photoshop mashup

The Last Jedi Poster #5 (Probably Not)

“Tale As Old As Time
Song As Old As Rhyme
Romance Starts On
Starkiller Base!

C3PO is beside himself with shock! His ship has just become canon! Thank the maker!

‘Cause you know he shipped Han & Leia for a long time, too.

Anyways, yeah, decided to jump on the Beauty & The Beast bandwagon this week.

Decided to badly do this cover, cause it’s actually been colder this week than Christmas.

Thank you to all the original artists, nothing is mine, I just mashed it together, like those cauliflower mash potatoes my mom was telling me about last week. Which aren’t potatoes.

But, yeah, probably not.

The Last Jedi poster won’t be like that cause 3PO prefers to look stoic in posters.

And BB needs an oil bath. That’s like not combing your hair on picture day.

And, yeah, we’ve already had a snow setting.

‘Sniff, probably won’t be a Reylo holiday special either…

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Comparing Christine wardrobes:

Elisabeth Berg, original Stockholm production (left) and Emmi Christensson, current Stockholm production (right)

Big Fett Geek Wedding

Hark! What’s that I hear?

Be it Wanger’s Bridal Chorus or Mendelssohn’s Wedding March; wedding season is upon us!

Oh, the family drama

I haven’t really dived into any theories lately, but be interesting if Rey was a Fett and/or Mandalorian.

This is probably heavily inspired by the Mandalorian parade that Caps and I witnesses at Star Wars Celebration. Do not try to cross those people, literally, even if you need to get to the other side.

Kylo Ren is just SO sweet. Even though he’s not Mandalorian, he’s cool with marrying Rey in their chapel. He also loves the food they serve at their restaurant. And everyone will just ignore the fact that her dad sprays everything with Blue Milk cause he thinks it’s a cure all.

Anyhow, weddings, (plus Camp NaNoWriMo (I swear I’m going to finish some Reylo fanfics this time), plus unpacking) the reason I’ll be on hiatus until mid-July-ish (unless something major SW happens).

Until then, happy Reylo dreams!

Star Wars: Episode 8: The Last (Pride & Prejudice) Jedi

TheBigReyloTheory Trasherpiece Theater proudly presents:

Star Wars: Episode 8: The Last (Pride & Prejudice) Jedi

Brought to you by Captain McHusbandMan who recovered my glasses from the imaginary number space! Yay!

I hope you are familiar with Pride & Prejudice. If not, I implore you to check out the ’95 and ’05 versions. And, always, READ THE BOOK.

‘K I’m long-winded, but especially today cause P&P’s my fav…you’ll be scrolling FOREVER. :D

“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a Jedi Master strong in the Force must be in want of a padawan.”

Argh, Star Wars, so stressful, so many characters to worry about…My nerves and Star Wars are old friends, twenty years at least.

Quick Recap of The Force Awakens:

Ahch-To is let at last! (meaning: occupied)

Do not you want to know who has taken it?

Skywalker. (Mr. Bingley)

He is a Jedi Master to be sure!

It is a fine thing for our Star Wars characters.

How so, you ask?

My dear Star Wars fans, you must know that I am thinking one of them must be his new padawan!

And if he must train one of them, I must throw in a good word for lil Rey (Elizabeth). She has something more of a quickness about her.

*Epic Flashback*

At Starkiller Base (the grand assembly) Kylo Ren (Mr. Darcy) is encouraged to read (dance) Rey’s mind for the map (to find a pleasant girl). But, honestly, he really doesn’t want to…it gives him no pleasure.

It’s probably true…she’s just a scavenger…(country girl with crazy family).

When he uses his Force power, and she meets his probe (eyes) with her own, he withdraws. Rather rudely.

Needless to say, Rey remained with no very cordial feelings towards him.

However, later on, after escaping, and besting his call to the Skywalker lightsaber, Kylo Ren begins to admire Rey.

His doing so drew her notice.

Therefore Kylo Ren finds himself presented a very desirable padawan (dance partner). He cannot refuse to be her teacher (dance), when so much beauty is before him.

But, of course, Rey refuses.

*Jumping to Episode 8*

Luke Skywalker is a very pleasant fellow indeed!

It’s clear he’s really developed a thing for the lovely First Jedi Temple (Jane). They spend a lot of time together. He never wants to leave her, er, I mean the Temple.

So, anyhow, it rains a lot on Ahch-To. Rey’s really fond of walking. So she decides she better go check on the poor ole leaky First Jedi Temple (sick Jane). ‘Cause Rey is good at fixing things, bypass skills are very handy.

Turns out, poor ole leaky First Jedi Temple (sick Jane) is ok. Luke is thrilled that it’s raining and he’s stuck in the Temple. Rey’s ok with it, until she realizes there’s another visitor lurking around.

Argh, he is a most disagreeable, horrid man! But apparently Jedi Temples are like neutral, nonpartisan, sanctuary zones. Everyone’s going to have to get along…er, skate around snarky comments.

It makes for several stir-crazy days together…Rey starts walking, aimlessly, around the room. Kylo Ren starts hate-flirting with her.

When it stops raining, everything just gets worse….

