It’s a new year, and new years mean new beginnings. So why not go back to the beginnings of childhood with another Phyrexian children’s story? Bad Draws isn’t just about jokes and poor rendering skills, it’s about life lessons as told through the words of some of the most famous tales in New Phyrexian history.

Once upon a time, in the magical land of Phyrexia...


askjin-gitaxias asked you: I was young once, yes, but that was some time ago. Hmm. Would you like to hear a story?

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Yesh! I wanna hear Jinnie’sh shienshe-tifical shtories!

*She sits down with a longing expression in her childish eyes.*

Once, there was a world made of metal, and it was a hollow shell. On the outside were five little suns, and on the inside was a bright, shining core. My siblings and I grew up on the inside, where we made many, many friends. We wanted to make the fellow who made the metal world our friend, but he was a silly old being and barely knew up from down.

One day, we had made so many friends that there simply wasn’t any more room on the inside, so we went out to meet the people who lived on the outside. They were frightened of us, because we seemed very strange to them. But to us, they were strange. But we weren’t frightened. We were sad, because we saw how easy it would be to make their lives better, to make them less strange, and yet they refused.

So, we did what any reasonable person would do: We did science to them. And we kept doing science to them, one by one, until everyone on the metal world became one big happy family. Then I met a delightful little girl who loved science almost as much as she loved kiwis, but I suspect you know that one.

anonymous asked:

Could you explain what Glistening Oil does, exactly? On a mental and biological level.

The physiological changes depend on the subject. The oil transmutes the materials of the body into a more efficient blend of flesh and metal, a process that is radically different for organic and artifactual beings. In organic subjects, it also mutates glands such that they produce glistening oil in addition to or instead of their usual secretions and induces necrosis of superfluous tissue. In artifactual ones, it reshapes components into sleeker, spikier, and otherwise more martially useful forms. Exhaust systems are also retrofitted to emit minute amounts of the oil in particulate form.

On a mental level, the oil acts much as it does on the superstructure of a construct, sharpening and streamlining. A comparison in mentalities between incompleat and compleat specimens of the same species offers a fine synopsis of these changes. Suffice to say, compassion and empathy don’t fare well.

askvivit-deactivated20120831  asked:

Ah, hello... What exactly are you... a cyborg? No, you have no circuitry...

“Cyborg”? A moment…

Ah. In a sense, every organic lifeform native to this universe is a cyborg, with only a single exception. The effects of mycosynth spores transmute flesh to metal and vice versa. Phyresis rather… emphasizes that aesthetic. As for me personally, I am the product of blue magic, glistening oil and constant self-experimentation in a quest for utmost perfection. I hope that clears things up somewhat.






gitaxias, did I ever tell you that you should decorate my house? it would be much appreciated, kthx.

I’ll need your address, up to and including your plane’s coordinates in the Blind Eternities. Oh, and a list of which internal organs you’d like to keep, in descending order of priority.

What? You didn’t think I was just going to redecorate the house, did you?

Be gentle

No promises.

this whole conversation makes me wonder if you do requests

I would if I could, my friend.