You were a nervous wreck, sat across from Baekhyun in a
quiet corner of a random café, nursing your third cup of green tea to help with
the butterflies in your stomach. The air between you both was silent, neither
of you saying anything. Instead the awkwardness was just prolonged, like an
itch that wouldn’t stop no matter how hard you scratched.
As my username suggests, I play the piano! I have achieved my Grade Five Trinity Guildhall Certificate in Piano. I am not currently practising for any further exams however am playing grade six level pieces.
Classical pieces I’ve enjoyed to play over the years are:
Requiem for a Little Bird - Gustave Sandre
Song of Twilight - Yoshinao Nakada
Forty Winks - Mark Tanner
Matsuri - Michael McMillan
Rondo - Anton Diabelli
Dedicatoria - Enrique Granados
Miniature - Alexander Goedicke
The Fall of the Leafe - Martin Peerson
Valse Lente - Oskar Merikanto
Jazzin’ Grace - Garry A F Wilkinson
Castle Ward - June Armstrong
However I also enjoy to learn how to play modern songs on the piano, such as:
I hope this motivates some people to open their piano and spend some time practising this summer! To be honest, a lot of the time I don’t feel like practising at all, but once I start I can’t stop! Good luck and let me know if you have any additions you’d like me to add or any questions! :)
Summary: Connor x Reader one-shot falling in love to City of Stars from La La Land.
City of stars Are you shining just for me?
You hadn’t met Connor in a conventional manor. It was the summer after your senior year. The first time you laid your eyes on him was inside a psychiatric hospital. He was a patient. You had started an internship there. The college you had been accepted into had a program where you could gain intern experience to get a head start on your freshmen year. You jumped at the opportunity.
He was sad and withdrawn from the rest of the patients. He hadn’t participated in activities and he never spoke during group sessions. You didn’t find that strange, though, seeing as where he was living. People don’t stay at psych hospitals if they’re happy and healthy.
To you, he was just another lost soul who needed help.
City of stars There’s so much that I can’t see
Every week his mother would be first in line for visitations and every week he would refuse to see her. She would sit and wait patiently through each visiting hour hoping he would change his mind. It broke your heart whenever you walked passed her. She had impeccable posture but always looked like she ready to jump out of her seat a moments notice. She’d pretend to do a cross word puzzle in a magazine but, if you looked closely, she never wrote anything down. She’d just sit, perched on the edge of her chair, pen in hand, and stare down at the page until it was time to leave.
One day you decided to sit with her.
You had finished your daily tasks early and got the okay from your supervisor. You brought her a cup of coffee from the employee lounge. She looked up in wonder when you sat across from her, like she was surprised that anyone had noticed she was there. You smiled and introduced yourself.
Her name was Cynthia. Connor was her son. He had attempted to commit suicide twice in the past year. They finally decided that he needed long term professional help. She spoke about him with such love and sadness that it broke your heart. You were used to working with the patients by now. You hadn’t even considered the kind of pain that was inflicted onto their families. They were victims too.
You made an extra effort to pay more attention to Connor after that conversation.
Who knows? I felt it from the first embrace I shared with you That now our dreams They’ve finally come true
It started during free period. The patients had allotted time where they could do what they please. Most of them stuck to the common area. It was a large room filled with comfortable chairs, a pool table, a piano, and bookshelves full of novels and board games. You noticed that Connor would favor a chair in the corner near a large window. Sometimes he’d have a book in his lap and other times he’d opt to stare out the window into the back gardens. On the day it all started, he had gone book-less.
A staff member became aware of the fact a few days earlier that you could play piano. She begged you to play for everyone. It was hard to say no to the smiling faces. You played for two hours straight. Everyone in the room had watched for the first few minutes, then they had gone back to what they were doing before, and your music faded into their background noise. Everyone but Connor. You’d learn later that he had listened intently to each note you played.
When it was time for you to be called to your next intern duties, you stopped playing and gently shut the piano. Whoever was left in the room gave you a mild applause and you smiled at them. It wasn’t until you were about to leave the room did you notice Connor. He was still sitting in his favorite chair but he followed your movements with his eyes. He was silently crying. His dark eyes held such a raw intensity that you couldn’t look away. Something inside of you reached out to him. You were caught in his gravitational pull.
