the harry potter books rated by how many times someone says "er"
- philosopher's stone: (5) three of the five are used by hagrid and an astonishing zero by harry. altogether an underwhelming turnout. (3/10)
- chamber of secrets: (6) a good third of the "er"s are a result of lucius malfoy being a dick about hagrid's hut. not a fan but still a better showing than the first book. (4/10)
- prisoner of azkaban: (11) lupin enters the scene and the "er"s double, mostly because he is an awkward prince, but also because malfoy inherits his father's cute quirk of being a dick to poor people. (6/10)
- goblet of fire: (23) the er count skyrockets as harry hits puberty and becomes progressively more awkward. baby boy is growing up and has forgotten how to put a sentence together. also serves as a minor plot point with the sphinx's riddle in the third task, giving er its well-deserved moment in the spotlight. (10/10)
- order of the phoenix: (36) “So — so — they — er — they — er— they actually exist, do they — er — dementy-whatsits?”. excellent. still cannot comprehend what this sentence would actually sound like out loud. (9/10)
- half-blood prince: (18) offsets the rising er trend which is disappointing. nothing to report other than harry is still unable to construct a sentence that does not contain ellipses (5/10)
- deathly hallows: (8) hp is all grown up and has no need for speech disfluencies. brings a tear to the eye. (8/10)