phil in the whaaat

Dan: it is time for some more dan and phil festive action, wow you all went there.

Dan: you do you phil

Dan: fot the philling, you see ehat I tmdid there

Phil slides in screen with a coat on: and for the coating

Dan: stand in the hallway of shame, for 5 minutes, we’re pausing the video for 5 minutes
Phil: i am scared

Phil while stroking a spider: do you think anyone is sexually attracked to spiders?
Dan: lets not go there right now phil, put it down

Phil: straight in tk barry the bowl
Dan: lets not ………., we have phanfiction about that before we know it.
Phil: laughs neevously
Dan: are you oke phil
Phil: i am just thinking about the phil and barry fic

Phil: dont lick that
Dan: not yet, *winks*

Phil: the neighbours are calling the police again

Dan: can I lick the spoon now, come on,get that in my mouth phil

Dan to phil: “teach me dad”

Dan walks away
Phil: he dan
Dan walks back
Phil: whats a vampire favourite fruit
Dan: a blood orange
Phil: a nectarine

Dan: you literally gonna impale me

Dan: go mental phil, lick that spetelar
Dan: no wait I need to get closer

Phil: we’re a putting a stick in the unbaked muscles

Dan: oke stick me

Dan: yes we are adults 😂

Phil rips backing paper
Dan: what does your family say to you at christmas
Dan: we wished we never had you

Dan and phil: rolling rolling rollling rolling rolling WHAAAT
Phil: we need to get delete
Dan: i am sorry

Phil: one joke, what room does a ghost not need in his house
Dan: thinks, gives up, what?
Phil: a living room
Dan: I dont even know how to feel

Phil: *microwave*
Dan: looks at phil, who told you you were aloud

Dan: do we use that for abain marri
Phil: yes
Dan: then wtf is this
Phil: that is just decoration

Phil: dr. Oetker more like marry me now

Dan: use this time to clean all the crap you left
Phil: well, i leave that to you


MOTH ATTACK

Dan: verry ucly but I love ir cause its my child

Dan: I am gonna call this one billy
Phil: you shouted me for calling the bowl barry, bit then you can call that billy

Dan: what do I want in here, I want your ass

Dan: so I hear you saying, Dan
Phil: Dan

Dan: we must go deeper
Phil: we must go sweeter


Phil: you are verry monsterist

Dan: MMMM, mmmm I am a-ctually having an orgasm

Dan: I would eat me any day of the week

—  Halloween bakng 2016
Consequences of Following Fate

Description: NOT ANOTHER COFFEE SHOP AU-  Phil meets Dan and falls hard for him, figuratively and literally.  Dan falls for him too, but it takes him some time to acknowledge it.  Phil doesn’t mind.

Warnings:  slight angst, tears, mentions of minor character death, also slightly race bent Dan because… because can…

Decent first impressions were usually an impossible feat for Phil.  So, in all honestly, he wasn’t too surprised that his first meeting with Dan was a complete disaster.

Keep reading

Misunderstandings - Personal

(requested) 

Prompt - You’re looking for apartments with Dan, since you’re pregnant and Phil feels disheartened thinking you’re both moving without him.

Name - Jaixa

One-shot 18

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“How about this one?” Dan suggested, pointing it out on the screen.

“Dan, we aren’t getting one with bright orange paint.” You sighed, you two had been sitting in the living room for the past hour looking for a suitable apartment to move into.

“That’s not bright orange.” Dan huffed, you smiled and looked over at Phil who was seated on the couch opposite of you two. “Phil please tell Dan that color is orange.”

“Hm.” He looked up, “Oh…yeah.” He replied. Your smile dropped slightly, Phil had been acting strange ever since you and Dan announced that they should move into a different apartment. He would avoid the conversation when you or Dan asked his opinion on the subject.

“Oooh! Jaixa! Look at this one.” Dan said tugging your sleeve, and averting our attention back to the screen. Phil got up and walked up the stairs towards his bedroom, without a word.

“Dan, try to actually find a good apartment, while i’m gone.” You teased, getting up and walking toward Phil’s bedroom. “Those were good!” He called at you, even though you were half-way up the stairs.

You knocked on the door a few times and waited a few seconds before opening the door. Phil was lounged on his bed with his laptop, and headphones in. When he looked up he pulled the headphones out and gave you one of his smiles, “Ah, Jaixa what’s up?”

"Nothing.” You answered, “Just wanted to see if you were OK.”

“I’m fine.” He replied, still smiling. “Why aren’t you downstairs looking for an apartment with Dan?" 

"Well, I came up to ask you for your input. Dan sucks at apartment hunting.” You giggled.

“It’s alright, since you two are moving, I think it’d be better for you two to decide.” He said, giving no sign of sadness or being disheartened.

But you’ve lived with both of them for the past 2 years so you knew when either of them were upset. Also what he had just said made no sense at all.

“What do you mean, ‘us two’? You’re staying?” You asked, confused.

“What do you mean ‘i’m staying?’ I thought only you two were moving?” Phil said, even more puzzled.

“Whaaat…? Who said it was just us two? We’re all moving aren’t we?” You were getting more and more confused by the minute, and Dan exclaiming that he had found an apartment downstairs wasn’t helping.

“Alright alright. Stop everything.” You said holding up your hands. “When we said we were moving, we meant all three of us…er…four.” You corrected, “I’m pregnant. That’s why me and Dan thought it would be better to get a bigger apartment.”

Phil had a dumbfounded expression, then everything clicked. 

“Why the heck would you think we would move without you?” You questioned,  "We’re a family, you’re stuck with us.“ You teased. 

"Guys! I found one!” Dan burst into the room holding up the laptop as if it was a trophy.