This is my friend Petja. He was so tired from all the exams we’ve been having that he fell asleep next to the kitten. He is usually loud and he talks a lot about murder, desieses and horror movies, but this pic shows the sweet and adorable side he tries to hide to us.
You’re going to find this difficult to believe, but there are some crazy maniacs out there who have harsh words to say about your humble narrator.
Some of those words, sadly, are true. I’m critical and judgmental, prone to writing people off when they fail to live up to my seemingly arbitrary expectations, I’m an impatient perfectionist with a filthy mouth, an insufferable neat freak, I lose my mind over the stupidest things, I have violent fantasies regarding strangers who frustrate me, I’m intolerant of stupid people even though they don’t know any better, and I alternate between a state of obsessive calm with a complete, flippant lack of a sense of urgency and intense, unbelievable rage. I don’t think I’m crazy. I’m just flawed. Love me.
In spite of all these overwhelmingly valid reasons to hate me, there are some criticisms directed at me that are based on pure bullshit. I can own my real flaws, but I won’t take credit for things that come out of someone’s confused imagination.
We’re probably all in this boat, to some extent, depending on how frequently we associate with fuck-ups. That was a hobby of mine for a long time, so I’m used to the occasional flirtation with controversy. Your mileage may vary.
Sometimes, when someone has something unpleasant to say about you, you have no choice but to rage against it and scream and yell to clear your name. But sometimes, the best thing you can possibly do is take that criticism and claim it. Make it your own. Absorb it into yourself, watch it merge with your cells and fortify you against further assault. Be strengthened by it. You bitch. You slut. You C Word. You’re ugly. You’re nasty. You’re WEIRD.
I am approaching The Point.
I am a fan of Regretsy (see a previous post in which I give a homeless guy a boner for a little backstory on this subject), which I find to be not only one of the funniest sites on the internet, but also one of the most redeeming, because the proprietors don’t just tear down their targets - they also go out of their way to endorse and support genuinely talented people in need.
Some time ago, Regretsy discovered that they were HUGE in Finland. They did a little research on the Finnish people and learned that Fins are some stylish motherfuckers. On a website celebrating the unique sartorial characters of Finland, one guy caught their eye. Petja.
Petja has killer facial hair, a roundish physique, he dresses like an alien and sings like a bird. He became a Regretsian hero, and I like how they think, so when they had a convention in New York City, I was happy to attend.
And I met Petja:
Petja is a strong as a bear. A diet of creamed fish and vodka apparently provides superhuman strength. He gave me a hug, and physically lifted me off the ground with one arm like I was a bundle of twigs.
At the time, I had recently learned that I was with child, so I was the only person at the thing who wasn’t ROARING DRUNK, but even though Petja had been well lubed with medicinal fluids, he was completely unaffected. It was as if our sad, weak American spirits had no effect whatsoever on his powerful Finnish Intoxication Receptors.
Are you even seeing that beard? God damn, Petja is cool.
I continue to approach The Point.
The point is this: Petja is weird looking. Various stupid people probably have negative things to say about his unique look. Regretsy has armies of critics who can’t stop themselves from talking about how little they care about Regretsy. Maybe Petja should get himself some Dockers and a couple of polo shirts. Maybe Regretsy could espouse the philosophy that if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.
Maybe fuck you. Keep being awesome, and awful, and off-putting if you want to. Keep looking strange. Keep being a fucking asshole of the highest order. The Creator of the Universe shaped you to perfection in his own image. If the Creator of the Universe looks and sings anything like Petja, the afterlife is going to be fun as fuck.
Congratulations, Petja. You’re the Big Boss of the Day. Perkele!
Title: Darkhive: The Tape and Vinyl Years (12″ LP)
Label: Artoffact Records (Canada)
Date: 13 October 2015
Press release info: “2015 marks the 30th anniversary of Finnish electronic pioneers Advanced Art,
originally founded by Pasi “Jana” Janhunen, Petri “Pete” Huttunen and
Petja “Vince” Valasvaara on October 13th, 1985. Hailing from Tampere,
Advanced Art existed from 1985 to 1995, during which time they released
several cassettes, two split 7" with Finnish goth mainstays Two Witches, and eventually a 12", a CD maxi, and two CD albums on Finland’s pioneering Poko Rekords label.
The sound of Advanced Art was a clean,
tightly produced EBM with dark, almost whispered vocals. Their musical
evolution has traces of minimal synth too, and was influenced by the
band members’ own favourites, ranging from Kraftwerk, Depeche Mode and
John Foxx to Front 242, Clan of Xymox and Psyche. Tracks such as ‘From Nothing to Nothing’ and ‘No Answers No Solutions’ found their way to alternative playlists and club danceloors around Europe, as well as to the USA and Brazil.The group was known as a visual and
energetic live band who opened their gigs by stating ‘We play pop’.
Apart from a couple of visits to Sweden they never really toured but
played dozens of one-off gigs in Finland, sometimes in unexpected
venues. A couple of their music videos appeared on MTV Europe.
Advanced Art became a leading act in the Finnish electronic scene, and
managed to win over a nice cult following around the globe too.Exactly 30 years after the official formation of Advanced Art (October 13th, 2015), Canadian label Artoffact will release Darkhive: The Tape & Vinyl Years,
a special 11-track compilation featuring rare cassette tracks, the
band’s hard to find 7" material, and tracks from the collector’s item Scar
The track list was selected together with Jana and Vince, the
creative core of Advanced Art. Darkhive is the first official Advanced
Art release in 17 years and will be made available on vinyl and digital
download. First copies of the record are on solid white wax, limited to
Released in an epic gatefold sleeve, complete with vintage photos. Comes with an MP3 download card.
Sold white vinyl limited to 100 copies. Black vinyl limited to 200 copies.”