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Egy kicsit sikerült végre az elmúlt napokban kiszellőztetni a fejemet. Nyilván nem a tumbli hibája volt, hogy nem éreztem jól magam a bőrömben, de kellett itt egy kis szünet. Fel kellett “borítanom” a napi kis munka/egyetem/“itthon ülok, és semmit nem csinálok, csak egy (valamilyen) kijelzőt nézek egész este” rutinomat.

Egyéb dolgok is nyomasztanak, amiről sikerült végre beszélnem valakivel, de nem akárkivel. Valakivel, aki azt hiszem, teljes egészében átérzi a helyzetemet. Nagy megkönnyebbülés volt, de erről itt (egyelőre?) nem írnék.

Újra futok, és hasizom gyakorlatokat végzek és súlyzózom. Normálisan eszem. Főzőcskézek itthon, hasonlók.

Próbálok azokra az emberekre koncentrálni, akik fontosak nekem, és akik kitartanak mellettem akkor is, amikor huszadjára is ugyanazokat a lelki nyomorokat panaszolom el. Pár embert én hanyagoltam el, ezen megpróbálok változtatni.

Anyukám itt aludt nálam tegnap, egy jót beszélgettünk ma reggel. Érzi nyilván 200km-ről is, hogy valami nincs 100% rendben velem. Elmeséltem neki (amennyire kb. 20 percben el lehet) az elmúlt hetek történéseit. Azt hiszem, megértette. Tanácsolni nem akart/tudott nagyon semmit, csak ezt mondta: “Ez a te életed kisfiam… csak találd meg azt az embert, akivel támogatni tudjátok egymást, és boldogok tudtok lenni. Mi (a család) elfogadjuk őt majd, bárki is legyen.” Ez azért jól esett.

Élem az életem egyedül, jelenleg magányosan, szeretethiányosan, ölelésre, törödésre vágyva. De a bennem lévő űrt nem akarom most senkivel instant “betölteni.” Azokat a dolgokat, amikre egész nyáron vágytam egy “idegen” nem tudná megadni nekem. Egy egyszeri/többszöri egyéjszakás kaland nem oldaná meg azt, amire vágyom. (Nem csak az a bizonyos anon tanácsolt ilyet…) Sőt, csak rosszabb lenne tőle minden.

Some people really need to step back and realize what really started the LGBT community. Why we specifically came together in our activism. 

It wasn’t a bunch of people saying “oh wow we’re weird together” but a group of people coming together who faced similar circumstances of homophobia+transphobia. People who were being murdered by their government. People being put on the streets, losing their jobs, and losing their lives. 

Watering down our history of it was a bunch of weirdos who wanted to be weird together ignores everything we’ve been through making us have to group together. Ignores the whole generation of voices lost in the AIDS crises. To murder. To police raids. To being thrown out of their homes. These acts are what made us come together out of survival. Not because we wanted to join a club. 

I’ve been following the Grenfell Tower fire story since it broke, and honestly I still can’t quite put my thoughts in order. I cannot believe that something like this happened in London. I’ve long been fascinated by large fires and how they spread, and time and time again I found myself being infuriated by the blatant disregard for fire safety in buildings with high population/occupancy. I can’t tell you the amount of nightclubs I’ve read about who chained the fire escapes closed, or the amount of buildings insulated or painted with highly flammable materials because it was cheaper. there are countless examples of this and suddenly it’s happened right in my home city. I just can’t believe it.

this is murder or the poor. time and time again the residents drew attention to faults and dangers in the building. time and time again they mentioned fire risk, inadequate escape routes, faulty electronics. a local action group was even threatened with legal action for mentioning these things on an online blog. to top it all off, the flammable coating on the outside of the building was put there to improve the sight of the block for nearby luxury apartments. they coated that building in a fire trap because some rich residents in flats worth millions thought the flats were unsightly, and now 30 people are dead and 70 are missing, believed dead. austerity kills. capitalism literally kills.

to top it all off, the block had a “stay put” policy for fires. what the hell? from the moment you’re old enough to conceive what fire is, you’re told that if a building is on fire, you get out. yes, flats are “designed” to contain fires, but fire does not operate under consistent rules. the slightest variation in environment can cause fire to do things people would deem unlikely or even impossible. interior fire doors mean fuck all when all the windows are open on a hot summer night, and the outside of the building is coated in flammable material. those poor people should never have been told to stay put. by the time they realised the fire was that large, the hallways were so full of smoke even firefighters couldn’t reach them. I just cannot believe this happened. I cannot believe over 100 people might be dead in London’s richest borough, all because they’re low income and no one gave a shit about keeping their accommodation up to standard. I feel sick thinking about it.

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First vest I made (2014-5ish) vs the second(2017). To all the young punks and those just getting into the scene: don’t feel like you have to look a certain way or like certain things (alot of my first patches are related to YA novels for fuck sake). Give your self room to grow and to love what you make. Punk is about empowerment so make whatever the fuck you like.

so i had the misfortune of coming across this dumbass gen x written article about millennials because like

“sucking the golden teat” wonderful

dude’s got issues

“how pathetic the kids are in your home state” eat a whole bucket of slugs man

also let’s just compare this map to another one shall we?

well, a lot of these add up

oh? what’s that?

wow! water is wet! it’s almost like it’s expensive as fuck nowadays to live on your own! wowee!

here’s another map

anyway older generations can eat my shorts and these grown ass babies need to go back to their room to get a diaper change and a nap

Y’know what’s great!! 

Lesbians and gay men supporting each other. Friendship between lesbians and gay men. Lesbians and gay men sharing stories of common experiences, becoming family, and making a community between each other. 

Anyway as a lesbian I love my gay brothers. I hope y’all find boyfriends.