picture vomit

ok but man i love the being’s utter hideousness. i adore how positively disgusting and terrifying he is. i love that he’s eight feet tall with limbs that are a bit too long for his body. i love that he’s so emaciated and shrivelled that he looks more like a long-dead mummy than a living man. i love that you can see intelligence in his eyes. i love that he’s faster and more agile / flexible than any human could be. i love that he’s got a withered and deformed face with no nose and no lips and sunken eyes. i love that his skin is that disturbing yellowish-tan you see on mummified corpses and i love that it’s slightly different shades on certain parts of his body — you may not see the stitches themselves, as those are well-hidden, but you can notice that one hand is just a few subtle shades off from the other, and that second hand in turn is just a few subtle shades off from the face. i love that the skin is so thin that you can actually see the muscles and veins faintly through it. no image or drawing or CGI will ever really capture how utterly repulsive he is and i love? this character???

Well shoot. To be fair, my mother  is genuinely nuts but also has the absolute weakest stomach imaginable. She has vomited at pictures of food before I kid you not. I was just mostly annoyed at her moaning/laughing afterwards that I really ought to give up trying to cook because it usually turns out so bad.

I did try one myself, I don’t think they’re bad enough to be sick over but they’re not very good either. The flour didn’t rise at all compared to the picture so I still think it was a flour issue. I measured everything exactly because I’m super paranoid and cooking is so difficult for me. It seems no matter what I do, how closely I follow, the recipe never comes out right

From The Diary of Liam J. Payne

Day 1642: Niall still has no idea that Zayn left the band.  It’s getting harder and harder to distract him, so I’ve had to call in favors to get more music legends to stop by the show, as it seems to put him in some sort of “fanboy haze” which keeps him distracted enough that he won’t notice that I’m singing all of Zayn’s solos. 

Louis seems to be enjoying the idea that he’s somehow fooled the entire world into thinking he’s ever had sex with a woman, which would be fine except a happy Louis is a dangerous Louis so I’ve started taking the precaution of checking around every corner before I walk and patting down all chairs/beds before sitting.  Unfortunately I can’t stop him from hanging me out to dry in front of the fans on stage, but I told him to act his age (like our song!) so I’m pretty sure that told him off.

Harry has been suspiciously quiet lately, but I did catch him looking shifty with his laptop on the plane.  I caught a glimpse of photoshop open to a picture of himself, although he seemed much rounder than he looks in real life?? Not sure why anyone would want to photoshop themselves with more weight… I tried to get another look while he was in the bathroom, but all I saw was a recent google search for “YSL maternity clothes”, so who knows what that’s about.

Anyway, I’ve got to go call the missus for the 25th time today, because eventually that girl is going to realize that she’s too perfect even for me, but it will not be this day! Maybe I can see if there’s a Disney park we haven’t been to yet, so I can take her for our 23 month anniversary! That will be a huge surprise and she’ll totally love it - I think I’m getting pretty good at this bf thing.

Thanks for listening diary - as always, you’re the loudest crowd I’ve ever heard!