Stormtroopers (militia unit) arrive on Ahch-To!

And a very, very, very distant relation of Rey’s comes to stay for a week…

Yeah, Rey should be happy to see her cousin and all, but he stinks. No really, “Mr. Collins the Hutt” is an odious bore. He talks about his patron, Snoke (Lady Catherine), day and night. But rumor has it, Snoke stinks, too.

And, to add insult to injury, it turns out, Mr. Collins the Hutt is going to inherit the deed to Ahch-To. What? No! Argh, Hutts and their properties…it’s just like Star Wars: Monopoly.

Anyhow, he really wants to move into the First Jedi Temple. But once he sees how the First Jedi Temple is already spoken for by Luke, and how committed Luke is, Mr. Collins the Hutt comes up with a new plan:

If Rey marries him, they can all happily stay on Ahch-To and Luke can remain with the First Jedi Temple.

What??? But they are cousins you cry!

Indeed. So, Rey does the only sensible thing. She tries to avoid Mr. Collins the Hutt by doing lots of walking. Those stairs are a great workout. And Hutts are slow.

On one of these particular walks, Rey meets a delightful young officer. General Armitage “Wickham” Hux is, seemingly, a perfect gentleman and very handsome in uniform.

While Rey and General Armitage “Wickham” Hux are talking, they cross paths with Luke and Kylo Ren on the stairs. Luke, of course, is very good humoured. However, Kylo Ren almost growls at Hux, and marches off to throw a tantrum.

Rey knew Kylo Ren was horrid and all, but she is shocked by his rudeness.

Later, Hux explains that he brings out the worse in Kylo Ren, cause Kylo Ren is so jealous of him. The Supreme Leader (father) likes Hux best and Kylo Ren can’t stand it. Although Kylo Ren should be grateful that he has the Force (large estate, money) and is in an arranged engagement to the Supreme Leader’s (Lady Catherine’s) daughter, Captain Phasma…Kylo Ren is just a hateful person who screwed up Hux’s raise (living). Rey feels sorry for Hux.

Meanwhile, Luke decides, as a neutral, nonpartisan Jedi, to throw a party and invite all the Stormtroopers (militia) on Ahch-To. It turns out to the social event of the year. Rey, of course, is forced to be polite and dance with Mr. Collins the Hutt…even though she really wanted Hux to ask her to dance.

Strangely enough, Kylo Ren, who really hates dancing, comes to claim Rey’s hand.

Rey is so shocked, she accepts, but quickly decides to tease him about everything Hux told her. The effect on Kylo Ren is immediate. Such distain. She accuses him of being prejudice. Hux, after all, is just a poor, innocent officer trying to make his way in the galaxy…

The dance ends. Ren exits the room knowing Rey is full of her own pride.

However, Rey finds herself out of the fire and into the frying pan when Mr. Collins the Hutt decides to “formally” propose marriage to her.

But apparently Mr. Collins the Hutt thinks she’s playing hard to get

What say you, Star Wars fans? Trash shippers will never forgive her if she doesn’t marry Mr. Collins the Hutt, the rest will never forgive her if she does….

Thankfully, Mr. Collins the Hutt takes a hint. He can tell Rey’s mad, and he doesn’t want to end up like Jabba or anything. So he leaves. And in a shocking turn-of-events, he suddenly marries Rey’s friend, Maz Kanata (Charlotte). Odd, yes. But Maz never wanted to be an old maid. And she can’t wait on Chewie FOREVER. So long as she’s happy, I guess.

Without warning, Luke decides to take Kylo Ren’s advice and spend some time away from the First Jedi Temple. What? Out of the blue?

Ahch-To is turning topsy-turvy! Rey feels some time away from the stir-crazy island will do her some good, too. Therefore, she flies to see the newly married Maz Kanata-the Hutt at Mr. Collins the Hutt’s humble home on Naboo. Maz is now technically her distant cousin-in-law and all.

However, you can’t simply visit the Hutts without making a visit to the home of their neighbor and patron, Supreme Leader Snoke (Lady Catherine). That’s just rude. So, Rey accompanies them to meet Snoke and Phasma. Argh, boring. Snoke talks and talks non-stop about how him and Phasma are so great, and how weird Rey seems. How negligent her parents were (duh).

Then Kylo Ren shows up!

Ahhh! It’s like Kylo Ren is following her or something! Now she’s going to have to put up with him the whole visit.

Oh my. Can things get any worse? Yup.

One day Kylo Ren suddenly shows up on the Hutts’ doorstep. For some strange reason, Maz and Mr. Collins the Hutt rush out of the room to give Ren and Rey time alone. Awkward.

Pretty soon, Rey can’t escape Kylo Ren anywhere. He’s always showing up at Hutts’ home or at Snoke’s or wherever she’s walking. People keep leaving them alone. They have to make weird, but oddly flirty conversation.

In the meantime, Rey gets a holo (letter) from Luke about his new adventures. He’s decided never to return to Ahch-To again. Luke claims Kylo Ren was right, the First Jedi Temple just isn’t giving him visions anymore. Maybe he needs a new temple or try Darth Vader’s helmet (Georgiana Darcy) for a while. Oh, and he wants her to know that Hux is a total flirt and has been seen ‘round with another wealthy officer.

