and paper” you motion to Dean asking for a pen and something to write on.

“Deans getting it for me, tell me what all of this is about” you were getting more panicked the calmer he seemed to be, something was off, he was planning something you didn’t know what but it couldn’t be good.

“Are you ready?” he asked completely ignoring you. You scramble to take down the address and random numbers he was telling you. “Go there tomorrow and ask for Augustus, he will help you. Oh and Y/N, I love you…. So very, very much, don’t ever forget that. Goodbye.” And with a click the line went dead.

“No! MATT!! MATT” you scream at your phone even though there was no one listening anymore; you turn to Dean and say “We have to go, right now!” suddenly realizing what your brother was about to do.

“Whoa whoa whoa, calm down Y/N. What’s going on?” Dean’s hands are on your shoulders trying to get you to look at him.

“Hurry Dean please, go get the car! He’s going to kill himself” you cry out and suddenly Dean springs into action.

“Cas, we need your help, now!” Cas is at your side in an instant, followed by Sam, who up until this point hadn’t been paying much attention.

“What do you need Dean?”

“It’s Y/N’s brother, Y/N thinks he’s in trouble, can you fly us to him?” You forgot Cas could fly again, good the faster you get there the better it’ll be, hopefully.

“Yes of course” Cas touched you and Dean, you blinked and when you opened your eyes you were in your brothers apartment living room.

“Matt!” you scream but getting you answer, you run through the apartment until you find him in his bedroom, laying on his bed, surrounded  by pools of blood, it covered his entire bed and was dripping off of the comforter and onto the floor. That’s when you knew that you were too late, he was already gone.

Your big brother was the one person you had always counted on when you were younger, you looked up to him. Even though you were two years apart people had always mistaken the two of you as twins, but neither of you minded, most the time you acted like you were twins. after your dad had left on a business trip and his plane crashed, your brother was the one who stepped up, he got a job to help with the bills. He became more than just your brother, he was the firm hand you needed to help you finish out high school, he cheered the loudest when you walked across the stage to accept your diploma. And now he was just gone, there would be no more late night conversations, no more early morning wake up calls on each others birthdays to tell the other how old they were now and to tease them, no more cake smashing in each others faces, no more fights, no more sleepovers where you would stay up all night playing video games or binge watching your favorite shows together. He wouldn’t be able to help you put your car back together when something went wrong.

Despite the blood pooled on the bed you sit next to your brother and pull his head into your lap carefully, crying and brushing the hair off of his face careful to avoid the place where the bullet pierced his temple. You used to sit like this for hours at a time after you lost mom, Matt had insisted that you both stay in the house for a month before you decided it was time to sell. If you closed your eyes, you could almost imagine that you were back in that house, and at any second he would start to tell a funny story about when you were kids.You take the gun from his hand, click the safety back on and hand it to Dean, who takes it wordlessly, understanding you didn’t want it to be near you in the last moments you would have with your brothers body. Once Dean had exited the room and you were alone with your brother you start to cry and sing the lullaby that your mom used to sing when she was tucking you in at night.

Au clair de la lune, Pierrot répondit :
« Je n’ai pas de plume, je suis dans mon lit.
Va chez la voisine, je crois qu’elle y est,
Car dans sa cuisine, on bat le briquet. »

Au clair de la lune, s’en fut Arlequin
Frapper chez la brune. Elle répond soudain :
« Qui frappe de la sorte ? Il dit à son tour :
— Ouvrez votre porte, pour le Dieu d’Amour ! »

Au clair de la lune, on n’y voit qu’un peu.
On chercha la plume, on chercha du feu.
En cherchant d’la sorte, je n’sais c’qu’on trouva.
Mais je sais qu’la porte sur eux se ferma.

