CHILDREN OF BODOM RACING AT THE TOP
(text: Nalle Österman, pictures: Iiska Siirilä)
picture text: Alexi proves us that he is a metal man also when
wearing a boiler suit)
picture text: Alexi is going really fast)
COB is here again. Their single
You’re Better Off Dead hit the top of the charts in Finland and gave
way to the newest album Hate Crew Deathroll, which proves us that COB
still is a part of the metal elite of Finland. The silence in Finland
has ended and it’s time to step on the gas. Vrroooommm!!!
Bodom’s singer/guitarist Alexi Laiho and keyboardist Janne Warman are
both really into cars. Alexi told us that he had just put a new
engine into his Pontiac Firebird, and that’s where all his money went
then and now he’s going to only eat rice for a while. To Janne a car
is not only just a vehicle, it is much more. Driving your own car
feels like you have achieved something.
”Me and Alexi we
were supposed to buy (from the movie Blues Brothers) the bluesmobile,
you know, a Dodge Monaco 1974 painted to look like a police car. Now
that would be a nice sleigh.” Janne says.
Now because we
didn’t get to try out any bluesmobiles or Lamborghinis, and Kimi and
Mika’s Formulas are probably stored away for the winter, we decided
to make our way to Vantaa VM Karting Center. It’s the biggest indoors
kart racing center in northern europe, and the race track is 530
”Now we are
gonna lose our reputation completely!” Alexi whines. His mood isn’t
the best right now. He has just come back from his other band
Sinergy’s european tour that lasted a month. He says recovering from
it takes about a week. ”I’m so not wearing that!!” Alexi cries as
he sees the blue driving suits.
The album name gets people talking
instructions it’s time to get to the driving. The beginning is a
little slow but the lap times get better pretty fast. Ten minutes of
driving goes past like flying and it turns out that controlling the
cars isn’t as easy as it seemed at first.
At first Alexi
turned out to be the fastest of the three drivers, but after a second
try, our reporter notices he has defeated the metal stars. Instead of
spraying champagne, we are using soda. The defeated musicians decide
to check out the dumpster outside the hall to see if there’s room for
a couple losers.
”It was fun but
I would have enjoyed this more if I wasn’t so tired…” Alexi
”I was actually
supposed to come here earlier with Timo Kotipelto but we somehow
kinda forgot about it. But I’m totally gonna do this again!” Janne
Could your newest
album name refer to a death rally?
a list of people who have died in a war. It can also mean the kind of
people who need to fuck off and die.” Alexi explains. ”Also it
can mean that we may not live very long! …It’s probably the first
time anyone has asked us anything about the album name. There’s four
very strong words in there, I guess it works then.”
The gig of nightmares
COB is known to be
an energetic live band, to whom the more exotic countries have become
familiar too. Before the finland tour in March, they are going to
tour in Japan and then in the summer some USA. Then the fall is spent
in South America, Japan and maybe even South Korea, Australia and
USA. The traveling isn’t always to glamorous though.
”That show in
Columbia was personally for me probably the most horrible experience
ever. It has to do with this thing that when we got there I bought a
burger, and the beef in it was raw. I was so hungry I just had to eat
it. Then during the show things started happening in my tummy… I
had to play the show with shit in my pants!!” Janne reveals.
”I got mad whe
we got back to Finland after the South American tour. Our website was
full of comments like ‘Alexi and Janne are assholes because the left
the signing session too early!’ Hey, we hadn’t had any sleep in two
days and we had to play a show the next day! Just think about it, we
had been up for 30 hours in a row and played a couple shows to the
columbians and we were sick too. And then in return we got called
rockstars and assholes!” Alexi sighs.
think there are some easier ways to get paid than this. Even though
we love touring it is sometimes really hard. But it is also very fun
on the road, whenever some six week european tour is ending I feel
like continuing it for another six weeks.” Janne says.
belongs on the road. We are at our best live” Alexi says.
What is your best
”I think it’s
Wacken last year.” Alexi says.
things are a little unsure when we can’t take much time to try out
the sounds. But there the audience was so great, that we played
perfectly too. Then after Wacken it wasn’t so good, when we went to
Switzerland. We played so badly, some awful punks could have played
our songs better.” Janne complains.
”It’s good to
get your feet back to the ground once in a while” Alexi says.
”Mom and dad have always supported
COB isn’t happy
about the music trends nowadays.
”This is this
kind of MTV-culture. They find nice faces and make them stars. It
pisses me off when very good bands and artists go unnoticed. The big
magazines don’t care about finnish metal bands, eben though they are
the most successful finnish acts globally. Suddenly there’s some pop
band and after one single there’s a huge fuss.” Alexi says.
”But I also
don’t really want to become a huge celebrity in Finland. Now I can
just go to the gas station without anyone disturbing me.” Janne
success feels good though. You never know when your success will end.
But I think the best thing about the chart success is that we got
that fucking ketchup song off the first place for at least a week!”
Where have you put
your gold albums?
”There they are
collecting dust in the basement… No they are on the wall at home of
course.” Alexi explains.
couple on the wall and a couple in the closet… There wasn’t enough
holes in the wall…” Janne says.
