Slt (Salut) = Hello Bcp (Beaucoup) = A lot Dsl (Désolé) = Sorry Stp (S’il te plait) = Please Dac (D’accord) = Okay Qd (Quand) = When Qqch (Quelque chose) = Something Qqn (quelqu’un) = Somebody
Mdr (Mort de rire) = Lol Ptdr (Pété de rire) = Lmao Vdm (Vie de merde) = Fuck my life Tg (T’as gueule) = Shut up BG (Beau gosse) = Hot guy Tkt (T’inquiête) = Don’t worry
Bref = In short Ouais = Yeah Putain, Merde = Shit
de la merde = It’s crap
Ça craint = It sucks Ça
me soûle = It’s annoying me C’est relou (C’est lourd) = It sucks C’est ouf (C’est fou) = It’s crazy C’est trop cool = It’s awesome C’est le bordel = It’s a mess
suis claqué = I’m exhausted
Je me casse = I’m getting out of here
m’en fou = I don’t care
Tu rigoles = You’re jocking
Tu te fous de ma gueule = You’re kidding me Tu fais quoi? = What’s up?
tomber = Just forget it
Fais gaffe = Be careful
Péter un plomb = Going crazy
Avoir la flemme de faire quelque chose = To be too lazy to do something
Bouffer = To eat Taffer = To work Roupiller, Pioncer = To sleep Kiffer = To have a crush on someone Etre vénère (Etre énervé) = To be annoyed Se marrer = To laugh
Un mec = A guy
Une meuf = A girl
Un pote = A friend
Une bagnole = A car
Une baraque = A house
Un pieu = A bed
Un bouquin = A book
Une clope = A cigarette
Le fric, le blé, le thune, l’oseille, le pognon = Money
Un flic, un keuf = A cop Un gosse, un gamin = A kid
Un boulot, un taf, un job = A job
La fac = University
Le bahut = High school
phrases/words can be used in almost every informal situation, but don’t use them in
your essays or in any kind of normal writing!
and people who are very close to Borderlines, regardless of whether it’s romantic or not! I have BPD and wanted to list some things that my partner does that really help me and our relationship, in case they can help anyone else <3
communicate!! with!! your!! partner!!
ask them what things upset them
ask them what things you can do to ease their brain
tell them what things they do which upset you
tell them when you need space and time alone
tell them when you know you’ll be away
check in that the relationship is okay and both of you have your needs fulfilled
set boundaries for the person initially, and explain to them why these things are important to you. we’re not good at recognising other’s boundaries or understanding them innately. you can always change your boundaries, but let them know when you do
when you get frustrated and angry with them - which happens in all relationships between people, regardless of how healthy - have something you’ve agreed to say to them so they know you aren’t trying to hurt them or leave them, you just need to calm down.
try not to leave things angry or bad when you go away - try not to make the last thing you say at night sound snappy, etc. being away from our partners is always going to be tricky for us, and if you’ve left with something reassuring, it’s more likely that we’ll cope and you’ll get your sleep/rest/work/class/appointment/etc uninterrupted by us
expect us to need reassurances from you, and to need them a lot. understand that this really has nothing to do with you - whether you’re distant or not, things are good or not, etc, our disorder will always try to say things aren’t good. don’t be offended when we ask for reassurance, and if it’s tiring for you, come up with a specific set phrase or code with your partner to reassure them when they need it.
it’s likely that your partner will split on you at some point, and if you recognise that they have done and remove yourself from the situation as soon as possible, it’s likely that they’ll be able to calm down and split back soon. check in with them every couple of hours to remind them you care.
to the best of your ability - unforeseen circumstances omitting of course - don’t make promises you aren’t certain you can keep, and don’t say you’ll do something you don’t know you will be able to. saying that you’ll do something for/with us and then cancelling for something that could’ve been foreseen will make us panic.
