“Find me a woman with those virtues and we’ll talk,” Richelieu snaps back in defiance. (”As early morning dies” by FreyaLor.)

One sentence. One bloody sentence and it was all it took me to think of mademoiselle Jeanette-Armine du Peyrer, Comtesse de Treville, the captain of the royal Musketeers because all kinds of gender-bender are a guilty pleasure of mine and female!Treville breaks my mind a little less than trying to imagine female!Richelieu.

I’m not going into this territory too far because I already know that this idea does not belong to the category “good ideas” but I’ll share some madness with you for the sake of horrified amusement and even greater amount of historical inaccuracy.

Fun stuff include:

- the oldest son of the count Treville was meant to take care of the family estate and the second son was to be a soldier; Jeanette was a girl but the father decided that his second child would be a soldier because he said so and Jeanette was taught how to hold a sword before he got her first dress,

- a badass middle-aged woman with slowly graying brown hair in a bun, walking around in armor,

- the same dreamy, clear blue eyes that share their color with sapphires, sky, forget-me-nots and musketeer’s cloaks,

- Mama Bear of the whole regiment and she’s frightening,

- all boys adressing her either “captain” or “ma’am” with great reverence and are ready to castrate anyone who speaks ill of her,

- Aramis legitimately pissing under himself from fear that Mama Bear will castrate him for sleeping with the Queen if she learns about it,

- D’Artagnan being somewhat baffled that a woman is a captain of the regiment until the first sparring with her, which ends up with him lying in the mud on his butt, weeping,

- athletic body, covered with scars, among them the one she received at La Rochelle and she’s bloody proud of it,

- Louis having now a cardinal uncle and a captain aunt,

- Richelieu being canonically fucked,

- Richelieu intensively thinking if there’s hope he can be fucked in a more literal way and getting pissed at himself because that woman is insufferable,

- the captain and the cardinal shagging on the office desk at least three times faster because religion doesn’t get in the way,

- she’s probably more on the alto side, so don’t expect high-pitched screaming; she doesn’t have battle cries, she has battle roars,

- “THIS IS YOUR DOING!” “Ah, yes, yes; me, the grand deceiver and you, a bluff, honest woman of action, I’m familiar with the roles we play, captain.”

- Armine being a variation of the name Armina, which is the Italian version of Herman (French Armand), and has the same meaning, “warrior (maiden)”,

- Richelieu teasing Treville about the “maiden” part of her second name because women lose their places in the army when they get married or pregnant, and Treville is in her forties and still a captain,

- Treville smirking “All men wish to be the first one to conquer a fortress but your career ended at La Rochelle, Your Eminence,”

- Treville still being considered a rather comely woman and being quite the heartbreaker in her younger years, before receiving the captain rank – but those days are gone, partly due to new responsibilities, partly because lady-killers are much less eager to give it a go when there’s a risk they will have an entire elite troop of royal musketeers on their asses,

- Richelieu comparing that military woman who’s strength, honor and duty, Fidelis et Fortis, to his delicate, prone to betrayal mistresses and coming up short,

- it’s a woman who could and would break his arm in three places and yet she’s so noble that even he feels safe around her,

- Treville being the Lady Regent and positively hating the dresses she now has to wear as much as her new position,

- Treville ripping and cutting those dresses off to jump into the fray because she’s a soldier, goddamnit,

- nice hairstyles, fitting make-ups and destroyed dresses showing a pair of damn fine legs and other parts of the body, and suddenly there’s a ton of marriage proposals; everybody wonders why Richelieu’s so livid,

- arranged marriage!AU becoming even angstier because now there’s a possibility of Treville having children with her new husband and it outright kills Richelieu,

- and finally, all the goody things about the pairing that apply to any verse: hate sex, banters, fierce arguments, blowjobs in a carriage, shared looks of “do you see this bullshit, thank God you do,” effective partnership, slowly developing mutual trust and devotion, and desperate fight for strong France. :3c

Bonus: Richelieu being sandwiched between canon!Treville and female!Treville and being convinced he just has gone to heaven.