He stood up when you approached. You stood on the tips of your toes and wrapped your arms tightly around his neck, pulling him close into your embrace. You didn’t know why. It was a natural response. You saw his tears and you needed to comfort him. You needed to protect him.
That was the day it started.
The day you started to fall in love with Connor Murphy.
City of stars Just one thing everybody wants There in the bars And through the smokescreen of the crowded restaurants It’s love Yes, all we’re looking for is love from someone else
Your internship lasted the summer. It was a beautiful summer. A summer that would change your life forever. You went from being a teenage to an adult. You grew into yourself. You learned new things and
created new relationships and had new experiences. All of it was due to an internship you took on a whim.
Playing piano became a daily routine. Both the staff and patients seemed to enjoy it. No one enjoyed it as much as Connor though. Music seemed to resonate in with him. Every day he would sit closer to the piano. It was subtle at first. He’d move from his chair to the couch. Then to the other end of the couch. Then to the rocking chair by the pool table. And to the love seat across from you. Until finally, one day, you silently motioned for him to sit beside you on the piano bench.
That became part of his ritual. He would sit next to you and you would play. As time passed, you’d begin to steal special glances every now and then. You give him little smiles while your fingers flowed gracefully over the keys. You’d choose to play more romantic style tunes. Sometimes you’d sing quietly along only loud enough for his ears to hear. Each passing day you watched his eyes fill with more life. He talked more, he lost his permanent scowl, he was cooperative with the other staff members. He was healing before your eyes.
A rush A glance A touch A dance
The day you played City of Stars was the day Cynthia Murphy hugged you. You had shared your quiet, longing looks and soft piano notes with her son that morning. Something had been different that day though. You couldn’t drag your eyes away from Connor’s for even a second. The room around you ceased to exist. He was all that you could see. Each whispered lyric you sung to him filled the little bubble which had encapsulated you. You were pulled closer. By the end of the song, the words faded from your lips. You desperately wanted to kiss him but you refrained yourself. In the position you were in, it wouldn’t have been professional. But he saw what you wanted. He knew. He understood.
When your afternoon shift was ending, you were called down to the lobby. Cynthia was standing there. She had a handkerchief in her hand and was dabbing at the tears running down her cheek. She beamed through puffy, red eyes when she saw you. She drew you into a warm embrace. You were flooded with her thank you’s and appreciation. You had been confused at first. Then she explained that Connor had agreed to meet her that morning. For the first time since he had been placed under care, he had accepted her visit. He had hugged her. He had apologized.
She had spoke to his therapist for a weekly update. Connor was taking the appropriate steps to getting better. He was showing hope and hope was a critical step to recovery. According to both Connor and his therapist, he was responding beautifully to daily music therapy and that you were the one who was providing that for him. Cynthia couldn’t thank you enough. She had kept crying and hugging you. You weren’t certain how to respond so you had just smiled and hugged her back.
A look in somebody’s eyes To light up the skies To open the world and send it reeling A voice that says, I’ll be here And you’ll be alright
That summer couldn’t last forever. Your internship ended.
You started college.
It was scary, as big changes normally are. You were afraid to leave Connor. He was healing but he wasn’t ready for the world yet. You were. Promises were made to write, call, or visit but he refused them. The world was yours. He had said. Don’t let him hold you back. He conveyed. Live your life. Have new experiences.
If things were meant to be then you would meet again in better circumstances.
But for now, just live. Live for him and live for yourself.
So you did. You lived in a dorm, went to classes, dated boys, partied, and lived the college life you had always dreamed about. Connor stayed in your thoughts through most of it. He was loud at first but quieted over the years. Things would get crazy at school. You’d go through a break up, fail a test, fight with a roommate, and Connor would often disappear for weeks and months at a time. But you never forgot entirely. The sound of a piano would always bring him back. You’d smile and your heart would tug with a sadness of what could have been. You’d think about looking him up but never did. If it were meant to be…it would happen.