try to watch out for the minutiae of how you interact with us. did you put a full stop on that text? did you say something which sounded unenthusiastic or uncaring when you didnt mean to sound like that? do you seem angry when you’re not? borderlines almost always recognise the emotions of others before people without BPD do, especially anger. if you can tell you sound frustrated, we definitely can. it might help to ask us if there are any habits you have which can trigger these kinds of thoughts
make sure they know how much you care about them, because they’ll constantly worry that you’ve stopped. tell them you love them, tell them you hope they drive safe, tell them you’re there for them. even though they know.
remember that a relationship isn’t a one way street. your borderline partner has a responsibility to work on their behaviour and not hurt you, or upset you, or negatively impact things. they will mess up sometimes, they will sometimes snap when splitting, or say something manipulative, or hound you for attention. and you’ll mess up sometimes as well. talk about what went wrong, what’s hurting who, and how you’re gonna work around it.
be honest. be completely honest. if it’s not working, tell them. if it’s going well, tell them. if something is hurting you, tell them. if you’re worried something is hurting them, tell them.
that’s all i can think of for now but feel free to add more
Some people are more adept at labelling their emotions than others. Some people just can’t seem to name what they are currently feeling. They might say that they felt bad or upset, but pinning down what that actually means for them is more challenging. Many people walk around in this kind of emotional fog.
Unfortunately, if you don’t know what you are feeling, you can’t do much to change it. People who can name their emotions are more capable of managing them, so it is important to become more familiar with your emotions and learn to identify them.
Once you are more capable of naming your emotions, you’ll have more choices in terms of what to do with an emotion if it makes you feel uncomfortable and you would prefer to at least reduce its intensity. Many people with emotion dysregulation grow up without learning this important information, so for some people it takes a lot of time to get the hang of naming their emotions. Be patient. If you get frustrated, reframe this process as if you are learning a new language. In fact, that’s exactly what is happening: you are learning the language of emotion.
Anytime you are unable to identify the emotion you are experiencing refer to the Emotions List. Reading through it, you should be able to find a word that closely describes the emotion that you are experiencing.
I recently came across a discussion on Tony Stark as a queer-coded character in the comics (which I’m not going to link to because many of the threads were already deleted, ergo I’m assuming that the participants didn’t want the conversation to be spread), and I found it very interesting. For years I have read Tony Stark as subtextually bisexual in the comics, which hasn’t really translated to the films – at least not to the extent that the character of Captain America has been coded as bisexual in them. There has always been a borderline homoerotic relationship between Tony and his armor especially. But adjacent to this conversation, there was also an interesting thread in which Tony Stark asthe most female-coded superhero was discussed that I found fascinating.
Someone commented on the concept stating that while it may be true for the comics, movie-verse Tony Stark is certainly not female-coded.
But isn’t he, though?
We’ve discussed before how hypermasculinity sometimes seems to go so over-the-top that it does a full 360, coming out the other side seeming rather feminized, the hypermasculine male presented as a sexual object with assets on display (slim waist, thick thighs, full chest) for the consumption of the male gaze. But that’s not the case with Tony Stark; it isn’t his hypermasculinity that makes him seem female-coded, it’s the question of agency.
Tony does seem to possess many traits that we consider culturally feminine, female cliches, such as talking a lot and talking fast, using a rich vocabulary, a short and petite stature as compared to other superheroes, the narrative passing jugement on his promiscuity, the narrative passing judgement on his desire for junk-food, his passive demeanor, his self-consciousness about his body and having to wear underarmor in public to manage his chest, his avoidance of interpersonal conflict, looking for daddy’s love and approval, the way in which he conceals much of his intelligence because he knows that if people saw him for how he really is, they would be off-put by it ie. giving the appearance of being smart-but-not-too-smart, the eroticizing of his appearance in the narrative, the focus on what he’s wearing, his obsessive-compulsive behavior, meticulous grooming habits, delicate features, dressing to impress professionally, carrying conversations, his weakness being his heart, the fact that he has to dress into a suit that conceals his identity, his true self, to interact with the world, a hard outer shell that conceals his soft inside. There are aspects to Tony Stark in the films that are female-coded.
