peter the fish

If you look closely, you’ll see that the far-right is actually in the center and there is a farther-right section of the hook that is not labeled. This is the mental gymnastics these people go through to demonize the center. Basically, the part of the graphic that would be labeled conservatives is further right. 

Credit to a-filthy-skeptic for pointing this out to me.

anonymous asked:

Yes hi hello I will give you all the brownies and fluffy blankets I have for a story about Peter please

well, the bitty bug isn’t around much–i understand he has school stuff and also spends most of his time fighting a hilarious menagerie of animal-themed villains–but i was around the first time he met most of the avengers. tony had everyone show up in the common room so he could introduce us. 

parker’s great, but let me tell you, that kid has absolutely no chill. i mean, he can fake it for about thirty seconds, and then he goes full fanboy mode. the introduction to steve was roughly 50/50 ‘sorry about the shield thing’ and ‘can you sign everything i own please.’ he shook hands with thor and the whole time his face was clearly going ‘i did not know they made people this big,’ and that was promptly followed by absolute terror when meeting natasha. smart kid. 

he pretty obviously had no idea who clint was, and sam started snarking him right off the bat. but i guess scott had told him about how they’d first met, so peter had some snappy comebacks about who exactly wins in a fight between a bird and a bug, which i thoroughly enjoyed. 

and then tony introduced him to dr banner, and parker got so flustered about meeting “one of the greatest scientists of our era” that he accidentally turned on his sticky hands and could not turn them off. which is a thing he has i guess?? all i know is that an awkwardly enthusiastic handshake got pretty hilarious when peter realized how long he’d had hold of bruce’s hand and tried to yank his hand back. because peter has superstrength and sticky hands.

and dr banner does not. 

(at least not as himself, anyway.)

so peterbird yanked his hand back, and poor dr banner was yanked forward, and the two of them toppled over. and then they tried to get up, but their hands were still stuck together–and peter had tried to brace dr banner when they fell, so his left hand was stuck to bruce’s chest. so mostly they were just flopping around on the carpet like landed fish. peter was apologizing so much im shocked that he didnt asphyxiate, and dr banner was trying not to laugh at him. 

the rest of us were cackling like lunatics, and tony was being quite offended that peter hadn’t geeked out about meeting him.

it was a pretty good first impression.  

Being Tony Stark’s Daughter and Dating Peter Parker Would Include (Part 2):

Summary: Just dating Peter… and being Tony’s daughter.

Authors Note: This was highly requested in the comments and I really enjoyed making the last one, so here ya  go! <3

Warning(s): swearing and deadpool (again)

Being Tony Stark’s Daughter and Dating Peter Parker Would Include (Part 2):

•y'all “tis about to get wilD

•you and peter have a stable relationship™

-y'all don’t really fight

-if you do it’s something stupid


-“ I’m lactose intolerant Peter”

-“YOU ARE A TERRIBLE- wait you are?!?!”

-“HAHAHA SIKE” *cue you running away with the last brownie*

•Tony usually mediates your fights.

-he doesn’t want his spiderlings to be sad.

-not good for his representation in the ‘approving dad’ world

-“(Y/N) I suggest you give Peter back his brownie”

-“I ate it”

-*tony giving you the scolding parent look*

-“what do you want me to do? Shit it out?”

-*cap bursts through the door* “LANGUAGE (Y/N)

•peter still uses pickup lines on you

-“my Spidey sense isn’t the only thing that’s tingling”

-“peter do you know what that means?

-“yes it means I feel all tingly and happy when I’m around you”


-he clearly gets these from Wade

•peter going on dad dates with Tony

-“I can’t believe you remembered our anniversary”

-“I could never forget it Mr Stark”

-“um Peter…you’re dating me?”

-“This is an A B conversation (Y/N) leave”

-your dad and Peter have probably been on more dates with each other than Peter has with you.

•you and peter are always together

-the avengers freak out when you aren’t.


-“Thor chill… he went to the bathroom”

•Peter always has his hands on you

-whether it’s holding hands, or he’s touching your shoulder, wrapping his arms around your waist.

