personal stuff ish

This is part meta, part personal issues, and all together a potential mess. Based on this string of posts (I don’t believe I have anything constructive to add to it, but I had a strong mental/emotional response when reading it, hence why I’m writing this). This is all personal opinion. It’s not meant to be an argument for or against what they or anyone else are saying.

Overall, I feel they’re talking about Dean and how his actions, etc have been interpreted by the fandom. Some of it I agree with, some of it I don’t. I am a big believer of Performing Dean and typically agree with the meta I’ve read regarding his season 12 arc (more emotional/emotional growth, dropping walls, etc). However one part of the chain stuck out to me:

But what’s wrong with Dean being “authentically Dean” in all his totality? The guy who likes both hard rock and REO, muscle cars and cooking, plaid shirts and a nice suit.  An authentic character can still be complex - they just understand and accept themselves in their complexity. 

In the way the chain reads, it seems (to me) like they’ve interpreted some of the meta they’ve seen as “all or nothing” - that dropping the walls and his emotional growth invalidate what we’ve previously seen from him. And thinking back over the meta I’ve read, and some I’ve contributed myself, it could absolutely be interpreted that way. There’s more talk about what he’s showing now than how it adds to what he showed in the past (in a way). From a personal standpoint, I think the above quote/excerpt is completely valid. 

Adding a break, ‘cause this got long:

Keep reading

Loneliness

It’s empty,
It’s cold,
It resides deep inside,
My bones.
I can’t say I want it,
I can’t say I’ll leave it,
All I know,
Is it’s got nowhere else to go.
Much like me,
I suppose.
I like being alone,
That’s true.
But I can’t say I like being lonely,
My one consolation,
Is that loneliness is just as lonely as I.
And since that’s so,
I’m hoping we’ll both be alright.

4

Idk I just wanted to draw Gill and his first friend having a hug

i cant even tell you; the place in my heart for lars and all his feelings;;;

What am I?

I’m not a writer,

At least not much of one.

I’m not a singer,

If my voice is anything to judge.

I’m not a religious person,

My lack of faith attests so.

So the question I find myself asking is…

What am I?

i can’t believe sera is approximately a 100 times more openly contemptuous towards lavellan than she is towards trevelyan who represents the nobility she’s supposedly dedicated her life to standing up against lmao this game is reallllllllly something

FAQ & Blog PSA

To help navigate my blog!

✨✨✨ My top FAQ:
Who is the guy in your icon/ theme?😉🔥
He’s a male model named Stephen James. I love him lmao if you see me say “my Sagittarius husband” I’m talking about him. His Placements

📝📝📝📝Blog Psa Stuff:

-What’s this blog about?❓❓❓
This blog, @askluxnovalibra , is the ‘ask box’ for my main astrology blog @luxnovalibra . To avoid cluttering everyone’s dash, I made a separate blog. This way I can answer many asks in a row and manage/organize the questions more thoughtfully.

-What can we ask about? 🤔
Anything really. The most common asks I get are about compatibility and placement descriptions. If you need advice or to rant, I will always try to help you out or send you a link to someone who can.

-Do you answer compatibility asks? If we send in a compatibility ask, what should we expect? ❤️
Yes I do, at least for now. Most people will send their sun, moon, rising, mercury, mars, and venus of themselves and their partner or crush. I will give my first impressions and potential problems I see. I may say how they get along, how they like to be treated, and what they want/need. It’s important to remember that without seeing charts, I can give only very very very generic answers. Know that people are complex and unique. I do not know you or your crush/partner personally. I can only attempt to guess how they act according to my knowledge of the signs’ archetypes. I will never be 100% accurate. No one will be.

-Do we have to send our sun, moon, mars, venus, etc. when asking a compatibility question? ❤️
No, you can send as many or as few placements as you want. It’s more interesting to send specific questions like ‘how is a Scorpio venus in love?’ or ‘how does a Scorpio venus and Leo venus get along?’ or 'compatibility for x mars and x venus with y mars and y venus?’ Stuff along those lines. If I’ve already answered something, I will link you to it.

-What’s important to know about compatibility? ❤️
I believe no matter the placements any pairing can get along with patience, time, and understanding. Communication is necessary and vital for healthy relationships. Most of the time, problems are not solved by simple compatibility. They are solved by committed partners learning to compromise and work with each other.

🔎🔎🔎 ***Want a better and deeper insight into compatibility? Do a synastry chart. A synastry chart takes you and your partners’ chart and overlays them together. Your planets will aspect theirs and your planets will fall into their houses & vice versa. These aspects and placements will tell you how you will interact, get along, and how you work together. You can calculate your synastry chart on astro-charts.com or astro.com or any astro site you trust. How do you read a synastry chart? It would be very hard for me to explain it step by step as I don’t do a lot of synastry. There are many resources online that tell you exactly what aspects and placements mean what. Have your venus sextile your partner’s mars? Type in “venus sextile mars synastry” into google and stuff will come up. You can still ask me about certain things in synastry, especially if you don’t understand something or want a second opinion.

