phils~mum

dsfsldfksldfksdf i’m honestly dead that gaming live stream was so good!!!!!!!!!!!! they were so funny and witty and natural and their banter works so well in real time and they just riff of each other so nicely and they work so well together and they flirted a fuck ton and im feeling so many things yall!!!!! here’s a v lengthy list of my fav moments: 

  • phil exposes dan and tells the audience dan makes fun of phil’s smile when they get their photos taken, and dan immediately wants to clarify he’s not being mean to phil, it’s all banter
  • dan says the big monster creature is phil’s mum and phil responds with his typical (giggling) outrage. dan immediately says he’s kidding and then says ‘love you kath’ bc he knows she watches and im gonna be honest that gave me a rush of emotion lmao 
  • phil: ‘take my lettuce’
  • dan: ‘feed me dad’ @ huge monster
  • phil: ‘plonk your tomato on my lettuce’
  • phil wants to name this ‘dan and phil’s salad dream’ dan immediately thinks that sounds like it could be a fanfic bc ofc he does
  • dan feels the need to clarify he was misquoted in one of the tweets from the jaguar event probs bc he saw the ppl dragging him for saying something that sounded like ‘millennials need products to help them go outside’ lmao
  • they have a loud faux argument when they both have to control driving the bus and my ears hurt but my heart is warm
  • phil tells dan to breathe before they start the first actual round and it’s cute
  • phil’s mostly on chopping and dishes duty and claims he doesn’t want to be sous chef. dan literally immediately responds by saying that typically the head chef is disliked by people and the sous chef is the one that actually does all the work .. wow …… what are these Emotions? it’s like when they were playing 1, 2, switch and phil was like, why do i have to be luigi and you get to be mario, and dan was like luigi’s actually the one people like :(((((( wtf :(
  • ‘get out of the way lad’ says phil to dan and i’m dying
  • dan making fun of phil for making a song reference ‘from 1982′ by fondly yelling ‘you relic’
  • dan says phil’s behavior is ‘absolute babuse’ .. and i’m crying bc they def just use this word now referencing the vid where phil predicts dan’s future and attacks him with a banana & dan probably thinks it’s hilarious that phil said it in the first place and why are they so fond of each other honestly
  • there’s a new chef in the game for round 2 who dan thinks looks like pj but phil thinks looks like the child of dan and pj and dan immediately makes yet another fanfic reference, saying a fic of that definitely exists (if there is where can i read it? does dan read parent!kickthefire fic in his free time? does phil read it bc of his mpreg fixation? i need answers)
  • phil doesn’t like soup bc is it a food or is it a drink (dan, vehemently: ‘it’s a food’)
  • dan says he’s gonna play this second round as the PJ-lookalike chef and phil takes issue: ‘i’m gonna feel like my friend has disappeared and been replaced by a slightly different replica’ dan looks at him blankly for a second and then says ’that was like a whole thing’ sdfjsldfsdf what a weird interaction ahahaha i feel like dan was a bit thrown by phil making a big deal out of dan playing as ‘himself’ in the game 
  • phil keeps reminding dan to relax and it makes dan giggle a lot. phil’s like, ‘philly says relax’ and dan just goes full dimply, crinkly smile and my heart has fully melted
  • phil says ‘oh daniel’ in a deep singsong-y voice. phil just sang a lot in general in this stream, the thing where he replaces words to common tunes with whatevers happening in the game, and he does that all the time and it’s one of his most endearing traits for sure
  • dan: ‘i’m going to give you a soup thats not on fire’ phil: ‘put it in my mouth’
  • dan’s making these horrendous spitting spluttering noises and phils just gentle and going ‘dan we’ve got another tomato to do’ a couple of times to get him to focus ahahah
  • ‘this is not a hierarchy thing. we’re both a part of this kitchen’ this feels like a metaphor
  • phil suggests they do a ‘fist bump of truth’ before starting the final round
  • ‘dan i love your butt’ dan reads from the chat, and promptly gives a dead stare to the camera before saying he’ll ignore the chat again for a bit
  • ‘don’t be upset I’m not offended’ says phil to the audience when dan screams at him and alleges that they would’ve done fine that round if phil hadn’t ‘ballsed it up.’ lmao!!!!! they’re both so aware of people thinking dan is mean to phil, its kind of funny that phil’s instinct was to laugh at dan yelling at him and then to reassure the viewers that he’s literally completely fine and no one needs to bother feeling upset on his behalf.
  • why can they just say a word like ‘potato’ and then immediately know the reference they’re both thinking of and both start singing at like the exact same time it’s disturbing
  • ‘dan and phil’s salady dreams’ says phil, he’s really into these suggestive salad phrases
  • phil: ‘don’t swear’ dan: ‘this is a christian channel. no yiffing’
  • phil: ’we’re like a well oiled machine’ dan: ’we’re symbiotic right now’ (is this them just describing their general state of being)
  • wtf was that whole ad bit??? phil had a potential contact lens issue and dan starts asking him about it before randomly breaking off to look at phil intensely and do some cutesy facial expressions and then ask in a strangely soft, almost childish voice whether he can ‘press the button’ and they both kind of just look at each other and giggle and then phil is like weird and placating in his tone and it’s ….. cute??? why was that interaction cute wtf? but it’s just a button to play an ad so they try it but literally no one actually got an ad (if u got an ad then u just missed phil getting up to check his contact and coming back in 10 seconds and dan saying like ‘hi’ ‘hello’ ‘what’s up’ or some random filler words like that)
  • when they look at the game again there’s a new chef on the screen and it’s a cat and phil is immediately like ‘i want to be the cat chef!!!’ and then dan is like ’speaking of yiff … hello there’ sdfksdflsdf i’m dying @ these actual furries
  • dan then goes on a small tangent about fursuits which was definitely him stating actual opinions about how fursuits should have more colors or like rainbow stripes, and if youre going to make one, why would u go for a cat? it should be fox or wolf or dog. in case anyone wanted dan’s opinions on that. phil looks legit uncomfortable for a fleeting second but they transition onwards quite smoothly
  • they shout out some of phil’s fav comments from the last vid which was cute and phil acknowledges his swear
  • phil: *wants to show the viewers their new fancy mic* dan: ’show me that micussy’ …. that about sums it up folks
Caught

