petja

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Constantine Dmitrich Levin

“He understood that feeling of Levin’s so well, knew that for Levin all the girls in the world were divided into two classes: one class included alll the girls in the world except her, and they had all the usual human failings and were very ordinary girls; while the other class - herself alone - had no weaknesses and was superior to all humanity.”

2015

Big Boss of the Day: Petja!

You’re going to find this difficult to believe, but there are some crazy maniacs out there who have harsh words to say about your humble narrator.

Some of those words, sadly, are true.  I’m critical and judgmental, prone to writing people off when they fail to live up to my seemingly arbitrary expectations, I’m an impatient perfectionist with a filthy mouth, an insufferable neat freak, I lose my mind over the stupidest things, I have violent fantasies regarding strangers who frustrate me, I’m intolerant of stupid people even though they don’t know any better, and I alternate between a state of obsessive calm with a complete, flippant lack of a sense of urgency and intense, unbelievable rage.  I don’t think I’m crazy.  I’m just flawed.  Love me.

In spite of all these overwhelmingly valid reasons to hate me, there are some criticisms directed at me that are based on pure bullshit.  I can own my real flaws, but I won’t take credit for things that come out of someone’s confused imagination.

We’re probably all in this boat, to some extent, depending on how frequently we associate with fuck-ups.  That was a hobby of mine for a long time, so I’m used to the occasional flirtation with controversy.  Your mileage may vary.

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Sometimes, when someone has something unpleasant to say about you, you have no choice but to rage against it and scream and yell to clear your name.  But sometimes, the best thing you can possibly do is take that criticism and claim it.  Make it your own.  Absorb it into yourself, watch it merge with your cells and fortify you against further assault.  Be strengthened by it.  You bitch.  You slut.  You C Word.  You’re ugly.  You’re nasty.  You’re WEIRD.

I am approaching The Point.

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I am a fan of Regretsy (see a previous post in which I give a homeless guy a boner for a little backstory on this subject), which I find to be not only one of the funniest sites on the internet, but also one of the most redeeming, because the proprietors don’t just tear down their targets - they also go out of their way to endorse and support genuinely talented people in need. 

Some time ago, Regretsy discovered that they were HUGE in Finland.  They did a little research on the Finnish people and learned that Fins are some stylish motherfuckers.  On a website celebrating the unique sartorial characters of Finland, one guy caught their eye.  Petja.

Petja has killer facial hair, a roundish physique, he dresses like an alien and sings like a bird.  He became a Regretsian hero, and I like how they think, so when they had a convention in New York City, I was happy to attend.

And I met Petja:

External image

Petja is a strong as a bear.  A diet of creamed fish and vodka apparently provides superhuman strength.  He gave me a hug, and physically lifted me off the ground with one arm like I was a bundle of twigs. 

At the time, I had recently learned that I was with child, so I was the only person at the thing who wasn’t ROARING DRUNK, but even though Petja had been well lubed with medicinal fluids, he was completely unaffected.  It was as if our sad, weak American spirits had no effect whatsoever on his powerful Finnish Intoxication Receptors.

Are you even seeing that beard?  God damn, Petja is cool.

I continue to approach The Point.

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The point is this:  Petja is weird looking.  Various stupid people probably have negative things to say about his unique look.  Regretsy has armies of critics who can’t stop themselves from talking about how little they care about Regretsy.  Maybe Petja should get himself some Dockers and a couple of polo shirts.  Maybe Regretsy could espouse the philosophy that if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.

Maybe fuck you.  Keep being awesome, and awful, and off-putting if you want to.  Keep looking strange.  Keep being a fucking asshole of the highest order.  The Creator of the Universe shaped you to perfection in his own image.  If the Creator of the Universe looks and sings anything like Petja, the afterlife is going to be fun as fuck.

Congratulations, Petja.  You’re the Big Boss of the Day.  Perkele!

goldlila asked:

when you get this you have to publicly say 5 nice things about yourself and send this message to 10 of your favorite followers!! :-)

Aw i remember this!! Thanks Petja xx
Umm i guess I like
- that i’m an optimistic pessimist
- that i care
- that despite having no self control whatsoever i still manage to be vegan (lol)
- that i am honest
- that i can draw