phil is such a child aw

[one-shot] In Every Universe

Title: In Every Universe

Rating: R

Warning: lots of smut, bad bad evil wORDs

Genre: crack, angst, fluff, smut

Pairing: Phan

Characters: danisnotonfire, AmazingPhil, catrific, paperlillies, zoella

Summary: Phil Lester is a popular BoyxBoy writer on Wattpad who had been given his publishing deal early this year at a mere age of sixteen. And between meeting his debut novel deadlines and going to school and keeping up with his social life that only consists of Dan and Cat, Dan is incredibly irked that Phil still has the time to mock Dan (for mocking Phil in the first place; reasons vary) by writing M-rated one-shots about the both of them.
Or the five times that Phil writes him in Dan engaged in kinky bum sex, and the one time it finally happens.

A/N: written in collaboration with procrastination of studying for my college algebra misterm and the ahbebe child constipatedhowell​ [deep long sigh] for the first time we have finally collabed. The chat for this was awFUl every I’d leave my phone they yell at me frown emoticon but we finished it and I am aLIVE

A/N 2: thank to glossybutt​ and thephandemonium​ for being the cheerleaders~

A/N 3: also thanks to the same ahbebe child for betaing my bit and thanks to me for betaing their bit. (this is alice speaking and wow)

A/N 4: dedicated to a rl friend who wants to go by the name of Lee bc this is their fAULT WHY DID YOU MAKE ME READ THE BAD ONE-SHOT COLLECTION 

A/N 5: nyELLO IT’S ALICE AND i cant wait to start shitposting now i hAVE ACCESS no joke i wrote 2.7k words (basically the whole [+1]) and im (sigh) :-(( bc charlie didnt give me time to write the other secks scenes

Keep reading

  • Phan: *adopts baby*
  • Phil: Dan, what should we name him?
  • Dan: How about-
  • Phil: No.
  • Dan: But you don't even know what I was going to say!
  • Phil: Yes I do, and we can't call our child that.
  • Dan: Just hear me out.
  • Phil: Not happening!
  • Dan: We
  • Phil: Dan, stop.
  • Dan: Should
  • Phil: He'll get beat up on the playground!
  • Dan: Call
  • Phil: It's practically child abuse!
  • Dan: Him
  • Phil: Don't say it.
  • Dan: Dil.
  • Phil: ...
  • Dan: ...
  • Phil: ...
  • Dan: ...
  • Phil: Absolutely not.
  • Dan: Aw c'mon!
  • Phil: His name will not be Dil.
  • Dan: Fine, I have another idea.
  • Phil: Great! What is it?
  • Dan: Toto.
  • Phil: ...
  • Dan: ...
  • Phil: ...
  • Dan: ...
  • Phil: ...Why did I marry you?
  • mom: so who is your favorite character?
  • me: him
  • me: oh and him too
  • me: and I love her too
  • me: and this is my child
  • me: I obviously adore her too
  • me: and that's my husband
  • me: she is my daughter
  • me: aw look this is my little cinnamon bun
  • me: that's my bae
  • me: and they are my soulmate and spirit animal
  • me: I'm also in love with-
  • mom: but... who do you like the most?
  • me: I LOVE THEM ALL! THEY ARE ALL MY CHILDREN!
Vidcon Isolation

“Don’t forget to tell everyone I’m sorry in person.”

“I know, I will.”

“And let them know I’ll be making a video a bit later today.”

“Okay.”

“Also, make sure they know I’m literally miserable being here and that I’d rather meet them. And—”

“Dan! I know! I promise I’ll do all those things, okay? Now put your eye drops in and get some rest.”

“I’m not tired,” Dan mumbled, watching Phil smile at him while making his way around the hotel room, getting ready to meet the fans waiting for them at VidCon.

Keep reading

Parents (drabble)

(Yes, I can name phanfics).

Summary: Dan, Phil, newly adopted baby. Fluff.

Word count: 420

Tw: none :)

“Dan, honey, come on now. You look exhausted. Let me hold her?”.

“I don’t know Phil, I don’t think I can let her go” Dan replied, refusing to look away from the baby.

“We adopted her together, she’s mine too. Let me see her at least” Phil wined. And he was being fair. As soon as Dan had seen their child he’d picked her up carefully, just like he’d read in all of his books that he’d bought, and hadn’t let her go since.

Dan lifted his head up from where it was leaning over the baby and looked a Phil with an expression of awe. Phil’s face lit up immediately as soon as he could see their child’s face smushed against Dan’s chest. Her bright green eyes were looking straight up at the father that was holding her.

The baby suddenly became a little restless closing her fists and shuffling against Dan. “Wha-what’s happening? Do you think she’s hungry, Phil?” Dan asked worriedly.

Phil almost chuckled at his Dan had reacted. He was so protective of her. “Calm down Dan, I think she’s just tired” Phil stated and then added “why don’t we settle down on the sofa so she can sleep, looks like you could do with some sleep too”.

They’d been stood in the same spot in the middle of their living room for a couple of hours now, with Dan cooing over their baby the whole time. He and phil had a few little conversations about family things, with Dan going over all the things that he’d learnt from the 50 documentarys about child development.

“Okay then” Dan answered softly. Wanting to be quieter now that Phil had suggested that their child was sleepy.

It took a little while for them to work out how they could get comfy with an added little human to cuddle with. Dan finally allowed Phil to hold her when Phil made the point that Dan could hold them both.

So Dan clambered onto the sofa first and opened up his arms for Phil to snuggle into with their baby. She let out a little noise and sprawled out over Phil’s stomach. They both had to hold back from audibly awwwing as she was fast asleep.

Dan had never felt happier. He had his lovely husband and his tiny adorable daughter in his arms. He soon too drifted off to a peaceful sleep. And Phil was left sandwiched between the two people that he loved most in the world, perfectly content.

END

A/N: so after whatever the hell that last fic was I think I needed some fluff. I’ve wanted to write a bit of parent!phan for a while so I’m gonna start off with a drabble and see how it goes. Tbh I just can’t be bothered to write any more right now.
   fun fact: I had to Google baby body language for this as I have no idea what babies do. Also I had to check urban dictionary to make sure ‘sandwiched’ wasn’t something sexual.

Thanks ^ω^