• Peter:Look, look, I just can't take the pressure of all these bad omens any more!
  • Sirius:Peter...
  • Peter:No, no, really, I'm serious! Only this morning in the courtyard I saw a horse with two heads and two bodies!
  • Sirius:Two horses standing next to each other?
  • Peter:
  • Peter:Yes, I suppose it could have been.

For the past decade or so, I’ve been reading all sorts of wonderful fanfiction about what would have happened if Sirius wasn’t convicted and/or James and Lily lived and Peter was sent off to Azkaban. But I think what every single one of you fail to realize is that…even if Peter was sent off to Azkaban…he’s a rat!

Sirius was able to squeeze through the bars as a giant (albeit starved) dog.

Peter would have escaped within seconds.

So give me that story. A story where James, Sirius, Remus, Lily are still living in fear because this man who they thought was their brother is on the large and knows all of their secrets. Voldemort is gone but his Death Eaters still want revenge and Peter is able to feed them every detail about the Order, about Harry, about the people he once called his family.

Give me Moody wanting this little git gone and getting permission to use lethal force. Imagine James, Sirius, and Remus talking late into the night, wondering what they would do if they saw Peter. Would they kill him? Could they?

Give me that story.

Things the Marauders Definitely Did
  • massive food fight that turned into a full-on war and lasted all week
  • started a blanket fort in the Gryffindor common room that spanned through the rest of the hallways
  • competition to see who could grow the most facial hair in a month. James won while Peter didn’t grow a stubble
  • Pun War resulting in a Pun Jar
  • James and Sirius tried to see who could get the most detentions in one prank. Sirius succeeded by rounding up every student’s cat and hiding them in McGonagall’s office
  • karaoke sessions that included lots of Muggle classics
  • Remus once swapped out James’s broom for an ordinary one during Quidditch practice, leading James to kick off, only to fall flat on his face
  • Imposter Days where they swapped places and characteristics with one another. This was disbanded when Sirius acted as James and claimed he would ask Lily out on a date
  • made Sirius deliver them their mail as Padfoot
  • Remus was a heavy sleeper so they would try to balance random objects on him without waking him up

sirius black giving people advice he has zero intention of following for himself is 100% canon and i feel like ppl miss this as a fic opportunity??

sirius: moony you really want to stop lending out your possessions if you’re this fussed about them coing back damnaged
remus: you were the one who returned my jumper with a sleeve missing???
sirius: my point exactly. 

sirius: james, mate, you’ve got to listen to birds if you’ve any hope of wooing them.
james: mate, you’re gay.
james: and i’ve been married for two years.
sirius: your point?

sirius: pete, buddy, you’ve got to stop drinking so much. when you drink, bad things happen…
pete: yeah mate that was you who got trash and pissed on that pool table and got us kicked out, not me, so–
sirius: my point exactly. if you were more sober, you could’ve stopped me.

sirius: evans you really shouldn’t let your sister get to you, you know.
evans: didn’t you just punch your brother last week???
sirius: irrelevant

  • Lily:Why is James all curled up in a ball in the middle of the common room?
  • Sirius:Oh Prongs? Yeah, he does that every year. It's kinda cute, isn't it? He's like a little puppy.
  • Remus:Padfoot, I'm pretty sure he's having a panic attack. I'll go over and--
  • Sirius:Okay, Moony, I get it. You're a prefect, you like fixing things. But James is a very delicate ecosystem. The Quidditch star, marauder, and genius all balance out to perfect straight-O's. Mess with one part and you mess with everything. He's the human equivalent of a coral reef.
  • Peter:Uh-oh. Someone's trying to help him.
  • Sirius:*casting a charm to block the unsuspecting student*
  • Sirius:HE'S A CORAL REEF!
  • Remus:*sighs*
  • Remus:I'll go apologize...

Can you just imagine James getting so frustrated with Remus and Sirius because it’s so obvious that they’re in love with each other and nothing is happening. So he comes up with ridiculous schemes with the aid of Peter to get the two of them together. 

So many. 

A few things he tried: forcing them into small spaces together, tricking them into going on a Hogsmeade trip together because James and Peter ~mysteriously~ had something to do (that something was spying under the Invisibility Cloak), convincing Remus that James and Sirius were dating (and vice versa) to make him jealous, sitting next to Peter in class so that Remus and Sirius would have to sit together, writing love notes from Sirius to Remus (Remus recognised James’ handwriting and confronted him pretty quickly).