Did your parents
ever tell you to stop this metal thing when you were just starting
out? Have their opinions changed when you have become successful?
”My mom and dad
have always supported me. I told them already on the seventh grade
that I’m not going to go to high school, I just wanna play rock n
roll. They have been in the music business too so it never was a
problem for them at all.” Alexi explains.
”My mom thinks I
should study. The situation has changed now that I have begun to earn
enough money to support myself though.” Janne says.
FAVORITE CARS TOP 3
Dodge Charger (1971) 2. Pontiac Trans Am SE (1977) 3. Dodge Monaco
Ferrari 355 2. BMW M5 3. Mercedes Benz 300 SL Gullwing (1955)
picture text: Get out of the way here comes Janne!!)
picture text: Alexi’s sharp right turn)
picture text: Reporter Nalle Österman celebrates as the winner,
Janne and Alexi are cursing their defeat.)
Just a short selection of comments I found. It seems men can’t seem to get away from being called pedos and perverts.
Sticking to myself at shopping centers.
I’m a tall(6'3), bearded man who grew up in a small town of about 800. So I grew up holding the door for anyone, saying have a nice day or howdy everywhere I go, and help anyone with anything if they need it. It’s just how I was raised.
One day I was headed to my girlfriends house and decided to stop at Walmart to grab some snacks on the way down. I was 20 years old at the time, but for as big as I am and the beard you could confuse me for 25-30. Anyhow, I was standing in the chip isle and noticed a little girl no older than 5 wandering around looking frightened, so I walked over and said are you lost? And she just kept saying “ mommy ” so instantly trying to do the right thing I thought to take her to the cashier so she may call over the loud speaker and call for her mother. As I walked she held her hand up to hold mine and I thought nothing of it, being as I was only doing the logical thing. Next thing I know the mother runs up to me screaming and snatching her daughter up, calling me a kidnapper and threatening to call the police. I tried explaining the situation and where I was trying to take her, unfortunately she was an uneducated moron and at that point I got a little heated and decided to tell her to maybe not let her child run off next time. Moral of the story, I tried to do the right thing not even thinking about how it would look for a bearded man to be walking with your little girl, even though they shouldn’t of been left alone, but it’s definitely something I’ll never do again.
When shopping with my wife and she wants to try stuff on I just have her text me pictures of her outfits if she wants my opinion.
We were at Macy’s a few months ago and I was just patiently waiting outside the dressing room waiting for my wife and she would open the door and step out to get my opinion.
I was just looking at my phone and minding my own business when I notice people walking up to me. A middle aged woman had gotten a manager and she had brought a security official of some type and asked me to leave or they would be forced to call the police.
It was super embarrassing and now I feel super self-conscious when shopping with my wife.
I stopped going to the playground with my niece. She loves it when I’m there with her. Going on slides with her or pushing her swing. But according to the mother’s there and the old ladies its creepy for a man to go there, even with my niece.
At first I didn’t care, I just ignored them. But some even went as far to ask my niece who’s only 3 if I was her father and other inappropriate things. Even got the cops called on me twice and after explaining the situation and having to go as far as having to get my sister down there, they left. But I’m still a creep to the woman’s eyes. I don’t talk to the other kids, I say Hi back and answer them if they ask something.
But… I just don’t understand.
I’ve been getting driving lessons recently and after the first one the instructor dropped me off and when we were organising new lessons we just said we would meet at the same place. It’s outside a school.
We probably met there about 10 times at various parts of the day in a car with massive “Driver Learning School” stickers all over it.
A woman came up to me yesterday as told me how it was wierd that two men met there and how people were talking and how there were “weirdos” about who people thought were selling drugs and how we wouldn’t want anyone thinking we were “weirdos”.
I’m a large dude. I seem to get more scared of this at work.
I’ve been told I’m intimidating in meetings. I pay close attention to my tone and body language now.
I stare at the elevator doors with my headphones on, especially when a lady gets on.
When the kids charity uses our offices for events every few weeks, I go to a different floor to use a private bathroom so I’m not alone in a public bathroom with any kids.
I volunteer at cub scouts. No parent or scoutmaster (predominantly male) is allowed to take the children anywhere alone. Not even to let them play in the gym after the pack meeting.
A female colleague was leaving the company. I offered a handshake. She asked for a hug (which I gave). I told her that in a company with 60% women, you never assume a hug. She nodded and said ‘Fair point.’
I have a bad back. I asked for a place to lay down occasionally during the day for short periods of time. They told me to use the 'wellness room’. Which is built for and decorated for nursing moms. And it’s outside the women’s bathroom. I told them a 6'4" dude with a beard laying on the floor outside the women’s bathroom is not a good look. They agreed. I lay on the cold tile of the handicapped bathroom now.
All it takes is an accusation, even if wholly unfounded. The conversation will always be there. I make sure I don’t even put myself in that situation.
she texts him pictures of beautiful sunrises each morning with captions like “Even In The Darkest Nights Dawn Will Always Break–You Are Loved By Friends And Family–There Are Leftover Lunchables In The Fridge If You Are Hungry ]:D”