It did happen. One week before graduation. You were living in your own apartment by then. Someone buzzed in downstairs. You weren’t expecting any visitors. You had thought maybe it was a package that needed signing. You opened the door. Connor was standing there. He was smiling. His hair was cut shorter than you remembered. It wasn’t long and in his face anymore. You could see his eyes so clearly. There was glow about him that you hadn’t ever noticed before. It was new. Fresh. It was happiness.
You smiled back.
I don’t care if I know Just where I will go ‘Cause all that I need is this crazy feeling A rat-tat-tat on my heart
On your wedding night, he had tears in his eyes when you walked down the aisle. He squeezed your hands tightly in his. He could hardly get through his vows without choking up. He spoke about when he first met you. He talked about how scary and dark his head used to be. He talked about how he never had hope. He was lost and at rock bottom with no will to try and get up. Then he saw you. He heard you play piano that afternoon and it filled him with waves of emotions he didn’t know were possible. It had brought him to tears. He spoke about how he tracked you down years later. How he brought you back into his life. After all those year, you had been the one who got away. He had spent so long living in shadows that he couldn’t stand to live another day without trying to go after his dreams. You had been his dream, his hope, his determination to get better. You had always been the one.
Think I want it to stay City of stars Are you shining just for me?
At the reception, he gave another speech. He reiterated some points he made in vows but this time he stepped on stage where the live band had their equipment set up. He motioned for you join him up there. This was a surprise to you and you obliged. He sat with you on a beautiful, white grand piano. He put the microphone into its stand out of the way. He told you about the day he had fallen in love with you. The day you had played City of Stars. That day he knew he had to keep you forever. He had been practicing.
His hands danced across the keys as the melody took shape around you. He leaned in close to you as he sang softly, quietly so only you could hear. His voice was smooth and light. It was the most beautiful sound you had ever heard. Like that morning at the hospital, the room faded away. You were left with only the two of you hiding under the warmth of the song. But unlike that morning so long ago, when the lyrics ended and the piano silenced, you did lean over and you did kiss him. Because he was yours. And you were his.
Regardless of if you think it looks like your sort of film or not there is so much more to it than what’s on the surface
Music is the heart and soul of this movie, it has a great soundtrack that’s as much a part of the film as any of the characters
And the characters are great. Baby especially. He has tinnitus which is why he listens to he’s music, but he feels neurodivergent in other ways too. He feels autistic to me, but I’ll leave the details to someone who’s in that spectrum, because I don’t want to get things wrong. But also there’s this one scene where they’re having a meeting, Baby seems completely zoned out, jamming to his music, playing piano on the table, then someone asks why he’s not paying attention, guy in charge just smirks and asks Baby what the plan is, to which he rattles off the entire thing word for word. And I have seen someone say that this is a hearing thing, which I can totally get behind. But as someone with ADHD who used to get in trouble for ‘not paying attention’ even though I was in fact taking everything in, that moment resounded with me pretty hard.
I’d love to see someone touch on the autism stuff as well, because there’s so much there.
And he uses asl to talk to his foster dad and those conversations flow just as easily as the spoken ones.
And for the most part, Baby is treated pretty normal, a bit of jeering from people (criminal assholes) meeting him for the first time and not getting him. But the guy in charge respects him probably more than any of the actual criminals he hires. Outside of the crime ring he meets a girl and they fall in love.
TL;DR: Baby Driver is a great movie with some decent ND and disability representation where these things are treated as being completely normal
Teenage Dream is my fav. But Acoustic version from 4th season. I think it is only song that is made from one full cut. It is so heartbreaking T-T. So this song and Klangst.
OK BUT THIS IS GREAT AND THE ACOUSTIC ONE IS MY FAVORITE SCENE IN ALL OF GLEE AND I DIDN’T KNOW THAT WOW yea the moment his voice breaks and he tears up-catch me crying in the club just thinking about it :’)
here’s some Blaine inspired Klangst for you lovely~
Do you know what it feels like to fall in love for the first time?
Do you remember it?
For Keith it’s all so new, everything is a first and his heart has been swirling in his chest like a cocktail of pink clouds and hushed giggles.
