Rhodie gets a suit, Pepper gets a suit, Spidy gets a suit, Sam gets wings, Widow gets a suit Why don't I get a suit? Do you not love me?
Tony Stark, busy reading his kiddy fan mail:
You got a taser.
A taser is not a suit.
Tony Stark, looking up and wearing the Daddest face you have ever seen:
You throw up on rollercoasters. Every fricken time. You /hate/ rollercoasters. Do you know how many G's you pull in a suit? It's worse than a fighter jet.
Even with the buffers and the repulser tech. Throwing up on your face plate is pretty gross, if you ask me.
I like to think your super powers are better suited behind a desk. Like Pepper. Or Fury. But with more Political Science and subtle manipulation of the press.
.... I do really hate rollercoasters.
I'll make you some fancy new tasers who fly like that Blue Guys Arrows when you whistle. How's that, sweetums?
Darcy Lewis, still wanting a suit in a lovely shade of blue with lightning bolts on it, but accepting this as a fair trade:
The video goes viral in a matter of hours. Everyone’s seen it, even Peter (and while he’s embarrassed, he’s also impressed, but figures it’ll all die down in a day (week) or two, and then he won’t have to worry about it again). After all, it’s not actually him, just someone who looks a lot like him. When Darcy sees it, she laughs so hard that she has to go find clean pants. And then she has an idea.
At first it looks like Peter’s right. Everyone has a laugh, he gets a bit of ribbing, but it’s all in good fun, no one gets mean about it, and well, people have short attention spans and even shorter memories. Right?
Somehow, every television in both complex and tower start playing the clip on repeat. It plays over and over and over and over. It takes the tech department six hours to stop it.
The next morning when everyone gets into work, they turn their computers on to discover that they have a new screensaver. It’s funny at first - everyone has a laugh - but when people start trying to change it back, or just turn it off, it doesn’t work. The most anyone manages is delaying it for about five minutes. Peter is mortified.
Eventually the tech department fixes the screensaver ‘problem’. Sort of. They manage to get the delay options turned back on - although only to a maximum of one hour - but they can’t change the actual screensaver itself. People learn to live with it, either by turning their monitors off when they aren’t around, or making sure the mouse moves regularly.
Darcy just plays the song on her phone and dances around in front of him every time she sees him.
(It’s a month before he realises that she’s actually doing the moves from the video. He wonders if there’s a word for the next level of embarrassment up from mortified.) He avoids her as much as possible.
It’s quiet for a few days, and Peter thinks that maybe he’s off the hook now. Peter soon learns that maybe he shouldn’t think, because one day it rains and that damn video clip starts playing again. It’s not continuous this time, but it does play intermittently and unexpectedly until the rain stops. Also, the screensaver changes while the rain falls…
…and everyone discovers that their umbrellas have been swapped out for Spiderman themed ones. Toddler sized Spiderman umbrellas.
Then the t-shirts appear. It actually takes Peter a while to catch on to this one. There are four different versions - red, white, black and blue. There’s a simple umbrella silhouette on the front, and a spiderweb on the back.
Most people just grin at him once he’s realised the symbolism. Darcy cackles every time she sees him, Natasha just winks at him, (and next time he sees her there’s a Black Widow hourglass on each sleeve as well.) Steve and Bucky both insist that they just liked the design, and ‘why, is something wrong?’
that’s all for now, feel free to continue if anyoe wants!
no but imagine Steve Rogers on Colbert Report and The Daily Show
Tony Stark being a regular guest star on every talk show ever and most of them hating him but he’s great for the ratings so
Jane appearing on Nova as a guest star and hitting it off with Neil deGrasse Tyson.
Clint being the absolutely most awkward person ever on Saturday Night Live
Thor and the Warriors Three appearing on Mythbusters because there are so many alien myths to be tested!
JARVIS running ghost twitters for all of the Avengers, because it’s good publicity but none of them are allowed to tweet unsupervised except Natasha and she usually can’t be bothered
Natasha being a troll and constantly wearing wigs and changing accents when she gives interviews and also feeding false information to any reporter she doesn’t like
Spider Man having a super popular vine account that’s usually him chasing pigeons and spraying Tony Stark with webs
Pepper having to go on talk shows and news shows every time the Avengers do something ridiculous and explosive to do damage control and she’s on first name terms with all the stylists and camera crews because she knows these things are very important.