-My crush smiled at me in the hall last year but hasn’t talked to me since. Do they love me or not? What are they thinking? 🤔❤️🔎
I don’t know. I do not know you or your crush personally. It’s important to remember that most crushes are just that, crushes. It’s best not to spend too much time worrying about them. For most people, crushes don’t last more than a few months, if that. As an air dom with a Scorpio venus, I hardly ever have crushes and so when I see a lot of people obsessing over them, I usually will give you an honest answer. That being said, it’s totally ok to ask for advice. I’m never going to chew you out or call you stupid for liking someone. It’s natural. It’s a part of life. I’m just saying, crushes are not going to make or break you. They’re not the end of the world. What will happen will happen. I only say this because I know how you feel and I try to tell you the things I wish someone told me when I was younger. In fact, most of the advice I give is based on what a younger me would need to hear.

-Is it ok to message you for advice? What do people message you about?📨📬
Sure, I get a few private messages about people wanting insights about crushes / situations / placements and I try my best to help.

-Are there any kinds of private messages you don’t like?📭💣
I generally respond to everything

-Do you answer some asks before others? 🔢🔝
Most of the time my inbox isn’t that full (RIP the blogs that have 50+ lol) so I try to answer them all as fast as I can. Usually I answer chronologically (first ask gets answered first). If a question is simpler, I’ll try to get those out of the way. Complex questions take longer because I need to think about them and look up info as needed. Lately, anon compatibility gets answered last. I am more likely to answer non-anon asks a little faster, especially if you’re following me @luxnovalibra (you don’t have to follow @askluxnovalibra). Why? Because I don’t like when anons copy and paste compatibility q’s into 20 astro blogs’ boxes. It’s a bit disheartening because usually it’s just people who don’t care enough to look into astrology at all, and send in their crush-of-the-week’s placements. But don’t worry sending anons is perfectly fine! I totally understand being shy, or even because you don’t your main blog to pop up or because you’re not a full-time astro blog or whatever the reason. I get it, and I send anons sometimes too. And don’t worry if you’ve sent multiple blogs the same ask to get another opinion. Usually we can tell who’s just copy and pasting and who wants to learn. Pro tip for sending asks to other blogs: it helps if you say hi and/or mention something specific you like about their blog not just 'compatibility xyz love ur blog.’ “Thank yous’ and polite feedback are nice too. Remember most of us are just teenagers that don’t get paid and genuinely want to help and learn together. To put it short, most asks get answered in 4 days or less

-Why do you add so many links?📚
I’m an air dominant lol I like to know things. It’s because I want to help and sometimes links are the best way to go. If I don’t know a lot about something off the top of my head, I’ll give you links and references. I get most of them from tumblr and a simple google search. Links aren’t mean to scare you, they’re there for deeper insight. I learn best with specific examples and links provide that. I give multiples because everyone has a different preference for writing style and multiples increases the chance of you understanding something and relating to something. Also, sometimes I’ll add them if the asker doesn’t specify if they want my personal opinion or a more general description.

-What if I ask about something you don’t know about? 🤷🏻‍♀️🕵🏻‍♀️
I will give you my best guess but admit that I don’t know a lot about that subject. I assume you don’t want a random answer and I don’t want to give one. Expect links or I’ll send you to someone who might be able to help

-What if I don’t agree with your opinion or your interpretation? 🙅🏻🙎🏻
That’s fine, I don’t expect you to agree with me all the time, that’s why it’s my opinion/interpretation. I’m still learning everyday. I’m not a professional. I’ll make mistakes. It’s all a part of the process.

//////////// Personal-ish Stuff:

-What are your placements? ☀️🌙💫
Libra sun, Libra moon, Taurus rising, Virgo mercury, Sag mars, Scorpio venus, Cap neptune, Aqua jupiter, Aqua uranus, Aries saturn, Virgo north node, Cap MC, Virgo lilith, Virgo juno

About Me My Chart My Placements

-What are your dominants? 👁
Libra, Virgo, Capricorn, Taurus, Sag, Scorpio, and Aqua. My planets differ based on the calculator but usually I go by Mercury, Venus, Uranus, Pluto, and moon. Air and earth. Cardinal.