For Keith, it’s the blush on his cheeks whenever a pair of blue eyes meets his, when hands curl onto his back and his chest is flush with Lance’s. It’s kisses that taste like cotton candy dreams and hugs so tight he wants them to mark his body, cover him like a blanket on a winter day.
For Keith, his first and last love is Lance.
He’s not sure how it happened. One minute they were simply classmates in the same course, the next they were graduating hand in hand, taking pictures of their matching graduation caps, selfies of quick kisses behind the bleachers.
Lance was his first love.
And his first doubt.
It started slow. They trusted each other, hell, they grew up with one another, how can you not trust the person who knows you more than you know yourself?
But slowly a distance started building up, one that Keith didn’t know how to bridge, if there even was a way through it at all.
Lance would work a little later, leave home a little earlier, take phone calls in another room with a hand over the speaker.
They’d meet up with their friends and he’d hug Allura a little too long, would sit beside her and whisper in her ear, making her shake herself with a soft laugh.
There was a feeling building in his stomach, one he couldn’t place at first, new and profound and loud, deafening and reaching to his neck, to his head, screaming that something was wrong, something was off, he was doing something wrong.
It was jealousy, he realised.
But why? When did it get here, rooting itself in his body and growing like vines tearing into his skin?
He started to shy away from Lance, would turn his head when Lance tipped down to peck his lips, stayed out with Pidge and Hunk a little longer, ignoring their concerned looks when he downed his drinks a little too fast.
It all became too much a few months later, when Lance dragged him along to a new pub he and Allura discovered, the mere mention of her name twisting his stomach into a thousand knots.
Lance was unusually quiet during the trip there, his shoulders stiff, hands gripping the steering wheel and eyes focused forward as he drove.
Keith didn’t try to interlink their hands like he used to, to kiss the side of Lance’s shoulder and ask what’s wrong. He looked to the blinking lights out the window, feeling the vines pierce his heart and shatter it to pieces.
The rest of their group was already waiting for them in the pub, from Allura, Shiro, Pidge and Hunk, even Coran was there, waving the two boys over and pushing drinks in their hands.
Everything seemed normal for a while, easy banter going back and forth between everyone, talking about how they liked the new pub and what they did for the day.
Keith noticed the strain in Lance’s voice, noticed the glances Allura kept throwing his way.
Before he could open his mouth to speak, a sound echoed across the room, like a microphone turning on, someone tapping onto it and making an echo spread across the room.
Keith turned, only just noticing the small stage across their table, a piano and a microphone stand sitting there, a young girl in her early twenties smiling and looking to the crowd ahead.
“So, thank you for coming everyone! Our karaoke night will officially start now, so feel free to suggest a song to our DJ and hop on here!” She said before turning the microphone off and leaving the stage.
A burst of murmurs erupted, some groups of people cheering and already heading to the DJ to request some music, his own group laughing and talking about it more animatedly than he’d expect.
He felt a hand on his shoulder, turning to meet Lance’s eye, noticing his odd expression.
Lance leaned close, whispering into his ear.
“If I sing…how would you like if I sang something for you?”
Keith stared for a moment.
Lance moved back, tugging awkwardly at the collar of his white shirt, jacket long abandoned. His hair was pushed back, usual glasses abandoned for contact lenses.
What was going on?
Keith took a breath, shrugging his shoulders and looking away.
“Sure. I’d like that.” was all he could manage without his voice breaking.
Lance mumbled an okay before leaving, Keith’s gaze following him before noticing Allura’s look, before she ran to Lance, putting a hand on his back and turning to face him, saying something with furrowed brows, too far away for Keith to hear.
He went back to talking with the others, shrugging off Shiro’s whispered ‘is everything okay?’
He was aggressively steering his drink when he heard the sound of piano keys being pressed into a short melody, grabbing his attention.
Lance was there, sitting behind the piano, microphone bended down beside him.
He turned to face everyone with a sheepy grin, giving a lazy wave.
“So um, hey everyone. I’m Lance, and ugh, rather than requesting a song, I figured I’d put those high school piano lessons to use somehow.” He greeted, earning a small laughter from the crowd.