-he likes to know that you’re always there.

•hUgS frOm BehInD

-y'all this is the only time Peter feels like he’s the big spoon

-he’ll rest his chin on your head and your back will be pressed to his chest


•peter using his height to his advantage

-he’ll hide your things in high places

-so you call for help

-usually ends in you standing on him to get what you want.


-it happened when you first showed Peter your room

-Tony told you to leave the door open but y'all didn’t let that bother you ;)


-“ father why do you not express this concern for me”

-“it’s because you’re the devils spawn”

•finally perfecting that spiderman kiss



-“how do I get down?”

- *cue peter’s web snapping*

•stealing Peter’s clothes

-old and new

-he leaves a sweater at your place?

-BAM it’s yours

-buys a new shirt?

-BaM It’s yours

-he eventually runs out of clothes

-Tony buys him a new wardrobe

•having a meme group chat with Ned

-sending memes about spiderman

-peter regrets introducing you to Ned

•going on dates to the zoo

-Peter taking pictures of you admiring things

-a passerby reports Peter to the security guard for looking like a creep

-your dad has to bail peter out

•whenever peter loses you in a large group of people he always knows how to find you.

-“yo Pete where’s your girlfriend?”

-“hold on one sec” *shakes wallet*


-“found her”

•spoiling peter bc you’re filthy rich and he deserves the world

-“happy birthday baby!!”

-“(Y/N) is that a car???”

-*you smiling uncontrollably*

-”(Y/N) I can’t drive’’

-’’Its a keepsake’’ 

•convincing your dad to take peter on missions.

-instantly regretting it bc peter is a soft boi who needs protection.

-“If you die on this mission, I will kill you”

-updating the suit bc you must protec™

-“I’ve added extra padding to your suit to soften any falls”

-he literally cannot breathe now

•accidentally admitting that Tom Holland is your celebrity crush.

-“but we look exactly alike??”

-“don’t be ridiculous Peter, you look nothing alike”

•dates to museums and science exhibitions

-watching peter nerd out

-v cute™

•going out with Liz and Michelle for girls nights

-peter dropping in on you as part of ‘patrol’

-almost activating ‘instant kill mode’ when a guy talks to you

•you putting on the suit just to talk to Karan

-“am I the only one that thinks Peter smells like avocado? Like does he even eat avocado?”

-“I too have detected this unusual scent Ms Stark”

•Peter freaks tf out when you get sick

-like mental break down freak out

-he googles your symptoms

-which means he always thinks your dying.


-he brought like 50 tins of soup

-will not let you leave his sight

-“Peter I need to take a dump”

-“I’ll come with you”

•Wade is always crashing your dates

-he thinks you guys are friends

-“Wade will you ever leave us alone?”

-“Of course Peetie! When (Y/N)’s father accepts my adoption papers”

-“Why would a grown ass man need adopting?”

-“It’s to fund my expensive lifestyle”

-Wade also steals Peter’s wallet so he has an excuse to come along.

-eventually getting a restraining order on Wade.

•Star Wars marathons

-you thinking Luke Skywalker is hot

-Peter getting jealous

-he dresses up like Luke the next day.

•he finds your old spiderman fan account on tumblr

-when he does he just stares at you smugly from across the room.


-“oh nothing” ( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º)

-he starts texting you the ( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º) face.

-“so you bet spiderman is one sexy specimen under that mask?“ ( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º)

-you want to die

-"I will delete you from my life”

•going to Starbucks for your anniversary dates

•peter insisting you have him on speed dial just incase anything happens

-you mostly use it to get food


-“(Y/N)??? Are you okay??”

-“I’ll have a double cheeseburger and fries please.”

-“(Y/N) pls”

-“what? I’m hungry”

-“may I remind you that I am  not supposed to be used for ordering take out”

-“then what the fuck are you supposed to be?”