Oo! Rey feels the anger flowing through her. She doesn’t even care what Hux does. But Kylo Ren? He’s messed everything up! The plan was set! Luke was going to stay with the First Jedi Temple, and Rey was going to learn the ways of the Force. Not only is Kylo Ren horrid, he’s also completely meddlesome!

Just when she wants to be alone to fume, Ren shows up again. He’s got a question to pop.

Say what?? When she has every right to think ill of him?? He wants to marry her and be her teacher?? Argh!


Ren is astonished. I mean, he did just tell Rey he loved her…some men just wait and tell the lady “I know.” I mean what does Rey want? For him to rejoice in the inferiority of the Resistance? That they’re on opposite sides?

Ren leaves ashamed of his feelings. Rey is vexed.

Next day, Ren sends Rey a holo, promising it’s not another join me, marry me, or be my padawan proposal. Instead, he wishes to tell his side of the story in regards to Luke and General Hux.

It was Ren’s observation that, although Luke felt at home with the First Jedi Temple, the First Jedi Temple had no peculiar regard for his Force power. The First Jedi Temple didn’t give Luke any extra special powers or visions. Ren, however, admits that he might have been too hastily, and the First Jedi Temple could potentially make Luke both powerful and content.

As for Hux, the man was given several raises, all of which he gambled away in Sabacc games. When his next raise was denied, Hux stole Darth Vader’s helmet (Georgiana Darcy) and made Ren pay ransom to get it back all safe and sacred. Ask anyone.

Huh. Well maybe Rey only knew the truth-from-a-certain-point-of-view. Oh bother. Maybe they were both wrong. She starts to feel kinda bad about it.

Needing a distraction, Rey decides to visit the Lake Country of Naboo. Varykino is, apparently, a must-see estate. Didn’t something historic happen there? Oh well, that’s what tour guides are for.

So she gets there and the tour guide explains that Varykino is still owned by the Skywalker-Solo family. In fact Padme and Anakin Skywalker were secretly wed at Varykino. Rey is fascinated. It’s a beautiful place. To think, her and Kylo Ren could have been married at Varykino, too. Then the tour guide gushes about how Kylo Ren is a really kind Master. Rey wants to sigh. She could have been his padawan. Could have been Mrs. Rey Forgot-My-Last-Name-Ren-Solo. Ah, regrets.

On the way out, she thinks maybe she’ll check out the flowers in bloom. That’s when she sees him…Kylo Ren is actually here! *Shock* Rey blushes. He walks over and speaks to her, completely gentle and kind. It’s clear he’s delighted to see her, too. And, is still very much in love with her.

Kylo Ren politely invites her on a behind-the-scenes-tour of his super secret Anakin Skywalker collection. He’s eager for her to see Darth Vader’s helmet (Georgiana Darcy). He also informs her that Luke is on Naboo and he’s planning to return to the First Jedi Temple right away.

Rey is thrilled. This is turning out to be the best day ever.

Until a holo suddenly informs them: Hux has stolen the Skywalker lightsaber (Lydia) from Ahch-To!! If they want it to remain whole, Hux is going need some ransom money, asap.

But Rey doesn’t have any money! This is terrible! Worst day ever!

Kylo Ren rushes off. Rey is beside herself with grief. She returns to Ahch-To, hoping to find comfort with the First Jedi Temple (Jane). This has ruined her life as a padawan. No one will ever respect her as a Jedi with a blotched lightsaber.

Then another holo arrives: Hux has accepted a mysterious amount of ransom money for the lightsaber. It isn’t broke into bits. Thank the maker!

What’s more, Luke returns to the First Jedi Temple. He proclaims he will dwell there forever. Yay, happily-ever-after.

When Rey places her hand on the newly-returned Skywalker lightsaber she receives a Force vision: Kylo Ren paying Hux off for Rey’s happiness. Kylo Ren to the rescue. He completely saved her reputation…wow.

Well, everything goes back to normal. Luke’s at the First Jedi Temple. Rey studies daily. Until, one night, Snoke (Lady Catherine) arrives out-of-the-blue. He demands to see Rey.

It seems Snoke has finally gotten wind of the rumor that Kylo Ren has the hots for Rey, and he loves her, and asked her to marry him, even though he’s in an arranged engagement to Snoke’s daughter, Phasma. Snoke wants Rey to promise that she won’t secretly wed Kylo Ren. Pff. Rey fights back and takes care of Snoke, Star-Wars style. Bye bye, Snoke.

Next morning, a holo arrives from Mr. Collins the Hutt. It congratulates Rey on taking down Snoke and her engagement and forthcoming marriage to Kylo Ren. Huh? That’s very interesting…

Unsurprisingly, Kylo Ren returns to Ahch-to. He accompanies Rey on her morning walk. He confesses that he did pay off Hux, so the lightsaber could return to her in one piece. He did everything for her happiness and still loves her.

Much to the surprise of the galaxy (everyone thought they hated each other) Rey and Kylo Ren are wed.

To this day, Rey still teases Ben about how and why he fell in love with her.

The End.