He cleared his throat before continuing. “So um, this is dedicated to my wonderful boyfriend Keith” he nodded towards him, the reddening of his ears obvious with his hair pushed back, “we’ve been together for five years now, and well, what kind of boyfriend would I be if I could’t even remember the first song I ever sang to him?”
Keith’s breath hitched in his throat. He brought a hand to his mouth when the first familiar notes played from the piano, Lance’s voice accompanying it, beautiful and clear like creeks of water on summer days.
Before you met me I was alright But things were kinda heavy You brought me to life Now every February You’ll be my valentine,
How could Keith ever forget it?
They were in Lance’s car, going on a road trip when the stereo broke down mid way through, basking them in silncne.
Lance wasted no time, shutting down the radio and humming the notes before he sang, turning to face Keith with that wide grin that made his heart leap out of his chest.
Let’s go all the way tonight No regrets, just love We can dance until we die You and I We’ll be young forever
Keith remembered leaning his head onto Lance’s shoulder and laughing, feeling the vibrations from Lance’s neck as he sang.
You make me Feel like I’m living a, teenage, dream The way you turn me on I can’t, sleep Let’s runaway And don’t ever look back Don’t ever look back,
He remembers how loud and vibrant Lance’s voice was. But now it was shaky, breaking off at some points, the muscles in his neck raising.
Keith squinted, noticing Lance’s eyes, the way he refused to look away from the piano even if Keith knew that Lance knew how to play each key with his eyes closed.
My, heart, stops When you look at me Just, one, touch Now baby I believe This is real So take a chance And don’t ever look back Don’t ever look back,
By the last note there were tears trickling down Lance’s eyes, making Keith’s chest stop, his breath to get caught in his throat.
You make me Feel like I’m living a, teenage, dream The way you turn me on I can’t sleep Let’s runaway And don’t ever look back Don’t ever look back
Let you put your hands on me In my skin-tight jeans Be your teenage dream, tonight.
He abruptly stopped playing, ignoring the applause from the crowd, ignoring the way Keith stared at him, feeling his own eyes prickle with unshed tears.
Lance got up, all but whispering the final words, all but dashing out the door.
Keith wasted no time.
Distance and bridges be damned, he couldn’t let the person he loves go, not without putting a fight, not without knowing why.
He ran out the door, cutting a corner into the alleway by the bar, finding Lance, Lance with his eyes shut and chest heaving, Lance muffling quiet sobs into his forearm, letting his knees buckle as he slid down the wall and onto the pavement, curling into himself.
Keith kneeled across him, putting a hand onto his knee to alert Lance he’s here.
There was a moment of silence, just Lance’s sobs and the faded chatter from the bar and passing cars.
“Lance…what was that?” He whispered after a moment.
“What was what?”
Keith clicked his tongue. “You broke down while singing.”
“I remembered the first time we sang this together.”
He moved his hand away from his face, letting Keith take in his reddened eyes, the tear stains on his cheeks.
“Do you remember? The stereo broke and I started singing and you insisted you don’t like Katy Perry-“
“And then I ended up singing it with you. We burned a CD after the stereo got fixed and put that as the first song in it. Why would I forget that?”
Lance shook his head, a bitter smile on his lips as he looked to Keith.
“Do you remember how you felt?” He sighed, “Do you remember loving me?”
That gave Keith pause.
“What-what do you mean? Lance what are you asking me?”
Neither of them dared to raise their voice above a whisper, the moment too tense, the pain sitting atop their throats constricting.
“I’m asking if you ever loved me. If you-if you’re growing tired of me.”
Keith tried to speak, to ask Lance ‘what the fuck?!’ But all that came out was a soft sob, his voice betraying him.
Lance sat up, shuffling into his back pocket before taking out a small box, toying with it before shoving it onto Keith’s chest who took it into his palm by instinct.
“We were planning this for months. Looked for karaoke bars with a piano, asked Coran to pull a few favours when we couldn’t find any to bring in Allura’s piano-the one I was practicing on the past month. I worked a few extra shifts and asked Hunk and Pidge to help me pick out the ring so I wouldn’t go over-the-top with it.”
