[NOT your Girls]

A playlist for the Three-In-One telepathic ‘sisters’  

i. Crown Of Age - The Ettes || ii. Tell ‘Em - Sleigh Bells || iii. Manners (extended) - Icona Pop || iv. The Mother We Share - CHVRCHES || v. Cheap Thrills - Sia || vi. This Is What Makes Us Girls (Remastered Remix) - Lana del Rey || vii. Teen Idle - Mariana and the Diamonds || viii. Help I’m Alive- Metric || ix. Love Myself - Hailee Steinfeld || x. All Men Are Pigs- Studio Killers


(pictured from left to right: celeste, irma, phoebe. maria hill is in the shot too but she is not a stepford cuckoo, she is the director of shield)

Man, where to start with these girls. They first appeared during Grant Morrison’s run of New X-Men. This questionable guy named John Sublime who is an alien type thing who possesses human bodies was in charge of Weapon Plus over in Britain, which is like the overseas version of Weapon X, and they both had the same agenda: recreating the super soldier. Man, Cap, what the hell did you start.

But John Sublime had an ulterior motive. Take down the X-Men from the inside, because he’s a villain and that’s what X-Men villains do. So, he took Emma Frost’s DNA, cloned it five times, and then sent them off to the Xavier Institute with the mission that they were normal students.

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Sophie, Phoebe, Irma, Celeste, and Esme have a telepathic hivemind, which allows them to have a stable psychic connection at all times, and frequently they share thoughts and think as, well, a hivemind. They also have the standard powers of most other telepaths, reading minds and creating illusions, messing with people’s brains in various ways, etc. They also have a diamond form.

Sophie was originally the leader of sorts, but she died while over-dosing on the drug Kick (which was made by good ol’ Weapon Plus), thanks to one Quentin “Kid Omega” Quire. Thanks, Q. (Quentin had a crush on them, but they were like “naahhhhh go away loser.”)

After Sophie died, Phoebe took over as the leader. There were four of them for a while, but them Esme ran off with Xorn, her lover, having been the sleeper agent the whole time, knowing full well their true reason for being at the school, and knowing Weapon Plus’ involvement in the death of Sophie and Emma and Quentin. (Emma was brought back with Jean’s Phoenix powers and some help from Hank, and Quentin was brought back by unknown means some 7 years later.)

The Cuckoos, now reduced to three, continued to go to the school. They ran Cerebra often, and they gave Prodigy his knowledge back after he was depowered after M-Day. They were in Phoenix Endsong, the thing where pretty much every telepath was posessed by the Phoenix. (Quentin was brought back here, and he tried to bring back Sophie, but she took one look at him and died again. Give up, Q. Please.)

During Schism, they went to the school with Wolverine and gang. They didn’t stay there for long though, because when Scott came a-knockin’ asking if anybody wanted to attend his school, the cuckoos vamoosed off to the New Xavier school.

Celeste has pretty much taken over as the leader by now, and they’re currently appearing in Uncanny X-Men and occasionally in All-New. The different hairstyles shown on the girls now makes it easier to tell them apart, and it started as Irma’s effort to become more of an individual. Phoebe then decided to go red, swayed a bit by Young Jean’s arrival at the school, and Celeste stayed blonde. Nevertheless, the girls are very close to each other. Even through their efforts of individuality, while distancing themselves from Emma Frost (their words, “not your girls”) and in becoming able to be told apart, they’re sisters, they’re a hivemind, and they’re here to fuck you up.

Give up, Quentin.


Good Places To Read for the Stepford Cuckoos:

-New X-Men vol. 1 by Grant Morrison
-New X-Men vol. 2 by like 5 different writers
- X-Men: Phoenix- Endsong by Greg Pak
-Uncanny X-Men vol. 3 by Brian Michael Bendis.