phil you are so cute

anonymous asked:

Could you possibly do a hc where Dan is at a friends house and Phil (his friends older brother) happens to be home with them since their parents aren't home. Dans friend has to go to the store and get something and Phil decides to have fun with his little brothers friend. You can make them any age you'd like.

~ this is shit but! it’s something! ~
~ dan is 16 and phil is 17, almost 18 ~
~ phil’s brother is named jordan bc idk ~


Dan knocked on the door, frowning and biting his lip. It was a bad habit he had developed, especially when he was nervous or particularity anxious.

This was his third time going to his friend Jordan’s house, and he wasn’t any less nervous. Jordan was nice enough, he sat by Dan at lunch when no one else had and talked to him about Pokémon. Dan was just scared he was going to do something wrong. He always did. He didn’t want to lose another friend.

Dan heard the lock click and the door swung open; his eyes widened.

A boy answered the door, a boy he hadn’t seen before. He had messy black hair, sex hair basically, and his blue eyes sparkled when they landed on Dan. A cocky smirk seemed to be plastered to his face.

“Hey,” he said, leaning on the door frame and looking Dan over. Dan crossed his arms; it felt oddly sexual. “You’re Dan, right? You’re cute. Jordan didn’t tell me you were so cute.”

“Phil!” Came a shrill voice from behind him, and Jordan pushed him to the side, offering Dan an apologetic look. “Sorry about that, that’s my stupid brother. Come on in.”

Dan nodded, pressing his lips together and letting Jordan pull him inside, avoiding Phil’s predatory gaze as he passed.

Jordan led him to the kitchen, leaning against the counter and smiling at him.

“My parents aren’t home, they left me with Phil.” He rolled his eyes. “They needed some ‘time alone’, they said…”

“They’re probably fucking!” Phil shouted from the other room.

“I was just making food…” he mumbled, ignoring him, a bit of ginger hair falling in his eyes, and he brushed it away. “But I think we’re out of ramen.”

“I ate it!” Came Phil’s voice from the other room, along with a laugh. Jordan cursed under his breath.

“But I’m really hungry and he ate all the rest of the food too…” he continued, glaring at the door. “So I think I need to go to the store. Wanna come?” He raised his eyebrows hopefully. Dan was highly aware of Phil who had just entered, leaning against the door frame.

“Yeah Dan,” he started, smirking, his eyes scoping Dan out. “Wanna come?”

Jordan glanced at him nervously, chuckling awkwardly. Dan’s eyes widened.

“Er, I think I’ll stay here, I brought some homework and stuff so I should be fine.” Dan flashed him a smile, biting his lip. Jordan shrugged.

“Alright then,” he mumbled, moving to grab his jacket from a hook on the kitchen wall. “I’ll be right back. Phil,” he turned to his brother, who raised his eyebrows. “Don’t sexually harass my friend.”

The door slammed, and he was gone.

Dan wasn’t going to lie, the sexual tension was unbearable with Phil watching him like he wanted to eat him. Dan bit his lip, glancing at his feet.

“Your name’s Dan, right?” He asked, stepping a bit closer.

“Yeah,” Dan mumbled.

“Well my name’s Phil,” he said, stepping forward again. He checked his wrist, frowning at his watch. “The name you’ll be screaming in about… I’d say about two minutes.”

Dan’s eyes widened as Phil chuckled, drawing his finger up Dan’s jaw. He leaned down, kissing just below Dan’s ear, as if to just test his reaction. He smirked when Dan moaned softly, tilting his head back.

“Yeah,” Phil breathed. “I’m gonna cover that pretty neck of yours in marks.”

“B-But,” Dan’s voice broke, and he backed away a little. “You’re Jordan’s brother… I don’t think he’d-”

“Why does he matter?” Phil muttered, brushing some hair away from Dan’s face and frowning.

“Because… I don’t think he’d like it if I-”

“Babe,” Phil laughed, shaking his head. “It doesn’t matter. I want you, he doesn’t control me. I fuck who I want.”

Dan tensed up as he spoke, Phil was leaning closer until their noses were practically touching. Dan’s breath caught. Phil slid his hands down Dan’s side, admiring his shape and kneading his ass in both of his hands.

“Dan…” he started slowly, offering him a smile. “If I kiss you, you have to promise you won’t run away.”

Dan thought about it. He had an attractive guy practically feeling him up, asking to kiss him, in his friends kitchen. An attractive guy practically two years older than him, Jordan had said his brother was almost eighteen. Dan felt himself nod slowly.