Keith looked to the box, gingerly opening it, seeing a single diamond ring interlaced with red, glimmering under the street light.
“I thought-I thought it’d make you happy but you’ve been getting so distant lately and-and I figured something was wrong and whenever I tried to ask you I got so scared of what you’d say-“
Lance lowered his head, refusing to meet Keith’s gaze.
“You’re my person. You’re the person I thought I’d spend my entire life with. I thought-I thought you might want that too.”
Keith was never a man of tactic. So he did what he knew best.
Impulsively, he leaned closer, tilting Lance’s head up and kissing him, biting at his lips when Lance opened up to the kiss, bringing a hand to Keith’s back, grabbing at the fabric of his shirt.
“I thought you were cheating on me.” He breathed after they broke away, relishing in the way Lance’s jaw was slack, eyes wide and lips plumper than before.
“You-you what?!” Lance shrieked, breaking the previous quietness.
“I thought you were cheating on me. With Allura or something, I don’t know, you felt so distant and got all secretive-“
“Because I was talking about how to propose to you! I couldn’t let you hear that?!”
“You kept working late-“
“I had to afford the ring somehow because when I saw it I knew I wanted /this one for you price be damned-“
“I love you” Keith concluded, kissing Lance’s lips, his nose, his cheeks, “God dammit I love you I’ve been in love with you since for fucking ever and you. You’re a dumbass. My dumbass.”
Lance giggled under Keith, throwing his arms around Keith’s back.
“I love you-I love you too but just wait you were distant because you thought-I was distant?!”
Keith hummed, moving to nuzzle Lance’s neck, touching him for all the times he hesitated to in the past months.
“We love each other. And we-oh my god Keith. Keith stop kissing me for a moment and agree that we were both fucking idiots.”
“We were. We were the biggest dumbasses of all and we love each other so could you shut up and put the ring on my finger now so I can carry on kissing you?”
Lance didn’t dare refuse.
So maybe it wasn’t the marriage proposal Keith expected.
But was anything ever what he thought when it came to Lance?
even if you’ve never seen Glee before, please look at this clip and cry with me over Darren Criss and his voice :’)
synopsis: you’ve finally begun to live independently from your immediate family as a blind woman. despite your best efforts, everyday life proves difficult, so your hired caretaker may prove to be your saving grace– not to mention he may need someone just like you ❋ blind!reader x caretaker!seungkwan
word count: 2,606
The abuses your poor toes had withstood were not at all insignificant. Your feet ached while you shuffled across the polished wooden floor of your apartment, afraid that the plastic grips dotting the bottom of your socks would fail you and send you flailing onto your back. You jutted out your support cane, letting out a victorious “A-ha!” when you found the corner of the coffee table before it found you.
Cold air was tormenting the fingers that wrapped around your stick, so you began to walk toward where you thought the wall thermostat was. You turned up the heat, but when you turned around to get back to the kitchen, the dining table caught your smallest right toe.
turtleneck sweaters / violin cases / eating chocolate icing from the jar / the entire score of Wicked / honeybees / hot chocolate / cinnamon / 7am / writing letters / checking the mailbox / checking the mailbox again / black ankle boots / minivans / bad parking jobs / gelato / the gaslight anthem / mumford and sons / anything played on the ukulele / custom lingerie / fake red roses / post-it notes / German / naughty schoolgirl contests / nuns / obscure indie music / Ohio / 9:30 Club / E.E. Cummings / Avatar: The Last Airbender / holding hands at the movies / flip phones / ordering chocolate milk at a restaurant / ferris wheels / 22 / drunk voicemails / Birdies Coffee Shop / honey spice rooibos tea / polka dots / pianos / pool tables / the way it feels when you ache and ache and ache and then sink to the bottom of the bathtub and for just a few minutes it doesn’t ache anymore
Tomorrow is my piano and vocal recital and I’m honestly soo scared. I’ve been practicing a lot and practicing last minute scales. Other than that, I also wrote some notes and this is literally how my table is now. Wish me luck tomorroww!