-“your boyfriend”

-“oh yes that too”

•you wear matching outfits to school sometimes

-you are the power couple of the school

•taking Tony’s car for a joy ride

-crashing it bc peter gets nervous and webs up the windscreen

-it’s all good tho

-you use his card to buy a new one

-and blame it on Wade

•cute goodmorning texts

-“make sure to brush your teeth, you have terrible morning breath xox ~ (Y/N)

-"please brush your hair today, yesterday you looked like a yeti that had been run over and drowned in toilet water <3 Peter”

•everyone noticing how whipped Peter is for you

-except you

-peter doesn’t even know what that means he’s so outdated

•Peter has coffee mornings with Steve

-you’re never invited

•sending each other selfies

-your ugliest ones usually end up as your lock screens

-“who’s that horrendous looking creature?”

-“my fucking boyfriend bish”

•you die when peter speaks Spanish

-“pan caliente”

-“ I don’t know what you just said but please let it be the only thing you say at my funeral”

-he said hot bread

•Peter worries about your wellbeing

-he sets up daily reminders on your phone to drink water

-irl it’s just him texting you h20 puns and jokes

•you are very territorial

-if a girl so much as looks at Peter

-you will snatch the weave

-one time you actually pulled out some girls hair

-Peter thought it was hot™

-Steve and Tony did not ™

•stony are your parents tbh

•like your dad you have a lot of issues

-you’re scared peter will leave

-but he never does

-he always comes back

•arcade dates

-Peter gives you a promise ring from a vending machine

-the avengers freak out and think it’s an engagement ring.

-Steve gives you a lecture about patience and how you should wait.

-Tony on the other hand…


-“Uh Mr Stark, we’re 17 and it’s just a promise ring”

-“You are both disappointments and disgraces to the Stark name”

•caring for him after missions


-back rubs

-Peter is very clingy at this point.

•knowing exactly what calms each other down.

•Training with Peter

-having a run on the treadmill whilst he does weights.

-you trip and hit your head

-Peter drops a weight on his foot bc he’s shook.

-you both go to hospital and agree never to workout together again.

•carnival dates

-peter sees a game and insists he wins a price for you

-he loses

-3 times

-you end up having a go and you win a fish

-peter has the fish for 4 days of the week and you have him for 3

-the fish is your son™

-his name is ‘the fish™’

•stargazing and talking about a future together

•you both trust and love each other a lot

•you love peter a lot

-although you don’t say it often

-you show it though

- but he already knows it

Child!? (Peter Parker X Reader)

(A/N): This shitpost idea came into my head so I quickly made drabble on it, before I start working on my requests. I havn’t prof-read because this definitely isn’t a serious fic 😂

Warnings: IT’S NOT WHAT YOU THINK! Also teenage pregnancy is not a joke!

Genre: Fluff

Summary: You and Peter decide to have some harmless fun.


“G-g-guys, m-me and Peter n-need to t-t-tell you something…”

“It’s r-really important-t.” Peter adds on.

Peter has been living in the Avengers tower for about 5 months now and one week ago, the full Avengers team started a prank war. Now you hated getting pranked, but being able to prank your teammates… now that’s an opportunity you can’t miss. For this one you had to get your boyfriend, Peter, to do it with you. At first you were both hesitant because he can’t lie for shit, but after some practicing and a lot of encouragement, since this would be the best prank so far and he didn’t want to mess it up, you were standing there. Ready to deliver the lines that would supposedly ‘change their lives’ and yours. You inhaled deeply looking as nervous as possible, biting down extremely hard on your lip for extra effect. Peter was already blushing a deep cherry colour and was looking down at his fidgeting hands trying his best to fight an oncoming grin that made his soft lips twitch. Slowly exhaling the collected oxygen you look up directly at them, you say in a shaking vocie just above a whisper…

“W-we we h-have a child.”

That was it; you did it.

“CHILD!?” Everyone.

“PARKER!” Tony.

“What the fuck…” Bucky.

“YOU HAD SEX?” Steve.

“Where and when did this happen?!” Natasha.

Questions swarmed in hiting you both like bullets. You really had to fight a laugh, and just as you’re just about to crack, your face drops. Wanda. She’s smirking at you and Peter; she knows. Shit. You wish for her to stay quite, practically begging; this can’t be ruined. Please, please, please.