Bruce basically being a recluse from social media and the media in general before he and his cousin Jen start a Youtube Channel that alternates between pranking Tony and blaming it on Clint and explaining complicated law and science things
Betty Ross leading women in STEM rallies and also gets #HulkIsaHero trending on Twitter after her father tries to get Bruce arrested
Steve getting interviewed by the History Channel about everything and Natasha having to make him cheat sheets about what’s still classified and what’s available to the public now
Peggy Carter being the subject of multiple documentaries and giving interviews from her hospital bed
Thor going on a tour of America with Jane, Darcy, Sif and the Warriors Three, and making a web series titled American Gods and it’s basically him rescuing kittens and eating copious amounts of food and Sif beating up everyone and Darcy and Jane trying to stop Thor from reading the Neil Gaiman book at all costs
“You will never believe what I just saw (Y/N)! Wade Wilson was, get this, making morning after breakfast for Peter!” Darcy rattles of after bursting into your room. Usually gossip like this would excite you to no end but today you’re just not in the mood.
“Funny” you deadpan.
“It’s not just funny it’s a huge relief. Clint owes me fifty bucks now! I said they’d crack and fuck like bunnies before the end of the month he said they wouldn’t! That and Steve and Tony are inns be so pissed!” Darcy exclaims. “They are going to ground Peter forever.”
“Uh huh” you mumble and Darcy looks at you with a raised eyebrow.
“Hey what’s wrong? You usually eat this stuff up.”
“I had a bad night” you grumble.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Darcy asks and crawls onto you bed next to you.
“Wanna watch sad movies and eat then?” Darcy questions and snuggles into your side.
“Okay. Jarvis call my boyfriends tell them I want comfort food up here stat and please play Brokeback mountain on the tv” Darcy orders.
“Yes ma'am” Jarvis says and the TV turns on with the movie playing. Minutes later Steve and Bucky arrive with an assortment of junk food.
“Thanks boys. Now o we are watching a gay sad movie!” Darcy clips.
“Why watch that when you can watch us doll?” Bucky retorts.
“Out you horny super soldiers!” Darcy demands and throws a pillow at them. They both chuckle and walk out. You start to feel better already.
For all of S.H.I.E.L.D.s reach, not even they could see what was coming. It was a peaceful summer day when the Dimensional Rift opened up in the Pacific, releasing the first of many monsters known as Kaiju
For nearly a decade the human race believed that single Kaiju was the first and last of its kind. Thankfully S.H.I.E.L.D. Thought better. And so the Avengers were born. Two teams of Jäger and pilots standing as the only defense between the human race and the Kaiju.
Jagers and Pilots
Star Gazer: A tactical Jager used for over battle recon (like a satellite) Piloted by Dr. Jane Foster (Astrophysics) and Dr. Darcy Lewis (Political Science), their compatibility defies logic. their constant arguing and snarking put them at odds daily, but once in the cockpit, they work like a well oiled machine.
Frigga’s Fury: Named for the pilots’ mother (a former pilot herself). Frigga’s Fury is the latest in Jager Technology, piloted by sibling team Thor and Loki Odinson. Thor’s straight forwardness and Loki’s strategic cunning make them a formidable team.
Brooklyn Freedom: A reinforced Jager best for hand to hand combat. Piloted by Soldiers Captain Steve Rogers and Sergeant James “Bucky” Barnes, their neural connection is legendary. Both pilots were born and raised in Brooklyn like brothers, making their connection unbreakable.
Iron Giant: Using the latest in Repulsor Technology, Iron Giant is piloted by Tony Stark and his Wife/Better half Virginia “Pepper” Potts. Named for the Character in the children’s book by Ted Hughes and painted like Tony’s former personal armor, it’s the perfect weapon against the Kaiju
Web Warrior: Built for agility within the city limits, and uses cables to scale building and Barriers. Piloted by Peter Parker and Gwen Stacy. The youngest pilots, they are of genius level intellect and were in the process of training to become S.H.I.E.L.D. scientists when the Kaiju reappeared. Peter’s carefree attitude and Gwen’s by the book approach make them a great team. (Part of the S.H.I.E.L.D. Mobile Field Unit)
Thieves’ Gambit: Piloted by husband and Wife team Remy Lebeau and Anna Marie Darkholme, the Thieves’ Gambit is an analogue stealth jager originally developed for infiltrating the breach. When proving so proved impossible it was converted into a combat Jager. (Part of the S.H.I.E.L.D. Mobile Field Unit)
Bullseye: An experimental Jager piloted by Natasha Romanoff and Clint Barton. This Jager is used for long range assaults. (Part of the S.H.I.E.L.D. Mobile Field Unit)
Phoenix: Phoenix is the newest generation Jager used in suppression of acidic secretions and harvesting of Kaiju remains. It is piloted by Husband and Wife team Jean Grey-Summers and Scott Summers (Part of the S.H.I.E.L.D. Mobile Field Unit)