Phil smirked, pulling Dan forward roughly by the hips, kissing him on the mouth.

Dan whimpered into the kiss, somewhat surprised by the force in Phil’s movements, but soon he melted into Phil’s lips and his hands gliding over Dan’s curves.

Phil was good at kissing, better than good. His mouth slid easily against Dan’s, and he took dominance immediately. He reached up with one hand to touch Dan’s face, the other still squeezing his ass.

Dan jumped forward when Phil slipped his hand down the back of his jeans, so now the front of their bodies were pressed together. Phil chuckled, kneading Dan’s flesh, and Dan buried his face in Phil’s neck. He was incredibly hard, and he was positive Phil could feel it.

“Fuck you’re pretty,” Phil breathed, kissing down Dan’s jaw to his throat messily.

“Promise?” Dan giggled. Phil shook his head, in awe.

“Yes, baby boy.”

Phil picked Dan up in one smooth movement, making Dan gasp and wrap his limbs around him, grasping at his shirt. Phil walked them backwards, slamming Dan against the wall.

He kissed him again, more messy and desperate this time, and Dan moaned against his mouth.

“Can we go to your room or something?” Dan gasped, gaining back his confidence. “I don’t really fancy Jordan finding us out here…”

“Yeah,” Phil agreed, breathing heavily. “Yeah, you’re right.”

He set Dan down, tugging him after him by the sleeve to the hallway. They didn’t get ten steps before Phil was shoving him against the wall again, attacking his neck and jaw and mouth. Dan moaned loudly, grasping desperately at his shoulders.

“In here,” Phil mumbled, pushing Dan through a door and pulling him forward by his hips. Dan looked around as Phil nipped at his throat, frowning.

“Isn’t this… Jordan’s room?” Dan asked, pausing to mutter a ‘fuck’ under his breath. Phil smirked.

“Yeah, but i figure we’re doing him a favor. This is probably the only time anything remotely like this happens in here…” Phil laughed, pushing his hands under Dan’s shirt. “Plus I couldn’t wait,” he added huskily.

Dan let Phil push him back on the bed, because honestly, he couldn’t wait either.

Phil tugged his shirt over his head, tossing it aside, before crawling over Dan. He pushed Dan’s legs open, leaning over him so their crotches were rubbing together, slowly grinding down on him and drawing a moan out of Dan’s mouth.

Phil grinned, kissing him deeply and pulling at his shirt. Dan lifted him arms, letting him take it off. Phil sat up.

“I’ll be right back,” he said quickly, practically falling off the bed. Dan giggled. “Take those jeans off.”

Dan did as he said, discarding his jeans somewhere besides the bed. He felt a pang of guilt about doing this in Jordan’s bed, but it vanished when Phil got back, reduced down to his own boxers and holding a condom and a bottle of lube.

He kissed up Dan’s inner thigh as he crawled up the bed again, making Dan shudder and grip the sheets.

“Baby boy,” Phil breathed, his words brushing Dan’s neck. “Are you sure you want this?”

The fact that Phil was asking shot affection through Dan’s body, and he nodded.

“Yes,” he muttered, tugging Phil’s boxers down slightly. “Yes, god, yes Phil.”

“Good,” Phil said, grinning and helping Dan take his boxers off. “Good.”

Dan’s own boxers were off in seconds, and Phil was brushing his thumb over his entrance.

Phil leaned forward, kissing him deeply, all lips and tongue and heat, as he pushed a finger into him. Dan shuddered and arched his back, a strangled whine falling from his mouth.

“Shh,” Phil whispered, peppering light kisses all over Dan’s face and watching him carefully. “Shh, baby, it’s okay, you’re doing such a good job.”

He kneaded Dan’s thigh gently, adding another finger and grinning as Dan started grinding back on him.

“Such a good boy,” he muttered, pumping his fingers, curling every now and then and making Dan fall apart beneath him.

Soon enough he was pulling them out, rolling on the condom and lubing himself up. Dan watched through heavy lidded eyes, letting out little hums and whines of pleads.

“Baby,” Phil mumbled, pressing his tip to his entrance. “Don’t hold back, alright? Want you to moan for me, want you to scream my name like a slut.”

Dan could hardly nod before Phil was slamming into him, bottoming out with one thrust. Dan gasped, a loud strangled moan ripping from his throat. He grabbed at Phil’s form, desperate for something to hold on to.

Phil groaned, long and steady, as he began to push in and out, biting down on Dan’s shoulder.