You act fast, using your super speed you whisper to her, “Wait a second. It will be worth it.” You don’t stop running and go to your room, as you get there you hear the worried shouts of not running while you’re pregnant. Ignoring the concerned calls you enter the room and pick up the large bowl filled with water from your bed side, that contains yours and Peter’s new 'child’; Nymphadora.

Yes, you named your rainbow fish after a metamorphosis from Harry Potter because Peter luckily lost a coin flip to name them Tony.Jr. Oh, and yes, Nymphadora is no-binary you have a full character profile on them.

Running as fast as you can so you don’t leave Peter hanging, you soon return by his side with Nymphadora saftly hidden behind your back.

“D-do you want t-t-to see?” You ask, not breaking the faqade. When they all turn silent and draw closer you look at Peter, silently asking if he’s ready for the backlash of this prank.

“Guys… this is our child: Nymphadora.” Peter grins as you smirk showing her for display. As the reaction settles in they all are flooded with a second of releif and Wanda busts out laughing, triggering the rage and envy of pranking them all… almost.


Originally posted by nostalgasm


Kingfisher by peter spencer
Via Flickr:

anonymous asked:

when the first iron man movie came out in cinemas i was like... 12? or something and i thought iron man was THE BEST and tony was sooo funny. and then... you grow up and you go into the real world and you actually meet people like tony stark i.e. people who constantly antagonise others and are assholes just for the sake of being assholes and you realise... dude's not funny, he's just a douchebag.

I had this conversation with my mum like 2 days ago because she’d asked me what I thought of Homecoming and I told her that I thought it was really interesting the way they presented The Vulture and how I personally, had he not done the murdering people thing, really would not have called him a villain, and how I think Tony’s behaviour in the last few movies has been more villainous than the actual antagonists. And like we were really discussing it and she goes “It’s surprising to me how much you dislike Tony now, because when this Marvel movie thing all started, you were such a big fan of Iron Man, I wouldn’t have expected such a change in opinion” and she’s not wrong. When I was 11 years old with no real perspective, no real world context to apply to the media I was consuming, when I took everything at face value, he was a funny dude. He was sarcastic and I, like most people, like to laugh, and his films had quips and quick wit and they were funny to me at 11 years old. 

However I’m not 11 years old anymore, I’m 20 years old, and I have travelled extensively, I have learnt so much more, I have broadened my world view, I have had my eyes opened to the reality of privilege vs oppression and the inequalities of our world, and I now know that men like Tony Stark are the men, that quite literally, get away with murder. They’re the men that are responsible for the massive inequalities in wealth across class systems. They’re the men that have grown up with everything, and don’t like to be told no, and feel they’re entitled to whatever they so desire. They’re the men that care about profit and not who suffers to get it for them. They’re the men who think it’s fine if they commit crimes because they’re rich and successful and renowned world over, so they’re never going to be punished for it. They’re the men that say and do disgusting things, but because they’re considered charming and personable, they get rewarded rather than punished. They’re the men that hurt other people but don’t get punished for it because the system wouldn’t want to ruin their life with that bad press. 

So at 20 years old, aware of the society we live in, aware of the way the world is, and aware of how popular media shapes the way we as a species interact with each other and the world at large and the way we respond to other people, I can’t sit here and say “he’s flawed! but he’s still a hero! he’s trying!” because I really do not see him as one. I don’t see a rich and powerful man with an ego so big it would need it’s own private plane, who consistently ignores the advice of others because he thinks he knows better, buys himself out of all sorts of trouble that people less well off than him would be massively punished for, resorts to violence when he feels threatened/cornered/like things aren’t going his way - I don’t see that as heroic. I see that as someone who is being pandered to, when what they actually need is to be held accountable for the amount of negative stuff they’ve done. And I think the continuous excusing of his behaviours, and the placing of him on a pedestal despite his behaviours only highlights a bigger problem in society. In that if you’re rich and popular you’re basically untouchable, and even more so if you’re white. It’s something we see all the time in real life too, the fact that Justin Bieber can do the amount of dumbass things he’s done, and treated his fans as badly as he has and yet still somehow has a career is one example. Donald Trump being the fucking president of the United States is another example on a much larger scale. 