Words: 3587

Summary: The very first time Dan comes to stay with his boyfriend Phil after months of talking online and via Skype is exciting for both of them. But it can also be quite awkward, especially when you are having sex with your boyfriend on a pool table and your mum walks in.

Warnings: None

Additional Tags: 2009!Phan, Smut, Humour

A/N: Requested by anon

They were both completely engulfed in each other, unaware of the world around them. That would explain why neither of them heard when Phil’s mum come home from shopping, hear her open the door to the games room. “Boys, I’ve got you som…” she squealed mid sentence as she stepped into the room, averting her eyes so fast she nearly gave herself whiplash.

Keep reading

Lost In Translation | Phandom Big Bang

Author: realityisnoplacetolive

Artist: @themessafterthemarty (the art is awesome omg)

Beta: @always-okay-katie (thank you so much for all your help!!)

Word count: 11k

Rating: PG

Warnings: None

Summary: In a world in which everyone is born with their soulmate’s first words to them tattooed somewhere on their body, it would seem that loneliness is finally cured. But Phil Lester has a problem. His tattoo is in a language he can’t speak.

A/N: Additional thanks to @awesomesockes, for being Danish and therefore occasionally helpful in the endeavor :p And to Gina, for giving me really awesome advice about pacing, which i was too stubborn to actually implement, but I appreciated nonetheless <3 (you tried)

His situation wasn’t exactly common, but it wasn’t unheard of either. Phil’s mum often tried to assure him of this - he wasn’t the first person on Earth to have a language barrier between him and his soulmate. But that was easy for her to say, when she was born with the words ‘Have you got a partner for the assignment yet?’ tattooed in neat script across her collarbone. Phil’s father had asked her this question at the start of year five, and despite the response she’d given him of ‘Sorry, Charlie’s just asked me’, the two had been fast friends ever since. Those five words covered his dad’s left calf, and he often teased his wife about how her first words to him were rejection.

But Phil Lester would’ve given anything for something as simple and direct as that. The twenty-two year old sighed at the foreign phrase printed across his right forearm for what felt like the millionth time.

“Yeah, well, beats mine anyway,” his older brother had assured him. Phil had to giggle, remembering the ‘Would you like to order drinks?’ tattoo on Martyn’s bicep.

Keep reading

Maybe, Possibly

Summary: Phil’s mother is adamant that he should be settling down, so invites one of his turbulent exes to an annual family get-together the following day. In a moment of panic, he tells her he’s already dating someone. With no other options, he turns to Dan.

Genre: Reality

Word Count: 9k

Warnings: Some swearing, references to alcohol

Read on ao3

Keep reading