“Fuck, Dan, you’re so tight…” he gasped, his stomach tensing up and heaving from his heavy breathing. Dan whined, throwing his head back.

“Harder,” he breathed.

“Are you sure?”

“Please, yes!”

Phil nodded, watching Dan’s face as he snapped his hips roughly, and Dan screamed.

“Philphilphil FUCK!”

Phil moaned, sucking on his neck and fucking into him harder. “That’s it, princess, scream my name. That’s it baby.”

Dan’s head was going foggy, all he could comprehend was YES, yes, god he felt so good. Phil’s hips hitting his, burying his cock so deep into him… fuck, it was heaven.

“Dan,” Phil said, his voice strained. “Fuck fuck fuck, Dan, so good, I’m gonna cum.” He took Dan’s cock in his hand, jerking him off, incredibly fueled by Dan’s noises and the way he was arching his back and throwing his head on the pillow.

“Ah-” Dan gasped, squeezing his eyes shut. “I’m c-close, I’m close Phil, shit-”

“That’s it baby, meet my thrusts. Such a good boy, meet daddy’s thrusts… just like that.”

Phil froze when he heard the door open, the creaking of the bedsprings and Dan’s moans slightly messing with what he could hear, so maybe he was imagining it. But-

“Phil?” Jordan’s voice called. “Dan? Guys?”

Phil slapped a hand over Dan’s mouth, not stilling his moments completely, but slowing down. He knew he should stop, try to get them presentable, but he was so close… He grinded his cock into the boy beneath him thoroughly, trying to get him there through going deep instead of hard and fast. Dan’s noises were still clear, although muffled.

Phil replaced his hand with his mouth, kissing Dan to keep him quiet, groaning as he felt Dan moan against his mouth.

“Phil? Why are your jeans in the hallway…?”

Dan whined, cum streaking his stomach and his back arching, and Phil kissed him harder, letting go into the condom.

Phil pulled out quickly, discarding of it in a wastebasket and pulling Dan up. He dressed him as fast as he could, getting Dan to help slightly, but not much. He pulled on his own shirt, grabbing a pair of Jordan’s jeans and pulling them on, even though they were clearly too tight.

“Phil…?” Jordan pushed open the door, frowning at them suspiciously. “What are you doing in my room?”

Phil smiled at him. “Oh, just messing with your shit. Dan really wanted to see your drawer of sex toys.”

Jordan’s eyes widened and he glared at Phil. “I do not have a drawer of sex toys!”

Phil shrugged, standing up and punching his brother’s shoulder. “Whatever you say buddy.”

“Why were your jeans in the hallway?”

Phil shrugged, trying to seem casual. “Must have dropped them when I did the laundry. And…” he looked down at Jordan’s jeans he was wearing. “Mine must have shrunk…?”

Jordan frowned, but nodded slowly.

Dan stood, practically falling but Phil leaned forward and caught him at the last second. Dan laughed nervously.

“Feet fell asleep,” he mumbled. “Happens a lot.”

“Mhm,” Jordan said, staring at him suspiciously, but like he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. “Alright then, well, Dan, Arianna invited us to lunch so…”

“Yeah! Uh, yeah, let’s… do that.”

Phil grabbed Dan’s butt as he walked by, and winked when Dan glared at him.

“You know, I like this kid. You should invite him around more often.”


~
TWO DAYS LATER
~

“PHIL?! WHY THE FUCK IS THERE A USED CONDOM IN MY BIN!”

1. I’m in love with your boyfriend.

UGHHH THIS IS MY FIRST ATTEMPT AT ACTUALLY WRITING A PHAN ONESHOT. I DON’T KNOW HOW TO FEEL ABOUT THIS BUT HERE IT IS AND I’D REALLY APPRECIATE IT IF YOU LET ME KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS WITH COMMENTS AND LIKES!

Also if you like the oneshot, let me know and comment some prompts because I’ll do them :)

SUMMARY: Dan’s girlfriend Ella comes to stay with him and Phil for a week and Phil is shocked by how he feels about it.

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The Nanny

Dr. Melinda May has been looking to hire a nanny. But between her and her daughter, Daisy, Melinda is starting to think she won’t be able to find anyone who can make both of them happy. When she hires Phil Coulson to do the job, however, Melinda finds out just how untrue that belief had been.

A Philindaisy au.

Also on AO3.


Melinda closed the door behind Nanny Candidate #14 before turning around and letting out a short sigh.

Another failed attempt.