I just can’t see him as a good guy, or even as a flawed character still worth investing in anymore, because I see enough men like Tony Stark in every aspect of my daily life. And they’re exhausting in the real world and he’s exhausting in this fictional one. 

Study date

Request: Can I request something with Peter Parker? Like, he and the reader are studying but he has to go to save the city and when he cames back he founds her asleep in his bed. So he takes this chance to cuddle with her and reveling his feelings? Tysm for your time I really like your writing

Warnings: swearing

Originally posted by septodragon

  Peter smiled as (Y/N) answered the chemistry question correctly, his heart beating proudly as (Y/N) smiled and blushed as he praised them for the correct answer.

   They’d been studying for finals for days on end, cramming all the knowledge they could into their head, hoping that even though neither of them had paid attention through the year that the sudden spark of inspiration they had would help them succeed.

   "Okay, third chemicals atomic number is-“ Peter stops as his phone buzzes, interrupting the two students. Peter sighs as he fishes the phone out of his pocket, glaring at the screen in agitation. "Its tony,” Peter grumbles as he answers it, speaking in hushed tones to the man on the other end. (Y/N) smiled and nodded in understanding, keeping their lips sealed as they went back to studying, aka, remaining quiet so they couple listen in on Peters call. 

   "We really need ya here Pete, it’ll take a couple hours at most and we need the backup,“ 

   "But Mr. Stark,” Peter whined softly, making (Y/N) smirk slightly. “I have finals to study for-" 

  "Peter please,”

   "I have projects to do- “ 


  "Books to finish-" 

  "Pretty please with a cherry on top?” Peter didn’t even have to see Tony to know he was trying to give his best damn puppy dog eyes which he was failing at, and miserably too.

   "Ugh, fine, but I better be back before midnight, okay?“

  "You got it kiddo, I’ll see you in ten minutes,"Peter groans as he ends the call, nearly throwing his phone down as he rubbed at his eyes. 

  "Mission?’” (Y/N) asks as they reach for some snack they had brought. Peter nods, sighing as he does. 

  “Yeah, Tony said I’ll be done by midnight though,”

   "We can study later then, I’ll wait up for you,“ Peter smiles gently, his spirits brightening at (Y/N)’s words. 

  How the hell did he get lucky enough to befriend (Y/N)? they didn’t flip their shit when they found out about Spiderman, they were always there for peter, no matter the circumstance, and now they were offering to stay past curfew to study with him.

   "I’ll be back soon (Y/N),” Peter smiles at them gently, his smile widening when they smiles through a mouthful of food.

  “Sounds good Pete,” They mutter as they shove another handful of food into their mouth.  "Be safe you reckless idiot,“ (Y/N) mutters, words muffled by the food. 

  "Hmm,” Peter smirked as he opened his window, dangling himself on the edge precariously. “No promises," 

  Peter winced as he slid his window open again, the old thing creaking and moaning in protest. 

  Well, the mission had run long, three hours long to be exact. Tony’s promise of no later than midnight was absolute bullshit, it was three fifteen and he was just stumbling into his room.

   Somehow his lights remained on and he was able to see everything just as he had left it except for one small detail; (Y/N). When he had left they were sitting on his bed, nose buried in Shakespeare, now they were curled under his blankets, snoring lightly. 

  Peter bit his lip, guilt washing over him like a hurricane. (Y/N) had waited all night, they were planning on him coming back and he didn’t. 

  Stupid fucking mission, stupid tucking Tony, stupid fucking spiderman. 

  Peter growls softly as he throws his mask into his closet, his suit following after. He quickly got dressed and sat on the bed, looking at (Y/N)’s sleeping form like some kind of stalker (god, he sure felt like one). They seemed so tired and they were resting so peacefully that he didn’t have the heart to wake them. But there were no other rooms in the apartment and Aunt May would beat his ass if he slept on her couch. So with the utmost reluctance Peter grabbed a blanket from his closet, wadded up a sweatshirt to use as pillow and laid down to fall asleep but he didn’t even reach the ground when suddenly something was gripping his arm. 