I think that some people might find these aspects difficult to see because there are three distinct personas to the character: there’s the Tony Stark that he projects to the outside world to hide who he really is that is his true armor, there’s Iron Man that is a prosthetic, an armor that shields him and allows him the protection of being who he really is, and then there’s Tony Stark, the person he is in his heart of hearts that we see only when’s alone with the artificial intelligences he created for himself, as his friends, the only friends that really, truly get to see him, because he knows that they won’t judge him (outside of him being alone, we see glimpses of the ‘real’ Tony Stark in Afganistan, in his interactions with Natasha and in two scenes with Steve: while they’re cutting wood and Tony asking Steve whether he knew).
These are the three sides to Tony Stark, and I see a lot of fans confuse his Tony Stark armor, his protective persona, with who he is because that is, by design, the loudest, most visible side to him.
There are many sides to him that are female-coded, but it’s the limited agency that he is given in the narrative that is the most telling. Most of his stories seem to revolve around the stripping of his agency and his struggle to regain it. This character – a genius, billionaire, playboy, philantropist – who ought to be the ultimate male power fantasy has all of his stories constructed around his lack of agency and his need of a prosthetic to claim agency for himself. It’s easy to assume that an able-bodied, rich, good-looking, well-educated, white CEO of the American upper crust has all the power and control in the world, but the narrative begins disabusing the viewer of this notion right off the bat. The narrative deconstructs his agency.
What I appreciated about the Iron Man films was how they subverted the role of the damsel in distress in Pepper Potts. Especially the end of the first film in which Pepper marched through broken glass in her stiletto shoes to save Tony Stark was something that made me stop and think for days afterwards. The third film basically recreated this subversion of the trope louder for those in the back that hadn’t caught it the first time. It was Pepper Potts that was the knight in shining armor, not the title character.
And it is Tony that we see as the damsel in distress, particularly again in the first and the third films. The first film contains the iconic scene of Obadiah Stane literally removing Tony’s agency in a scene that is filmed like a sexual violation, a none-too-subtle air of erotic violence in the air as he uses his date rape technology to incapacitate Tony. This is a turning point in the film. The third film contains a scene in which Tony Stark is zip-tied to a bed frame with the villain taunting him. It is implied that Tony is similarly submissive in bed. The main villain in the scene acts like a spurned lover, a definite air of seduction to his conduct toward the tied-up hero.
That is two cases of villains making eroticized advances toward a physically incapacitated Tony Stark. And it isn’t the violence or the incapacitation that makes the scenes female-coded, it is the eroticization of it. It is female characters that are subject to eroticized violence, generally speaking. The second film does not follow the pattern, but it could be interepreted as an obsessive, spurned man making unwanted advances toward our hero.
I wrote about the interaction between Natasha and Tony previously, on how she allows us to see a side of him that we usually don’t get to see. Some people have described Tony’s hiring of her as sexist, undoubtedly influenced by Pepper’s interpretation of his behaviour as he tried to figure her out (“And she is potentially a very expensive sexual harassment lawsuit if you keep ogling her like that.”), but his interest in her was never that kind of interest. His eyes don’t track her sexual assets. Tony saw something of himself in her, especially in the way she was playing a role, but even more than that, I think Tony saw in Natasha Romanoff something that he wanted desperately to be. In control.
Natasha Romanoff gives the air of being in control even when she gives up control, and in this she is the opposite of Tony Stark.
