peter parker x reader

so you mean to tell me this didn’t actually happen

Tony, a tired dad, trying his Best™ to train the youngerlings: okay, let’s try this one last time. Collapsing building, simultaneous alien attack. What do you do?


Peter: call the aven-


Me whenever Tom Holland posts a new picture

Originally posted by underoos-tom

A raccoon, a tree and a disney princess

Vine References: MCU

Tony: I’m a bad bitch you can’t kill me!

Steve: did you just curse? Because we don’t talk like that in this god damn motherfucking house. Shit.

Thor: what the FUCK is UP [Thanos]

Bruce: is there anything better than pussy? Yes a really good book.

Natasha: *kicks cereal boxes on shelves while innocently pushing a trolley*

Clint: 🎶 fuck this shit I’m out 🎶 *leaps into a bin*

Nick: Bitch I hope the fuck you do, you’ll be a dead son of a bitch I tell you

Maria: I hate boys. Even though they’re nice and stuff I still hate boys.

Loki: Hey everyone, today my brother pushed me so I’m starting a kickstarter to put him down. The benefits of killing him would be that I’d get pushed way less

Bucky: do you ever like wake up or…do like do something and you’re just like “what the Heh-fuck is going on?”

Peggy: [you have a beautiful smile] thanks. You’re not that handsome.

Sam: so I’m sitting there, barbecue sauce on my titties….

Rhodey: uh I’m not finished…let’s get started. First off - oh my god can you let me do-

Pepper: Chris is that a weed?

Wanda: oH mY GoD whY cAnt yOu jusT tAkE tHe frEAkinG coMpliMEEEEEEEEEEENT

Pietro: *zooms up on a bike* Penis! *crashes into something*

Vision: that is not correct! Because according to the encyclopaedia of *weird tongue noises*

Scott: [hey how much did you pay for that taco?] aye yo you know dis boi got dis free taco-

Hope: Dad look! It’s the good kush

Hank: This is the dollar store how good can it be?


T’Challa: They. Are. My. Crocks.

Okoye: Nah they usually tell my I look like Shalissa [who the fuck is that?] Me!

Nakia: Go back to sleep, and starve.

M’Baku: fuck it up, Kenneth. Kenneth, Fuck it up. Fuck it up, Kenneth.

Peter: It is Wednesday my dudes *tortured screaming*

Ned: Don’t fuck with me! I’ve got the power of God and Anime on my side.

Michelle: people say I can’t do what I love without college. Well I don’t need a degree to be a clothing hanger!

Flash: Stahhp I could’ve dropped my croissant!

Karen: ahaahahaahhhahahahahhhaahahahhahahahha laughin my fuckin ass off

Dr. Strange: *slides in* Good Evening

Wong: I’ve got to go home because I forgot to vacuum my room.

Peter Quill: Bop it! tss! twist it! nuagh! Pull it! hoooooot!

Gamora: You’re Not My Dad! You always wanna hear something! Ugly ass fuckin’ noodlehead.

Drax: Road work ahead? Yeah I sure hope it does.

Rocket: gIve mE yOu’rE fAckInG MonEY *dun dun*

Groot: *singing in Groot* you are my dad. You’re my dad! Boogie woogie woogie

Mantis: Look at all those chickens

Nebula: you ever play that game where your siblings are sunburnt and you put some spoons in the freezer, take them out and then hit them with it so it rips their skin off?

Yondu: what’s better than this? Guys being dudes.

Valkyrie: [hey can I get a sip of that water] it’s not water [vodka! I like you’re style-] vinegar. [what?] It’s vinegar, pussy.

Korg: …like 0 grams of Trans Fat and OH MY GOD cholesterol!

Grandmaster: Oh my gawd they were roommates

Ebony Maw: What if my nose was- lol I’m Squidward *hysterical wheezes*


Proxima Midnight: this coffees bitter, like my soul. I need something black, like my soul. Fuck it’s cold, like my soul.

Corvus Glaive: *There’s only one thing worst than a rapist…boom!* A child?

Thanos 1: this bitch empty, YEET *yeets Gamora off the cliff*

Thanos 2: We all die you either kill yourself or get killed *dancing* whatcha gonna do?? Whatcha gonna do??

Thanos 3: Someone being annoying? Try Out of My Life. Works great on siblings and teachers! GET OUT OF MY LIFE!!

Tony: why is there a muddy pawprint on my couch?

Peter, panicking: Mr Stark I can expl-

Harley: Halloween decorations

Shuri: T'challa

MJ: aesthetic

Ned: Halloween decorations

Groot: I am Groot


Peter’s backpack: woof

Thanos: give me the tesseract and I’ll let you live

Loki pulling out his dagger: bold of you to assume that I want to live

When you’re skipping class with your friend and you hear a teacher approaching but your friend freezes. (I paused a video at the right time)

Me because Tom Holland is not as active as he was a few weeks ago:

Originally posted by clean-and-claire