i feel like eddie would be that friend who’s on their phone the entire time you’re talking like ‘yeah yeah i’m listening’ but in reality he’s not, he’s playing candy crush and half way through you kind of realize he’s not listening bcos you keep hearing pinging sounds of him getting notifications or he stops you in the middle of a sentence to show you a meme and then you just scream for 10 hours

so with the news about geoff taking a sabbatical, my brain did the “ridiculous headcanon” thing it does and imagined fake ah crew geoff getting burned out (”because organizing you assholes is like trying to herd a fucking swarm of hornets”) and deciding to go on vacation for a while to recharge

and geoff’s basically like “do not call me unless there is an emergency,” and for geoff an emergency consists of:

  • the actual, literal apocalypse
  • nothing else
  • do not call him

but geoff pretty quickly finds out that for the crew, an emergency can be:

  • “did you pack underwear” —jack
  • “i can’t find the remote” —gavin
  • “geoff please i can’t find it call me back” —gavin
  • “gavin and i are arguing about the probability of flipping three coins and the– geoff? hello? did you hang up on me?” —ryan
  • “ryan ended his murder break because of an argument with gavin and is trying to blow up everything in the tri-county area” —michael
  • “michael’s a fucking tattletale” —ryan
  • “i’m drunk and i wrote a rap about you here listen” —jeremy
  • “i’m drunk and jeremy wrote a rap about you and i beatboxed and it’s amazing please answer your phone” —lindsay
  • “i’m drunk and weepy and i miss you” —virtually everyone, on the same night
  • (“i’m sober and annoyed and please save me” —ray)

geoff bursts into the penthouse two weeks before he’s supposed to return and everybody’s basically like what the hell are you doing geoff you’re supposed to be relaxing and geoff has a conniption fit

so that job that they called me for, that i was confused about bc i never applied for it lmao. turns out they got my number from IKEA (bc i applied there) bc they’re both owned by some bigger company idk so they had my data in their system.

so if the interviews go well, i’ll get a job?? that i never applied for? amazing.