With this in mind, and I don’t remember whether I wrote about this before, I was quite disturbed by the way the climax of Civil War was shot not unlike a pornographic sex scene, Tony Stark being double-teamed by the super soldiers. The ending of the scene especially, with Steve straddling Tony, pounding on him, grunting, finishing it off with breathing heavily as he falls off Tony having penetrated his arc reactor with his shield, having incapacitated Tony’s prosthetic. Tony spits out blood as the super soldiers walk away from him. It’s rather symbolic, the implications of the scene very uncomfortable.
While Bucky Barnes is another character whose storyline heavily features the stripping down of agency, the female-coding of the strong, stoic silent-type is largely absent. Bucky Barnes and Tony Stark share similarities, and in this he offers a contrast to Tony.
So, yes. I do see Tony Stark of the movie-verse as a female-coded superhero because his story revolves around desperately grasping for agency. Among these hypermasculine heroes, the genius-billionaire-playboy-philantropist is at a disadvantage, so Tony Stark invented, constructed, and put on a suit that hides his true identity in order to have a measure of agency in a hypermasculine world, that allows him to assert himself. And in Civil War he was willing to sign off on his self-created agency because the establishment had managed to convince him that as a person with near unlimited resources, he was a danger to the world that he had risked his life and the lives of his loved ones to protect.
I think one of the most telling aspects of his character vis-à-vis Civil War is that, convinced that it is too dangerous for him to attempt to influence the outside world and other people in it, Tony Stark instead turned within and attempted to modify his own internal world, to (literally) influence his own internal state instead – to accept what he can’t change. This is a classic strategy of the disenfranchised.
Tony Stark is the most female-coded of the male superheroes.
‘Walking the middle path’ is a term often used in DBT to describe finding the balance with black and white thinking. Above is an information sheet about various forms of black and white thinking, as well as a sheet of examples that seek to disprove black and white trains of thought.
From DBT Skills and Training, 2nd Edition, by Marsha M. Linehan.
This meditation is one that I do when I feel out of balance and out of touch with myself for whatever reason. Be it too much work, too much stress, or what have you. Get a notebook or a piece of paper for after the meditation is over, as you’ll be asking yourself some questions during this meditation.
*Start by getting comfortable (for me I light incense, turn on some soft music, close the blinds and maybe light a candle, depending on how I’m feeling) and sit. Breath slowly, in deep even breaths, fix your eyes on a single point on the wall and just listen, and feel.
*Focus on your heartbeat, as it is the natural rhythm of your body. What better way to get back in sync and in touch with yourself than by listening to that? Try to time your breathing with your heartbeat, and once you feel they are synced, close your eyes.
*As this is an introspective meditation, ask yourself these questions but do not focus too much on finding the answers. As you ask yourself each question, allow a minute or two for the answers to come to you.
1. How do you spend your time? Do you spend it wisely? Do you take time to take care of yourself emotionally, mentally and physically?
2. Do you take anything for granted? Things, people, pets, a job or the like?
3. Are you getting enough sleep? Eating enough?
4. Are you true to yourself and your beliefs? Do you adhere to the guidelines and standards you set for yourself?
5. Am I achieving the goals I set for myself?
6. Do I let matters outside my control stress me out?
*After you’ve let the answer to each question come to you, write the answers down. Now get comfortable again, and settle back in to your meditative, relaxed state. Now is the time to answer the questions for yourself, and when you do, if you answered any of them with a ‘no’ answer them now with a way to adjust or fix the issues.
>I use this meditation at least once a month to re-center and check myself to make sure I’m still on the path toward the goals that I set for myself. If it would help, if you choose to do this meditation again, keep the answers in a journal, with goals attached to them for the next time you do this meditation<
DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets - Mindfulness Skills Masterpost
DBT Self-Help Resources:
The following are the links to all the handouts and accompanying worksheets contained within the Module 1 - Mindfulness Skills of Marsha Linehan’s DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, 2nd Edition published in 2015.
I keep bumping-into this article from 2014 in various places, so I’ll go ahead and share a link in case anyone else has an interest in this sort of thing. My favorite line is “[a]rtificial ‘spectres’ were conjured up by an experiment which proved so disconcerting for participants that two begged for it to stop.”
