pick up lines

Imagine: Peter can’t stop flirting with you, in front of Hook.

Warning: extreme leaves of sass


“You’re cute.”

“Well, thank you?”

“Can I keep you?

“N-no!”  You had only been on Neverland for five minutes and Peter has already managed to make you feel small and strange.  Not that it took much, it was easy for others to make you feel insecure and when you did you became defensive and sassy.  Most girls would think it was a cute attempt at flirting but you knew better.  You knew no one would ever think that you were attractive.  Although you looked confident your Captain could see your change in mood and stepped in.

“Pan, my crew and I are done here we just need permission off the island.”  You smile glad that Hook diverted Peter’s attention away from you.

“Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?”

   “Cute, but no.” you couldn’t help the words that flowed from your mouth.  For a second you were afraid Peter would get mad at you.  Or at least until you saw him smile.

   “Fuck me if I’m wrong, but do you want to kiss me?”  You could hear Killian beside you groan, probably feeling extremely awkward and just wanting to leave.  For a second you panicked you couldn’t say yes or no.  But what else was there to say, unless.

   “Maybe, I always keep my options open.”  

“There is definitely something wrong with my bed.”  You look between Peter and Killian trying to understand what is even going on.  Peter is smirking waiting for a response, and Hook is rubbing his eyes with his hand clearly annoyed.

“Are you seriously just going to stand there until I ask what it is?”  He continued staring at you.

“Just get it over with, I want to get out of here,” Killian has lost his patients with Peter and hopefully not you.

“Fine, what is wrong with your bed?”

“You’re not in it.”

“You are impossible Peter.”

“Did you buy your pants on sale because at my house they would be 100% off.”  Okay now he has gone beyond making you uncomfortable.  You were getting mad.

“Screw you, Peter.”

“That is a terrible idea, let’s do it.”  All of your brilliant comebacks flew out the window.

“Stop.”

“Why?  I am sure I could make you very happy.”  That stupid smug smirk.  It’s infuriating.

“How, are you leaving?”  There was that comeback.  Where the heck did it go a second ago.

“You won’t get rid of me that easy.”

“You must be the Pied Piper then.”

“Why is that, love?”

“Because you are a massive douchebag and I want to punch you in the face.”  Not as clever as you could have been but still it got your point across.

“What is it like to be the most beautiful girl in the world?”

“What is it like being the biggest liar in the world?”  He could at least try to be believable.

“Stop being shy go on and ask me out.  You know you want to.”

“Okay.  Go out.”

“Ouch that hurts.

“I hope it hurt as much as when you crawled out of hell, bloody demon.”  He paused and simply looked at your face.  You would think he was thinking of a comeback except he seemed to be studying you.  When he looked back into your eyes you were certain he had you memorized.

“You are perfect.  Where have you been all my life?”

“Hiding from you.”  you smirk hoping you won this stupid little argument.  But Peter continues to act as cocky as ever.

“What are you doing this Friday night?”  You pause taken aback by the fact that he is actually asking you out.  For a split second you almost consider his offer before you come up with a brilliant comeback.

“Not you.”  Simple sweet and ego destroying.
“Are you two done?  I honestly want to go home now, so can we just leave?”  Hook tapped his foot in annoyance.

some amazing harry potter pick up lines that totally work:
  • i don’t need to cast accio to make you come
  • are we in charms class cuz you have me under your spell
  • you don’t need alohomora to unlock my heart
  • all the prophecies in the department of mysteries say i belong with you
  • is that a wand in your pocket or are you just happy to see me
  • hey girl…are you a dementor because you take my breath away
  • damn i must have had some felix felicis, bc I think I’m about to get lucky
  • you don’t need lumos to turn me on
  • hagrid’s not the only giant at hogwarts if you know what i mean
  • did you survive avada kedavra cuz youre drop dead gorgeous
send my muse a pick up line
  • We’re going to dance to one song, then go back to my apartment and fuck.
  • You might be asked to leave soon. You are making the other women look bad.
  • What do I have to do to be your booty call?
  • What has 36 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? My zipper.
  • With my IQ and your body, we could make a race of superchildren!
  • When I’m older, I’ll look back at all of my crowning memories, and I’ll think of the day my children were born, the day I got married, and the day that I met you.
  • That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor tomorrow morning.
  • Since we’ve been told to reduce waste these days, what you say we use these condoms in my pocket before they expire.
  • Your ass is so nice that it is a shame that you have to sit on it.
  • Were do you hide your wings?
  • Sit on my lap and we’ll get things straight between us.
  • Sit on my face and let me get to ‘nose’ you better?
  • You know what material this is? [Grab your shirt] Boyfriend material.
  • There are 265 bones in the human body. How would you like one more?
  • Your shirt has to go, but you can stay.
  • Hey, tie your shoes! I don’t want you falling for anyone else.
  • Wanna play midget boxing? You get down on your knees and give me a couple blows!
  • Your place or mine? Tell you what? I’ll flip a coin. Head at my place, tail at yours.
  • Would you like Gin and platonic, or do you prefer Scotch and sofa?
  • So, what are the chances of my balls slappin’ your ass tonight?
  • We’ll probably never see each other again, so let’s screw.
  • Wanna play “kite”? I lay down, you blow and we’ll see how high you can make me.
  • Will you be my girlfrien? I left out the ‘d’ cause you’ll get that later!
  • Which is easier? You getting into those tight pants or getting you out of them?
  • The FBI wants to steal my penis. Can I hide it inside you?
  • So, what are the chances that we can engage in anything more than just conversation?
  • You make me wish I weren’t gay!
  • Writes on a napkin:“Smile if you want to have sex with me.”
  • The only reason I would kick you out of bed would be to fuck you on the floor.
  • Wanna play Army? I lay down and you blow the hell outta me.
  • What is your favorite color? [Color] Mine too! Seems like we are soulmates.
  • Will you marry me for just one night?
  • Wanna play carnival? You sit on my face and I guess how much you weigh.
  • The only thing I want between our relationship is latex.
  • What are you doing tonight beside me?
  • Wanna fuck like bunnies?
  • Try me once and if you don’t like it, what have you wasted?
  • What, six hours of your life? It’d be more if you want foreplay.
  • You know the more I drink, the prettier you get!
  • You look like trash, may I take you out?
Signs as Pick up lines I have said to people
  • Aries:Hey baby kissing is the language of love so how about we have a conversation?
  • Taurus:Hey, are you a parking ticket? 'cause you've got fine written all over you
  • Gemini:It must be illegal to be that hot
  • Cancer:Are you happy to see me or had two Tic Tac's fallen down your shirt?
  • Leo:There's a five meter Titan heading towards you- oh wait that's my dick
  • Virgo:Has your booty got a gravitational pull? 'Cause it's mASSvive
  • Libra:Your laughter is beautiful, but I bet your screams are even better
  • Scorpio:Did you sit on sugar? 'Cause you have a sweet ass!
  • Sagittarius:That's a nice t-shirt, but it'll look better on my bed room floor
  • Capricorn:Can I follow you home? My mother always said to follow your dreams
  • Aquarius:Are you a broom? 'Cause you sweep me off my feet
  • Pisces:Did you put a mirror in your pocket? 'Cause I see myself in your pants