Dean came back in as you finished the last verse, he walked over to you and knelt in front of you and said “Y/N, we have to go, the cops will be here shortly and they will suspect us if we’re still here” you nod in agreement, to numb to say anything. You gently get up, letting your brothers head return to the bed before standing up, something caught your eye. You lean down to see what was in your brothers hand, the one that didn’t hold the weapon that he took his life with. Pulling the crumpled paper from his hand you smooth it out as best you can, its a picture from when you were young, mom took it, Matt your dad and you were around the campfire roasting marshmallows. You smile a little at the fond memory. You knew Dean needed to put the gun back so the cops wouldn’t suspect anything, but you didn’t want to be in the room when he did. Walking quickly out to the living room where Cas was waiting with arms open in a hug you needed, but you refused, you knew the moment you hugged anyone you would lose it. You wanted to be back at the bunker for that, back there in clothes that weren’t covered in your brother’s blood.

Dean returned quickly, and Cas touched you two at the same time and you were back at the bunker in a flash. Quietly you walked to your room to shower and change into clean pj’s. Dean followed you and helped you out of your clothes and into the shower; you were too numb to object to his help. He let you shower in peace. You didn’t want to be alone though, so you called out to him and asked him to stay in the bathroom with you. He agreed and began telling you stories, whether it was for your benefit or his you didn’t know or care, it kept your mind off of your brother. When you were done you stepped out and allowed Dean to wrap you in a towel and dry your hair a little. Once you were dry he helped you into sweats and a blue flannel shirt that you only vaguely realized was his.

It was comforting to have someone take care of you instead of being the one who took care of everyone else. But you were numb, lost and dazed. How could this have happened, he was almost out of school, almost a real doctor. But now he was gone. The next few hours were spent on the couch surround by the guys, Sam on one side holding one of your hands, Dean holding you tightly on the other and Cas sitting below you with his head resting against your legs and one hand reaching up to hold your free hand. Dr. Sexy M.D. was on, but you were paying no attention to the tv. You were playing the “what if game”, what if you had gotten there sooner, what if you had checked in more, what if, what if, what if. You just couldn’t see how you missed the signs of distress, the signs that he really wasn’t as ok as he made you think that he was.

Occasionally one of the boys would say something to you, trying to get a reaction out of you, trying to bring you out of your head. They offered you a beer, they offered whiskey, rum and ice cream (this was Cas’ idea, saying that he had read somewhere that people eat more sweets in times of emotional stress) anything they could think of, but you just sat there with a blank expression giving nothing away, no hints that you had even heard them. You don’t know when but you fell asleep there in Dean’s arms, surrounded by the only family you had left.

You bolted upright screaming. Dean who was next to you sat up immediately trying to calm you down. Wait why was Dean next to you? Where are you? How did you get into your bed?  After a few seconds everything came back to you, you fell asleep on the couch Dean must have carried you to bed, knowing that you wouldn’t want to be alone when you woke up, he stayed with you. It had finally hit you, your brother was gone. Dean wrapped his strong arms around you and you melted into him, sobbing into his chest finally allowing the waves of pain to wash over you. You would have to deal with his body and all of the things in his apartment, both tasks you just weren’t ready for yet. You were still crying when you heard the door open, it was Sam. He had heard you scream and wanted to make sure everything was ok, you wondered where Cas was but that was a fleeting thought. You finally look up and motioned him over to you, you wanted everyone with you, you wanted to hold them close and tell them how much they meant to you. Sam sat on the bed next to you and held your hand. Even though the bed was small you all stayed like that for a while, no one spoke for what felt like hours, you had cried until there were no tears left. Dean suggested that you all go to the living room and watch some more Dr. Sexy M.D., you only nodded your head.

Throughout the morning the boys had tried their best to get you to eat, but you just weren’t hungry

It was around lunch time when you got the call about your brother, you didn’t want to talk so you handed the phone to Sam who spoke with the officer and hung up after promising to pass the message along. And suddenly you remembered the numbers and address that he had given you the last time you had spoken. “Dean, what happened to the paper with the address on it?” you asked, the boys all jumped at your voice, it was the longest sentence you had spoken since you had gotten back.

“It’s here” he hands you the paper, which he must have been carrying around.

“Will you go with me? Please?” you whisper to him.

“Of course, we should get you dressed first though.” It was only then that you realized you were still in the clothes Dean had put you in the night before. And you giggle, it was quiet and short but it gave the boys hope.