  "Peter,” (Y/N)’s sleepy voice penetrated the silence of the room. “Pete, get in bed,” Peters brows furrow and his nose scrunches up adorably. (Y/N) seriously wasn’t suggesting that the two of them hunker together in his twin sized bed…were they?

   "(Y/N), we can’t both possibly fit on the bed-“

   "Then I’ll come sleep on the floor with you," 

   ”(Y/N), no.“

   "Then get your ass up here,” Peter sighed as he clambered to his feet, glaring at (Y/N) as they rolled over, just enough space for Peter to slide into bed. It was a tight fit but with some maneuvering and some awkward positions Peter found the perfect spot to sleep. (Y/N)’s face was buried in his neck, their arms against his chest, their heartbeat against his own. 

  “Did the mission go well?” (Y/N) questions softly, their lips grazing Peter’s neck with each syllable.

   “Sorta, we underestimated the opposing team and so the mission ran a little long-”

   “I’m well aware of that Pete,” There was no malice to (Y/N)’s words, if anything just a kind of affection.

   “Well, aren’t you sassy when you’re tired?”

   “I was worried about you Pete,”

   “So worried you took a nap?”

   “There wasn’t anything else to do asshat,” (Y/N) giggles softly, lips pushing against his skin, chest pushed against his own.

   “(Y/N), you gotta stop moving your lips, it tickles-”

   “Is that so?” (Y/N) smirks sleepily as they calculatedly move their lips against Peter’s neck, trying to decide which spot tickled the most.

   “(Y/N),’ Peter stifled a laugh, “Stop, you’re gonna wake Aunt May,” But (Y/N) didn’t listen, they never did, and they persisted, keeping it up until Peter was silently wheezing.

    “I missed you,” (Y/N) whispers finally, lips pulled back just enough that it didn’t tickle.

   “I missed you too (Y/N)-”

   “No, Peter, I really, really missed you,” Peter sighs shakily as he runs his fingers through (Y/N)’s hair, his throat bobbing with the effort of remaining quiet. It’d be so easy to tell them, to spill his guts and tell them how much he loved them, how much he cared for them. They were laying in his own bed for fuck’s sake, there would never be a more opportune time than this-

    “I missed you too, I miss you all the time, I miss you when you’re not by my side, I miss seeing your smile or hear your laugh, I miss you during class and on missions, I know how you feel (Y/N),” Peter sighs shakily once again, biting his lip as his grip on (Y/N) tightened slightly. This is the part where they got up and left, where they pushed him away and never looked at him again but it wasn’t, (Y/N) didn’t do any of those things. If anything they nuzzled closer, their lips pressed to his neck again and they whispered in the stillest, smallest voice Peter had ever heard:

   “You understand,”


Catching ladies is my delight
So I go fishing by shiny night
Doesn’t matter black or blond
I threw my worm into the pond

Water, water in the sea
Bring your creatures up to me
I pull them up, release my spawn
Fish on
Water, water soaky cloud
Help me get your creatures out
Let them come release my spawn
Fish on

It smells like fish, I take a sniff
The bait is fresh, my rod is stiff
The hook is big, made from steel
I put some grease upon my reel

Some are bigger, some are small
I don’t care, I catch them all

Water, water in the sea
Bring your creatures up to me
I pull them up, release my spawn
Fish on
Water, water soaky cloud
Help me get your creatures out
Let them come release my spawn
Fish on

I got my rod, I have my spear
I’ve already set my fishing gear
Moby’s dick is out of sight
They found my Nemo every night

Some are bigger, some are small
I don’t care, I catch them all

Water, water in the sea
Bring your creatures up to me
I pull them up, release my spawn
Fish on
Water, water soaky cloud
Help me get your creatures out
Let them come release my spawn
Fish on
Water, water in the sea
Let your mermaids all be free
I get it out, release my spawn
Fish on