-How long have you been studying astrology? ✏️📓
I just found out I made my blog on May 8, 2016, so since about then. I got into it because of the memes and stayed when I realized there was so much more than your sun sign. It’s more of a hobby for me than a full-time study. I mostly learn through tumblr and google. I never want to intimidate or scare anyone away from it. When I first started, I didn’t know all 12 signs let alone their order. Even now, I still have a lot to learn but I think I’ve come a long way 😊

-Do you use desktop or mobile? 🖥📱
I use mobile 99% of the time. That’s why I make a lot of typos lmao usually I answer asks on the iPad and it lags a lot so expect typos and weird wording. Trust me, it hurts my Virgo and air placements way more than it hurts you

-Is this your main blog?
Technically my main is @erinwriting so all likes, follows, replies, asks show up as that blog. The blog I use the most is my astro blog @luxnovalibra . I’m also @falling-for-the-winchesters and my tarot blog @queenofswordstarot

-Can we ask personal questions about you or your experience? 😁
Sure! It’s easier for me to talk about myself if someone asks rather than me coming right out and saying it (my air dom lol). If I don’t feel comfortable answering, I’ll say so, no hard feelings. Or if I can better answer you privately, I will

-Age/Gender/Name/Location 🎂🚺
19, Female, Erin, USA

-Are you in school? 🏫
I go to college for art

-Do you have any hobbies? 💡
Art & photography, reading, writing, astrology, tarot, camping, listening to music

Cost

I’m sorry, I’m so damn sorry.
I know, I know,
I cost far too much.
It’s true, it’s true,
That I just keep asking for more,
Even though you don’t have that money to spend.
I’m sorry,
Why couldn’t you have thought of this before you decide to have me?
Because now,
Well now it shows that you didn’t.
I’d say I’ll leave this place so you no longer have to pay,
But I’ve heard that funerals cost more than one might think.
I’m sorry, I’m also far too selfish to ever go,
Unless if I did it for me.
I think maybe,
I can understand,
If you end up hating me.

You don’t understand what I mean when I say:
I hope this bruises
 
You don’t understand– 
It’s not pain I’m looking for, but a memorial
Not pain, but a reminder.
To say:
We happened
 
To say:
We happened, we did, and won’t again, and shouldn’t, and here are
The reasons why
 
You don’t understand–
I want the statement on my skin.
I want the statement on my skin
Somewhere I can see it
And poke it and press my fingers into it
And feel it and feel it and feel it
 
Maybe you’ll understand–
I hope this bruises
I hope all of this does
I hope every memory of you bleeds under my skin and meets my bones
And kisses my veins
And laughs with the air in my lungs
 
Maybe you’ll understand–
Maybe you’ll understand when I say:
I hope the ghost of your fingers dyes my skin purple.
—  Purple and Green and Yellow: The Colors of Us, by S.M.

Gerard Way signed my card, and wrote my favorite lyrics from No Shows down, even though he wasn’t supposed too. I’m planning on getting this inked on my 19th birthday. Meeting him was a dream come true, and without him, I wouldn’t be the person I am now, or possibly even here. He is a wonderful person and I love him so much, and there aren’t any words to describe how much this, and his existence, mean to me.

♚ My aromantic story for Aromantic Awarness Week ♚

when i was a kid, life was easy. i had a lot of friends, we laughed and played together.

when i was 11, my best friend told me that she has a crush on a boy. i didn’t know what “crush” really means, but in this moment i felt she’s going somewhere where i can’t follow, so i said “me too”

(i still didn’t understand crushes, but we could talk about the boy together, drew hearts in notebooks and write cheesy poems about him. it was our shared secret, so i guessed it’s just another fun thing to do with your friend)

when i was 13, i met a girl. she was my perfect friend, realization of my dreams. we were together all the time, we held hands while walking streets, we spent many nights lying awake in the bed together just talking about everything and nothing. she had many boyfriends, but i wasn’t jealous, she said she doesn’t love them like she loves me

(many years later, she met a guy, married him and moved with him to another country. i’m still not jealous, but there’s a void in my heart that cannot be filled)

when i was 15, most of my friends already were in romantic relationships. i still didn’t know what being in love is like. but i could talk about people being hot and wanting to have sex with them, so i could fit into conversations about love intrests

(sometimes they’d ask me why i’m still single, and i’d half-jokingly say “maybe i’m just emotionally cold”, even if i knew that there’s sun burning in my heart and waves of passion flowing through my mind)

when i was 17, i gained another friend, and there was something special about him. i wanted to be as close to him as humanly possible, to touch his skin and his soul. we started to date. it was uncomfortable and felt unnatural, but if it was for him, i could endure it. in the end, he broke up with me and all i felt was quiet relief

(since then i tried to date couple of times but finally decided that i’m done with it, because i didn’t enjoy breaking people’s hearts or being accused of leading someone on just because i couldn’t see them in romantic light)

when i was 19, i started to wonder if there’s something wrong with me. my friends started to move in with their partners, planning marriages and lives together, and i still was irked by any romantic notion

(i had to explain myself to friends and family more and more often, especially since i started to be sexually active. “i just don’t feel like settling down yet” i’d say. “don’t worry, you just have to find the right person” they’d comfort me. i’d nod and smile, even if the smile was as fake as their concern)

when i was 21, i stumbled accross the world “aromantic” and suddenly everything made sense.

i’m not broken.

i’m not freak.

i’m myself and i love so many things and people, and my love isn’t less valid than romantic love.

i still have to deal with amatonormativity, with not always positive reactions to coming out, with people questioning my orientation and with negative labels.

it didn’t suddenly got all better.

but i know who i am and i learn everyday how to accept myself.