About the images below: “To manifest their ghosts, the scientists set up a robot device that allowed volunteers to control the movements of a jointed mechanical arm with their index fingers.The movements were relayed to another robot arm behind them which touched their backs.When both the finger-pushing and back-touching occurred at the same time, it created the illusion that the volunteers were caressing their own backs.That felt weird enough to the blindfolded participants. But something a lot stranger happened when the back-touching was delayed and about 500 milliseconds out of sync with the finger movements.Suddenly the volunteers felt as if they were being watched, and touched, by one or more ghostly presences.At the same time, they had the disconcerting sensation of drifting backwards, towards the unseen hand.When questioned, several reported a strong feeling of invisible people being close to them. On average, they counted two, with up to four being reported…”
This FREE app, Daylio, is fantastic for recording and observing data about mood changes and stuff. You can record multiple entries per day (I’ve set alarms in my phone to write every two hours) pick a mood rating and activities you’ve done, and add a journal-style entry.
It processes all your data into easy-to-read graphics, so that you can see daily and monthly changes, try to track patterns, see how different activities affect you, and see graphs for your average mood over a month or a year. You can also see graphs for your average mood while doing a specific activity. The activities log is also highly customizable, so your entries will be accurate.
This app is very helpful for tracking patterns and seeing what kind of activities help or hurt you. (For example, if I’m separated from my FP for too long, get isolated for too long, or am in a situation where my relationships feel threatened, it’s bad– but when I travel, eat well, and spend quality time with FP & loved ones, my average mood increases significantly!)
Anyway, I’ll stop rambling now, but please reblog this great resource so it can reach as many borderlines as possible!!! (This is probably useful for other PDs and mood disorders too, actually)
so a lot of people still reblog my “60+ queer books” post from 2014. ngl, i was barely 16 at the time and had not read a lot of books on that list (it was def intended to be more a listing than pure recommendation), mostly because adult fiction was and remains far from my favorite literary category. this list isn’t as intensely detailed, but i just thought that since the year is over i might jot down some of the lgbt+ books i loved or at least moderately enjoyed this year, in case anyone was interested! happy reading!
gives light (6-part series) by rose christo — m/m. centered around a mute main character on an indian reservation (written by a native author!), features one of the most uplifting romances of recent media (cw for csa mention later in the series)
other ya books ordered approximately by rating
far from you by tess sharpe — f/f. bisexual protagonist (drug addiction, murder cw) a book on recovery, love, trust, justice, understanding… gut punch!!!!!
not your sidekick by c.b. lee — f/f. DOES THE TITLE NOT MAKE UR HEART SQUEEZE ALREADY? features half-chinese & half-vietnamese bisexual protagonist in futuristic superheroic universe! the second book will be about a trans black side character *___*
starting from here by lisa jenn bigelow — f/f. you will cry and be made a better person for it.
the great american whatever by tim federle — m/m. if you enjoy mg or find its lgbt+ subsection especially important (or both, like me!), definitely make sure you check out federle’s better nate than ever series!
true letters from a fictional life by kenneth logan — m/m. tbh people call it the “male version of ‘to all the boys i’ve loved before’” but also neglect mentioning that it’s a lot whiter, too. where’s that supportive covey family goodness… that precocious but caring lara jean spirit? it’s just not there…
radio silence by alice oseman — f/f, m/m, not hugely romance-focused
middle grade there were very few releases this year that i was aware of, unfortunately! my old list’s selection remains a good place to look. here are 3 that i would recommend though:
(i think i might have read george in 2015, but i felt that i might as well put them all together!)
george by alex gino — follows the story of a trans girl. its storyline is similar to gracefully grayson, but unlike gg it is written by a trans author!
the other boy by m.g. hennessey— follows the story of a trans boy. pretty solid story except… uncalled for random racist comment in the middle of the book… wyd (waiting for the mg genre to grow more inclusive of lgbt+ children of color! not being racially hostile is the FIRST STEP.)