Each person she interviewed seemed so promising in the beginning, but none turned out to be a good fit. She was too protective of her four-year-old to leave her with just anybody, and Melinda’s gut instincts told her she hadn’t found “The One” just yet, even though she’d given several a chance. As if Melinda wasn’t picky enough herself, Daisy hadn’t liked a single one of the potential nannies that had watched her for the past month either. Between the two of them, Melinda was starting to think there was no one in the world who would make both of them happy.

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dan and phil play keep talking and nobody explodes: a summary

hoodie!phil i am immediately enthralled and this video isn’t even a second in yet

“you da bomb of our lives”

they keep clothes fans give them which is nice shoutout to that lucky son of a gun

‘philly’

phil is insistent on everyone seeing speed

supportive boyf dan has his back

dan nudged phil’s arm in a bro-esque manner

they mentioned escape rooms finally i can relate as i have now been to one too

“i think we’re a lot nerdier than we think” why do they think we refer to them as nerds all the time

“rest in peace environment” / “fuck you trees”

“i’ll punch you if you look at this” going to provide no context there have fun

“DAD…. playing halo with me” nice save dan

the wholesome howell blanket is always on hand

“they’ll see if we do a single glance…”

how is dan going to go a whole extra seventeen minutes without glancing at phil i think he’s going to implode

they already did the tutorial but didn’t show us yet phil can’t remember the title of the game wow rip nerd!phil fic trope

“this is going to be a mistake”

“i can’t speak if i’m under some kind of situation” mister english degree back again

phil spinning dan around with those sweet sweet seconds of skin to skin contact (hand to arm)

also lowkey hand porn

look at his hands

the curly hair and shaved sides from the side profile makes my heart warm

sassy hand clicks from danny

“beginnu”

five seconds in i am already stressed for them why is this already the most intense video of this game i’ve ever seen i’ve watched like six different channels play it

“there’s, there’s-” “no phil, i’m guiding you.” someone likes to take control don’t they

during the wire puzzle you can slowly watch dan get more stressy look at his pursed lips and expressive strict hand gestures

“there’s an alien man with a triangle head and he’s got a T coming out of his neck” their best friend mind meld really needs to come in handy here

i’m still really enjoying dan’s side profile i can’t get over it

“that’s you selecting the module you dork”

“guys we’re nailing this” i was going to make the obvious joke but i won’t we’re classy here

“shut up shut up SHUT UP” stressy dan is here to stay

they did one wow who says youtube gamers can’t game screw you comments

“what everyone out there is thinking now is we need you to get the manual, phil” i think dan honey you just want to be in control again i know that was hard for you

getting their last glances at each other in before they can’t for at least five minutes

opposite sides again why has this happened two videos after one another this is weird what is the post-baking video universe coming to

“this is weird. now you’re the person with the really bright face… wow it makes my hair look so much less white now that i’m here”

“it makes my hair look grey… i promise i don’t have grey hair” honey you’re thirty years old it’s going to happen inevitably sometime soon best to break us in gently

i’m hyped for side profile phil

dan quoting the marriage mantra of something old something new etc…. foreshadowing perhaps who knows with the way 2017 phan is going

phil looks so confused he’s like me facing every exam i’ve ever taken

i’ve been cheated out of side profile phil ffs dan get your hands on him and spin him around i feel attacked

“oh shit new stuff” literally everyone every few days when they upload a new gaming vid with no warning????? they know our struggle????

phil looks so focused i’m entranced

“ayeeeeeeee”

“oh god it’s hurting my brain so much”

stressy phil is a new experience but i’m digging it

dan being the little shit he is just laughs all the time

“stop freaking out!” stressy dan is still here despite having the opposite role

they did two attempts and won them both wow

they high fived yes for more skin to skin contact

phil is reeeealllly making up for lost time by shamelessly staring at dan

like seriously that was at least a solid six seconds of him staring

oh and more glances

i get it you’re in love

“kept calm under presh”

more staring seriously phil are you aware the camera is still rolling

“i hate to alarm you phil but what is your catchphrase on this gaming channel?”

