1. No. I will only have sex when I have decided to let myself be known so intimately to the person I have married. Though, this isn’t for any dogmatic reason or anything like that. I have given it a great deal of thought. A gesture, made to whomever she will be, that despite the opportunities to have sex (including with the person I last texted, to their chagrin of being with the first man to tell them no thanks) she will be the only one to know me that intimately. Like having a book written, but with a chapter in it the author wrote especially for her, if you’ll pardon the corny language. There was a time when I would not have accepted anything less than this in return. But I see the error in that is that my gesture wouldn’t be authentic if I did it for what I’d get back. For it to have meaning, I’d need to be doing it for the sake of what it means to have done it regardless. Then, you see, even if she’s had an extensive sexual history, which I would not consider a negative thing, I have the opportunity to lay her so damn good she forgets everyone who she had before me. Sort of fun to think of it that way to be honest. Besides, sex is a novelty that wears off over time. I’m in no hurry, and I have talents that keep my current bedfellows absolutely satisfied.
18. It’s hard to say. I could say I am broken every day and made new the next morning, which is my goal as someone who believes that our ever present ability to improve is what makes us such wonderful creatures. On the other hand, I assume it means a broken emotional wreck. Probably the last time I’ve ever been really torn up about something is losing someone dear to me but not through death. I don’t lose sleep over burning bridges. In fact, I like the warmth. But I mourn the potential that is lost.