+ A GRAPHIC NOVEL MOST OF U HAVE PROBABLY READ ALREADY: LUMBERJANES!! love it breathe it read it
if you want some mg books that have casually gay side/main-ish characters, i can name the wolf wilder and the thing about jellyfish, although… you have to kind of dig for it, so i wouldn’t call these revolutionary moments of representation, but! it’s just a nice addition to separate stories that remind you that the middle grade genre can be inclusive w/o becoming entirely issue-based (which i find sometimes more inaccessible for children? i ramble!). i do believe it’s good for young children to read this kind of fiction, too!
finally, some lgbt+ books i did not enjoy or care for in any capacity, for posterity: highly illogical behavior (gross narrative surrounding mental health, sexuality), symptoms of being human (ya book abt a nonbinary character; written by cis author who bscly uses sexual assault as plot device & doesn’t acknowledge neutral pronouns?), know not why (really unapologetically homophobic tbh), whatever.: or how junior year became totally f$@ked, more happy than not (so… bleak…), see you at harry’s, and lily and dunkin (this is the fourth mg book about a trans character that i’m aware of; i found its message hugely alarming and invalidating). that doesn’t mean you won’t enjoy them, though!
As health department
officials work to contain Minnesota’s largest measles outbreak in
decades, the most heavily affected population is contending with
continued targeting from anti-vaccination advocates.
As of Monday, 51 people have been sickened in the current outbreak, 46 of whom are members of the Somali community.
reported in April, the Somali population in Minneapolis and St. Paul
has been preyed upon by so-called “anti-vaxxers” spreading
misinformation about vaccines and autism — and its an ongoing issue.
April 30, some “vaccine-concerned groups”
held an in-person “Community Resource Meeting” that seemed designed to
specifically target the Somali-American and Somali immigrant
But as the measles outbreak rages, the latest updates suggest a developing community pushback against misinformation. Read more (5/11/17)
How can I get into art? Like, I am into art, but how can I learn about it?
In many ways! The first I would suggest would be to go to your local museum (if you have one). Most museums offer tours (sometimes free), so take one! Alternatively, you can walk around and read the plaques, or get an audio guide, if they have them.
Next, use the internet to your advantage!
I know Wikipedia is “untrustworthy” but I think it’s a really great source, especially for just finding stuff out. Look up your favorite artist or your favorite painting and just read about them, and then click all the links and read those articles too. Some other online resources:
Khan Academy - we used this in my art history class last year. It goes along with the AP course curriculum, but it has way more than just that. They have fantastic videos and articles about all types of art, and they’re very interesting and informative. They also have lots of other topics, but I’ve never really explored anything aside from art history
Google Culture - this is new, and I haven’t really looked at it, but @asteriaria recently told me about it and it seems awesome! You can explore artists, eras, exhibits, etc.! Just to show you, I took a few screenshots of my favorite era/painter, and they have exhibits from different museums, articles, the works, a timeline of all the artists of different eras together, etc… It’s amazing.
The Met’s Heilbrunn Timeline of Art History - I’ve read a few articles from this and it’s fantastic. The Met has an amazing collection and all of it is catalogued online, so you can simply read the little plaques that they have at the museum, or you could read the articles they’ve posted about them! They have countless essays (and I recently heard at my orientation that the Met has some two million works, most of which are catalogued online). It’s almost as good as going, I think!
Also I would certainly suggest going to your local library or bookstore and looking for some books. There are so many authors and topics to look at that I couldn’t really name a specific one that gives you a good overview and isn’t a textbook … but Janson’s History of Art is pretty good, though it only covers Western art.
If you have any more questions, please come and ask!! Especially if you want to know where to find more about a specific era or topic :)