personallife

I’ve been traveling around turkey for the last 2 weeks and now I am finally to the boarder area of Syria. The reality of the situation here is staggering. Please keep the people fighting for their lives here in your dua’as and educate your peers on the reality of this situation. If I’ve learned one thing being here it’s that the media never tells you the whole truth. #prayforsyria

FUCK Friendships, Relationships, Marriage and all contact with men. I literally get reinsured how much I fucking hate men everyday. All the things they say are lies from the pit of hell. One thing I hate is wasted time. I can be at home making s’mores or sleeping. I don’t give a fuck if I make you uncomfortable. I wear the nice things I do for me. And when I look like “shit” again I don’t give a flying fuck. I don’t get up to please anyone but MYGOTDAMNSELF.

Have you ever feel like that? Like you’re just a piece of shit lying around being useless? Because thats exactly what i feel right now. I feel worthless, useless and a waste of space. Im not sad but im not happy either. Its like, i feel everything and feel nothing all at the same time. I think im thisclose to depression. Sometimes i just wanna fall into really really deep slumber with no dreams and wake up after 2000 years or never wake up at all. And please dont get me wrong. Im not suicidal or something. I just want to dissapear into nothingness. I just wanna die. But i dont want my family to suffer until my last breathe because theyd probably freak out about the expences on my funeral and i dont want that. I want to run away where i dont have to be a burden for anyone anymore. But i dont want to run away either because im sure as hell that theyd look for me. I dont want them to bother looking for me. I want them to just move on and forget that i was once the youngest sibling, that i was once part of something, of this family. And now im just nothing. I know that if i ever disapeared, no one’s going to text something nice to my phone number though they know that i wont be able to read it or write how much they had missed me on my facebook wall because i have literally no friends at all.

“Islam is perfect, Muslims are not”

That is what I was always told when I would struggle with finding my place in this “community”. But I think the last 24 hrs have only proven that this “ummah” is broken and screwed up beyond belief. I am here for the brothers and sisters who have felt left out and let down by this “ummah”. I now understand why people leave. They see the beauty of Islam but are then nearly swallowed up in the negativity and hate within the community that they put their trust in. Take a minute to look at yourself and the words you put out into the world, who are you, and what is your purpose? Where are your intentions. ✌️

Nahuli mo na bang tinitignan ka ng parents mo tapos makikita mo sa mata nila na tinatanong nila yung sarili nila kung sa anong part ng pagpapalaki nila sayo sila nagkamali? Na tipong puro disapointments lang nakikita nila pag tumitingin sila sayo? Pero ang masakit dun hindi nila sinasabi sayo. Mapapansin mo lang na parang ang distant na ng pagtrato nila sayo. Na kakausapin ka lang pag may sasabihin. Na pag iba yung kausap nila okay naman pero pagdating sayo ang init ng ulo. Ewan ko ba. Hindi ko din naman sila masisisi. Totoo naman e. Ano ba sa mga ginawa ko ang dapat nilang ikaproud? Yung hindi ko pagtulog sa bahay namin gabi gabi? Pagweweeds? Pag iinom? Yung pagsayang ko ng 25 thousand sa San Lo? Yung pagkaunemployed ko? Ang hirap pala ng pakiramdam na isa ka lang walking talking piece of shit no? Dati pag nakakakita ako ng posts dito tungkol sa depression naiisip ko, ‘ano bang hindi masaya sa buhay?’ Ngayon mukang alam ko na yung sagot, lahat. Wag nyo sanang mamisunderstood. Mabait parents ko. Super. Masaya sa pamilya namin. Ako lang talaga yung problema. Ewan ko din kung anong nangyare sakin. Pakiramdam ko tinatamad na kong mag exist. Feeling ko ang tanging goal ko lang sa mundo ay makasurvive araw araw. Okay. Wala na kong masabi. Kung binasa mo hanggang dito, salamat! Salamat talaga :)

Have you ever feel like that? Like you’re just a piece of shit lying around being useless? Because that's exactly what i feel right now. I feel worthless, useless and a waste of space. I’m not sad but i’m not happy either. It’s like, i feel everything and feel nothing all at the same time. I think i’m thisclose to depression. Sometimes i just wanna fall into really really deep slumber with no dreams and wake up after 2000 years or never wake up at all. And please don't get me wrong. I'm not suicidal or something. I just want to disappear into nothingness. I just wanna die. But i don't want my family to suffer until my last breathe because they'd probably freak out about the expenses on my funeral and i don't want that. I want to run away where i don't have to be a burden for them anymore. But i don't want to run away either because i’m sure as hell that they'd look for me. I dont want them to bother looking for me. I want them to just move on and forget that i was once the youngest sibling, that i was once part of something, of this family. And now i'm just nothing. I know that if i ever disappeared, no one’s going to text something nice to my phone number though they know that i wont be able to read it or write how much they had missed me on my facebook wall because i have literally no friends at all.

I get many DMs each day, but when I opened @ftoom238 message to see my name at Al Aqsa I burst into tears. All of us, as a muslim ummah, pray for the people of Palestine. Personally I have always dreamed of one day seeing Al Aqsa with my own eyes and being free to pray in Palestine in peace. To have another Muslimah think of me in such a beautiful place is beyond words. Thank you Fatmeh, I know it may just be a little message from Palestine, but it truly means so much to me❤️ #freepalestine #freegaza #alaqsa

Have you ever met someone then your brain automatically play the part of Blank Space where Taylor sings ‘oh my god. Look at that face, you look like my next mistake.’