OK. Break’s over! Time to get into my normal posting rotation. I’ll also try to catch up with my mutuals as best I can today. Didn’t mean to go ghost! Be patient with me! 😄
I’m going to be fast here because there’s going to be quite the word salad further down in this post today. One, the doctor today for a routine physical. Two, therapy Friday. So. Check “call and make an appointment with a psychologist” off my August goals. Though, I should probably double check the insurance situation before I get a repeat of getting kicked out of a doctor’s office again…
I’m going to keep this pretty brief as well. Primarily, this week I need to get back into the swing of the gym. I went a bit at the start of last week but then all Hell broke loose and a couple days I didn’t even hit my step goal. Jesus. I should be extremely rested up by now, and that’s the story I’m stickin’ with!
Bits and Bobs
So. The past few days have been a bit inactive for me on Tumblr due to personal problems I mentioned throughout the past week. Anyone aware probably realizes some period talk is about to commence, so if you really don’t want to hear about it–scroll now.
In the past five days since stopping my pill, I’ve already noticed some serious changes to my body. Mentally I’m 100% again. Well–my 100%; which, to be fair I’m doing pretty alright lately. Anyway, the mood swings are gone even though I’m already having the birth control “rejection” bleeding and shifting back to my natural hormonal state. Some other shocking observations include my appetite cues are–normal. My actual binge compulsions are far fewer. When I eat something, I actually stop thinking about food instead of needing to mentally scream at myself “you just ate, you just ate, you just ate.” My persistent nausea has not returned. I’ve had no migraines.
I weighed myself today and have pissed away 4 lbs and almost an entire inch off my waistline. Since I am having rejection bleeding, I may even still have a little more water retention. I am now on the nose of the weight I said I’d stop cutting at. I will wait for the doctor’s more accurate scale to pass final judgment on what exactly I’m doing with my meal plan next week, but I seriously might be moving to maintenance by next week until the winter brings the bulk schedule back. Wouldn’t it be some bullshit if I was just bloated for the whole time?
Yes. I have demon periods and it’s not normal. That’s why everyone and their mother wants me on the pill. I will annoy every damn GYN in the Detroit Metro; if I have to, in order to get more than my 6th brand of birth control. The GYN who tossed out endometriosis as a possible explanation was so hesitant (and now retired) to actually give me the laparoscopy that he seriously prescribed physical therapy at one point because “one time his ischium caused him a lot of pelvic pain and we should rule out an orthopedic issue.” And–look. I understand it’s a surgical procedure. I’m aware that it’s kind of a big deal. But… Am I really supposed to believe that my ischium gives me blinding migraines and such incredible pelvic pain that I pass out in the shower, come to, and then blow out both ends because one time his ass hurt super badly? I’m sure his hurt ass also caused him to ponder if one can really bleed out from their genitals.
Yeah, I cannot leave the pain unaddressed for too long. It’s far from ideal, but I’ve never been so certain that I need an IUD. Pills worked when my cycle was normal, but something about the changes I’ve experienced has clearly made them way too temperamental with my body chemistry.
Stuff That Makes Me Smile
Slowly I’ve been working the old food storage containers out and replacing them with glass and higher quality plastics. My fiance and I want things that last and don’t get so gross-looking. Not to mention, leech fewer odd–things…into our food. Slowly, but surely! It’s not cheap stuff! I also got myself a lunch box and each of us a lunch box kit. In a few weeks I’m going to be having 10-hour days on campus and once I start working I’m going to need food for the whole day as well, so we got a BIG one!
After my nice little Ulta haul on Saturday, I took the opportunity to declutter very old and expired makeup. Most of what I had stopped using was a bunch of “gift with purchase” stuff that didn’t really mesh with my coloring. I’m happy to say that about 90% of my collection is now cruelty-free. There are a few things I’m still using but once they’ve been worked through I’ll be finding a suitable replacement. MAC Prolongwear is going to be the most difficult to replace. I’ve found concealers I like but they’re just not the same. Gah!
I used to keep my mini-piano on this table but I have other places I can put it and I didn’t have anywhere to get myself ready. All my stuff was sort of strewn about the house which meant more times than not I just skipped it.