*awkward silence whilst phil realises he’s being spoken to thus has to tear his gaze away*

“ALL OR NOTHING”

*resumes staring*

seriously what is with him today subtlety ain’t in his vocabulary

p h i l i get it you’re in love

oh now dan’s at it

dan just got super close to the camera and did that creepy smile he has i was unnerved

“i’m frickin terrified as diddly heck”

they’re back on their own sides balance in the universe has been destroyed do you reckon they’re as insistent about which side of the bed they sleep on

side profile dan is back welcome back old friend i missed you

i thought he dabbed for a second but it’s okay he didn’t

they’re determined as fuck but i can already see dan’s stressing

yep there’s the hurry up hand gestures

“i’m going to explode…. literally” because of the intensity or because he can’t stare at phil i don’t even know anymore u decide

dan’s eyes just got really really wide they were like bulging

“is the button yellow?” “no it’s blue i told you it’s blue!” welcome back stressy phil i hope you had a nice break

phil’s little “ooh” is so cute i want it as my ringtone

“we did it? oh christ”

stressy dan is really coming out to play in this symbols puzzle isn’t he

phil’s expressive hand gestures aka he’s beginning to panic too

dan’s doing some kind of gang sign okay boy you do you

aaaaand there’s the deafening dan scream for this video i can’t believe we lasted a whole 17 minutes and 40 seconds without one

rip headphone users it was nice knowing you

stressy dan has never been more present

phil is surprisingly calm(er)

“dan come on” all of us all the time

oooooh they couldn’t last five minutes without a quick glance at one another could they jfc get a room

they managed with three seconds to spare

phil is giggly and dan is….. well, dan

dramatic as ever my little actor that never was

phil initiates skin to skin contact again why am i not surprised anymore

“i was winding you up” dan says as he adds flames on top of himself in editing i am nodding furiously

the camera pans back out and phil’s hood is up who even is he

“we could have died!” “but we didn’t” *dan adds a halo above his head aka can’t relate*

“see if i worked in bomb disposal, i’d be cheeky like that” your colleagues would throw a bomb in bed with you

“i’d be like ooh what’s the timer steve???” the danxsteve fic coming atcha real soon

dan’s in an obnoxiously good mood now he has won a game and can freely stare at phil again

“we could be bomb disposal experts” again expect the fic coming atcha real soon

“what you just saw was two nerds that grew up playing puzzle games that have a psychic connection because they have no other friends defusing bombs” they literally said they go to escape rooms for their friends birthdays but alright i’ll take the exclusivity

they’re considering coming back in hard mode YES I NEED THIS

again i could have made the obvious joke there but i didn’t

let them know how you felt throughout that video type out long essays i dare you

“subscribe if you’re happy you didn’t explode”

“if you want to see us do that more challenging version where we might blow up… or not 'cause we’re the best… disposers ever”

“subscribe to us, have a good day, don’t explode” the best advice comes in threes

danisnotexploding

AmazingBombDisposer

The Nanny - Chapter 2

I am completely overwhelmed by everyone’s amazing and encouraging responses to my first chapter. It’s hard to explain just how much your comments mean to me! You guys are just the best. I hope you enjoy everything to come!

Special thanks to Corinna, my amazing Mandarin translator!! And always Kaiya and Liz. Love yall. =)

Also on AO3.


“Do I have to go to school today?” Daisy looked up at Melinda imploringly from behind her bowl of cereal.

“Eat another bite, Daisy, and yes.” Melinda answered, glancing at her daughter from the island where she was assembling a turkey and cheese sandwich for Daisy’s lunchbox. The disappointment on Daisy’s little face made her want to change her mind, but her shift started in an hour. She couldn’t call out now unless there was some kind of emergency.

“But-but I wanna go to work with you.” Daisy sounded like she was on the verge of tears.

Melinda set down the sandwich and immediately went to crouch beside her little girl. She was used to Daisy’s reluctance to part from her. Especially when she was a baby, her separation anxiety had made it difficult for Melinda to go anywhere alone. But this was something different. She usually wasn’t this clingy anymore unless she was sick…or something was upsetting her.

“Daisy, xiǎo huā,” Melinda had given Daisy the Mandarin nickname when she was still just a baby: little flower. Melinda put a hand on her back and switched to Mandarin, as she frequently did at the house with Daisy. “What’s wrong?” She probed.

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I Miss You, Daddy.

  Summary: Phil has to go away for a few days. Dan misses him in his absence and sends Phil a video of him teasing himself. When Phil gets back home, he has a surprise in store for Dan. 

Author’s note: So @ninallthatjazz gave me the idea for this fic and I’ve had about 80 heart attacks because I love it so much tbh… There’s a link to a video in the fic, which is obviously nsfw fyi. Interactive porn adventure. We did that. (2k words ayyy) I know it’s been a while since I posted, sorry about that! I have like 40 crises a week and they aren’t always conductive to fic writing yaknow? 

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