Its something about the phenomena of existing in the constantly scrutinizing gaze of others that lies at the core of a lot of the alienation i feel from being queer and trans. Its in that gaze that my experience of dysphoria moves from a purely internal phenomena to a social and relational frame through which I am viewed, inescapably.
There is a powerful dehumanization that occurs in the focus of the gaze where not only do I become aware that I am mediated to other through a lens which renders me inhuman and unintelligible, but I also subjectivize this experience and move into an alienation from myself. It is a point of becoming unreal, of ceasing to be not only a political subject but also ceasing to be an internally coherent subject to myself.
Its the point where my body moves from an expression of myself to a spectacle for others.